I'm An Alcoholic

[UpperWestside 6160]

Working in restaurants means I come across many folks who drink, drink and drink some more. I haven’t had a drink in more than three and a half years now. When I figured out my susceptibility to liquor and why I drank it made sense to me why it happened. Sorting out having autism and how I could put being neurodivergent to better use than drinking put me down a path I thoroughly enjoy. I did not drink my entire adult life, but it was enough of it to realize nothing good would come of continuing to drink. When I put it down in January of 2020 I just walked away and never had a desire to drink again. That isn’t how it works for everyone when they stop and I realize that. It can be hell for people to leave it behind.

I listen to folks I work with talk about how they drink and use different drugs and go out all night etc. I never, ever talk down to them or try to tell a bunch of stories. I just listen and tell them they are capable of doing better with their life and to value who they are. Just treating g a flawed human being with care is how we should be treating one another because we are all flawed. Being kind and positive to folks who do not yet fully understand what drinking can do them is how I feel most comfortable in approaching it. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

Reading this and having met you IRL, you’re a good egg.

[BearSchlong 8083]

Reading this and having met you IRL, you’re a good egg.

(Tapa made me say it twice)

[UpperWestside 6160]

On 8/20/2023 at 10:04 AM, BearSchlong said:

Reading this and having met you IRL, you’re a good egg.

(Tapa made me say it twice)

Thank you and the sentiment is the same towards you, especially with what you are dealing with in your family right now. That still saddens me and I think about you, your sister, brother-in-law and nephew. I hope I cross paths with all of you again.
 

I think you set a great example though in how you help to continually educate others about alcoholism and the dead end path it leads down. I wish you had an even bigger microphone to spread your message of hope. All you can do is all you can do and I enjoy reading your posts about you meeting people in AA meetings around the country. We have one very short existence and I’m thankful there are people like you (and many others in this thread) who want to show those that are at rock bottom with the bottle that there is a better way to enjoy life.

[Macanudo 12975]

I passed 18 months earlier in August.  I still think about drinking every now and then.   It was so much of my life in various ways and it's kind of comical to me now.   But the overall satisfaction of life without is so great.  

[hullabelew 3723]

Great to hear @Macanudo  

[RubyManJack 47]

Hard to believe that in 3 months and 1 hour and 24 minutes, it will be 9 years since I had my last drink and drug. I don't get on here much anymore and it doesn't look like this thread gets the traffic it once did, but I'm sure grateful for the thread and some of you guys still here when I was struggling the first few months. Just saw the news about MAC too, dang that always hurts to hear about. Also a good reminder of the what could have been and what likely will be if I don't take it one day at a time.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

7 hours ago, RubyManJack said:

Hard to believe that in 3 months and 1 hour and 24 minutes, it will be 9 years since I had my last drink and drug. I don't get on here much anymore and it doesn't look like this thread gets the traffic it once did, but I'm sure grateful for the thread and some of you guys still here when I was struggling the first few months. Just saw the news about MAC too, dang that always hurts to hear about. Also a good reminder of the what could have been and what likely will be if I don't take it one day at a time.

Congrats, my man.  Catching up to me.

[Celery Man 20931]

 

[UpperWestside 6160]

That was a really cool way to express embracing life and what happens to you is going to happen and just roll with it. It’s something I personally do because there is no point in getting angry over what you can’t control or someone’s words about you. Take it in, process it and move forward. Take those moments where you could be angry and realize that perhaps being late for something has kept you out of a situation that would have not been a good one or take that time to do something good for yourself. He framed his perspective very well so thank you for sharing.

[Celery Man 20931]

That’s all the stuff that was super important for me to learn how to do. I need to put more effort into doing that consistently.

as a side note, his HBO show Crashing didn’t get a lot of buzz that I’m aware of but it was great. I need to watch it again.

[hullabelew 3723]

I was talking with a buddy from treatment last night.   He said, "The troubles I'm dealing with now?   I would have PAID for them back when I was drinking".   

