I'm An Alcoholic

[TwiceHorn 31438]

1 hour ago, Elvis said:

Yes I have always been an extrovert, but fuled by alcohol.  I'm trying to figure out how to be funny and engaging while sober, which is tough.  Other work stuff is already getting better though.  Several people engaged my after my speech and I have 4 new sales leads to work on.  I guess I did better than I thought.  It's all mental.

Well, first off, generally speaking, your positive qualities survive recovery and are eventually magnified.

But, I'm not sure you should focus on "figuring it out."  Becoming (more) comfortable in your own skin tends to take care of that, and that is the natural result of following a program of recovery.

[SydneyCarton 48054]

31 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

I am troubled by the title "How To Control Alcohol."  Control is the bugbear for alcoholics.

Employing contempt prior to investigation, I'm going to guess that book is for heavy drinkers.

Eh. Reading the high points and summary it wasn't about controlling alcohol in consumption quantities, more turning the tables on the perspective of alcohol. "You're not giving up anything, you're freeing yourself of something burdensome" kind of thing. 

[Elvis 3371]

I listened to it without any prior knowledge.   The way he arrives at his points and instructions make them much more valuable.  Don't worry about the control part.  He addresses that.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

I am troubled by the title "How To Control Alcohol."  Control is the bugbear for alcoholics.

Employing contempt prior to investigation, I'm going to guess that book is for heavy drinkers.

I certainly don't want to suggest it works for everyone or cause anyone to stumble.  The book just made a lot of sense to me and has curtailed by desire to drink booze.

I now stick to topo chico at a bar or restaurant.  And drink nonalcoholic delta 8 seltzers at the house.  No hangovers.  No calories.  A nice mellow buzz.

[Patches 12]

If the Bruin is in I am too.

[hullabelew 3723]

From time to time, it is good to have reminders.  Got a text from a friend.  "Wild night....need some advice".  

Turns out, heavy night of drinking, some white powder involved.  Woke up in hospital.   Worried work will find out.  When he asked how he got there, the staff told him he was found unconscious and combative.   I told him if he wasn't chained to the bed or have a ticket stuffed in his hospital gown, he was probably OK with the job.   Then he says, "Damn, I still have some coke left in my pocket".   I told him,  "Well...you obviously didn't get searched or you would have DEFINTELY been in jail".  

When he texted me "Wild night....need some advice" I thought he was going to ask about help with his drinking/treatment center.  

[horngrad03 1148]

Hey all.  Long time reader, but first time caller.  

I've always been a casual drinker and managed it pretty well.   I started Psychotherapy in 2018 as I started drinking more during the weekdays and became worried. It was helpful, and my Therapist was not alarmed.  It turns out I also have an anxiety disorder as well.  He has suggested that my drinking is one of the ways I treat it, and I think he is right. Panic attacks suck.

When COVID erupted I was forced to spend a lot of time working from home, and was isolated a great deal.  My drinking has been on the rise since then.  I started hiding it from my wife, and it has gotten hard to go a day without a drink. the last year has been really rough.  

It has yet to affect my job and my relationships.  I get up everyday and go to work, do it well, and am very happy overall.  I'm in excellent health outside of my alcohol misuse.  I exercise everyday, have learned to meditate, and have a happy marriage/home. 

But I know that can be Fool's gold as it is a progressive disease.   I just find myself needing that poison every afternoon.  I typically have 4-6 a day.  My Physician does labs every 6 months and my liver enzymes are slighted elevated.  He's confident that I have a fatty liver, but is not worried yet. i have a sonogram scheduled for next week.

I'm officially worried and am ready to pull out all the stops.  I've started researching AA meetings, have acupuncture scheduled for next week (they claim is helps?), and now I'm here.  

Appreciate any and all support.  God Bless you all. 

 

[BearSchlong 8083]

You're in the right place.

Just go to a few meetings and listen intently for the similarities.

If you don't mind, where do you live? (Metro area is specific enough.)

I might have some recommendations.

[horngrad03 1148]

18 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

You're in the right place.

Just go to a few meetings and listen intently for the similarities.

If you don't mind, where do you live? (Metro area is specific enough.)

I might have some recommendations.

Thanks and I was hoping you would respond.

I live in Austin, and discovered this group: https://austinaa.org/   They offer virtual meetings and that extra option is intriguing as I dive into this.  I feel like it will also keep me from having excuses if I can't make an in person meeting.

