I'm An Alcoholic

[hornbri 1401]

One day at a time, I don’t count days, or really mark milestones.

But every day I make sure to think and acknowledge it is one day at a time. 

[Wilcox Cummingtonite 3031]

Picked up my 1 year chip on 11/11. AA fellowship and working the steps with my sponsor have quite literally saved my life. 

Looking forward to my second holiday season without the poison. 

One day at a time. 

[YGIFS 19452]

Awesome news, fellow Surly drunkard.  Just chiming in like the asshole that I am to say last holiday season, I had started down the path of sobriety a few months before.  And just want to say I am still very grateful for the advice and wisdom, and in some cases-personal conversations with some of y'all to help me on my way.  I had two tough relapses last holiday season.  One around Thanksgiving and one around New Years.  Who knows what this day, week, month, holiday season will bring?  But have to handle myself each day.  I really do thank many of you from my heart.  My wife worries about me this time of year, as do I.  I'm getting back to more journaling and meetings and the work.  It never goes away.  There's just those times where you go days or weeks without even thinking about it.  Not that it's easy, but time can just go by-drunk or sober, good bad or indifferent.  And then there's hours or even minutes that just click as an eternity.  Had breakfast yesterday with an old friend who hit a rough patch this time a year ago.  Something that could just as easily happen to me.  We talked football and kids and he made a quick mention at the end about his own struggle with drinking and asked me, tacitly, for some advice.  I'm just not in a place to offer any but I just emphasized the old cliche.  We gotta start somewhere.  We gotta acknowledge what's going on and what's not going on.  Opening up about it and then listening to others is what opened my eyes.  I really don't fucking get how people did this before meetings and the internet and cell phone calls to friends in recovery.  I'll still probably die, but I know I'd already be dead if not for support networks.  

I laughed last night.  Wife's sister was asking her advice on how to throw a fun holiday party for her employees.  And wife started talking to me about it as well, "She wants to a festive cocktail, like spiked cider or cocoa station with booze or egg nog...or?"  And he paused and was like, "Sorry honey, didn't mean to bring up alcohol at the holidays around you.  I'll google some stuff."  And I just grinned and offered some suggestions on how to do a nice hot cocoa spread with boozy and non-boozy add-ons.  Talking about alcohol and being around alcohol were never my problem sweetheart.  Being me and being me around people are my trigger.  I can always walk past a hot cocoa with bourbon station at Christmas.  I can never walk out of my own skull.  That's my preoccupation.  That's my mission.  Thanks to those who've helped me with that path.  

[BottleRocket 647]

Can't let this thread drop off Page 1 during the holidays!  You can find your daily dose being served up by Gregg Allman around 6:30 in.  I will have have 7 years sober on 12/26 thanks to you Surly drunks and a great group @Westlake.   Join me in not drinking today.

 

 

 

[YGIFS 19452]

I know it's anonymous but so is "Bottle Rocket."  Do you go to the group behind Barton Oaks Plaza?  I go there in person sometimes, more frequently on zoom.  It was literally the first meeting I ever attended in July of 2022.  

Anyways, Happy Holidays ya bastards.  Once again yesterday, had the talk with the wife about being at holiday parties (last night, tonight, and then Christmas Eve at my cousins' in the Hill Country).  Worried about being around all that booze for me.  Still don't know how to communicate, "End of the year is a shitshow for work, kids are home for 2.5 weeks and already fighting, not sure what January will bring, mom's pulling her usual holiday drama bullshit, we just brought our oldest home from Dell Children's thank the Lord so we don't have to spend Christmas in a hospital, we're still scrambling for presents for the kids, I've been having a few mental rewiring reverbs lately, been stress eating and probably gained back 10 of the 40 pounds I've lost since quitting, but yeah-the free Egg Nog & Kaluha at the neighbors is my biggest issue right now."  Hallelujah, holy shit, where's the Tylenol?  

I gotta do a meeting tomorrow before I head to my family's place.  One-I need it.  Two-they are raging alcoholics.  Third-if not for my kids, I've always fucking hated Christmas since I was about 12.  

