I'm An Alcoholic

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

Guys she’s bee cheated on before.

Now pay me,

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

Good luck fellas, hook’em!

[El Diablo 4,232]

On 8/30/2018 at 5:25 PM, JohnnyRage said:

Guys she’s bee cheated on before.

Now pay me,

Maybe, maybe not. MAYBE she just thinks she has been cheated on before. That guy from that chick flick that never returned her 4K+ emails? Yeah, he was cheating on her. In her mind.

[TwiceHorn 31,509]

Yeah, even if she has been cheated on, repeatedly, that is a very maladjusted way of dealing with it.  She seems to have some fairly strong OCD.

[pch 1,259]

Well, glad I'm sober after watching that trainwreck against Maryland today.  Just polished off some grilled burgers, fries, and a cold Dr. Pepper while watching more CFB.  The only hangover I will have tomorrow is the one from watching the Turtles wreak havoc on the Longhorns while we did our share of helping them to a win.

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

That’s what I kept saying after attending the Texas/tcu game in Ft. Worth 2015, “Thank God I’m not drinking...thank God I’m not drinking!”

I guess some things never change.

[pch 1,259]

8 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

That’s what I kept saying after attending the Texas/tcu game in Ft. Worth 2015, “Thank God I’m not drinking...thank God I’m not drinking!”

I guess some things never change.

You mean that 30-0 first quarter in the hotter than hell upper deck game?  My buddy and I went to a meeting at halftime and laughed when we saw the final.

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

I'm kind of in a weird place with the Texas opener loss, extended time with my son, coming up on 6 moths of sobriety, and the stresses of two upcoming trips. So I gave into my eating cravings giving up on on any healthy habits late last night and snacked on sugary foods until really late.

And today...I am hungover as fuck and I didn't even consume alcohol.

I hope that you guys are aware of the ill effects of a sugary diet. I swear it was 2/3rds of the way to a full hangover. It was just missing the pounding dehydration portion. I'm only 41, but my body is way less 'old man' sore when I stay away from late processed carbs and sugars.

Just passing that along...

[BearSchlong 8,099]

Agreed. Quit eating bread 3.5 years ago and if I have a piece of pizza or cake I suffer. Sitting here eating cream cheese with a spoon. . .but damned I look good.

Took a grandsponsee that can't stay clean to a book study meeting tonight. Been going out of my way to spend time with the newbies at my home group. Keeps me plugged in to what's out there.

[Celery Man 20,973]

I ate a shit ton of gummy bears in early sobriety. That was an easier habit to kick than the booze.

[Dewey 3,286]

If I ever question my addictive nature, I need to look no further than my addiction to sweets, coffee and Copenhagen. I've made late night runs like I used to for booze, in a panic, i need a can of Copenhagen and a pint of ice cream... since I'm there, I'll take some candy as well.

Early on it was sour patch kids, I'm not kidding... I kicked that.

[El Diablo 4,232]

10 hours ago, Dewey said:

If I ever question my addictive nature, I need to look no further than my addiction to sweets, coffee and Copenhagen. I've made late night runs like I used to for booze, in a panic, i need a can of Copenhagen and a pint of ice cream... since I'm there, I'll take some candy as well.

Early on it was sour patch kids, I'm not kidding... I kicked that.

Same here with the Sour Patch. I was buying the YUGE bag at the HEB when they were open. Finally kicked the sugar cold turkey this January. I'd gotten hooked on it thru my drinking, Sprite was my mixer. I kicked the booze and then ramped up my sweets intake. Fuck if it ain't always something.

[ernest_t_bass 1,196]

Mine is caffeine.  Lots and lots of caffeine.   But I am also a sucker for lots of sweets.

Edited September 6, 2018 by ernest_t_bass

[Reagan1k 3,024]

Frosted Flaked got me through my 1st six months of sobriety......Simple carbs to replace all the sugars my body had been getting from alcohol.  I'd go months without having anything sweet while I drank.....once I quite drinking the sugar cravings were insatiable.