I would be grateful for any recommendations you have.    

 

Edited June 15, 2022 by horngrad03

[Kennythetiger 9375]

Don’t puss out. Go to the real meetings. Looking at a computer screen is different than looking someone else in the eye. 
Glad you posted. Keep coming back. 

[pch 1259]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t puss out. Go to the real meetings. Looking at a computer screen is different than looking someone else in the eye. 
Glad you posted. Keep coming back. 

"If you have decided you want what we have, and are willing TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS,"-this is from the Big Book, chapter 5, pertaining to How It Works.  If this is your first attempt at stopping drinking, I would suggest you attend meetings in person.  But if once in a while you can't make it, Zoom meetings are better than no meeting.  Highly agree with Kenny regarding the eye to eye and contact you will feel in the rooms that isn't quite the same on a computer screen.  Keep coming back, it works, IF you work it.

 

 

 

[Celery Man 20931]

I say this every now and then but it bears repeating - going to a meeting is no big deal. They take an hour and run on schedule. There are people who are pretty rough and there are surly dudes who only bang 10s and keep a million liquid just in case. If it’s the kind of meeting where they call on you and you get called on, you can say “I’m just here to listen” and you can do exactly that.

 

Man, not in a “I’m in trouble” kind of way but I’m stuck in MSP for 4 hours and struggling to not to grumble on some level that this is a wait out the clock scenario and not the “ah good I can get airport loaded on the company dime” situation that it would have been years back.

[hornbri 1396]

When I first wanted to stop I was really worried about going to a in person meeting for some reason. It turns out as celery said, it is no big deal.

Meetings are free and really welcoming. If you are feeling a little nervous, go to a bigger one and you can just listen. 

You are lucky to be in Austin, there are a ton of meetings and a great community. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

Thanks and I was hoping you would respond.
I live in Austin, and discovered this group: https://austinaa.org/   They offer virtual meetings and that extra option is intriguing as I dive into this.  I feel like it will also keep me from having excuses if I can't make an in person meeting.
I would be grateful for any recommendations you have.    
 

Good meetings all over, I've got a lot of friends at Northland, and Leander.

I suggest you pick up a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and just start reading from the beginning. Its really quite fascinating. Zero expert facts, 100% "This is how we did it, this is our experience."

There is no correct way to do it, and success is measured by progress, not perfection.

[Spencer 104]

On 6/15/2022 at 3:59 PM, horngrad03 said:

Thanks and I was hoping you would respond.

I live in Austin, and discovered this group: https://austinaa.org/   They offer virtual meetings and that extra option is intriguing as I dive into this.  I feel like it will also keep me from having excuses if I can't make an in person meeting.

I would be grateful for any recommendations you have.    

 

Good meetings all over greater Austin. Northland has good clubhouse type meetings. Other good ones include Hilltoppers and Higher Power Hour.

Try some out and decide for yourself. Just go. Finding a good fit fellowship-wise will ultimately help with the spiritual component of this incredible solution.

 

 

[Macanudo 12975]

I'll throw a little sunshine into an otherwise shitty (news) day.   131 days as of now and leaving Breckenridge after 2 weeks in the mountains.  I think it got over 80 maybe 1 day while we were here.   I'm very sad to have to leave but everyone else in the traveling party is ready to go.   

I used to find every opportunity to sneak off and grab a beer or three every day.   Plus, I have keep ample booze around the condo and some in (hidden) reserve to mask how much I was drinking.    Admittedly, on way more than one occasion, I thought about how great a drink would be after a hike or sitting out on the deck reading with the mountains looming in the distance.   But instead, I just grabbed some water or poured a lemonade and powered through the temptation.  We had a great stay and I wasn't a drunken mess at any point.   I mean, I was still an asshole on several occasions but I was a sober one.  

[JohnnyRage 1617]

That's how you do it.

[Brisketexan 105064]

Good on ya, Mac. I’m proud of you, but mostly I’m happy for you.

[hullabelew 3723]

So happy for you @Macanudo.  

[Moby Ric 2058]

Today marks 5 months of no alcohol whatsoever.  It is amazing how different things are.  Calm and in control feels good.

[Macanudo 12975]

2 hours ago, Moby Ric said:

Today marks 5 months of no alcohol whatsoever.  It is amazing how different things are.  Calm and in control feels good.