[pch 1259]

I remember my first Christmas after attending meetings in September 1993.  While I didn't drink for nearly four months, I did not get a sponsor and therefore did not work the steps.  On Christmas Eve, I was out shopping for last minute gifts for my wife who went with me to that first meeting and took the suggestions of sponsor/steps and stayed sober to this day.  On my shopping trip, I happened by one of my old package stores which was next door to a 7/11.  Euphoric recall set in and I felt that having not taken a drink in such a long period of time, I could stop in and buy a pint of my favorite adult beverage, which I did.  Then proceeded to the 7/11 for a big gulp for mixing purposes.  You already know about the progressive nature of the disease so I won't continue to the part where I came home after midnight, stumbled up the stairs, wrapped her gifts in newspaper because I couldn't find the xmas wrap, and then passed out in the bathroom after hurling my mexican dinner.  I got another silver chip the next day but repeated the same mistake expecting different results (no sponsor,no steps, no chance of sobriety) and then finally in 1998 I could no longer live that way.  April 28, 1998-25+ years ago I put the plug in the jug, embraced the life saving suggestions, and haven't had a drink of alcohol since.  My wife has stayed sober since that first meeting in 1993 and we are both eternally grateful to have found the solution after suffering the problem for far too long.  The men I sponsor have added to the psychic change and spiritual awakening that has continued one day at a time.  Merry Christmas to all of you on this thread and if you are ever in Fort Worth, look me up at the 7am Harbor Club meeting.

Len J.

[YGIFS 19452]

Euphoric recall is a good term.  I use muscle memory, but that captures it even better.  

And when I am in Fort Worth to see wife's family, I often get tempted because while they are lovely people...they are just content to literally sit in one of two rooms and just banter about nothing upon nothing.  And that's when my brain starts getting into deep introspection which is dangerous for me.  I'm not wired like them, really like almost everyone---not special, just different.  We were up there for Thanksgiving/Early Christmas---12 of us.  8 days.  Just moaning on and on about nothing.  Not like funny Seinfeld-ian "nothing", but literally just a running commentary of what they saw whilst looking around the room.  Like driving a senile older person in a loop around town "Oh, look that three looks so nice.  And that coffee pot, how do you work it?  I guess we'll make something in that air fryer lately.  How does that TV get FoxNews without cable?  I guess I should get a coaster for my water.  Should we make iced tea?  The dog is barking a lot.  It looks windy outside."  For 8 goddamn fucking days.  We don't have to get into an ontological debate but I can't contribute to that kinda shit sober, holy shit. 

  So yeah, I'm hitting up that meeting next time I'm up that way.  Thanks, happy Christmas to you and yours.   

 

[pch 1259]

2 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

 

  So yeah, I'm hitting up that meeting next time I'm up that way.  Thanks, happy Christmas to you and yours.   

 

I'm there around 6:30 every morning and will buy the coffee.  Ignore the Starbucks on University which is right behind us because the meeting before the meeting is much better and the coffee is too.😎

 

[YGIFS 19452]

Shit, wife's sister and BiL aren't too far from there (where we sit and stare and sleep so we have the strength to get up the next day to sit and stare).  I've been to that Starbuck's many times when up that way.  Will definitely hit you up. 

I zoomed a couple that week when we were visiting with the rest of her clan in from Kansas.  But I did it discretely at the library down the street because I knew everybody would have to make two passes by me to ask what I was listening to/watching with my earbuds.  But I need in-person meetings when I'm with them (and many other times as well).  They're old-school German, Great Plains Catholics, you don't ask for help--you bury the problem and to get help is to show sinfulness.  I guess I'd just tell my wife I'm meeting a friend and hope she'd understand.  Because my follow-up would be, "First off-I need this and those folks need me, we're in together---that's the whole point.  Second-I'd rather hear about the worst days of a group of stranger's life than listen to your sisters keep talking about making lectin-free bread!  I don't even know what the fuck that means, if it doesn't have lectin or gluten, it isn't bread.  It's fermented flour which means I can eat the bowel and get fucked up.  So it's either that or I'm going to meet pch and his group, whoever the hell they are!"  

[UpperWestside 6185]

Because of what I do for a living I have this conversation regularly. I don’t volunteer information too often as I am fairly private with what I do in life, but invariably conversations about drinking come up. I explained to someone I work with this week how I put down alcohol and why and they talked about how they do not get drunk each day, but they will have a drink. It’s just an ingrained part of restaurant culture to drink. I don’t tell anyone my opinion about drinking. I attempt to show it is possible to do this job without drinking yourself into an early grave and hopefully other folks can see that and perhaps come to the same realization at some point in their journey through life. 

