I'm An Alcoholic

[pch 1264]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Ok I lasted til the 4th.

Burying my wife’s mom tomorrow morning, she valiantly fought Glioblastoma for a year. That's some seriously bad cancer.

I had to miss my yearly 4 day AA retreat/conference but was blessed to be with her the last week of her life.

I hope I never again hear the guttural noise that my wife made when her mom .  Enshook off this mortal coil.

Anyway, I've got people descending on my house from all parts near and far but wanted to check in with my people. Still not going to be here daily as Ill be taking my wife on a leaf peeping cruise in Canada on Wednesday.

Hope you're all well.

Sorry to hear about your mother in law.  Enjoy the Canadian fall-it is spectacular in every sense of the word.

[InkaUtexas 26859]

Sorry Bear.

I came close a few weeks ago saying by to my mom in San Juan. Poured a bottle out for her into the Caribbean, had a wee nip. Damn I was tempted to keep going.

In office with aw client doing some disaster prep consulting. Team wants to go out every evening after work. I went the first evening, ordered a Topo. Got the odd looks. Next day VP asked me to go for a talk. Another place. He gets a wine, I get a topo. Got the look. I say I do not drink. He did not ask anymore questions. Last night team hangs out for the end of a sprint. I don't get an invite. Guess who was bright eyed and bushy tailed this AM? This guy. Which was good since we received a few oh shit emails from North Carolina.

Ranting, again, sorry Bear. And thanks to @BurntEyes for letting me reach out.

[BearSchlong 8238]

Spent 4 days entertaining O&G execs at a golf event in OK.

One vendor had fabricated a pina colada machine. This contraption contains a 5 gallon igloo water cooler and a kitchen garbage disposal to chop the ice.

I always shroud my “I don't drink” statements with a little bit of mystery and intrigue.

[Macanudo 13313]

On 9/8/2024 at 2:40 PM, InkaUtexas said:

Yesterday was 6 months. Baby steps, I know.

Was odd going to watch a Texas game, being quite gruntled, and not reaching into the communal bucket of beer.

Bartender noticed this, next bucked had two ice cold topochicos.

Thanks again to all for the support.

On the occasion when I'm out to dinner with friends or in a social setting like that, drinking sparkling water is my go to.  I don't drink it much otherwise but it's my cocktail of choice when I'm with others who are drinking.  I used to think it was weird in TV shows or movies when a sober alcoholic ordered a club soda but now I get it.   And it helps that sparkling water has come a long, long way from just club soda with a lime as the best alternative.  

[TwiceHorn 32065]

The original attraction to me or for me of club soda with lime was that it has that kind of raunchy taste like a cocktail or beer.  I did quickly tire of the sodium, though.

I am now a daily drinker of various flavors of sparkling water and the similarity to beer or a cocktail is irrelevant.  It has mostly replaced cokes and keeps me hydrated for a random mountain bike ride.

My favorite for daily consumption is ozarka in a 16.9 oz bottle, but they quit selling it in stores and I have to get it delivered by ready refresh.  Good combo of taste, carbonation, price and container/quantity.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I've been opening empty Soda Stream bottles and manually pounding out dry ice to refill them for years. Just spit ballin' proper air pressures, and having halloweenish dance parties with the extra. What could go wrong?

 

@InkaUtexas sucks when people assume you're not the fun guy anymore. Sucks even more when you know deep down that you are not the fun guy anymore without the social-crutch. I wish the invites were a little more frequent, but that's also on me. I've got to figure out how to be the joyful version of living.

Many people with true sobriety have that shit so far in the past that they could help will an imbibing party to fun town just through inner triumph.

(not saying this is your story, just sharing what was stirred up)

[InkaUtexas 26859]

Yep, I maintain a steady supply of different waters. I drank soda water growing up so no biggie as a transition. But there remains a perception thing.

I have tipped well the smart bartender who can set up a tall rocks glass with club soda, orange slice, a cherry, etc. And it is rpetty damn good.