I stayed up WAY too late last night and when I woke up, there was that sort of "why do I feel kind of cruddy" feeling.  And I remembered how awesome it is to not wake up like that all too often like in the past.   

[Charles DeMar 221]

On 6/30/2022 at 10:51 AM, Macanudo said:

I stayed up WAY too late last night and when I woke up, there was that sort of "why do I feel kind of cruddy" feeling.  And I remembered how awesome it is to not wake up like that all too often like in the past.   

It's been a hellish week at work, and I too woke up "kind of cruddy" to the point that my alcoholic brain had to do a double take "did I DRINK last night?!"

 

Thankfully, no, just tired because of legitimate reasons not those I used to create for myself through far too many tequilas.

 

Mac, we must've crossed paths up in Breck by a day or two - day we left (early in the month) was 28 degrees that morning.  Hard to beat.

[BearSchlong 8083]

I’m touched. On vacation and my wife’s friend held up 2 large containers of watermelon. “bearschlong, the container marked “good” is for you. The one marked “better” is for us.

“You’ve been getting watermelon crawl recipes from our friend Tracy Byrd again, right?”

Time to go sit my ass in the frio and watch the fun.

[Jerry Callo 8698]

I haven't seen it mentioned on this thread, but Brisket started a thread in IPIHB regarding MaybeACoordiantor.  He's apparently having some serious medical problems right now.  I remember that MAC used to post fairly regularly on this thread.  I remember because it was around the same time that I stopped drinking.  Not sure that these issues have anything to do with his current issues, but it is certainly possible based upon some of the updates.  Keep him in your thoughts and prayers either way.

[Macanudo 12975]

5 full months for me as of today. Oh, and also the day I found out that I'm being laid off from my job with my last day sometime in the next 6-9 months.  But I'm hanging in there and not letting this get to me.   I've probably needed to move on from this company for a while.   So here goes nothing!

[SydneyCarton 48054]

10 hours ago, Macanudo said:

5 full months for me as of today. Oh, and also the day I found out that I'm being laid off from my job with my last day sometime in the next 6-9 months.  But I'm hanging in there and not letting this get to me.   I've probably needed to move on from this company for a while.   So here goes nothing!

It's a solid environment for workers right now man. Maybe you'll be looking at something better soon. 

[Macanudo 12975]

That's my hope.   It would suck to leave a severance on the table but I'm going to start looking and see what might come my way.

[Laxtonto 12078]

I’ve got an odd question for our long standing AA members about COVID and it’s impact on individuals in regards of treatment setbacks the last few years.

 

The isolationistic environment that COVID created forced a very scary situation in which many of the common coping strategies were just not really viable due to both the lockdowns and then group gathering restrictions. 
 

I know, like many other addiction and treatment options, there was a move towards more virtual options to try to do as much as you could to help mimic the emotional and mental support that the in person meetings provided, but there is no substitute to physical presence and human contact.

 

 So now that most gathering restrictions and mask mandates are removed, how has that impacted attendance, both in person and virtual? Is there a difference between who attends which format and has the virtual meetings become an added part of the weekly schedule in addition to the physical meetings still taken place? To me this leads to so many questions about better strategies to help provide support and a variety of avenues to approach to determine what works better.

Is it better to offer virtual meetings to more longer term members only or is the virtual environment a more low stress issue environment so it  is a “less scary” initial step to help those who are just deciding that they need help? 
 

I could probably come up with dozens of questions regarding the impact of COVID on how treatment has changed and what it could mean longterm, but I think it is much more important to hear from those that lived through it at the day to day…

[BearSchlong 8083]

I’ve got no answer. I go to in person meetings exclusively now, but played AA zoom tourist all over the world during 2020.

Our current in person attendance is at least as high in numbers as it was pre-Covid.

[pch 1259]

Here in FW, the Harbor Group has continued to experience a resurgence in the in person meetings with attendance in numbers higher than during the lockdown.  The zoom meetings continue as well with consistent numbers and new additions from across the country and other continents.  The wife is a daily zoom participant while I prefer the in person gatherings where the meeting before the meeting and after the meeting is part of my daily routine.  Our birthday nights are broadcast on zoom while being held in person, both of which have seen record participation.  Speaker meetings use the same format.  I value the zoom meetings while out of town or out of the country as it keeps me in touch with my home group, but also allows for supporting monetarily through paypal.  In short, the pandemic did not hinder the ongoing work-it inspired the fellowship to access a new format for sharing locally and worldwide.  Members who have moved out of town have continued to participate through zoom and it is good to see them and hear their recovery stories.

