I'm An Alcoholic

[Reagan1k 3024]

******Full credit to @BearSchlong for picking this out of the MAC tribute******

I probably would have missed that had you not stuck it under my nose.

“One doesn’t teeter and totter without gaining some sense of where the fulcrum rests. To know that place and still transfer weight to one side, for any or all of the reasons, is its own burden. One I hope has been lifted.”

Those simple sentences sum up a lifetime of this alcoholic's experience - both drunk and sober.

Fulcrum - the point on which a lever rests.

I thought a lot about this last night and this morning.  That lever is my mind.  That resting point is my peace and serenity.

This disease still shifts my weight. 

The author is correct. 

That shifting of weight creates pain in and of itself, but equally as painful is the knowing; knowing where that calm is and for whatever reason not being able to stay there.

[Randolph Duke 4034]

 

Health problems related to alcohol. At 53. And a lifetime Longhorn.

RIP.

 

John Nova Lomax, who documented Houston and Texas stories for decades, dies at 53

https://www.houstonchronicle.com/lifestyle/article/john-nova-lomax-writer-houston-texas-dies-18088579.php?utm_source=marketing&utm_medium=copy-url-link&utm_campaign=article-share&hash=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuaG91c3RvbmNocm9uaWNsZS5jb20vbGlmZXN0eWxlL2FydGljbGUvam9obi1ub3ZhLWxvbWF4LXdyaXRlci1ob3VzdG9uLXRleGFzLWRpZXMtMTgwODg1NzkucGhw&time=MTY4NDc4ODIwOTczNw==&rid=YzVkMmE5M2QtNGU1Yy00ZmI4LWI0YzEtMjBjMjFjZGUyMTNm&sharecount=MQ==

 

May 22, 2023 by John Lomax III, Organizer

After a long hard fight in which he defied all doctor's predictions, John Nova Lomax passed away peacefully early this morning with his former wife, Kelly Graml at his side. He was in no pain at the end and slipped peacefully away to another realm. Again, thanks so very much to all 400+ people who helped keep him going this long. Back with news as we figure out next steps.

 

May 21, 2023 by John Lomax III, Organizer

Sepsis and another infection have appeared, John has been in intense pain, his kidneys have not regained function, there are no live liver cells, he has been exposed to Covid and his leg pain from his nueropathy is so bad he can hardly move his fingers and his legs feel, as he says, "like glass breaking constantly". The family has decided to, on the advice of all the attending doctors, to unplug the dialysis and blood pressure meds. He will be given more pain meds and be treated as if he was in a hospice care. Once at this point, he will drift off in a short period.
There will be more updates as plans are made for ways to celebrate the life of this most remarkable writer and person. All of us want to thank you for helping us with his care over the past 10 months and please know any remaining funds after funeral and other expenses are paid, will be passed to his children. I wish our ride tog ether had come to a better ending. It's so heartwarming for us all to know over 400 people contributed to this fund to help John Nova and we thank you for your positive thoughts on John's behalf.
-- John Lomax III on behalf of John Nova's family, friends and fans.
Si'm sorry but I'm starting to cry now.

 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/john-nova-lomaxs-road-to-recovery?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

[BearSchlong 8111]

Newport Beach Alano club. men’s stag meeting. Great meeting.

[DallasHorn26 586]

Reading the posts about MAC the past few weeks has had me in a place of reflection. I hit 2 years on the 10th and was presented my chip Saturday night at our home group's birthday night. I remember that feeling during my last few benders that a fate similar to MAC's was in store for me and I honestly welcomed it because I had nothing left for this world. Thankfully, I finally surrendered and since then have learned otherwise. 

[YGIFS 19452]

Glad you made the turn and are still keeping at it.  I had a rough relapse about 2.5 weeks ago, right before the really bad news about MAC starting pouring in.  I knew I had been slacking on the work and admitted to it on here, but started getting that, "Meh, I can freestyle this on my own."  I know that's no longer the case, it's never really been the case for ten years.  Gotta commit every single day, not just some days.  still haven't found the right all-around approach, but gotta try, gotta work, gotta stay dry.  