[UpperWestside 6185]

I think this story is probably most appropriate for this thread. On Christmas Eve I worked all day and towards the end of the night a family of four comes in. They’re from Texas and live in Desoto. The parents are clearly from the sticks and the mom tells me she went to Emory Rains HS and I am familiar with them. I ask them all for their drinks and the dad wants an Old Fashioned. Mom clearly does not want him to have the drink because his doctor told him he needs to quit drinking recently.
 

In the things your boss would probably tell you to never do I decided to tell them the short version of my aunt’s story. She was a nurse for 33 years. Her boyfriend for the last fifteen years or so of her life was a guy from Stratford and he liked to drink. A LOT. My aunt went down the rabbit hole with him and drank as much as he did. She knew better as a nurse. Her life ended in January of 2021 because her liver gave out. Upon hearing that story the man still wants a drink because he’s in NYC with his family for Christmas. He gets his drink. At the end of the meal he tells me it tasted like medicine and he couldn’t drink it. The wife got what she wanted after all. They were a very pleasant family and I had a great conversation with the wife about Dallas and the years I lived there. They all left in a good mood and dad still tipped well even though he did not get to drink. I hope that he stops drinking and maybe that moment helps him out.

[BearSchlong 8108]

Thoughts and prayers for those who still suffer.

https://abc7amarillo.com/amp/news/local/ring-in-2024-sober-texas-liquor-laws-may-leave-new-years-celebrations-dry-san-antonio-texas-sunday-hurry-alcohol-purchase

As you might know, liquor stores in Texas are not open on Sundays. However, in addition to Sundays, stores are prohibited from selling alcohol on selected holidays as well including New Year’s, which is Monday in 2024.

Local liquor store owners say if you don’t act fast before Saturday night you'll be left without alcohol for 61 hours.

[BurgleBro 799]

Doing a dry January.  First time since 2018.  

This Sucks!  Craving keeps hitting at end of the afternoon when I plant my ass on the couch and want to watch a movie etc...

Sleep has already improved however.  And I'm having very vivid dreams. 

 

[YGIFS 19452]

1 minute ago, BurgleBro said:

Doing a dry January.  First time since 2018.  

This Sucks!  Craving keeps hitting at end of the afternoon when I plant my ass on the couch and want to watch a movie etc...

Sleep has already improved however.  And I'm having very vivid dreams. 

 

Coincidence you said that about dreams.  Mine have been super lucid lately.  And I kinda sit back and watch them, metaphorically, like "I remember when i couldn't remember this because I was passed out."  It's a good thing that the cravings are hitting you late afternoon actually, FWIW.  Mine would come in the middle of the night/early morning and that was not a good sign.  It was my withdrawals, not my consumption that really is/was the red flag for me.  

I've said this on here before but I am still far afield in terms of step-work.  I have, fortunately for me, a foundational basis in higher power and service.  It was something I did long before I had a problem.  So I could lean into those early on in recover.  Plus adding this thread, meetings, sponsor conversations, therapy, writing, etc.  But just today, I realized I need to make a switch.  For 18 months, have been doing breakfast service and cleaning kitchen at wife's church for the families and older folks after mass.  It also helped me tune out Sundays which were usually a day of hangovers and regret.  But as much as I get out of it, I am going to discuss with my wife that I need to replace it with going to the Sunday morning meeting near me instead of zooming one later that day.  Make it my new Sunday ritual.  Gotta figure out what to tell the kids, but I want to try it out for a few months in 2024.  There's no magic bullet for meetings, but I just feel like the quiet time by myself at a meeting to start off the week may be more beneficial than some rushed zoom on a Wednesday night after a long day of work where I'm even really paying attention.  I want to find a better way to start the week and her catholic guilt lecture isn't really doing it for me.  And I'll fine more hours in the week to give back and serve, I always do especially between the kids' schools and other non-profits I serve.  I dunno, it's just something I want to try this year to see how it reboots my week.  Sundays and Mondays were tough for me for a number of  years.  We'll see......

Peace be with y'all in 2024.  Miles to go before we sleep.  And many promises that we must keep...

[BurntEyes 6008]

Haven't been around here in a while. Life has been largely fantastic outside of some work bullshit. Got a dog after a long time. Today marks 10 years since I died from a head injury directly related to an overly excessive BAC which precipitated a fall down some stairs.

10 years since I last drank. Doing my best to be grateful for everyday. My work takes me to a lot of happy hours. I no longer explain why I don't drink, just that I choose not to. The world seem to be growing ever more open to making the simple choice NOT to drink. Its nice, and my sober decade has been trying but wonderful.