Not a soda fan so only place I have run into an issue are kids sporting events, etc. Whats funny is no one looks at you weird for pounding a gatorade. Guess they think I was hung over.

 

[InkaUtexas 26859]

9 minutes ago, JohnnyRage said:

I've been opening empty Soda Stream bottles and manually pounding out dry ice to refill them for years. Just spit ballin' proper air pressures, and having halloweenish dance parties with the extra. What could go wrong?

 

@InkaUtexas sucks when people assume you're not the fun guy anymore. Sucks even more when you know deep down that you are not the fun guy anymore without the social-crutch. I wish the invites were a little more frequent, but that's also on me. I've got to figure out how to be the joyful version of living.

Many people with true sobriety have that shit so far in the past that they could help will an imbibing party to fun town just through inner triumph.

(not saying this is your story, just sharing what was stirred up)

For sure. Been lucky that my good friends recognized my decision, that it did not change me, and in fact they now had a designated driver most of the time. I still make the same really bad observations of society and will still chip in on the buckets at our watering hole. I said earlier bartender there watches out for those who decide this path. If there are three of us watching a game the bucket is 4 dos and 2 topos. A few of the rest have caught on.

I was talking to TGIF's about this one on one and we were working on a going fishing on the san marcos. That I do not get invited to do anymore with the buddies who drink and mentioned that to him. Schedules never aligned.

 

[TwiceHorn 32065]

20 minutes ago, InkaUtexas said:

For sure. Been lucky that my good friends recognized my decision, that it did not change me, and in fact they now had a designated driver most of the time. I still make the same really bad observations of society and will still chip in on the buckets at our watering hole. I said earlier bartender there watches out for those who decide this path. If there are three of us watching a game the bucket is 4 dos and 2 topos. A few of the rest have caught on.

I was talking to TGIF's about this one on one and we were working on a going fishing on the san marcos. That I do not get invited to do anymore with the buddies who drink and mentioned that to him. Schedules never aligned.

 

Sucks about the "fun guy" thing.  Try to remember that's about them not you.

Thankfully, most of my friends, including the ones that were college drinking buddies, grew out of that like normal people and are some combination of dgaf whether I drink or not or are happy that I don't anymore.

[Celery Man 21093]

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

The original attraction to me or for me of club soda with lime was that it has that kind of raunchy taste like a cocktail or beer.  I did quickly tire of the sodium, though.

I am now a daily drinker of various flavors of sparkling water and the similarity to beer or a cocktail is irrelevant.  It has mostly replaced cokes and keeps me hydrated for a random mountain bike ride.

My favorite for daily consumption is ozarka in a 16.9 oz bottle, but they quit selling it in stores and I have to get it delivered by ready refresh.  Good combo of taste, carbonation, price and container/quantity.

this is exactly it - it sits right in that space and then also just blends in with what everyone else is holding. I've had several instances of work things where on the walk back to the hotel with several fairly hammered people I've felt a little funny about not letting on that I'm completely sober.

I started a new job - I've posted about that in here several times. It's good, it's a bit brutal in that I have young kids and this job (in which I'm largely responsible for overseeing the planning and execution of work for several teams working on embedded software for physical product teams in other parts of the company) has a high degree of interaction with India. I'm in the mid atlantic in the eastern time zone, but still my calendar is basically shifted 2 hours forward to create some everlap with India where I think currently 7am here is 430 pm there. So, my morning are fucking crazy - 7 am is the earliest I can get kids to daycare, wife works in Cary MWF which from Wake Forest is maybe like commuting from Buda to Round Rock and so I can't just pawn them off on her. I've been encouraging the Indians to schedule me at 6 am so I can try and do some of this stuff before the kids are even awake, but I'm also spending a lot of time trying to decipher thick Indian accents as I arrange sliced bananas on peanut butter toast in just such a way to make it pleasing for a demanding 3.5 year old while she asks for updates in the background.