I really hope I get to meet some of you this football season at a tailgate or whatever.  MAC would have liked that anyway, even if we don;'t like each other  

[DallasHorn26 586]

27 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Glad you made the turn and are still keeping at it.  I had a rough relapse about 2.5 weeks ago, right before the really bad news about MAC starting pouring in.  I knew I had been slacking on the work and admitted to it on here, but started getting that, "Meh, I can freestyle this on my own."  I know that's no longer the case, it's never really been the case for ten years.  Gotta commit every single day, not just some days.  still haven't found the right all-around approach, but gotta try, gotta work, gotta stay dry.  

I really hope I get to meet some of you this football season at a tailgate or whatever.  MAC would have liked that anyway, even if we don;'t like each other  

I tried and failed many times with the "I got this approach", and it just got worse every time. The all-around approach that has worked for me and continues to work is to capitulate and do what was asked of me. My own thinking just got me further in the hole. Thankfully I had a sponsor that was willing to jump in in that hole and help me build the ladder out. 

I've heard one of the guys in my sponsorship say several times "Be a Zebra and join the herd". When zebras herd together their stripes form crazy patterns that camouflage them from their predators. When one strays away, that's usually when it's attacked.

[YGIFS 19452]

I like the Zebra story.  Yeah, I wasn't getting too far ahead of myself but I felt the old bullshit certainly creeping in heavy.  Drinking or sober, I was fortunate to have laid down a foundation of prayer and service to others and being outdoors and out of my head for decades. But to your point of the herd, the comradeirie of others like us was and continues to be a really big help and I need to get back to that.  I spoke with a sponsor and a few others in recovery very deeply and honestly in 1:1's the last week or so and it was so damn helpful.   

Anyway, MAC was a huge help.  I am nowhere near the mind he was, but I have an appreciation for humor and enlightenment and having a different perspective on aspects of life that others don't share.  And he was that on steroids.  We exchanged some messages that meant a lot to me and he is dearly missed.  I kinda "got" him and he seemed to "get" me, even the ugly parts.  

I know the custom is pour one out of departed homies.  What do we do if we're trying to not drink?  Do we pour out a seltzer?  Anyway, here's to a better week and a better June and a better Summer. 

I need to buy   gummies in Colorado.  

 

[BearSchlong 8111]

Glad you made the turn and are still keeping at it.  I had a rough relapse about 2.5 weeks ago, right before the really bad news about MAC starting pouring in.  I knew I had been slacking on the work and admitted to it on here, but started getting that, "Meh, I can freestyle this on my own."  I know that's no longer the case, it's never really been the case for ten years.  Gotta commit every single day, not just some days.  still haven't found the right all-around approach, but gotta try, gotta work, gotta stay dry.  
I really hope I get to meet some of you this football season at a tailgate or whatever.  MAC would have liked that anyway, even if we don;'t like each other  

Thank you for reminding me to get my ass to a meeting tonight.

[YGIFS 19452]

I gotta lay a foundation for this weekend again.  They are frequently tough for me.  And I've ignoring the signs leading up to them.  

[ztejas 43533]

I'll be back here soon enough talking about "more serious" shit. Mark your calendars I guess. 

I just want to throw a PSA out there for anyone reading this thread regularly that hasn't fallen into this trap already:

Do not start fucking with nicotine. It is the absolute fucking worst. Seriously. And the way that AA condones it and borderline promotes that shit is so problematic. 

Please.

Don't do that shit. Quitting drinking is hard enough. I'm like 62% convinced that nicotine is the most difficult substance to shake on the planet - and there are a lot of studies that would back me on that. 

This is coming from someone that big picture has relatively few issues with it that still finds it extremely hard to stay away from. 

It will suck you in and remind you of it like no other substance that I've ever tried in my life.

Anyway, guys, keep your shit up. I need to get clean soon. The county might be mandating it for me. 

Peace. 

[ztejas 43533]

On 5/31/2023 at 8:50 PM, YGIFS said:

I gotta lay a foundation for this weekend again.  They are frequently tough for me.  And I've ignoring the signs leading up to them.  

Go to a meeting. 

[TwiceHorn 31534]

6 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Go to a meeting. 

Better than that, get a sponsor and start working the steps.

I think I see that YGIFS is intellectualizing about it and talking about it a whole lot and not really doing anything.  It's a common thing. I did it.

This whole sobriety thing gets a lot easier when you work the steps.

[ztejas 43533]

2 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Better than that, get a sponsor and start working the steps.