[BearSchlong 8083]

I might visit your group as I’m spending a ton of time in the DFW airport area moving forward, I might as well be attached to my company’s Coppell office. What weeknight meetings are best?

[Kennythetiger 9375]

21 hours ago, Macanudo said:

That's my hope.   It would suck to leave a severance on the table but I'm going to start looking and see what might come my way.

I’m excited for you. In my part of the world it seems like it’s an employee’s market. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

Damned

[BearSchlong 8083]

Tapatalk

[BearSchlong 8083]

Yeah I just made a move at 2.2x the previous income.

[pch 1259]

6 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I might visit your group as I’m spending a ton of time in the DFW airport area moving forward, I might as well be attached to my company’s Coppell office. What weeknight meetings are best?

Golden Triangle in Keller 7pm, Language of the Heart 6pm in Colleyville, Grapevine Unity 6pm.  I have been to these and heard the solution as well as enjoyed the fellowship.  If you are feeling frisky, Harbor 6pm in FW is also an option, but Sunday there is a breakfast meeting at 9am followed by a speaker at 11 which is always a good choice.

[BearSchlong 8083]

Golden Triangle in Keller 7pm, Language of the Heart 6pm in Colleyville, Grapevine Unity 6pm.  I have been to these and heard the solution as well as enjoyed the fellowship.  If you are feeling frisky, Harbor 6pm in FW is also an option, but Sunday there is a breakfast meeting at 9am followed by a speaker at 11 which is always a good choice.

What about early AM weekdays?

[Celery Man 20931]

Man I haven't been to a meeting in ages - haven't been to an in person meeting in North Carolina yet, and we've been here for almost 2 years. I wasn't fucking around with coronavirus while having a pregnant wife, or even really with the little baby. I haven't been super concerned about that in a minute but the latest option here is 8pm. I really miss that 10pm meeting next to the Catfish Parlour. I need to just go to a noon meeting at some point but I liked the rougher younger late night meeting.

[pch 1259]

15 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

What about early AM weekdays?

The Harbor Group at 7am is my home group.  Come around 6:30 and I'll buy the coffee.

[Macanudo 12975]

1 hour ago, pch said:

The Harbor Group at 7am is my home group.  Come around 6:30 and I'll buy the coffee.

Isn't coffee usually free?

[BearSchlong 8083]

The Harbor Group at 7am is my home group.  Come around 6:30 and I'll buy the coffee.

What days? Say Friday August 12?

[pch 1259]

14 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

What days? Say Friday August 12?

Can do this.  Any day M-F that week works.

[Charles DeMar 221]

Man, I have got to vent and my sponsor is on the golf course.  Just FYI, Aug 10, 2018 sobriety date, go to 3-5 meetings (almost all in person) a week and work with a great sponsor.

 

A tie-in to "good job market" talk not going away, I was recently contacted by a recruiter for a position that aligns very nicely with my experience and preferences, would be a move back to Austin from Houston (pros and cons all around) and although not a likely 2.2x income increase, llikely a nice uptick.  Although there are plenty of reasons to leave my current gig, there are many more reasons to stay, so I wasn't really looking.  I have been battling my tendency to "what if" this thing, and remarkably have been pretty good about being at peace with "maybe works out, maybe doesn't, but God's got this either way."  

Well, I fell off that wagon and am all twisted off now.  Lots of planning to get to Austin tonight for second round interview tomorrow and just heard they need to postpone.  Felt badly having the "half truth" with my boss to get up there and take the day off tomorrow, set up a non-refundable but reimbursable hotel room, was taking the wife and kids as we then would go up to the Metroplex for weekend plans (Frisco), etc. 

 

My "directing of the play" is going as one would expect. 

 

Anyways, how quickly I can go from trusting my Higher Power to a fearful, seething mess.   I'm still and alcoholic and without my daily repreive, I'd be an actively drinking alcoholic. 

 

Thanks for letting me vent.  I need to give it back up to the One who truly is in control and get out of myself.  

 

Thanks for listening.  

[Jerry Callo 8698]

I did a triple take on the "fell of that wagon" line.  Glad I misread it the first couple times.

If it's the right place for you, it'll work out that way.

[BearSchlong 8083]

Charles, that sounds a lot like the way I think.