Anyways, surely it is true for some of y'all like it is true for me that a lot of the anxiety in the functional era of my alcoholic life was around sleep and getting up on time and getting to bed on time and physically being able to sleep. It is just crazy to think of how utterly incapable I would be of doing what I do now, how riddled with anxiety I used to be at the idea of being awake at 5:30 even once in a week. In a way kids cured my sleeping anxiety - I used to still take benadryl and chamomile and shit and then I just got so exhausted that it stopped being a thing. But still, I continue to marvel at what I'm able to simply adapt to as a sober person in the world.

[InkaUtexas 26859]

8 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

. I've been encouraging the Indians to schedule me at 6 am so I can try and do some of this stuff before the kids are even awake, but I'm also spending a lot of time trying to decipher thick Indian accents as I arrange sliced bananas on peanut butter toast in just such a way to make it pleasing for a demanding 3.5 year old while she asks for updates in the background.

 

Yeah, I have been there. Don't want to make this thread about work. My industry is a lot of bravado. If I have to remind a colonel I have lived in more war zones than him I am going to kick a puppy.

Accents- Picture them shaking their heads as they talk. There are sound waves I think that make it easier. Came up with that in the ME working with a lot of Indian clients and staff. My whole pricing team was from Bangalore of Mumbai.

Bananas-  Draw cute figures with honey. then stick the bananas to them. They stay in place and lets the artistic side of you out.

Yeah, yesterday the entire quick launch team I was brought in to unfuck came in hung over. Our planning room is enclosed. Smelled like the Hole in the Wall at closing. I have been onsite there for 5 days and we got a call from FEMA. Um, yeah, how fast can you get all this gear to NC. Team froze. The not hung over one who had a good night sleep read it, assigned it out, notified the other department leads, not knowing who the hell was in charge of each, and started the response document. IT can kiss my ass after yesterday. Fuckers invent tools to invent tools I think. (and I am not allowed to use my personnel laptop, the one they issued sucks and had to be reformatted, and all my planning tools (on excel) are on my personnel one.)

Goods were shipped last night and should all consolidate for distribution by tomorrow morning. In the past I would celebrate with a beer or 10 and get little done tomorrow. Today taking the wife to test drive cars. She asked how we are going to cover the added cost. I laughed and showed her how much I now put away not drinking. Shit adds up yo.

[hornbri 1508]

50 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Sucks about the "fun guy" thing.  Try to remember that's about them not you.

Thankfully, most of my friends, including the ones that were college drinking buddies, grew out of that like normal people and are some combination of dgaf whether I drink or not or are happy that I don't anymore.

It’s funny how different groups react differently. I remember the first time going out with college friends after I stopped drinking and how weird I thought it was. Now i go out with my college friends, whoever is ordering the round just add in whatever the n/an option at that bar is for me like it is a normal part of life. 

[BurntEyes 6281]

First @InkaUtexas you're very welcome and I promise the appreciation is mutual. 

So a litte wtf and pics (not the ones you want) in the hopes of bringing some levity to being "the sober guy" and "switching addictions". 

When out with a female who was way too young. She gets here, and rather than ride in my car insists on driving us. (Issue 1) We get out, and despite having told her I don't drink, she hits me with the "At All? I know you said you didn't drink but I didn't think it meant never. I don't want to drink now because I don't like drinking alone."

Not so fast my friends, she DID end up drinking 4 shots of Tequila and 3 Smirnoff Ices over course of a 3-4 hour evening. At the end of the night, after conceding I should drive, changes her mind because she was "Fine". Long story short because I "Got really angry" I did get to drive ultimately. 

So that happened. She decided to stay the night, uneventful, by my design.

Okay.. now..  my addiction with pics to prove it:

Edited October 5 by BurntEyes

[Brisketexan 106873]

First [mention=962]InkaUtexas[/mention] you're very welcome and I promise the appreciation is mutual. 
So a litte wtf and pics (not the ones you want) in the hopes of bringing some levity to being "the sober guy" and "switching addictions". 
When out with a female who was way too young. She gets here, and rather than ride in my car insists on driving us. (Issue 1) We get out, and despite having told her I don't drink, she hits me with the "At All? I know you said you didn't drink but I didn't think it meant never. I don't want to drink now because I don't like drinking alone."
Not so fast my friends, she DID end up drinking 4 shots of Tequila and 3 Smirnoff Ices over course of a 3-4 hour evening. At the end of the night, after conceding I should drive, changes her mind because she was "Fine". Long story short because I "Got really angry" I did get to drive ultimately. 
So that happened. She decided to stay the night, uneventful, by my design.
Okay.. now..  my addiction with pics to prove it:

Your date has the weirdest looking tits ever, they look like soda cans.