I think I see that YGIFS is intellectualizing about it and talking about it a whole lot and not really doing anything.  It's a common thing. I did it.

This whole sobriety thing gets a lot easier when you work the steps.

It's funny how we're so good at offering advice but can't take it for ourselves. 

I need to go to meetings and work the steps. Why haven't I done that? What am I afraid of? 

[Zepol87 9191]

Have a buddy that was in real bad shape a few weeks ago, hid a big drinking problem for the couple of years I have known him. His partner finally told our friend group that he had an opiates issue and a drinking problem and has had a few trips to rehab, he thought he had it under control but work has been going well and he got a promotion and evidently that just fucked him up bad thinking about inevitable failure at the new position and he started drinking very heavy again. Lying about going to work and spending his days waiting for the liquor store to open and then just drinking in the parking lot and then coming back home like he worked a full day, wild as hell to me but I am lazy so I don't I think could do that. We reached out to his family in Abilene and they got us in touch with his old sponsor, that dude came and laid the hammer down and basically said quit your shit or you are going back to rehab, seems to have worked so far and he has stayed clean. Kind of crazy how well he hid it though

It caused me to think about my drinking quite a bit as it was said a few times damn I feel like you drink more than he does, uhh thanks I guess. Anyways I am trying to cut back so we will see how well I can keep it together. Also @ztejas man you were right about not starting nicotine shit I don't know what the hell has happened but these past 2 weeks I have found myself bumming cigarettes from people more than I have in the past 10 years of my life. I have to figure that shit out also

[futureman 22542]

32 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I'll be back here soon enough talking about "more serious" shit. Mark your calendars I guess. 

I just want to throw a PSA out there for anyone reading this thread regularly that hasn't fallen into this trap already:

Do not start fucking with nicotine. It is the absolute fucking worst. Seriously. And the way that AA condones it and borderline promotes that shit is so problematic. 

Please.

Don't do that shit. Quitting drinking is hard enough. I'm like 62% convinced that nicotine is the most difficult substance to shake on the planet - and there are a lot of studies that would back me on that. 

This is coming from someone that big picture has relatively few issues with it that still finds it extremely hard to stay away from. 

It will suck you in and remind you of it like no other substance that I've ever tried in my life.

Anyway, guys, keep your shit up. I need to get clean soon. The county might be mandating it for me. 

Peace. 

it's a tricky thing; early sobriety can be awful.  cigarettes are a crutch but if they can help fill the void to some extent, and help keep you away from doing everything else, they're worth it.  yeah it's a gray area but you're better off with tobacco than you are with whiskey and crack.  and yeah it's not so simple as to say "pick up smoking and you won't drink anymore" but when you're two weeks in and going fucking crazy and you want to scream and be anywhere but a fucking meeting cigarettes can help with that, somehow.  I don't know how.  but they do.  and 100 times out of a 100 you're better off with a cigarette outside a meeting than you are in a bar getting loaded.

[ztejas 43533]

2 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Have a buddy that was in real bad shape a few weeks ago, hid a big drinking problem for the couple of years I have known him. His partner finally told our friend group that he had an opiates issue and a drinking problem and has had a few trips to rehab, he thought he had it under control but work has been going well and he got a promotion and evidently that just fucked him up bad thinking about inevitable failure at the new position and he started drinking very heavy again. Lying about going to work and spending his days waiting for the liquor store to open and then just drinking in the parking lot and then coming back home like he worked a full day, wild as hell to me but I am lazy so I don't I think could do that. We reached out to his family in Abilene and they got us in touch with his old sponsor, that dude came and laid the hammer down and basically said quit your shit or you are going back to rehab, seems to have worked so far and he has stayed clean. Kind of crazy how well he hid it though

It caused me to think about my drinking quite a bit as it was said a few times damn I feel like you drink more than he does, uhh thanks I guess. Anyways I am trying to cut back so we will see how well I can keep it together. Also @ztejas man you were right about not starting nicotine shit I don't know what the hell has happened but these past 2 weeks I have found myself bumming cigarettes from people more than I have in the past 10 years of my life. I have to figure that shit out also

It's been a minute since we've hung out but I don't necessarily think you're an alcoholic or addict. I think you just like to party. Hard. Like me. 