I never stop learning and grow a little everyday. I believe in open communications with words of affirmation and willingness to address issues with kindness. I also focus on listening with an open mind and willingness to align to others needs, within reason.

I'm a better human than I was while drinking. I'm more alive and happier.

It's a good day to have woken up and I look forward to tomorrow. 

[YGIFS 19452]

^

Well said.  Being drunk isn't all it's cracked up to be.  But you know what, neither is sobriety.  But sobriety is like 3% better than drunkenness.  And that slight margin of light is only visible to a few of us, and then to an even fewer of the people close to us.  So yeah, fuck it.  I guess I choose that sliver.  It's hard, but then again---every other fucking thing in life is too.  

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Or like 97% better for this guy, but insanely…

This story has me floored.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/oklahoma-dad-flees-car-crash-leaving-dying-teen-daughter-vodka-pills-behind-report
 

Fox now requires an email for most of their stuff.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12976761/amp/oklahoma-father-flees-crash-scene-daughter-killed-elliot-binney-shelby.html

[TwiceHorn 31520]

8 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

Or like 97% better for this guy, but insanely…

This story has me floored.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/oklahoma-dad-flees-car-crash-leaving-dying-teen-daughter-vodka-pills-behind-report
 

Fox now requires an email for most of their stuff.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12976761/amp/oklahoma-father-flees-crash-scene-daughter-killed-elliot-binney-shelby.html

Cripes.

[hornbri 1401]

39 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

Or like 97% better for this guy, but insanely…

This story has me floored.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/oklahoma-dad-flees-car-crash-leaving-dying-teen-daughter-vodka-pills-behind-report
 

Fox now requires an email for most of their stuff.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12976761/amp/oklahoma-father-flees-crash-scene-daughter-killed-elliot-binney-shelby.html

What a horrible story and also a good reminder of what can happen. 

[BearSchlong 8108]

@pch stuck in DFW for an extra day, I'll probably be at Harbor for the 7 am meeting tomorrow.

Went to Chicago group (in Dallas) last week to see some conference friends. That's a cool hybrid speaker/podium group.

Sunday I hit 13 years. Grateful for that.

[pch 1259]

3 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

@pch stuck in DFW for an extra day, I'll probably be at Harbor for the 7 am meeting tomorrow.

Went to Chicago group (in Dallas) last week to see some conference friends. That's a cool hybrid speaker/podium group.

Sunday I hit 13 years. Grateful for that.

I'll see you there!  Congratulations on your latest miracle.

 

[UpperWestside 6185]

I just saw the film Memory. I think this is a film many of y’all would like. Jessica Chastain is an alcoholic that has been sober for 13 years and she meets a man that changes her life. It’s a complex film, but it is really good. There are some scenes with AA meetings in it and overall this was such a good film to watch. I hope a few of y’all get to see it.

 

 

[YGIFS 19452]

I'm gonna check that movie out.  Thanks for the rec.  Hope y'all are off to a good start in 2024.  I resolved to be more disciplined with meetings and stepwork this year, but of course---am failing miserably.  But continuing some good habits like writing, service, and higher power and being there for my wife.  Can always do better.  

If anybody is ever in Austin and hits up the meetings behind Barton Oaks Plaza off of South MoPac, PM me.  Would like to connect in person.  I could use it.  But thanks to this digital community for many reasons.  And thanks to my real life network of support.  I guess this ride never stops but I pray it gets more tolerable.  Be well and thanks again.  

[BearSchlong 8108]

I'll see you there!  Congratulations on your latest miracle.
 

Thanks again for the hospitality! Was great to meet you, and as always, a great way to kick off the day.

[Celery Man 20991]

I miss the 10 o’clock meetings next to the catfish parlour.  There’s no good late night rough around the edges meeting here.

[pch 1259]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Thanks again for the hospitality! Was great to meet you, and as always, a great way to kick off the day.

Thanks for making the drive over from Dallas. The Harbor Group 7am here in FW has been my daily start now for 25+ years and meeting you in person after meeting you here makes it even more enjoyable.  Keep up the good work down in the Golden Triangle one day at a time.

[Kennythetiger 9424]

17 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

I just saw the film Memory. I think this is a film many of y’all would like. Jessica Chastain is an alcoholic that has been sober for 13 years and she meets a man that changes her life. It’s a complex film, but it is really good. There are some scenes with AA meetings in it and overall this was such a good film to watch. I hope a few of y’all get to see it.