[Jerry Callo 8958]

I'm blessed that I never had any issues telling people I stopped drinking.  For a while buddies would ask if I still wasn't drinking, but not in an accusatory manner.  I've more fully shared what led me to quit with a few people, but mainly people just know I don't drink anyone. 

Some buddies and I were regulars at a brewery tap room / coffee joint.   Cold brew on nitro looks exactly like the stouts I used to drink - including being served in brandy snifter. I told one guy, about an hour into our meeting, that I'd quit drinking.  He looked at my coffee like wtf.

I'll say it again, i credit this group and this thread with me accepting that I had a drinking problem and ultimately stopping.   Thanks again! 

[InkaUtexas 26859]

Briskets happy. Brandy glasses kind of look like boobies.

[BurntEyes 6281]

2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Your date has the weirdest looking tits ever, they look like soda cans.

I'm disappointed that you or others didn't point out the lack of "uniformity" or variety of the "cans" I posted in my pics. Surly is really slacking man.

[InkaUtexas 26859]

9 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

I'm disappointed that you or others didn't point out the lack of "uniformity" or variety of the "cans" I posted in my pics. Surly is really slacking man.

I just noticed you love that french shit. Starting to think you are a commie.

 

[BurntEyes 6281]

3 minutes ago, InkaUtexas said:

I just noticed you love that french shit. Starting to think you are a commie.

 

Bro there's bubbly, Celsius, Pepsi, Red Bull, Monster and Liquid Death in there.. 

What isn't there is Topo Chico. I'm a racist not a commie. So missed the mark again Johnny!

[InkaUtexas 26859]

2 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Bro there's bubbly, Celsius, Pepsi, Red Bull, Monster and Liquid Death in there.. 

What isn't there is Topo Chico. I'm a racist not a commie. So missed the mark again Johnny!

Will send you an emergency case of Topo.

[BearSchlong 8238]

Flying home from an 11 day vacay.

Had a dream last night where me, Kyrie, and Brisket were tasked with renovating a sorority house that had been hurricane damaged. We were trying to establish things like budget, materials, timeline, scope, and those girls were of zero help. Head scratcher for sure.

Anyway, sober life is good. My break from CR has been calming.

[Macanudo 13313]

I stayed sober through the UGa game.  I figure if I could handle that, I'm probably going to be OK.

[Kennythetiger 9617]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Flying home from an 11 day vacay.

Had a dream last night where me, Kyrie, and Brisket were tasked with renovating a sorority house that had been hurricane damaged. We were trying to establish things like budget, materials, timeline, scope, and those girls were of zero help. Head scratcher for sure.

Anyway, sober life is good. My break from CR has been calming.

In those girls’ defense, I don’t imagine the three of you guys being tons of constructive help, either. 

2 hours ago, Macanudo said:

I stayed sober through the UGa game.  I figure if I could handle that, I'm probably going to be OK.

May not hurt to set aside a little meditation time before Aggy. 

[Homercles 10206]

I absolutely murder the fuck out of the unsweetened HEB Sparkling waters…all flavors.  

[InkaUtexas 26859]

3 hours ago, Homercles said:

I absolutely murder the fuck out of the unsweetened HEB Sparkling waters…all flavors.  

Getting to about 4 a day. Could go more for sure.

 

8 hours ago, Macanudo said:

I stayed sober through the UGa game.  I figure if I could handle that, I'm probably going to be OK.

same here, and at a bar. About 5 people asked me why I was not drinking. Buddy just gave them a look like shut the fuck up man.