In that sense, it may be a bit easier for you to pull shit back assuming you actually want to take better care of yourself. But there's always gray areas with this shit. And even if you aren't an addict it can be tough to cut back. 

That being said, it wouldn't kill you to check out an AA meeting. You may or may not be an alcoholic. That's something that we can only decide for ourselves. Anyone that labels AA as a cult or some religious bullshit either doesn't need it and never will or is completely ignorant. AA isn't about helping other people or convincing them to join. It's about helping yourself.

Some of us are really fucking sick. You may or may not be like us. But it's worth your life to take an hour or two out of one of your days to find out. 

[ztejas 43533]

1 minute ago, futureman said:

it's a tricky thing; early sobriety can be awful.  cigarettes are a crutch but if they can help fill the void to some extent, and help keep you away from doing everything else, they're worth it.  yeah it's a gray area but you're better off with tobacco than you are with whiskey and crack.  and yeah it's not so simple as to say "pick up smoking and you won't drink anymore" but when you're two weeks in and going fucking crazy and you want to scream and be anywhere but a fucking meeting cigarettes can help with that, somehow.  I don't know how.  but they do.  and 100 times out of a 100 you're better off with a cigarette outside a meeting than you are in a bar getting loaded.

Man y’all are gonna make me cry. 

I need to start being honest with myself. 

[Da Fino 2783]

2 months down. Biggest stretch by far since late high school I’d guess. Feels good. Health is better. Still tired as hell in the mornings. Kind of miss the hangovers to be honest. Thanks to the guys on this thread for keeping it going. 

[YGIFS 19452]

6 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

Better than that, get a sponsor and start working the steps.

I think I see that YGIFS is intellectualizing about it and talking about it a whole lot and not really doing anything.  It's a common thing. I did it.

This whole sobriety thing gets a lot easier when you work the steps.

I have been.  And I go.  And I have one.  Just slacking on the work lately.  He called me again yesterday.  We will likely meet up this weekend.  Which I’m looking forward to.  Another guy that helps me a lot is in Milwaukee for a Harley Davidson event so I imagine I’ll be getting a call from him as the only sober person for ten miles in any direction.  

[BearSchlong 8111]

Better than that, get a sponsor and start working the steps.
I think I see that YGIFS is intellectualizing about it and talking about it a whole lot and not really doing anything.  It's a common thing. I did it.
This whole sobriety thing gets a lot easier when you work the steps.

Alcoholics Anonymous was written to be mailed to any English-reading person who wanted to stop drinking but found they could not. Sure, it was expected that the recipient would find a community of similar travelers and fellowship would ensue, but like I tell my guys, “imagine you’re the only alcoholic in your rural county. Everything you need to get sober and stay that way is contained in this book.”

If you’re like me, you may need to have color commentary for additional context and practical insights.

I’ve read the book about a 20 times, and the best supplement to the book that I’ve discovered is a set of weekend workshops put on by some country boys named Joe and Charlie. They also wrote a book called “The Steps We Took,” but the most enjoyable and convenient way to for me to access their content is in audio.

There are many apps, this is the one I use:

via Joe & Charlie Big Book Study on Audiojoy http://taps.io/BYP3w

Such deadpan humor and wisdom like “Joe was out screwing around, I was simply committing adultery” lol.

The way they simplify and deconstruct the steps with practical explanation is masterful. It led to them holding workshops worldwide.

I’ve worked the steps with a sponsor, I regularly attend meetings where we read the BBOAA and the quasi-sequel commentary, “12 steps and 12 traditions.”

AA is great. Sure, you make friends and hear good stuff, but real progress is made with a sponsor and through working the steps. And spending time 1 on 1 with other alcoholics. I had dinner the other night with a guy who got sober in pch’s home group and relocated to mine, and it was like dating my mirror image, down to the fact that we both love Robert Caro’s books.

From my observations, YGIFS is exactly like me prior to getting sober. The smartest guy in the room. I still over intellectualize everything, but at least now I realize the fallacy.

The trick is finding AA mentors that you can admire and emulate, and doing what they did.

[BearSchlong 8111]

I have been.  And I go.  And I have one.  Just slacking on the work lately.  He called me again yesterday.  We will likely meet up this weekend.  Which I’m looking forward to.  Another guy that helps me a lot is in Milwaukee for a Harley Davidson event so I imagine I’ll be getting a call from him as the only sober person for ten miles in any direction.  