 

 

Thank you for the suggestion.  Will check it out. 
For much lighter entertainment, I like to watch an episode of “Mom” every now and then. Had a thing for Allison Janney ever since she was C.J. Cregg. 

[UpperWestside 6185]

Last year upon meeting @BearSchlong, we discovered we share the same day we left alcohol behind. I am four years out now and I reflect more back at life and what has transpired, especially the last four years. I went to church on Sunday and even though I only understand bits and pieces of the sermon (It is a Brazilian Baptist church and they are all from Rio and São Paulo.) I love going because it is peaceful and I learn more of the Portuguese language each trip.

I go there because the woman that kept me alive the last night I drank was my ex-girlfriend’s mother. Talking to her that night kept me from drinking more than I already did, which was a lot as I discovered the next morning. Every year I thank her and can never fully repay her kind act. She has been so helpful and caring the last four years. She could’ve told me to kick rocks when he daughter sent me packing, but she did not and I am very thankful.

i do not go to meetings because being autistic I do not enjoy sitting in groups of people. I can work as a server and manage that, but sitting on my own like that is too much. I do know that AA is an incredible resource for those of y’all who go. Thank you also to those of you willing to share your journey here. It helps me better understand people and how life can come tumbling down on us all. The best thing about that is getting the opportunity to get back up and do better each day. 

Edited January 25 by UpperWestside

[BearSchlong 8108]

That's right!!! Happy birthday bro!

If you ever wanted to sample a meeting, early morning in the basement of the church in the shadow of the Citibank building is a pretty chill one. The “Citi” group lol.

You're a damned good egg.

My goal is to meet every participant on this thread someday.

[UpperWestside 6185]

22 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

That's right!!! Happy birthday bro!

If you ever wanted to sample a meeting, early morning in the basement of the church in the shadow of the Citibank building is a pretty chill one. The “Citi” group lol.

You're a damned good egg.

My goal is to meet every participant on this thread someday.

Since you give it a good recommendation I will look it up and go by there since it’s not far from work or where I live. Hope all is well with you and your family. Be blessed man.

[wackawacka 179]

Sending positive vibes. Been close to ~2.5+ years sober from alcohol. I don't count the days but definitely abused alcohol to manage stress from work and life. 

Want to mostly pile on there is a wide range of ways to be sober that isn't AA strict. No shade to those who do and have been to plenty AA meetings myself.

I got to a point that I just no longer needed that support and found healthier ways to cope.

Kudos to all in this thread and prayers for those still working towards their recovery.

 

Edited January 28 by wackawacka

[ztejas 43526]

I need some fucking help, man.

[ztejas 43526]

I had 17 or 18 white claws last night. I got to work an hour late. I drank a white claw on my way there. I went to the liquor store at lunch - I'm drinking in my car right now.

This isn't going in a good direction.

I don't know what to do. What I haven't done is go put my ass in a chair at an in-person meeting. I feel like that's always the answer. They tell us there is a solution - not there are some solutions. 

There's just a part of me really, really fighting the AA shit and I don't know what to do about it.

[BearSchlong 8108]

The magic words.

Pm sent.

Call me.

[DalTxHornFan 3114]

11 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I had 17 or 18 white claws last night. I got to work an hour late. I drank a white claw on my way there. I went to the liquor store at lunch - I'm drinking in my car right now.

This isn't going in a good direction.

I don't know what to do. What I haven't done is go put my ass in a chair at an in-person meeting. I feel like that's always the answer. They tell us there is a solution - not there are some solutions. 

There's just a part of me really, really fighting the AA shit and I don't know what to do about it.

You are on the right thread. Listen to these guys.

[ztejas 43526]

@BearSchlong extended his # and we talked for a half hour. Good guy. 

I'm still real fucked up I can use all the help I can get. 

Where is @BurntEyes at. 

[YGIFS 19452]

Not judging, but how you do drink 18 white claws?  The burping alone would make me explode.  

Sorry you're going through this, but we've all been there.  BearSchlong is a great place to start.  I think we may have met once at a tailgate, but not sure.  I was just getting into sobriety.  But if you're in Austin and want to hit up a meeting, lemme know.  Be happy to go with you or just point you in the right direction and let you remain anonymous.  Listen to the vets on here, not me.  But I would add one tidbit.  Go in person to start.  You can zoom them down the road, but honestly man, to just sit and listen in person...it is the most cathartic thing.  To just here people speak out loud next to you about the shit in rattling in your head is so damn helpful.  I have no idea about your situation, none of my business.  Maybe 17 White Claws is a nice one-off Tuesday or a huge red flag.  I dunno.  But if you're posting here, listen to these fellas and if you're in Austin, PM me.  I am in no position at all to offer any advice or diagnosis but will help you get started in any way that I can.  