With structure and a plan, it’s easy to trust God.

When left to my own devices, it gets a hell of a lot tougher.

If it makes you feel any better, pretty soon it’s gonna work out and the fickle universe will move on to picking on someone else. Just wait and see.

Thank you for your post. That’s God telling me I’m not alone in all this.

[Charles DeMar 221]

On 7/21/2022 at 3:00 PM, Charles DeMar said:

Man, I have got to vent and my sponsor is on the golf course.  Just FYI, Aug 10, 2018 sobriety date, go to 3-5 meetings (almost all in person) a week and work with a great sponsor.

 

A tie-in to "good job market" talk not going away, I was recently contacted by a recruiter for a position that aligns very nicely with my experience and preferences, would be a move back to Austin from Houston (pros and cons all around) and although not a likely 2.2x income increase, llikely a nice uptick.  Although there are plenty of reasons to leave my current gig, there are many more reasons to stay, so I wasn't really looking.  I have been battling my tendency to "what if" this thing, and remarkably have been pretty good about being at peace with "maybe works out, maybe doesn't, but God's got this either way."  

Well, I fell off that wagon and am all twisted off now.  Lots of planning to get to Austin tonight for second round interview tomorrow and just heard they need to postpone.  Felt badly having the "half truth" with my boss to get up there and take the day off tomorrow, set up a non-refundable but reimbursable hotel room, was taking the wife and kids as we then would go up to the Metroplex for weekend plans (Frisco), etc. 

 

My "directing of the play" is going as one would expect. 

 

Anyways, how quickly I can go from trusting my Higher Power to a fearful, seething mess.   I'm still and alcoholic and without my daily repreive, I'd be an actively drinking alcoholic. 

 

Thanks for letting me vent.  I need to give it back up to the One who truly is in control and get out of myself.  

 

Thanks for listening.  

…and, of course, it all worked out when with the slight hiccup that threw me into a tizzy.  Time delayed yesterday, second guy was able to meet, great conversations, got to Frisco for swim meet in plenty of time, etc.

 

I’ve got lots of examples in my life where that has been the case, drunk and sober.  I obviously often still not good all the time at pausing, giving my will over, remembering I’m not in control, and being faithful.  I’ll keep coming back.

 

Thanks  to all for the experience, strength, hope, and advice.

 

CDM

[Charles DeMar 221]

4 years sober 10 August.

 

Thanks to all for sharing your experience, strength, and hope on this thread.

 

(As a followpu on the whole job deal: out of 200 candidates, I was #2.  Not the outcome I WANTED, and as I said to my sponsor "I think I was most upset that I didn't have the opportunity to say no to THEM!")

 

I'll keep coming back.

 

CDM

[BearSchlong 8083]

Happy Birthday. That’s my belly button birthday.

Shout out to pch for the home group hospitality, didn’t meet him but had a great time at the 7am Harbor meeting in FW.


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[Macanudo 12975]

Hit the 6 month mark today.  Mentally, I feel great.   Still have a thought cross my mind every once in a while about a drink but it's fleeting.   I've been able lay off the sugar a little.   Once it starts to cool down, I'm looking forward to being more active outdoors.  Plus, with the impending lay off from work, I need to drop a few pounds to be in better interview shape.   

The oddest thing is the occasional dream where I have a drink in it then wake up panicking about falling off the wagon.   It's kind of funny once I realize what happened.   Also really cut back on caffeine.  I have been pounding Diet Coke for the past few years.   It'd only been 10 days but I've only had 2 glasses of it instead of 5-7 a day.   The first 2-3 days were rough with a constant low grade headache and feeling uber tired.   But that passed and now, I definitely feel calmer and more relaxed.  

We got a puppy in July and I know spending time home alone with her has helped with my mental state and happiness a little.  She's a lot of work but she's also only 10 weeks old.  

Here's to tomorrow.

Edited August 13, 2022 by Macanudo

[pch 1259]

On 8/12/2022 at 9:02 AM, BearSchlong said:

Happy Birthday. That’s my belly button birthday.

Shout out to pch for the home group hospitality, didn’t meet him but had a great time at the 7am Harbor meeting in FW.


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We will connect the next time you are in FW I hope (and I won't be chairing our zoom meeting!).  Spoke to several of the guys who enjoyed meeting you.  The 7am meeting continues to be just what I need each day to get my focus on what is important in the day ahead.