Finally got my metabolism and body chemistry restored and eat normally now, but I still gravitate toward sugar now more than I ever did.

My nature is to tend toward addictive tendencies too, as stated above - anything that changes the way I feel is something I might do to excess if I'm not self-aware.

Good news is that no one ever went to jail because they ate too much queso or oatmeal cookies.

[El Diablo 4,232]

Need to ask the Surly Drunk Mafia for its collective input. My sons mother is in the hospital again, drugs (prescription). She's already on disability but the person she's been staying with has said no mas. Little Deebs thinks he needs to take her home because it's mama. He's got a wife and 3 kids, no drinking, no smoking, churching is their thing. I told him to talk to the social worker at the hospital but outside of that I got nothing. Thoughts?

[BearSchlong 8,099]

Wow.

So does she admit to having a problem?

My first reaction is hell no, your daughter in law didn't sign up up to enable a live in addict. . .

[TwiceHorn 31,509]

3 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Frosted Flaked got me through my 1st six months of sobriety......Simple carbs to replace all the sugars my body had been getting from alcohol.  I'd go months without having anything sweet while I drank.....once I quite drinking the sugar cravings were insatiable.

Finally got my metabolism and body chemistry restored and eat normally now, but I still gravitate toward sugar now more than I ever did.

My nature is to tend toward addictive tendencies too, as stated above - anything that changes the way I feel is something I might do to excess if I'm not self-aware.

Good news is that no one ever went to jail because they ate too much queso or oatmeal cookies.

Yeah for me it's not just sugars, but simple carbs.  Man I want bread.  BREAD BREAD BREAD.  Or maybe some potatos. 

[TwiceHorn 31,509]

3 hours ago, El Diablo said:

Need to ask the Surly Drunk Mafia for its collective input. My sons mother is in the hospital again, drugs (prescription). She's already on disability but the person she's been staying with has said no mas. Little Deebs thinks he needs to take her home because it's mama. He's got a wife and 3 kids, no drinking, no smoking, churching is their thing. I told him to talk to the social worker at the hospital but outside of that I got nothing. Thoughts?

One question, I suppose, as may be a common question with latter-day opiate addicts is:  is she a real addict or just got a real bad jones for the hair-on?  They can do a detox in hospital I believe, and if she gets cut off from her 'scrip does she have anywhere to go?

 

To elaborate, I believe that the opiate crisis has produced a substantial number of addicts that just need a good detox and a move to a better part of town.

Edited September 6, 2018 by TwiceHorn

[Dewey 3,286]

You know what an addict is, describe to.your so what all that entails

 

 

[El Diablo 4,232]

She's an addict. Prescription drugs just became her drug of choice once she was prescribed a lifetime supply. I watched her shootup bathtub crank 30+ years ago. It's always been just whatever was available, now it's her own scripts, she went thru cocaine when she was still young and pretty and at some point moved on to meth. She's, I believe, 100% disabled and has been for the last dozen or so years, bouncing from one friends place to another. She went thru her pain meds and then started in on her Neurontin, took the 200 pills she was given on August 28th over the last week or so. This isn't some new development, just the latest occurrence of a very old pattern. She gave him up in favor of the good life when he was 9, it's the reason that I raised him.

The boy feels like he has to take her home with him. We discussed the fact that he's done this before (more than once) and nothing has changed. She'll stay there a few days and then talk her way back in where she was staying. She knows she can't do the deal at his house and so she gets antsy. I suggested that he talk to the social worker at the hospital and tell them she has nowhere to go and see what they say to that.

He knows what all it entails @Dewey ,he's been living with it his whole life.

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

In my humblest of wrong opinions sometimes one should have the compassion to minimize the suffering of someone that will inevitably kill themselves, harm reduction. But that is not fair to the grandchildren.

Then again, I'm sure even worse off have recovered from a hopeless situation.

[El Diablo 4,232]

2 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

In my humblest of wrong opinions sometimes one should have the compassion to minimize the suffering of someone that will inevitably kill themselves, harm reduction. But that is not fair to the grandchildren.