[ztejas 43526]

1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

Not judging, but how you do drink 18 white claws?  The burping alone would make me explode.  

Sorry you're going through this, but we've all been there.  BearSchlong is a great place to start.  I think we may have met once at a tailgate, but not sure.  I was just getting into sobriety.  But if you're in Austin and want to hit up a meeting, lemme know.  Be happy to go with you or just point you in the right direction and let you remain anonymous.  Listen to the vets on here, not me.  But I would add one tidbit.  Go in person to start.  You can zoom them down the road, but honestly man, to just sit and listen in person...it is the most cathartic thing.  To just here people speak out loud next to you about the shit in rattling in your head is so damn helpful.  I have no idea about your situation, none of my business.  Maybe 17 White Claws is a nice one-off Tuesday or a huge red flag.  I dunno.  But if you're posting here, listen to these fellas and if you're in Austin, PM me.  I am in no position at all to offer any advice or diagnosis but will help you get started in any way that I can.  

Thanks Lobo. We have not met in person. I'd be happy to hit a meeting at somepoint.

[YGIFS 19452]

If we haven’t met in person, consider yourself blessed.

if you’re in Austin, I’d suggest the Wallingwood 5:30p but anything is a good start.  There’s so much else to do and deal with but this thread and a few meetings were really a helpful start for me.  I knew some folks in recovery as well but to just sit and listen, I had no idea how helpful that could be.  
 

to reiterate two points, in a good way.  
There is nowhere near the stigma around recovery as we used to think there was.  Almost everyone is either helpful or indifferent.  And there’s resources all around us.  We just didn’t see them yet.  Godspeed.  Lemme know if I can help along the way. 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

4 hours ago, ztejas said:

I had 17 or 18 white claws last night. I got to work an hour late. I drank a white claw on my way there. I went to the liquor store at lunch - I'm drinking in my car right now.

This isn't going in a good direction.

I don't know what to do. What I haven't done is go put my ass in a chair at an in-person meeting. I feel like that's always the answer. They tell us there is a solution - not there are some solutions. 

There's just a part of me really, really fighting the AA shit and I don't know what to do about it.

 

Smartest guy in the room syndrome. I suffer from that as well.

But one thing I'm grateful for is that I have been to hundreds if not thousands of meetings. I'm not religious, but I love AA, at least AA done well, which is most places.

But to scoff at the senility or absurdness of others in the program does require you to put your butt in a chair, not Zoom. From there it's not that far of a stretch to think, "Well, I'm going to prove this is all bullshit and not a guaranteed promise..." Progress.

Other solutions out there are will power, Religion, Naltrexone, The Sinclair Method, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, In Patient Rehab, Homelessness, Etc. But AA will always be there if can find and embrace humility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 2 by JohnnyRage

[BurntEyes 6008]

4 hours ago, ztejas said:

@BearSchlong extended his # and we talked for a half hour. Good guy. 

I'm still real fucked up I can use all the help I can get. 

Where is @BurntEyes at. 

Posted here back on 1/9 my 10 year.

[Celery Man 20991]

6 hours ago, ztejas said:

I had 17 or 18 white claws last night. I got to work an hour late. I drank a white claw on my way there. I went to the liquor store at lunch - I'm drinking in my car right now.

This isn't going in a good direction.

I don't know what to do. What I haven't done is go put my ass in a chair at an in-person meeting. I feel like that's always the answer. They tell us there is a solution - not there are some solutions. 

There's just a part of me really, really fighting the AA shit and I don't know what to do about it.

Stop fighting and give up completely. I promise you that you can be the smartest asshole in the room again, you will get to do that and you will be the same version of yourself that you like to be. but for now and for a while you need to take a break and spend some time listening and saying “OK” to whatever the sober people tell you. It’s not going to get better on its own and you’re not the kind of drinker who is going to just set it down all on your own.

[BurntEyes 6008]

16 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

 

Smartest guy in the room syndrome. I suffer from that as well.

But one thing I'm grateful for is that I have been to hundreds if not thousands of meetings. I'm not religious, but I love AA, at least AA done well, which is most places.