[BearSchlong 8083]

That was an awesome video. He restated something that I once heard from an AA podium which is arrogance and self loathing are just opposite sides of the coin called self centeredness.

A few weeks back I was stuck - delayed - in an airport while my AA friend drew his last breaths. I had the audacity to get a little aggravated that this caused me to miss a last minute trip to the hospital to say goodbye. OTOH, it gave me a chance to text quite a few of our friends who did make it up there so he he didn’t die alone.

As I sat with the 150 or so mourners at his funeral, I laughed at me.

Suffering prompts change is a damned good reminder of how sick I can become.

Also saw a guy last night who has 21 days sober, has already found a home group and a sponsor. God has him right where he’s supposed to be. As I said goodbye I marveled at how my “worry” is pointless.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

My word.  This guy is a law school classmate.  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/former-federal-prosecutor-and-dallas-judge-suspended-for-offensive-court-behavior/ar-AA1iOQHO

Guy was kind of a prick in law school, and I didn't much care for him, but I'm pretty certain I was way outstripping his drinking back then.

Looks like he's been struggling with sobriety for 5-6 years.  That has to be rough.

Makes me glad it caught up with me in my early 30s and not now.

[Reagan1k 3024]

16 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

My word.  This guy is a law school classmate.  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/former-federal-prosecutor-and-dallas-judge-suspended-for-offensive-court-behavior/ar-AA1iOQHO

Guy was kind of a prick in law school, and I didn't much care for him, but I'm pretty certain I was way outstripping his drinking back then.

Looks like he's been struggling with sobriety for 5-6 years.  That has to be rough.

Makes me glad it caught up with me in my early 30s and not now.

Uggg.  That's akin to watching a horrible wreck in slow motion and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

 

[BearSchlong 8083]

What we have here is a powerful recovery story baking in the oven.

Perhaps not.

All I know is I got a call from a sober friend yesterday afternoon - “be at the men’s meeting tonight, I have a newcomer who agreed to attend his first meeting.”

Hell yea, I’m there.

[UpperWestside 6160]

16 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

My word.  This guy is a law school classmate.  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/former-federal-prosecutor-and-dallas-judge-suspended-for-offensive-court-behavior/ar-AA1iOQHO

Guy was kind of a prick in law school, and I didn't much care for him, but I'm pretty certain I was way outstripping his drinking back then.

Looks like he's been struggling with sobriety for 5-6 years.  That has to be rough.

Makes me glad it caught up with me in my early 30s and not now.

I went and read some of this and my gosh that is a severely depressed human being right there. Reading that his law firm represents people in DWI cases is, well, interesting considering what has transpired with him personally. I hope he finds his way before it is too late.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

11 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

I went and read some of this and my gosh that is a severely depressed human being right there. Reading that his law firm represents people in DWI cases is, well, interesting considering what has transpired with him personally. I hope he finds his way before it is too late.

Kind of a notable thing, his firm/partner used to be a guy named George Milner, and Milner at least, was pretty much the king of DWI in Dallas, as was his father before him.

I note that they are no longer associated.

I also knew the subject's father, Frank Finn, who was also a bit of an imperious prick.  Head of litigation at Thompson & Knight and chairman of the firm on multiple occasions.  And, as mentioned in the article, a heavy drinker himself.

It doesn't really surprise me that his home life was dysfunctional, but that's certainly not a requirement for alcoholism, and often something of a crutch to avoid recovery.  Sounds like the genes were lined up well, though.

[UpperWestside 6160]

18 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

Kind of a notable thing, his firm/partner used to be a guy named George Milner, and Milner at least, was pretty much the king of DWI in Dallas, as was his father before him.

I note that they are no longer associated.

I also knew the subject's father, Frank Finn, who was also a bit of an imperious prick.  Head of litigation at Thompson & Knight and chairman of the firm on multiple occasions.  And, as mentioned in the article, a heavy drinker himself.

It doesn't really surprise me that his home life was dysfunctional, but that's certainly not a requirement for alcoholism, and often something of a crutch to avoid recovery.  Sounds like the genes were lined up well, though.