Then again, I'm sure even worse off have recovered from a hopeless situation.

I don't know that your opinion is wrong. I'm looking at this from the point of he's my son. He's looking at it from the point of it's his mother. I'm 11 hours away from them by car. She has put him in a tough situation, no doubt.

[Sparky 149]

Two years ago today I hit rock bottom and I was tired of lying to myself and thinking things would change somehow with no action from me.  The alcohol and drugs had taken too much from me for too long.  I made the choice to let them stop winning and fight back.  Today life still has its ups and downs but the downs are better than the “best” days I used to have.  It’s good to know this thread and you all are here.

[Reagan1k 3,024]

Man, working with newcomers is both exciting and painful.

Seeing their eyes light up or hearing in their voice that they "get it" for the 1st time is a feeling like no other.

On the other hand, when one goes AWOL on you it hurts to know they are hurting and relief is just RIGHT THERE if they would simply grab it.

I have one who got into his 4th step and then recoiled like a cat thrown into a pool....He just disappeared.  I hope he comes back but I can't make that decision for him.

Trudge on guys.   It's a good day to be sober!

[BearSchlong 8,099]

Indeed. Grateful to be sober today as well.

They pulled the plug on one of my litter mates (we had the same sponsor) yesterday, guy who came into the rooms 6 weeks after I got sober.

He had a back operation and couldn't shake the pills.

Very good man who just couldn't recapture the desperation he once had.

[deadshank 24,653]

A while back I posted that my BIL checked himself into Rancho Cold Ones; looking to get the help he needs.   I was hoping for the best and you guys were positive about it.  Knowing him and if I had to lay money down, I knew the first go ‘round would be a bust. 

I was just notified tonight that after 2 months of sobriety he fell off the wagon and got drug behind it this weekend.  

He got hammered and lied to his wife about it and apparently got defensive and shitty with her over the whole affair.  

There’s not a lot I can do as they live on the east side of the country and it’s really up to him to change, not me changing him.

I don’t know how you guys deal with it and the state of anxiety your loved ones endure when riding out the storm.  

Keep him and his family in your thoughts.  

[El Diablo 4,232]

Just my opinion - it's all about maintaining a state of gratitude and reasonableness. The ego will run wild if allowed. I pray daily that the drunk who still suffers will recognize their hopelessness and surrender.

[TwiceHorn 31,509]

21 minutes ago, deadshank said:

A while back I posted that my BIL checked himself into Rancho Cold Ones; looking to get the help he needs.   I was hoping for the best and you guys were positive about it.  Knowing him and if I had to lay money down, I knew the first go ‘round would be a bust. 

I was just notified tonight that after 2 months of sobriety he fell off the wagon and got drug behind it this weekend.  

He got hammered and lied to his wife about it and apparently got defensive and shitty with her over the whole affair.  

There’s not a lot I can do as they live on the east side of the country and it’s really up to him to change, not me changing him.

I don’t know how you guys deal with it and the state of anxiety your loved ones endure when riding out the storm.  

Keep him and his family in your thoughts.  

It's rough on those around them, probably the roughest time of all because they are so close, yet so far.  Hopes get dashed.

It's also very hard for the addict.  No one wants to have a dread disease, especially when that disease does not want to go gently into that good night.  So, one admits a problem sufficiently to receive treatment, starts feeling good again, the ego rebuilds (as noted above), the drink is taken, the man is taken in short order. 

But, relapse really is part of recovery.  If he becomes willing to get back on the wagon/horse/choose your cliche, he may be closer than further.

Edited September 17, 2018 by TwiceHorn

[pch 1,259]

The wife just said yes to a new sponsee yesterday who has been in and out for over twenty years.  She got 17 calls and 8 texts from her between saying yes and this afternoon.  She played the one where this woman admitted she was bi-polar.  I left that land mine alone and have been fine because of it.