When was the last time you read Bill’s story and looked for the similarities?

When was the last time you read Dr. Silkworth’s opinion and considered the allergy?

When was the last time you read “we agnostics” and considered a power other than yourself?

Go to the stories in the back of the book and pick out one written by a woman. They tend to be very well written.

Why don’t you try that for starters?

Your sobriety is yours. Pick up the book and start being accountable to yourself.

[TwiceHorn 31534]

On 6/1/2023 at 11:53 PM, Zepol87 said:

he thought he had it under control but work has been going well and he got a promotion and evidently that just fucked him up bad thinking about inevitable failure at the new position and he started drinking very heavy again.

For the most part, except for "he thought he had it under control," this is an attempt for normies to impose some rationality on an addict/alcoholic "pickiing up again."

There's no rhyme or reason to it, and no real cause, other than losing sight of powerlessness over the drug of choice and the things you can do to relieve yourself of that burden.  One common factor is that the relapsing addict/alcoholic has amazingly bad timing.  New job, new gf, big deal to close the relapser is almost sure to fuck it up.

Early recovery alcoholics want nothing worse in the world than to drink and if you lose sight of the inability to do so, any old excuse will do.  My team won, my team lost, my team didn't play today.  It all works.

[YGIFS 19452]

29 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

When was the last time you read Bill’s story and looked for the similarities?

When was the last time you read Dr. Silkworth’s opinion and considered the allergy?

When was the last time you read “we agnostics” and considered a power other than yourself?

Go to the stories in the back of the book and pick out one written by a woman. They tend to be very well written.

Why don’t you try that for starters?

Your sobriety is yours. Pick up the book and start being accountable to yourself.

Funny you should mention that.  I was slacking on a few things, especcially reading as of late.  But picked up the book last few days and started from the back and it's provided great help.  I also realized this week that after I dropped my little one off at preschool, I would go into the chapel to meditate and pray.  And that would kinda give me a little boost those couple/three days of the week.  But that stopped because she's not in school for the last 10 days and I think with just a bit of hindsight, that I missed that time to clear my head.  Now that I'm talking about it again with my sponsor and other friends, I realize I'm not anywhere near done with the "beating the shit outta myself part", only then can I proceed,  

[BearSchlong 8111]

From my perspective, your “slacking” is the fact that you’re not out there doing field research. You’re wasting valuable time. The clock is ticking.

I had to drink myself sober.

[Macanudo 13010]

On 6/2/2023 at 12:23 AM, Da Fino said:

2 months down. Biggest stretch by far since late high school I’d guess. Feels good. Health is better. Still tired as hell in the mornings. Kind of miss the hangovers to be honest. Thanks to the guys on this thread for keeping it going. 

Keep on keepin' on.    I'm at 475 days.    The first few months I had a weird amount of resolve and "I'll just not drink for a while" attitude rattling around in my head.   15+ months later and now it's all resolve.    I don't want to go back to where I was and I know that I won't be able to moderate.   I was just out in the pool for a while by myself.    Thought about how I would be drinking (read:  entirely too much.)   By now (5:00 ish) I'd probably be 5-6 drinks into the day.   Instead, I did some pool cleaning, floated around while some SRV and Van Halen blasted and then go out with a sense of accomplishment.   Both on the pool leaning and being stone cold sober for 15 months.   

Plus, whenever I start wondering about it..,  The reminder that beer and booze prices are insane and I have another kid starting college in the fall.   The wallet is a great reason to stop.   For a lot of reasons.  

[Reagan1k 3024]

I do have some good news for anyone struggling to quit or stay sane while quitting. 

There is a treatment that’s been proven basically 100% effective in a double blind study of several million alcoholics.

The bad news, if you will, is it has to be used as a daily infusion at full strength to work at full efficacy and doesn’t work well in random or sporadic doses taken only to deter drinking on weekends and in times of stress.

Relapse is proven to be non existent in those who use daily infusions at full strength exactly as prescribed.

Unfortunately scientists haven’t yet found an alternative delivery method that works as well when taken only when the alcoholic thinks they need it or in doses of their choosing.