Thanks for sharing your personal insights into this situation. I agree with what you said on dysfunction not being a prerequisite to being an alcoholic.
 

When I try to quantify alcoholism I attempt to not put people in groups or a box. My reasoning is that there are a series of events in someone’s life that lead them to searching for safety at the bottom of a bottle. Being that we are all different and unique I attempt to look at each alcoholic as having had their own unique and sad journey to where they got to. This man is in dire need of people to help pick him up emotionally and get him to a place where he can find some happiness in life. We all just want to enjoy life. I hope for that for him.

[Macanudo 12975]

I've been thinking about the last few posts on this thread for a few days.  I know that my rock bottom last year seems almost simple when compared to others.  It's all so relative.  And seeing the news about Matthew Perry really makes it sink in.   If he really was clean and sober and it was just a heart attack, well, that's a fate a lot of us addicts could see in the days to come.  The abuse doesn't have to kill you when you're drunk.    It can do it later.

 

[Celery Man 20931]

I’ve wondered a bit about that. I’m pretty sure I suffered from pancreatitis when i was drinking, and i thought my insides had turned to tar. I was surprised that the message seemed to be “you’re mostly fine” after my hospital stay. And I went through some tests and whatnot getting life insurance a year or so ago, was expecting the piper to come by. Lots of stuff that I can control there, but…. lots of stuff I just can’t at all. What a blessing to be able to set those worries down and get on with it.

 

I completely blew past my sobriety anniversary. 8 years before the day that this picture was taken, I was being checked into the hospital and was about to post some batshit stuff on shaggy, apparently

[YGIFS 19449]

Thanks for sharing that.  I needed that today.  I need a lot, but that helps.  

[TwiceHorn 31438]

On 10/27/2023 at 3:13 PM, UpperWestside said:

My reasoning is that there are a series of events in someone’s life that lead them to searching for safety at the bottom of a bottle.

Oh, that much is very true, but it doesn't need to be high-grade trauma by any stretch of the imagination.  There often is, and I don't mean to trivialize that at all.

What I meant by crutch is that some people with some trauma believe that if they address that with therapy or whatever, they can avoid doing addiction recovery.  And the always-difficult confrontation of the fact that you are an alcoholic or addict.  People just resist that with every fiber of their being.

[Kennythetiger 9375]

17 hours ago, Celery Man said:

I’ve wondered a bit about that. I’m pretty sure I suffered from pancreatitis when i was drinking, and i thought my insides had turned to tar. I was surprised that the message seemed to be “you’re mostly fine” after my hospital stay. And I went through some tests and whatnot getting life insurance a year or so ago, was expecting the piper to come by. Lots of stuff that I can control there, but…. lots of stuff I just can’t at all. What a blessing to be able to set those worries down and get on with it.

 

I completely blew past my sobriety anniversary. 8 years before the day that this picture was taken, I was being checked into the hospital and was about to post some batshit stuff on shaggy, apparently

Yes you were, and yes you did. 
And then a few years later you posted your wedding pictures. R.I.P., Kevin. 
And now you’re posting pictures of this little shit-ass kid that’s cuter than a bug. 
Pretty good turnaround. 
❤️

[GhostOfTomJoad 9323]

Quick update on my ongoing "recalibration" since I'm not completely sober.  My consumption totaled 3 beers in October. September I had a dozen. Prior to being laid off in May I was easily good for 3 beers after work sitting with the guys at the pub or the dive bar 6 months ago. Then maybe another one pre-dinner. And if you twisted my arm a dram of Irish whiskey or bourbon might finish off the night. That was just any random weeknight, mind you. The weekend was for serious unwinding. A trip to a local brewery. Dipping into cooler of IPAs while tending the smoker. Man, it was full just a bit ago. What happened? And man did the recycle bin make a telltale sound when being rolled to the curb on Sunday night. 