[El Diablo 4,232]

1 hour ago, pch said:

The wife just said yes to a new sponsee yesterday who has been in and out for over twenty years.  She got 17 calls and 8 texts from her between saying yes and this afternoon.  She played the one where this woman admitted she was bi-polar.  I left that land mine alone and have been fine because of it.

Is her name Linda?  

Neighbor when I lived in FW was in recovery and bi-polar, named Linda. Had a good program and managed a lot of issues with grace and humor. Best of luck to the wife and her sponsee.

[pch 1,259]

19 hours ago, El Diablo said:

Is her name Linda?  

Neighbor when I lived in FW was in recovery and bi-polar, named Linda. Had a good program and managed a lot of issues with grace and humor. Best of luck to the wife and her sponsee.

No.

 

[Dertyberd 394]

They sent me to a psychiatrist because of some bad thoughts during my relapse.  I have since learned to never be totally honest with a psychologist, they have to report that stuff and send you to the pill people.  The shrink had me take all sorts of quizzes even though I'd told the lady I had been drinking that morning.  Came back that I was depressed (no shit), anxious (very), had trouble sleeping (yup), and then said I was bi polar.   I told the lady that her clever quiz was correct, I was bi polar.  I'm a decent, caring human who feels empathy and normal emotions when I'm sober, and I am an emotional crazy mood swinging motherfucker when I've got the right amount of vodka in me, especially in the morning.  I told her I needed help getting out of my head and something for the anxiety/sleep so I could not die while I was hitting my bottom.  She loaded me up with a bunch of stuff that made me not care about anything and actually made the situation worse, because anti-depressants + booze is fucking looney toons.  

Whole point of the story is I know there are a lot of folks with bi-polar disorder and it must be a living hell,  I can't imagine feeling like that and not being sure where it comes from.  My eyes were awaken that day that even though I told the "professional" I was an alky who'd been drinking that morning, there must be a high rate bad diagnosis.  This is not an anti psychologist/psych story, my psychologist helped me greatly with some PTSD and family issues.  It is just a warning to any of those reading this that you might want to take a serious diagnosis with a grain of salt if you think you might have a drinking problem or drink a lot.  Alcohol, especially long term abuse can change your brain chemistry so that it appears and sometimes manifests itself into something completely different.  Be sober for a while before taking what a Dr says as gospel.  That's actually what normal people do when they're down and depressed.  They don't drink to make shit "better".  

Anyways, the bi-polar thing got me thinking and how grateful I am to be sober today.  I hope anyone out there struggling today can know that there is hope and a different life if you try something different. Much love, happy days.  

[Dewey 3,286]

Worked with a guy with PTSD and a vodka guzzling alkie, what I learned was the "professionals" didnt want to deal with him, so when he ran out of people, he reached out to me (we were in treatment together) . We'd talk morning noon and night, I put a stop to the late night calls. But it didnt matter what time it was, he'd have some crazy stories, one of which, someone tried to rob him, he took the robbers knife, then broke wrists, ribs and knees. He told me how he was a trained killer and he was sorry because I didnt know he was trained at killing people and was left in a room alone with him.
One day my phone stopped ringing, his phone went straight to VM, haven't heard a word.

I feel terrible for him, I'm just a alkie in recovery, all I could do was listen.Any time I'd set up a place for him to go, he'd go silent. Hope hes doing better, PTSD and a combo of booze and meds is something fierce.

[Shenanigans 31]

So last night I was sat down by the GF as she was concerned about my alcohol consumption. This is the second time we've had a conversation about this and after the first I substantially changed my drinking habits. Previously I was drinking a whole 1.75L bottle of liquor per week. I significantly stopped that by reducing the amount of times that have a drink during the weekdays, now my consumption is about a 750mL bottle per week. I am drinking a bit on the weekdays again now and this equates to about 2-4 drinks 5 nights a week and usually over the course of 3-5 hours per night.

My girlfriend is what I would classify as not a drinker, she rarely will have more than a glass of wine a couple of times a week. She has expressed concerns about alcohol use due to behavior she has witnessed by her mother as she was growing up.