The disease of alcoholism makes it tricky because the illness tells the victim not to continue the infusions and to try taking the treatment like an antacid before a spicy meal, but that doesn’t work well; making the disease itself such an efficient assassin.……insidious disease, but happy to report the full, genuine treatment is widely available.

There is a 164 page report written in layman’s terms that provides PRECISE details on how to take the infusion and gives EXACT instructions on how to recover.

 

 

[YGIFS 19452]

I dunno man, that sounds an awful lot like a cult.    

Up early today because my oldest has some rough diarrhea.  So gonna skip church and volunteer work and stay home with her.  But will zoom a meeting and call my sponsor while she's goofing around on her iPad and the other two are at service.  Walks have been helping a lot.  And started swimming again just yesterday since I felt like I was slipping, and that helped.  Gonna go again later today if I can manage not to get struck by lightning.  

So my neighbor's son, I think he's the middle kid.  He led the very first meeting I went to almost a year ago.  He lives on his own but will occasionally come and crash with his parents here and there.  Presumably for good cooking and laundry.  But a few days ago when I was struggling, went on a walk with my daughter and I saw him walking the dog and we kinda nodded to one another.  I took that as a sign to work more.  

Anyhow, y'all have a great Sunday.  Thanks for listening/reading.  Gonna work on 3 & 4 this week.  Miles to go...

[BearSchlong 8111]

I’m going to take a weeklong hiatus from the screen. Just to see if I can do it.

I think I’m addicted to doomscrolling.

See y’all later.

Now if I can only resist the urge to check back for replies.

[Celery Man 20996]

Nicotine is almost more embarrassing for me than alcohol. Never ever in my smoking career did I see myself as "a smoker", I never bought a carton, I never smoked in front of family, etc. And it was for a long time a drinking thing, but that distinction started to lose meaning. I still don't think I was ever really a heavy smoker in comparison to how some people smoke, but yeah it's a hard one to leave behind and one that I still miss in a way that's different than drinking. I guess the serious outcomes are more distant and the near term negative outcomes are more trivial. Some of my most treasured memories (certainly from early recovery) were hanging out shooting the shit in the butt hut at La Hacienda, ripping p-funks. Shortly after I dropped booze I switched to vaping, that went on for too long and I subbed little cinnamon nicotine lozenges from walmart (used to carry them around in one of those small tylenol cylinders), which went on for too long. And then at some point I got a nasty stomach bug that sidelined me from doing that for 3 days and... at that point the logic of how stupid it would be to get back onto the nicotine won out. I think I still have a bottle of those lozenges in the back of my drawer, I should throw them out. To BearSchlong's point, it is funny how addictive behavior shows up elsewhere. I switched from the cinnamon lozenges to atomic fireballs and I still have a bigass container of those in my desk drawer.

 

I talked at some point about how I had wondered about my dad - how his drinking sometimes seemed alcoholic but he never quite went over the edge, never suffered the kinds of consequences we would associate with it being a problem. Just a consistent medium-heavy drinker. I don't want to go into it too much and honestly am still debating whether I should at all here (I'm not that anonymous here, but it feels dishonest to not talk about it in this thread), but he's gone over the edge and we're gearing up to deal with it. I kinda admire his stubbornness to make it as long as he did holding back from that line. He had a gastric bypass around the time that I went through rehab that I don't think helped at all (at least not with that problem). And it's going to be difficult because of how he sees where he is on the journey of his life and how long he's been drinking scotch in that chair. But, topo chico us some strength for this.

[BearSchlong 8111]

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.

I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.

Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.

It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)

Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

[TwiceHorn 31534]

2 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.

I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.

Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.

It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)

Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

Sorry to hear, friendo.  You have your family have my sincerest condolences.

[hornbri 1401]

13 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.

I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.

Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.

It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)

Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

By the grace of God. 

That’s tragic I am very sorry you are going through this. It is a gift that you are able to be sober and strong during this. 

[Brisketexan 105314]

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.
I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.
Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.
It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)
Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

So sorry, man. And I have no words. May peace eventually find you and yours. I am so sorry that it did not find your nephew.

This is a hard world. Love each other.

[YGIFS 19452]

22 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.

I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.

Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.

It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)

Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

Shit man.  I am so sorry to read this.  Be well, I know you'll be there for the rest of the family.  

[YGIFS 19452]

Woke up and though if your situation.  There’s no comforting words I can offer.  Gotta get through the day.  And hopefully tomorrow.  God bless. 