This is better. The wife's happy. I'm happy. Our bank account is happy. I've been in my new job for 2 months now and other than an initial couple of celebratory beers with the guys after my first week it's been remarkably easy to ignore the texts that appear almost daily asking who's going to get a taste (answer: most of them). I'll meet up every so often & drink some water while catching up on the latest. Most are supportive. One is envious (he admitted there's no way he could sit in a bar and drink water while everyone else was downing beer after beer). One is becoming dangerously close to crossing the line, and although I can take his jabs and jokes about being a "quitter" and a tea-totaller in stride, he's driven and vocal about getting me "back into the fold again." He's proud to be a "functional" alcoholic. He loves to tell us all that his pat answer to his doctor when asked how much he drinks during his checkup is "not much for an Englishman." He sees it as his birthright to be an entertaining drunk. Except he's not really that entertaining anymore, just repeating and embellishing the same old stories we've all heard a couple dozen times. In fairness, he truly is a "shirt off his back" kinda friend. Very easy to love the guy. In small doses. And those doses get smaller and smaller when I'm not keeping pace.

He called my wife a few weeks ago when I was at work, concerned about my health. "Is GOTJ sick? He looks ghastly, just skins and bones." A huge exaggeration, and his British accent does nothing but add to the effect. Of course she sees me everyday and is proud of my improvements.  Funny how what happens when you remove a bunch of bad calories from your diet on an almost daily basis. I'm 6'1 and 176 again, which is pretty much my ideal weight and where I've been most of my adult life. 

Anyway. Just wanted to check in and say 'thanks' to all of those with the courage to tell their stories. It really does make a difference, especially to guys like me who know they need to take a hard look in the mirror & give truthful answers to important questions.

 

[Celery Man 20931]

Talk of British drinking reminds me of this bbc 2 doc I watched a while back on the culture around drinking there. I suspect your friend would get along well with a lot of these folks 

 

[UpperWestside 6160]

On 10/30/2023 at 3:03 PM, TwiceHorn said:

Oh, that much is very true, but it doesn't need to be high-grade trauma by any stretch of the imagination.  There often is, and I don't mean to trivialize that at all.

What I meant by crutch is that some people with some trauma believe that if they address that with therapy or whatever, they can avoid doing addiction recovery.  And the always-difficult confrontation of the fact that you are an alcoholic or addict.  People just resist that with every fiber of their being.

Sorry if my message came across as disagreeing with anything you said. I find all of that to be true. Man is it a hard day to have to say you cannot control the beast and you either have to reach out for help or just put the stuff down cold turkey.
 

One of the activities I partake in quite a bit is attempting to understand how and why people are the way they are which inevitably leads me down a long line of questions I would have about their life. Sometimes the answers to those questions are right in front of my face and sometimes not. 

[UpperWestside 6160]

On 10/30/2023 at 2:23 PM, Celery Man said:

I’ve wondered a bit about that. I’m pretty sure I suffered from pancreatitis when i was drinking, and i thought my insides had turned to tar. I was surprised that the message seemed to be “you’re mostly fine” after my hospital stay. And I went through some tests and whatnot getting life insurance a year or so ago, was expecting the piper to come by. Lots of stuff that I can control there, but…. lots of stuff I just can’t at all. What a blessing to be able to set those worries down and get on with it.

 

I completely blew past my sobriety anniversary. 8 years before the day that this picture was taken, I was being checked into the hospital and was about to post some batshit stuff on shaggy, apparently

This is a beautiful picture and I am glad you are able to have made it to this point where you can enjoy life like this.

I ran across these things you are sitting on at The American Dream Mall on a trip over there one afternoon. My friends were off skiing and I had the misfortune to wander into what seemed like dozens of these things coming at me from every direction. I feel lucky to have survived the encounter! 😂

[Celery Man 20931]

2 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

This is a beautiful picture and I am glad you are able to have made it to this point where you can enjoy life like this.