I have a different background, both of my parents drink, everyone in my family did the greek system in college, and I am often traveling for work with sales and customers which results in often entertaining each other with alcohol during and after dinners. My mother has been to rehab for alcohol and mental health issues and during these stints I have participated in family counseling sessions and am very aware of the destruction that can occur due to substance abuse.

My girlfriend's concerns are that my regular drinking is the start of a downward spiral that will eventually result in health issues, liver failure, cancer, etc. I have no history of destructive behavior towards her or any close people when I drink and she has agreed with that statement. I have only been shitfaced drunk around her a few times in the past 1.5 years. 

She has concerns that I am using alcohol to boost my spirits and gets upset that when I come home with booze that I generally am in a better mood than on nights that I know I will not be drinking. I said that this was because I enjoy having a couple of drinks and I find it enjoyable and relaxing. I am not missing work or not keeping up with any obligations with this quantity that I am consuming. Generally I will drink while playing video games creating music or watching a movie.

I don't really know how to feel. I don't personally believe that my drinking is a problem or is particularly extreme, yet I am being confronted and clearly am offending her by participating in this. I do feel sort of judged by someone who is very straight-laced. She doesn't approve of really any vices. 

I am trying to stay low carb so I am drinking liquor rather than beers, and I feel like this exacerbates the negative perception.

Am I in denial about how extreme my drinking is? I am surprised that I am being confronted after significantly reducing my consumption by so much and when there is no destructive behavior also being included with it. 

Edited September 20, 2018 by Shenanigans
Clarification

[Sbbruin 21,864]

I had posted on the old site about the saga of finding my birth mother.  I indeed did find her on Monday (thread in SSS).  She died in 1984 at the age of 39.  From her death certificate abstract:

Quote

IMMEDIATE CAUSE OF DEATH: ONSET: A. massive upper gastrointestinal hemorrhage  B. chronic alcoholism with cirrhosis of liver 

Tragic.  And may explain a few things to the guy in the  mirror.

[Yarbr 123]

Shenanigans, if you're looking for perspective, I am an alcoholic and was drinking a handle every 2 days mostly straight from the bottle.  If you're looking for an opinion, if you quit because she says so, it ain't going to work.

[El Diablo 4,232]

@Shenanigans here's a link to a self scoring assessment. MAST is one of the oldest out there. It isn't perfect and can't really be used to diagnose but it can be useful. I think the first time I ever took it or it may have been one similar I pegged the needle, lol. Unfortunately in my case self knowledge was of no assistance. In fact I may have used it as an excuse at times not realizing the peril I was in. Anyway, good luck regardless and I'm glad you're here.

https://www.integration.samhsa.gov/clinical-practice/sbirt/Mast.pdf

[Reagan1k 3,024]

Shenanigans   - You alone have to be brutally honest with yourself to determine if alcohol is a problem.

She might be seeing something you are not, or her meter may be broken....Perspective matter. 

When I was about 5-6 years old I found a pint of whiskey in my grandparents pantry (they didn't drink and used it for cough medicine).  I got very upset that my grandfather was an alcoholic....no clue how I even had a frame of reference at that age but I came undone about it until they calmed me down. 

My calibration was off.  Maybe hers is and maybe it isn't.

The questions I'd be asking myself were I in your shoes today would be these....

If I have one drink, do I find it uncomfortable to stop at that point?  

Do I get a little edgy if all I have is one drink and nothing else the rest of the night? 

Do I  think about not drinking the rest of the night or is the thought of more booze gone from my head once the only drink is done?

Do I arrange my all my plans around making sure I'll be able to drink?  Leave early, arrive late - Make sure I drink before going somewhere that will be dry.....Wonder/stress about whether alcohol will be served or if there will be enough?

That's just a few thoughts from a drunk who considered himself highly functional for a long time - much longer than anyone else considered me functional.

A great test would be to read the first 164 pages from the Big Book of AA and see if you relate. 

If you read it and keep cocking your head to the side like a confused dog not relating to the text, you might be a normal drinker. 