I was 1 for 1 with him on the topo chicos.

[msucolt45 4227]

Yesterday was my first “alcohol-free”Longhorn game in decades. Man, I really wanted a cold one after Vandy scored their last TD. I was climbing the walls internally, but chose another flavored sparkling water.

I was shocked that I made it. Then kept myself from going to buy some beer prior to LSU/aggy game. Cowboys tonight will be my next big “test.”

Hook’em!!!

[InkaUtexas 26859]

11 minutes ago, msucolt45 said:

Yesterday was my first “alcohol-free”Longhorn game in decades. Man, I really wanted a cold one after Vandy scored their last TD. I was climbing the walls internally, but chose another flavored sparkling water.

I was shocked that I made it. Then kept myself from going to buy some beer prior to LSU/aggy game. Cowboys tonight will be my next big “test.”

Hook’em!!!

You got this. Just let the rage fill the void.

 

[BearSchlong 8238]

Hope everyone is doing well.

What is the deal with hop water? My sister stopped drinking a while back and she loves it. Its not brewed so its not like a NA beer.

[InkaUtexas 26859]

All good. Never heard of it. So grain water?

[Chips O'Toole 1441]

1 hour ago, InkaUtexas said:

All good. Never heard of it. So grain water?

No grain. Just sparkling water infused with hops. Very floral and citrusy, no calories or carbs. It's amazing. 

Lagunitas Hop Refresher is my go-to. Doesn't feel or taste like beer, but if you liked IPAs, it definitely scratches an itch. 

[Da Fino 2820]

6 minutes ago, Chips O'Toole said:

No grain. Just sparkling water infused with hops. Very floral and citrusy, no calories or carbs. It's amazing. 

Lagunitas Hop Refresher is my go-to. Doesn't feel or taste like beer, but if you liked IPAs, it definitely scratches an itch. 

I’m struggling to understand the draw. But I’m interested. 

[InkaUtexas 26859]

13 minutes ago, Chips O'Toole said:

No grain. Just sparkling water infused with hops. Very floral and citrusy, no calories or carbs. It's amazing. 

Lagunitas Hop Refresher is my go-to. Doesn't feel or taste like beer, but if you liked IPAs, it definitely scratches an itch. 

It will be tried. Thank you

[BearSchlong 8238]

I mentioned it to my wife to add to the weekly HEB delivery. She gave me a look when she realized it is stocked with the beer and told me she wouldn't get it. I've always thought alcoholics who drink near beer are flirting with disaster, but this is intriguing.

[TwiceHorn 32065]

I drank plenty of crafty-beer before my hiatus, yet it was before the ascendance of IPAs.  I don't really recall what hops taste like,

[Chips O'Toole 1441]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

I mentioned it to my wife to add to the weekly HEB delivery. She gave me a look when she realized it is stocked with the beer and told me she wouldn't get it. I've always thought alcoholics who drink near beer are flirting with disaster, but this is intriguing.

I'm an alcoholic but not an AA person, so I don't identify completely with those that have to avoid beer this vigilantly. So definitely don't let this sway you if you are overly hesitant. 

In my opinion, it's just not really enough like beer to take someone down the path of wanting to escalate to an alcoholic beverage.  If you enjoy a la Croix, you will probably like this. It's just a more interesting, more "special" sparkling beverage to drink during a game or something.  It's pretty delightful. 

[TwiceHorn 32065]

7 minutes ago, Chips O'Toole said:

I'm an alcoholic but not an AA person, so I don't identify completely with those that have to avoid beer this vigilantly. So definitely don't let this sway you if you are overly hesitant. 

In my opinion, it's just not really enough like beer to take someone down the path of wanting to escalate to an alcoholic beverage.  If you enjoy a la Croix, you will probably like this. It's just a more interesting, more "special" sparkling beverage to drink during a game or something.  It's pretty delightful. 

There is an element of "romancing the drink" with near-beer, but the real hazard is that it has some alcohol content.  So, guzzle enough of them you start up the physiological thing.