I ran across these things you are sitting on at The American Dream Mall on a trip over there one afternoon. My friends were off skiing and I had the misfortune to wander into what seemed like dozens of these things coming at me from every direction. I feel lucky to have survived the encounter! 😂

Lulz precisely where we were, visiting my sister in Cliffside Park. What a zoo.

[The Royal We 3067]

13 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Talk of British drinking reminds me of this bbc 2 doc I watched a while back on the culture around drinking there. I suspect your friend would get along well with a lot of these folks 

 

I really enjoyed this, thank you for posting.

I do business with a lot of people from London and they really take it to a whole different level. It’s such a central part of their culture. I’ll be spending a few days with 15-20 of them next week at an annual golf trip and it’s always shocking how many “units” these dudes put away in a day. I stopped trying to keep up a few years ago, it was a hopeless effort that made for some really awful 8 am tee times. 

[hullabelew 3723]

On 10/29/2023 at 6:12 PM, Macanudo said:

I've been thinking about the last few posts on this thread for a few days.  I know that my rock bottom last year seems almost simple when compared to others.  It's all so relative.  And seeing the news about Matthew Perry really makes it sink in.   If he really was clean and sober and it was just a heart attack, well, that's a fate a lot of us addicts could see in the days to come.  The abuse doesn't have to kill you when you're drunk.    It can do it later.

 

I listened to him narrate his audio book.  He didn't "sound" sober then.  He had excuses for that when people mentioned it (I read it in one sitting).   
On the "Friends" episode when everyone was worried about him, he had excuses for that (dental surgery). 

The book was also as much about who he fucked, who he wanted to fuck, who fucked him over, etc.  I may have mentioned it early in this thread but I wouldn't recommend that book to anyone to read.  I felt worse after reading it.  Just gave me a dirty feeling.

All in all, a really sad story.  

 

  

[Brisketexan 105064]

15 hours ago, The Royal We said:

I really enjoyed this, thank you for posting.

I do business with a lot of people from London and they really take it to a whole different level. It’s such a central part of their culture. I’ll be spending a few days with 15-20 of them next week at an annual golf trip and it’s always shocking how many “units” these dudes put away in a day. I stopped trying to keep up a few years ago, it was a hopeless effort that made for some really awful 8 am tee times. 

Man....the limeys f'n DRINK.  Truly central to their culture.  We've traveled through northern Europe, hitting places that Brit tourists hit, and every one of them (Stockholm, Helsinki, Tallinn, etc.) has a whole visible industry geared towards hard-drinking Brit tourists.  Why is the biggest bar/restaurant in Old Town Tallinn an irish pub?  Yep.  Every tourist-y street in Stockholm, full of souvenirs aimed at drunk brits (stupid viking helmets, all writing in English), next to bars with all their signage in English.

It's kind of obnoxious.

[DallasHorn26 586]

15 hours ago, The Royal We said:

I really enjoyed this, thank you for posting.

I do business with a lot of people from London and they really take it to a whole different level. It’s such a central part of their culture. I’ll be spending a few days with 15-20 of them next week at an annual golf trip and it’s always shocking how many “units” these dudes put away in a day. I stopped trying to keep up a few years ago, it was a hopeless effort that made for some really awful 8 am tee times. 

I worked for a  small company based in a smaller town about 40 minutes outside of London and would visit the home office once a year and always looked forward to the nights out at the pubs because I could drink like I wanted to until 4am and not stand out too much.  I ran into the same locals at the pub almost every year I went and they recognized their "Texan Friend" every time I'd drop in.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

23 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

Sorry if my message came across as disagreeing with anything you said. I find all of that to be true. Man is it a hard day to have to say you cannot control the beast and you either have to reach out for help or just put the stuff down cold turkey.
 

One of the activities I partake in quite a bit is attempting to understand how and why people are the way they are which inevitably leads me down a long line of questions I would have about their life. Sometimes the answers to those questions are right in front of my face and sometimes not. 

Not at all. I just felt the need to soften the "crutch" thing with an explanation. I didn't take anything you said as disagreement. 