If you read those same pages and start looking over your shoulder to see who slipped your autobiography onto some of the pages,  there might be more to it.

 

[Al_4_ISU 12,470]

Just figured you guys might want an update on the situation I laid out.

The man is free.  Thank God.

[El Diablo 4,232]

Good for him, she sounded like bad news for anyone.

[Al_4_ISU 12,470]

6 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Good for him, she sounded like bad news for anyone.

Yeah.  It reached peak absurdity when he showed up for the home opener and we get rained out.  He stood in the concourse at Jack Trice rather than come out to where we had shelter because it was a tailgate and he told her he wouldn't go to a tailgate.

[Reagan1k 3,024]

Happy for him - Sad for her.....not sad that he left her....sad that she clearly needs professional help. 

One can only hope that some good comes from this and it is a wake-up call to her that she's out over the edge and she reaches for assistance before she does more damage in her own life or the lives of others.

[Al_4_ISU 12,470]

3 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Happy for him - Sad for her.....not sad that he left her....sad that she clearly needs professional help. 

One can only hope that some good comes from this and it is a wake-up call to her that she's out over the edge and she reaches for assistance before she does more damage in her own life or the lives of others.

Hopefully, but I doubt it.  I feel bad for her kids.

[Reagan1k 3,024]

ohhhh lawwwd.  I didn't know / recall that she had already spawned.

I assumed she was a 21yr old snowflake out in the wind for the 1st time.

Damnnnn.

[Al_4_ISU 12,470]

50 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

ohhhh lawwwd.  I didn't know / recall that she had already spawned.

I assumed she was a 21yr old snowflake out in the wind for the 1st time.

Damnnnn.

No.  She's in her early 30's.  2 kids from previous relationship.  I know why the first guy bailed.

[MissingInAction 25,116]

Welp, due to medical issues I'm hopping on the wagon. Drinking gives me insane heart burn these days. Felt good after taking a few days off,  drank a 6er and a bit of whiskey, and i was fucked for 24 hours. 

Went to Dr and they did an ekg just to be safe. Found an abnormality so getting the ultrasound today, and They gave me nitro pills just in case. 

Talk about instantly changing your perspective. 

[TwiceHorn 31,509]

2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Welp, due to medical issues I'm hopping on the wagon. Drinking gives me insane heart burn these days. Felt good after taking a few days off,  drank a 6er and a bit of whiskey, and i was fucked for 24 hours. 

Went to Dr and they did an ekg just to be safe. Found an abnormality so getting the ultrasound today, and They gave me nitro pills just in case. 

Talk about instantly changing your perspective. 

Best of luck with your health and that stopping/slowing your drinking doesn't present another issue.

[El Diablo 4,232]

3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Welp, due to medical issues I'm hopping on the wagon. Drinking gives me insane heart burn these days. Felt good after taking a few days off,  drank a 6er and a bit of whiskey, and i was fucked for 24 hours. 

Went to Dr and they did an ekg just to be safe. Found an abnormality so getting the ultrasound today, and They gave me nitro pills just in case. 

Talk about instantly changing your perspective. 

Sucks when you don't necessarily want to quit but better to be MIA than KIA, no?

[El Diablo 4,232]

3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Welp, due to medical issues I'm hopping on the wagon. Drinking gives me insane heart burn these days. Felt good after taking a few days off,  drank a 6er and a bit of whiskey, and i was fucked for 24 hours. 

Went to Dr and they did an ekg just to be safe. Found an abnormality so getting the ultrasound today, and They gave me nitro pills just in case. 

Talk about instantly changing your perspective. 

Sucks when you don't necessarily want to quit but better to be MIA than KIA, no?

[JohnnyRage 1,617]

@Shenanigans

I liked Reagan's description of the crux of the discomfort, but if that is too esoteric the simplicity of trying to quit for 2-6 months and it not being overly difficult - you not being overly miserable - your life gets better - your relationships get better...then you may not be an alcoholic (yet).

But given all of that if you keep diving back in giving up the good and tacking on consequence after consequence, you may be alcoholic.