[Shoxthemonkey 1983]

So sorry to hear this, Bear. If there is anything you need, just ask.

I owe you a couple.

[pch 1261]

Just read the tragic news and will be remembering you and your family in the days ahead.  It is a gift of sobriety to be able to be present and in service to others (especially family) and I know you will be a source of comfort to those you love.  Grieving with you in this loss as I remember so many did when my son died of an overdose in 2021.  Please let us be there for you.

 

[closetohumping 17462]

On 6/4/2023 at 7:58 AM, Celery Man said:

Nicotine is almost more embarrassing for me than alcohol. Never ever in my smoking career did I see myself as "a smoker", I never bought a carton, I never smoked in front of family, etc. And it was for a long time a drinking thing, but that distinction started to lose meaning. I still don't think I was ever really a heavy smoker in comparison to how some people smoke, but yeah it's a hard one to leave behind and one that I still miss in a way that's different than drinking. I guess the serious outcomes are more distant and the near term negative outcomes are more trivial. Some of my most treasured memories (certainly from early recovery) were hanging out shooting the shit in the butt hut at La Hacienda, ripping p-funks. Shortly after I dropped booze I switched to vaping, that went on for too long and I subbed little cinnamon nicotine lozenges from walmart (used to carry them around in one of those small tylenol cylinders), which went on for too long. And then at some point I got a nasty stomach bug that sidelined me from doing that for 3 days and... at that point the logic of how stupid it would be to get back onto the nicotine won out. I think I still have a bottle of those lozenges in the back of my drawer, I should throw them out. To BearSchlong's point, it is funny how addictive behavior shows up elsewhere. I switched from the cinnamon lozenges to atomic fireballs and I still have a bigass container of those in my desk drawer.

 

I talked at some point about how I had wondered about my dad - how his drinking sometimes seemed alcoholic but he never quite went over the edge, never suffered the kinds of consequences we would associate with it being a problem. Just a consistent medium-heavy drinker. I don't want to go into it too much and honestly am still debating whether I should at all here (I'm not that anonymous here, but it feels dishonest to not talk about it in this thread), but he's gone over the edge and we're gearing up to deal with it. I kinda admire his stubbornness to make it as long as he did holding back from that line. He had a gastric bypass around the time that I went through rehab that I don't think helped at all (at least not with that problem). And it's going to be difficult because of how he sees where he is on the journey of his life and how long he's been drinking scotch in that chair. But, topo chico us some strength for this.

Used to smoke.  Yes it’s disgusting but thankfully you never got ints bar fight, nicotine dialed an ex, or drove drunk while on cigarettes 

On 6/9/2023 at 10:32 AM, BearSchlong said:

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.

I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.

Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.

It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)

Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

I empathize way more than you can imagine RIP to your nephew.  

[Kennythetiger 9455]

29 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Used to smoke.  Yes it’s disgusting but thankfully you never got ints bar fight, nicotine dialed an ex, or drove drunk while on cigarettes 

Sounds like it sucks. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

@BearSchlong That is tragic and I am 100% sure you added comfort and peace to the situation for your family.  

[RubyManJack 47]

On 6/9/2023 at 12:32 PM, BearSchlong said:

I'm just checking in during my hiatus from doom-scrolling the rest of the site (it's so addicting) for a specific reason.

I'm on a plane to Portland because on Wednesday night, my 15-year-old nephew decided to end it all.  Far and away the most shattering event in my family's history.

Y'all, I am so damned grateful to be sober, safe, and reasonably sane today, to drop everything instantly and jump into service.  Everything irrelevant melts away.

It was apparent from toddlerhood that he had the "ism's." Maybe that's why I loved him/her/they so much (he was still figuring out his pronouns.)

Helluva weekend ahead, friends.

Thinking of you and your family, old timer.

[Reagan1k 3024]

Listened to an interesting conversation / discussion focused on how we talk about mental illness - including alcoholism (and addiction).  Specifically on the words we (society as a whole) use and how those words become engrained (even subconsciously) into our thinking about the disease.