Sometimes writing slows it down, sometimes it doesn't, but one of my flaws is that things I say can come off as dickish or terse at best. I felt like that was one of those occasions. 

[UpperWestside 6160]

8 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Not at all. I just felt the need to soften the "crutch" thing with an explanation. I didn't take anything you said as disagreement. 

Sometimes writing slows it down, sometimes it doesn't, but one of my flaws is that things I say can come off as dickish or terse at best. I felt like that was one of those occasions. 

Not dickish or terse at all. I enjoy reading your posts on this site. You definitely cut through a lot of lawyerese in some threads that helps explain the judicial process. Same thing here as well.

I firmly believe that if you are unwilling to learn from the observations or experiences of others you are not only making poor use of your own time, but theirs as well. It’s okay to say someone else can not only have a different perspective, but can also be more educated and knowledgeable about a subject. I feel like I can safely speak for others here and say your posts are always appreciated. They are well thought out and reasoned and I believe people respond better to how you interact with each of us.

[Homercles 10205]

On 11/1/2023 at 11:30 PM, The Royal We said:

I really enjoyed this, thank you for posting.

I do business with a lot of people from London and they really take it to a whole different level. It’s such a central part of their culture. I’ll be spending a few days with 15-20 of them next week at an annual golf trip and it’s always shocking how many “units” these dudes put away in a day. I stopped trying to keep up a few years ago, it was a hopeless effort that made for some really awful 8 am tee times. 

“Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way”

[BearSchlong 8083]

I listened to him narrate his audio book.  He didn't "sound" sober then.  He had excuses for that when people mentioned it (I read it in one sitting).   
On the "Friends" episode when everyone was worried about him, he had excuses for that (dental surgery). 
The book was also as much about who he fucked, who he wanted to fuck, who fucked him over, etc.  I may have mentioned it early in this thread but I wouldn't recommend that book to anyone to read.  I felt worse after reading it.  Just gave me a dirty feeling.
All in all, a really sad story.  
 
  

Agreed. More of an expose of how sick he is than any compelling recovery story.

[UpperWestside 6160]

3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Agreed. More of an expose of how sick he is than any compelling recovery story.

I did not really follow his career other than watching him on Friends and a few movies, but what I have gathered is that he never got past his addictions. Life can be really messed up. I am still glad that he did try to help others out in similar circumstances even if he could not help himself. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

Cross posted for relevance:

From the NYT:

By Hank Azaria

Matthew Perry said that he wanted to be remembered as someone who helped people get sober, even more than he wanted to be remembered as a very funny, famous Friend. I think he’ll be remembered as both.

I know that I will always think of him that way. We met almost 40 years ago, and he was, by far, the funniest friend I ever had. He also was the person who helped me get sober.

He took me to my first A.A. meeting, in 2005. Matthew quit booze a few years before. He struggled with it, for sure. I didn’t need rehab, but I knew I had a very serious problem, so I called Matthew and asked him to take me to a meeting.

We went to this very big gathering in Brentwood, Calif. We walked in, and I swear it seemed there were a thousand people in there. He knew the look on my face — daunted. Beyond daunted: demoralized. It’s very hard to imagine how going into a room like that is somehow going to make you want to stop drinking or make you feel better. And he looked at me and said in his Matthew, half-joking, very loving way: “It’s something, isn’t it? God is a bunch of drunks together in a room.”

At the time, I didn’t know what he meant. I’ve since learned. He meant that as bad as we feel, as low as we go, we tend to feel we’re alone in it, whether our problem is alcoholism, a bad marriage, illness, depression, strife. We feel that we are the only one who has ever gone through it; in recovery we call it terminal uniqueness.

And it’s by going into a room with a few or a lot of other people and sharing, saying out loud what it is that’s upsetting us and hearing that from others that we feel, well, maybe we’re not alone. In fact, in time, what we become sure of is that the most unfortunate, terrible things we face are actually our greatest strength, as they connect us with others.

And so all that seemingly pointless suffering has a tremendous point.