[Chips O'Toole 1441]

6 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

I drank plenty of crafty-beer before my hiatus, yet it was before the ascendance of IPAs.  I don't really recall what hops taste like,

Well this is a good time to see what they are like!  IPAs started with a lot of hops added to the wort while it brewed, which makes the beer extra bitter. Then they started adding more hops at the end, after the wort cools off, or "dry hopping" which adds the floral, herbal, fruity, piney etc aroma and flavor of the hops with no bitterness.  That's what you taste in the hop water, the flavor of the hops they use but no bitterness and no malty beer flavor. 

Sierra Nevada has one called Citrus Splash that has more of a west Coast IPA hop flavor which is like piney grapefruits. I love it and have zero temptation to want a real IPA which used to be a passion/hobby of mine. 

[Chips O'Toole 1441]

2 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

There is an element of "romancing the drink" with near-beer, but the real hazard is that it has some alcohol content.  So, guzzle enough of them you start up the physiological thing.

Oh, I forget there is a tiny amount of alcohol in those things. I've had some NA IPAs lately and I realized that I don't really like the beer taste that much, I only liked it because it got my brain all happy.  The hops and the bubbles are the part I actually enjoy.  

[Jerry Callo 8958]

Hop water tastes like soapy water used to clean the tap room.  I don't think it is much like beer - just not worth drinking.  The few times I have ordered it when meeting friends at a local brewery, I've regretted it.   I much prefer the brewery/coffee joint.  

[troph 25185]

Y’all remember I lost a dear friend to alcohol abuse caused liver failure well, I’ll be surprised if that isn’t the fate of my MIL. Belly and face swollen, in assisted living, 80 years old or so, I’ll spare the details but FUCK. I’m afraid it’s happening. I don’t want this for her, my wife, her sisters, grandkids. It’s already bad enough we all have to say good bye to this world but fuck she’s going to go out a horrible horrible way. FUCK.

[InkaUtexas 26859]

1 hour ago, troph said:

Y’all remember I lost a dear friend to alcohol abuse caused liver failure well, I’ll be surprised if that isn’t the fate of my MIL. Belly and face swollen, in assisted living, 80 years old or so, I’ll spare the details but FUCK. I’m afraid it’s happening. I don’t want this for her, my wife, her sisters, grandkids. It’s already bad enough we all have to say good bye to this world but fuck she’s going to go out a horrible horrible way. FUCK.

Troph, just got a call over the weekend my 61 year old brother died in the Dominican Republic. Full body failure. Rum. A life of it. I was spared the details as well, but damn.

Be strong.

[BearSchlong 8238]

Jesus, im sorry y'all.

[troph 25185]

And she’s in the hospital two days later. I’m not hopeful. Happy Thanksgiving. Fuck.

[TwiceHorn 32065]

I think in some cases with the elderly, withdrawal can be so traumatic and their general health so fragile, that substance addiction isn't "treated" as it might be with a younger person.

[Harrison Stafford 3392]

Man, I’m sorry some of y’all are dealing with heavy shit, but I want to share some positive news.  I’ve been sober for three months, I feel terrific, and have absolutely no desire to drink.  Just finished a trip to Vegas with my baby brother and had nothing harder than Heineken Zero.  My wife trusted me enough to take this trip without her and I did nada to undermine that faith.  Our son and son-in-laws are in town for Thanksgiving, they’ll be drinking beer, and I’ll be drinking Heineken Zero.  This will be my first sober Thanksgiving in decades.  For me and for my family, this Thanksgiving, we have much for which to be thankful.  

[Celery Man 21093]

Well I had a fun Thanksgiving too. Heading back to La Hacienda in a few weeks for family week. It's interesting that at the time I went over the ledge and crashed, there was no real substance abuse to speak of in my family. My dad drank some scotch most nights but it wasn't a problem. No crazy uncles really, or at least not any related by blood. And then in just the past couple years it has cropped up in a few different places.