But to scoff at the senility or absurdness of others in the program does require you to put your butt in a chair, not Zoom. From there it's not that far of a stretch to think, "Well, I'm going to prove this is all bullshit and not a guaranteed promise..." Progress.

Other solutions out there are will power, Religion, Naltrexone, The Sinclair Method, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, In Patient Rehab, Homelessness, Etc. But AA will always be there if can find and embrace humility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm always the smartest guy in the room. 

I remember back, particularly to my time in Chicago (my heaviest drinking period) thinking, "The fuck else am I going to do on a Friday night. (Or Friday morning, whatever) It a Friday, I got a job and fuck all else to do."

I truly felt like I was empowering myself. Seriously. Not realizing that I was actually just an addict, I saw it as my "standing free".

Yeah.. so @ztejas as the smartest man in the whole damn city, empower yourself to show the idiots here how powerful you really are, go to meeting on the reg. Show those idiots how smart you are and how much you don't need them.

I dare you.

Also, you have my number, I truly and fully encourage you to use it whenever. 

Shit man, you want to come to my compound in the woods for a bit, not liquor, come on out.

[TwiceHorn 31520]

17 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Stop fighting and give up completely. I promise you that you can be the smartest asshole in the room again, you will get to do that and you will be the same version of yourself that you like to be. but for now and for a while you need to take a break and spend some time listening and saying “OK” to whatever the sober people tell you. It’s not going to get better on its own and you’re not the kind of drinker who is going to just set it down all on your own.

That's pretty much it.

Sounds like you're getting to where you can't live with it, can't live without it.  That's about the time you come to this point.

I remember about the time I finally got it, this guy said "I finally decided, well, if they told me to stand on the street corner and wave at red cars, I was gonna stand on the street corner and wave at red cars."

[YGIFS 19452]

csb/ I'm in Rowling Hall on Wednesday this week on campus.  If you know the building, you know it's pretty sprawling with lots of coves and balconies.  Wife and I are in the midst of yet just another wonderful rough patch.  Then I have an absolutely shit-tastic work thing happen that evening.  The building at this hour (6:00p or so) is mostly empty.  Maybe 10 MBA students and 10 faculty'staff.  So I just freak the fuck out up on the 5th floor.  If I had been on the first floor, I probably would have walked right out the door to that Twin Liquors on Lavaca.  But I just scream and punch shit.  Go into the bathroom and kick the stall door.  Just a miserable blow-up.  Realize, I at least---even if I miraculously avoid alcohol---still have to get my car and get home at some point.  So I'm done yelling, I sit for a minute and lower my heart-rate and pray.  But I'm still livid.

Finally get my act together and take the elevator down to the first floor and don't encounter a soul.  I hear a guy behind me and turn around and it's funny because he looks a lot like my college roommate who is also in recovery.  He asks me "Hey sir, were just up on the 5th floor?"  And I'm still salty as fuck and just mumble, "I don't fucking know, why?"  He replies, "Just wanted to see if you're okay, if you need any help?"  And it totally calmed me down.  I forget that there is help all around us.  I thanked him, and went and sat again and breathed and prayed.  And finally drove home safely.  Had dinner with the kids, put them to bed, and went for a long walk and to sleep early.  It was a pleasant ending to an otherwise shitty day.

Today is a different nightmare.  I've talked to my sponsor and a friends in recovery a lot over the last 48 hours because I guess I''m still noticing what a fucked up situation I'm in now that I'm relatively sober.  My wife and I fucking hate one another and I don't know what the fuck to do.  I knew my problem was easily capable of ruining our marriage.  I didn't realize sobriety has basically the same effect.  I was just masking it.  The time machine metaphor.  If anybody has had just as much trouble with marriage sober than they did drunk.  Please PM your number, I need some guidance.  Thanks.  

[TwiceHorn 31520]

On 2/9/2024 at 2:22 PM, YGIFS said:

csb/ I'm in Rowling Hall on Wednesday this week on campus.  If you know the building, you know it's pretty sprawling with lots of coves and balconies.  Wife and I are in the midst of yet just another wonderful rough patch.  Then I have an absolutely shit-tastic work thing happen that evening.  The building at this hour (6:00p or so) is mostly empty.  Maybe 10 MBA students and 10 faculty'staff.  So I just freak the fuck out up on the 5th floor.  If I had been on the first floor, I probably would have walked right out the door to that Twin Liquors on Lavaca.  But I just scream and punch shit.  Go into the bathroom and kick the stall door.  Just a miserable blow-up.  Realize, I at least---even if I miraculously avoid alcohol---still have to get my car and get home at some point.  So I'm done yelling, I sit for a minute and lower my heart-rate and pray.  But I'm still livid.