He was telling me I needed the support of those people in the room. I needed their stories. I needed to lean on them. I needed to tell them, “I don’t think I can make it through the day without drinking.” And hear them say, “We didn’t, either.”

Matthew told me that, too. And, boy, Matthew was a living example. I saw close up how hard he would hit the bottle and pills. And I felt like, “Well, gosh, if he can stop, maybe I can.”

In his memoir, Matthew called addiction “the big terrible thing.” He also thought of alcoholism as a bully. Cunning, baffling and powerful — too powerful to take on alone. But if you have a bunch of guys with you, you can beat up the bully or at least make it a fair fight, one day at a time.

God is a bunch of drunks together in a room.

We talk a lot about a higher power in A.A. Everyone gets to define God as he or she defines God. It can be anything you want. My sponsor would say, “I don’t believe in some sky daddy.” That’s the way he put it. Like Matthew, he’d say his higher power was the wisdom of the group. He’d say, “I believe in the power of people being honest about how they’re struggling, connecting with each other and in loving each other.”

In A.A., I heard stories that were worse than mine — way worse. And yet these people were smiling and calm and connected and happy. I wanted that.

God was a bunch of drunks together in a room. I think of that phrase every single day.

I loved Matthew, and I leaned on him a lot in my early sobriety. I was lucky that Matthew was my guy because humor is a huge part of recovery. And he was a hilarious, hilarious man. As funny as he was on “Friends” — and he was — he was breathtakingly, hysterically unbelievable to be with in person. In any situation, he’d just start finding what was funny about it, beat it into the ground until it wasn’t funny anymore, take that as a challenge and then find a way to bring it back so that it was not just funny but riotous. Then it would get not funny again, and his attempts to make it so would border on annoying, until he’d somehow unlock it a third time and reduce you to tears of helpless glee. Many times I had to beg him to stop because it was physically painful to laugh that hard for that long.

Every time — and I do mean every time — we went to a McDonald’s drive-through, he would ask the person on the other side of the speaker, “Do you know what Grimace is?” After getting a “no,” he would offer, “I think it’s a purple shake that has no cup.” There was usually a pause followed by a very confused, “May I take your order, sir?”

Whenever we went into a public restroom together, I’d beg him — I’d say, “Please don’t do it, Matthew.” He’d say, “OK.” Then he would proceed to go into a stall and start making little high-pitched straining “ow” noises, that would build into a crescendo of a man full-volume screeching as if he were giving birth to whatever was coming out of him in there.

In recovery you know you’re getting better when you’re able to laugh at the things that before were so serious and shameful you didn’t think they could ever be repeated to anybody else, let alone laughed about. In fact, Step 5 in the program is you admit to God — there’s that word again — and to yourself and another human being the exact nature of your wrongs. Matthew and I did that for each other. We were able to say who we really were. A lot of times we did it through humor.

I was used to laughing with him over — I don’t want to say shallow things, but as the previous examples indicate, they were not exactly weighty, recovery-related items, either. What I was surprised by was the depths that he could go to in his profound understanding of human nature and human flaws — his own flaws and those of others. It gave him a lot of compassion for other people. Tragically, I think he had a lot more compassion for me and for everybody else than he did for himself.

He helped so many people; they got so much out of the fact that he was willing to be honest with them and loving toward them and share with them what he went through. As he ended up doing in his book.

Even writing this piece, talking this way about him, is an example of his legacy: the one that he preferred, about recovery. There’s a tradition in the program that you’re not supposed to speak at the public level about this stuff, and there are good reasons for it. But I have found over the years — and partly it was Matthew’s book that convinced me of this — that speaking publicly about addiction and A.A. does more good than harm. Because I think it’s really valuable for people to hear that folks like Matthew can struggle and that they can find help. And there’s no shame in asking for that help. There’s no shame in feeling that bad. And there’s no shame in getting help for feeling that bad.

I was unfortunate to have needed his help — or fortunate, depending on how you want to look at it. And certainly fortunate to have received that help and friendship directly from him. I was also a huge fan of his and felt the friendship that we all feel through “Friends.” I consider myself blessed that I got to experience both.