I'll call the currently affected member a cousin. She had gone for treatment a few months back but it hadn't seemed to have stuck. She was supposed to bring her elderly parents up to Austin (bad idea, but not my circus) the day before thanksgiving and nobody could get ahold of her all morning. Finally someone got the mom on the phone and she was still in bed at 1. We arranged a car and had a friend get over to the house to get everyone into the car, and as best as we can tell there was no more imbibing on the trip up from Houston and she was still fucking blasted.

Anyways, I got to be point person because wife and i are sober and I helped get her set up and dropped off at La Ha. Kinda fun to go back there, I'm looking forward to going again. I've talked to her and her husband and he sister since she's been down there, she's doing much better, and feedback from everyone is how much different this place is than where she went previously. It makes sense but it sounds like the other place was essentially a house where they took them in a van to an IOP in a strip center.

Wife and I were just talking about our time there and trying to remember all the characters. It is interesting how many of those people are dead. And just even in my own feelings the casualness of remembering different people we haven't kept up with at all that we both agree are probably dead.

[HOOKEM4 5157]

I spent today in the hospital with my closest childhood friend. He is in late stage kidney failure. Looks like a skeleton with a giant bloated belly. Only 41 years old. It is just him and his older brother who is left picking up the pieces. I had to explain to him that he is terminal and needs to commit to a DNR. There is no way out. He was still in the addict mentality that it will get better. The cake is baked. All anyone wants is for him to die in piece and not in a sterile hospital. Helped the older brother get hospice setup and he should get moved to his house tomorrow. Absolutely brutal situation. 

I spent years trying to get him into treatment. A year ago I explained exactly what would happen if he didn't get treatment. He called me after I got back home today and admitted he should have listened. I think he finally realizes he is in the last days on this earth.

I am devastated but also angry. At myself and at him. I hate these feelings. He is an amazing person, but couldn't mister the strength to fight his demons. I am just left wondering if I had somehow forced him to go what could have been.

Fuuuuck.

[TwiceHorn 32065]

5 minutes ago, HOOKEM4 said:

I spent today in the hospital with my closest childhood friend. He is in late stage kidney failure. Looks like a skeleton with a giant bloated belly. Only 41 years old. It is just him and his older brother who is left picking up the pieces. I had to explain to him that he is terminal and needs to commit to a DNR. There is no way out. He was still in the addict mentality that it will get better. The cake is baked. All anyone wants is for him to die in piece and not in a sterile hospital. Helped the older brother get hospice setup and he should get moved to his house tomorrow. Absolutely brutal situation. 

I spent years trying to get him into treatment. A year ago I explained exactly what would happen if he didn't get treatment. He called me after I got back home today and admitted he should have listened. I think he finally realizes he is in the last days on this earth.

I am devastated but also angry. At myself and at him. I hate these feelings. He is an amazing person, but couldn't mister the strength to fight his demons. I am just left wondering if I had somehow forced him to go what could have been.

Fuuuuck.

This is going to sound simplistic and maybe harsh, but it's true:  you didn't cause it, you couldn't cure it, and you couldn't control him or it.  

You cared enough to do what you could.

[Macanudo 13313]

1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

This is going to sound simplistic and maybe harsh, but it's true:  you didn't cause it, you couldn't cure it, and you couldn't control him or it.  

You cared enough to do what you could.

Well said, Twice. 

 

Hookem, if we could control things, there wouldn't be any of us drunks on this thread. 

[BearSchlong 8238]

He is an amazing person, but couldn't mister the strength to fight his demons. I am just left wondering if I had somehow forced him to go what could have been.
Fuuuuck.

It wasn't that he didn't have the strength to fight, rather that he didn't have the moment of clarity that would allow for surrender.

That is the concept that nonalcoholics will never understand about how alcoholics can recover. We don't fight, we don't struggle, we ask God for an intuitive thought or decision. We surrender to win.

Civilians always say “you've been successful in battling your demons.” No, I just had a moment when I realized I was whooped and in the subsequent years I’ve been to a few thousand meetings where I heard enough to be reminded to stay whooped.

I'm sorry you're friend is dying.