Finally get my act together and take the elevator down to the first floor and don't encounter a soul.  I hear a guy behind me and turn around and it's funny because he looks a lot like my college roommate who is also in recovery.  He asks me "Hey sir, were just up on the 5th floor?"  And I'm still salty as fuck and just mumble, "I don't fucking know, why?"  He replies, "Just wanted to see if you're okay, if you need any help?"  And it totally calmed me down.  I forget that there is help all around us.  I thanked him, and went and sat again and breathed and prayed.  And finally drove home safely.  Had dinner with the kids, put them to bed, and went for a long walk and to sleep early.  It was a pleasant ending to an otherwise shitty day.

Today is a different nightmare.  I've talked to my sponsor and a friends in recovery a lot over the last 48 hours because I guess I''m still noticing what a fucked up situation I'm in now that I'm relatively sober.  My wife and I fucking hate one another and I don't know what the fuck to do.  I knew my problem was easily capable of ruining our marriage.  I didn't realize sobriety has basically the same effect.  I was just masking it.  The time machine metaphor.  If anybody has had just as much trouble with marriage sober than they did drunk.  Please PM your number, I need some guidance.  Thanks.  

i'm no specific help, but this is not uncommon.  The dynamics change.  For the sober drunk, the reason is fairly obvious in that you are present and accounted for in your family and marriage.  Similarly, you are now present for your spouse, for better or worse.  Spouses sometimes get in a pattern of enablement because, for all of the havoc you may cause drunk, you are more manageable drunk than sober and don't have to be dealt with on a fully sentient basis.

Again, that's not specific help, but I think we all find it oddly comforting that our situation is not unique.

In a lot of ways, this is just another of the "personal evolutions" that occur in a long-term relationship.  You may find some insight in the big book chapter To Wives, starting at p. 117.

Also, more personal, I sense that you are taking a lot of blame for your illness and the resulting problems in your relationship.  Remember that you did not choose to be an alcoholic.  You have chosen to seek help.  You've done what you can do on that end of it. 

[YGIFS 19452]

Thanks man, I read this after church/volunteering this morning and it was a nice cherry on top.  

I'm sure at some point today, wife will ask me if it's gonna be hard for me to not drink during the Super Bowl.  Then I'll have to remind her that I think we've watched maybe 3 Super Bowls in the 20+ years we've been together.  Then she'll remind me that I drank almost all those Sundays in between.  And I gotta pull the Kramer meme, "(clicking sound), That's true!"    

[Macanudo 13005]

Passed a milestone today...  2 Years.   Or 24 months.  Or 104 weeks.  Or 730 Days.  Or however you slice it.  2 years of sobriety.   I still think about drinking and wondering if I could handle drinking moderately.  But I'm sticking with the sobriety because I don't want to take a chance that I spiral back into the hole I have dug out of.  

The past two years have had some real challenges outside of drinking (personal and professional) and I feel really good about facing those things sober and in control.   Tomorrow is another day so easy does it.

[Zepol87 9189]

Checking in…. I was going to give up alcohol for lent anyway or try to at least but traveling weekly for work has been rough. Hit the hotel bar a little hard last night in Atlanta and in drunken assholeness said some shit I shouldn’t have to the gf on FaceTime, I don’t remember everything honestly so I know I went too hard. She’s rightfully pissed off and her 9 yo son heard a few things I said so it is making it worse. If I can do this it would be the longest I’ve gone without drinking since bootcamp. Wish me luck

[BearSchlong 8108]

Ouch, and good luck.

My stepbrother has a friend who he is trying to point to rehab.

In the last month, he's been banned from the Little League field/organization for being wasted around kids, is about to be thrown off a pretty prestigious charity board for simulating fellatio on another board member, and then did shots at another family event and had a loud discussion about myths, generalizations, and penis-size with the only black guy in attendance.

He's rich and writes big checks but is about to wear out his welcome in polite society.

I chortled. Gave my stepbrother the phone number to La Hacienda and said good luck. He is so obsessed with polite decorum so if anything the aforementioned events were under-embellished.

One of my favorite parts of the big book of AA mentions “let him drink for a day, and he becomes disgustingly, even dangerously anti-social.”

Hey, that was me.