And I do want to say that if you go into recovery, while there will only ever be one of the real thing for me, you will find your own Matthew Perry. You’ll find someone to laugh with and connect with. You’ll find someone who understands your story. You’ll find someone who seems to care about you more than about him- or herself. I think Matthew would want folks to know that more than anything.

[pch 1259]

Thanks for the post bear.

[UpperWestside 6160]

I wanted to share this because perhaps some of this video can help or relate to some of us. Buss is pretty private about her life outside the Lakers, but her and her now husband Jay Mohr talk about addiction and the intervention she got for him. I have admired Buss for her business acumen as well as just being a good person so seeing her and Jay open up really cool.

 

[semitired 82]

Just checking in here...

Going through my 2nd round with AA. Coming off a major relapse four months ago that embarrassed the shit out of my family and friends, I figured I was overdue to get back to the steps. Doing something a little different this time, which has me involved in a 12step faith-base program, as well as AA. Zoom wasn't around the first time with AA, but it sure has helped this time around.

Love this thread.

[hullabelew 3723]

Good luck @semitired

[troph 24781]

PSA: sark’s press conference today was on fucking point. I love sober folks, I mean it. Self reflection and self awareness is a beautiful thing to see and to have. Different angles but we see eye to eye. I’ve said it many times you people and my people are some of the most self aware and self reflective people I’ve ever met. I adore my sober friends. Anyway go check out his press conference it’s nearly 35 minutes of sobriety goodness (starts slow with game recap etc but is on fire for all of the Q&A). There’s a thread on it on the football board. I posted about some of the highlights. Fired me up. It will you too I’m betting.

carry on…

Edited November 21, 2023 by troph

[hullabelew 3723]

@troph  That reminds me.  I was in an Allsups this past summer in a town whose primary industries are farming, ranching, oil and meth.  The girl behind the counter had probably had a tough life from the looks of her missing teeth and shitty tats.  

As I was leaving, I told her, "I hope you have a hassle-free day."   She said, "Me too, but if I don't, I'll still be able to deal with it."  I told her, "That right there is serenity in the wild."   The look in her eyes and the grin she shot back powered me for the rest of the day.  

[UpperWestside 6160]

A guy that’s a bartender where I work had several drinks when we went out after we got off. They got me a Diet Coke, but I always drink coffee when I go with folks to bars to hangout. He tells me later that he wished he could stop the drinking and just go out without needing to have alcohol. I think he told me that he and his husband are separated so I am sure that adds to how he is feeling right now.

I did not give him a long speech I just told him that when he is ready to stop he will know and that the decision is his to make. I attempt most of the time not to share too much about when I quit drinking because each situation is different when it comes to putting alcohol away for good. 

[BearSchlong 8083]

Arrived early at the men’s meeting tonight, and was looking through the cabinet for the meeting binder when I found some Al Anon literature.

[Celery Man 20931]

artwork is reminiscent of what is, in retrospect, another drunk classic

 

the other day I was referred to an xkcd comic by engineering and saw an ad for an xkcd book and thought "i'd enjoy reading that book" and went to amazon where i found that I had purchased the kindle version in 2014, so I opened Kindle on my phone and searched for the book and found how far i had made it into the book and it was the goddamn acknowledgments.  I purchased and read an entire book with with no recollection of it whatsoever, and honestly I'm pretty sure there are a number of them in that library like that.

[Ashylarry 255]

Realized the other day that I missed my 4 year anniversary

I don't think about it that much anymore, it seems like a different life of a different person. 

 

[YGIFS 19449]

I hope to get to that point one day.  I know some folks in my inner circle that just kinda roll by milestone dates without even realizing it.  And others who every single day is a paramount achievement, a summit they mark on each turn.  I dunno where I fit in, but sometimes a few weeks seems like the blink of an eye.  Other times, one day feels like an eternity.  Here's to a positive December, I know I could really use one...