According to the speaker - Society says "He is an alcoholic." or "He is an addict."  His point was that if we do actually consider them a disease, then mind-centered afflictions are the only diseases that redefines a person's identity.  We don't say "He is cancer." or "He is Alzheimer's."  People "have" cancer and other diseases, but alcoholism and addiction are referred to as an identity.  The same hold true for Bi-Polar disorder and Schizophrenia.  Joe IS bi-polar.  Sally is schizophrenic.

The thesis was that there would be more willingness to accept the diagnosis and more importantly the treatment if the party in question only had to accept having it rather than BEING it.

Obviously, AA would refer to that as a 1st step problem.  Very interesting take that I don't recall having heard before.

 

 

 

[YGIFS 19452]

So dammit, Otto is Lupus?  

[BearSchlong 8111]

[Drifterwood 164]

I’ve perused this thread on a few occasions when feeling particularly down on myself for my alcohol abuse. I’m probably straddling at least one if not both sides of the problem drinker/alcoholic line.

Had a long conversation with a coworker earlier this week about his journey to 18 months of sobriety and it was really inspiring. I related to a lot of his issues, if not the quantity he was drinking, and it made me want to feel that way instead of the way I’ve felt for too much of the last 20 years. After drinking too much and blacking out on the last night of a work trip that was the culmination of a year’s worth of work, and lots of coping drinking along the way, I’ve decided to give it a shot. I’m on day 5, dreading the difficult path ahead and feeling lots of guilt and shame about my history with alcohol and all the terrible situations that I’ve caused because of not being able to control my consumption. But I’m also excited and hopeful for what will hopefully be a better next chapter.

Thanks for all of you that have contributed to this thread. Wish me strength and luck.

[YGIFS 19452]

God bless you brother.  Keep sharing.  Keep listening.  These guys got way more insight but one thing I’ll tell you I gleaned today from Father’s Day is take it easy on yourself.  Work the program or do what works for you or get religion.  It’s different for all of us.  But the one thing I gleaned from today was stop beating ourselves down.  We are not special but we do not need to berate ourselves mentally on top of the chemical shit. 
 

anyway read the thread and reach out.  Godspeed.  

[Loch Ness Monster 3533]

19 days sober from alcohol. Just taking it one day at a time. Been drinking a couple Topo Chicos with lime as a replacement after work. Biggest fight is mainly with boredom but figure it's mainly because I didn't have many hobbies outside of getting drunk and doing X random activity. Going to take time.

[DallasHorn26 586]

47 minutes ago, Loch Ness Monster said:

19 days sober from alcohol. Just taking it one day at a time. Been drinking a couple Topo Chicos with lime as a replacement after work. Biggest fight is mainly with boredom but figure it's mainly because I didn't have many hobbies outside of getting drunk and doing X random activity. Going to take time.

I  was super bored in the early days. I couldn't sit down and focus long enough to watch anything on TV or read a book. I did a 1K piece puzzle and  a couple of Lego sets in my first month to pass the time.

[Celery Man 20996]

Do you have a mountain of shit you could get chunking through? I mean the kind of shit that you just don't really care that much about when you're deep in it - I had a mountain of cleaning to do at my old apartment, junk to get rid of, a bunch of overdue maintenance on my car, etc.

 

I think you're absolutely right in that the boredom comes from how fucking boring it is to be an alcoholic - all you do is drink and when you take that away there's nothing going on. It takes some time to build up new hobbies and relationships and get enough shit going on that you start to be low on time. And you should work on that - go do some shit out there in the world, find some new hobbies, etc. But it also feels really good to accomplish shit, to move long festering stuff from the "I'm vaguely concerned about this" column to the "I've taken care of this" column. Big fan of tackling stuff like that, starting exercise routines, and cleaning/improving your living environment as ways to fill the early sobriety time. If it sounds at all doable think about a gym and make a plan to clean your kitchen.

[BearSchlong 8111]

19 days sober from alcohol. Just taking it one day at a time. Been drinking a couple Topo Chicos with lime as a replacement after work. Biggest fight is mainly with boredom but figure it's mainly because I didn't have many hobbies outside of getting drunk and doing X random activity. Going to take time.

Answering this under the good faith assumption that you are an actual alcoholic rather than a hard drinker.

Go find your tribe. Go to a variety of meetings and start meeting people, because if there is a great chance that if you're the former, these are your new friends.

From AA, page 152:

“We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends.”

AA is the best entertainment a dollar or two can buy.