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I'm An Alcoholic

El Diablo

By El Diablo
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Wilcox Cummingtonite

Wilcox Cummingtonite 3542

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Checking in.
Just celebrated my 2nd birthday about a month ago. So happens to be an easy date to remember since it’s actually on my half birthday which is quite fitting. It also is the day after I relapsed after 9 months and ended up in a jail cell after making a series of poor choices. That was a pretty fucking deep low looking back…but I digress-

Life has never been better since I finally laid my arms down, fully surrendered to the poison, and humbly asked my Higher Power to take control of my life and sobriety every day. Got married earlier this year to an amazing woman who has seen me at my worst (and best thank God) and loyally stood by my side through the depths of hell and back with me over the past 5 years. We just recently found out she is pregnant and she’s due next August. We are absolutely over the moon. 

Life has been so much sweeter and enjoyable without the daily albatross and overwhelming burden of alcohol. The freedom and joy I experience every day is truly a miracle that only gets  even better with time. Words I never thought I would say a couple of years ago. I’m so thankful to be sober and healthy, but also know that I must always simply continue this journey one day at a time while trying to be less of an asshole overall. I am very very fortunate that my Higher Power allowed me to keep my life, job, family, and unconditional support of loved ones through everything. Another miracle that I thank God for every day.
 

Props to all my fellows out there in the trenches. I hope you all know this thread is an inspiration and I am thankful to get to read along and absorb as much as I can.

Edited by Wilcox Cummingtonite
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InkaUtexas

InkaUtexas 26799

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1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Well done!

About to go entertain a bunch of people in Houston who love expensive whisk(e)y, might even break my company CC.

My mental obsession has kicked in. Diet Coke or Club soda?

When I want to mess with people I order Club Soda with an orange or even better, a ginger ale with a few cherries.

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troph

troph 25089

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MIL is in skilled nursing. Slept for 72 hours straight the first three nights and some delusions after that. Seems to be ok right now, wants to go home to well… never given more than hydrocodone and sodium to increase her levels which is the direct reason she was admitted. Interesting reaction. Anyhoo…

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Horn Dogg

Horn Dogg 4277

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4 hours ago, JimmyTwoTimes said:

Sorry, meant to add, this stuff is available via Amazon and select retailers for now, they’ll be running a Dry January promo at Sprouts throughout the country. I find them tasty over ice, with an herb.

What stuff?

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8231

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name="pch" 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I'll be there this Friday at [emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]]]]]].  Just couldn't understand the day/time you had asked about. Hope to see you.
 

I'll catch you on the next go-round. Woke up with a locked up back and it looks like a painful morning.
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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31987

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31 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Can I ask how much booze is considered a lot or is it dependent on a million factors? 

Are we talking about an "alcoholic lot"?  It's not a million factors, but it is more the way it affects your life than the sheer quantity, and that probably has more to do with how often than how much.

 

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Wilcox Cummingtonite

Wilcox Cummingtonite 3542

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5 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

Are we talking about an "alcoholic lot"?  It's not a million factors, but it is more the way it affects your life than the sheer quantity, and that probably has more to do with how often than how much.

 

Totally agree with your point on the way it affects your life vs. quantity. Everyone has their own story and mine began as a seemingly innocuous social, but fairly heavy drinker in my 20s after I got a job in Houston post-grad UT. Never was much of a drinker before/during my time in Austin, but work happy hours, boozy dinners out with ex-wife and friends, etc. really seemed to "normalize" using alcohol to relieve stress after work. It's pretty much ingrained into the culture in the young professional world- especially inside the loop in Houston. Although I knew I drank too often, it was never much of an issue with my job or any other responsibilities and I was able to get away with it for a few years. 

Fast forward a couple of years down the road, and though I wasn't drinking as often as before- somewhere down the line I crossed that irreversible threshold from moderate/heavy drinker to alcoholic. When I would drink "only on the weekends" I was drinking to blackout "en bloc"-style pretty much every single time I picked up one single drink, no matter what my intentions were that night. Once I started, I absolutely had no power to stop even though I knew I was heading for a disastrous night. I woke up countless times full of regret and shame after being told the abhorrent things I said and did the night before- but of course then I'd go do the same thing the very next weekend. I even went short-term cold turkey a few times thinking I was in control and I could "drink like a gentleman." Alcohol laughed at my ignorance and the blackout episodes would rear their ugly head very soon after I picked up a drink again. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum for the next 5 years, until I finally admitted that yes, indeed I do have a disease/allergy and am completely and utterly powerless over alcohol.

 

Edited by Wilcox Cummingtonite
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InkaUtexas

InkaUtexas 26799

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11 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I heard once “It’s not about how much you drink, it’s about what the drink does to you.”

That’s always stuck with me. 

Damn good approach.

I just go tired of feeling like shit the next day and always being surrounded by other people and being the sounding board for their problems, the same ones that never went away. Hey dumb ass, maybe because you live in a bar and spend all your money here you are broke and never get laid.

It grew as an issue. Part was working at home and isolated. Going to a bar became my social escape. Oh, and dating a younger girl (25 years) who drank like a fish did not help. But damn it was fun.

Spoke with a buddy who used to go out a lot with. He cut way back as well. We hang out all the time still, but now instead of spending cash to listen to people at a bar we never really liked we do stupid projects.

There are time. After installing an outdoor sink or building a raised garden I have wanted an ice cold beer. The issue is that 1 easily became many. Little fuckers multiple faster than cockroaches.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9584

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5 minutes ago, InkaUtexas said:

Damn good approach.

I just go tired of feeling like shit the next day and always being surrounded by other people and being the sounding board for their problems, the same ones that never went away. Hey dumb ass, maybe because you live in a bar and spend all your money here you are broke and never get laid.

It grew as an issue. Part was working at home and isolated. Going to a bar became my social escape. Oh, and dating a younger girl (25 years) who drank like a fish did not help. But damn it was fun.

Spoke with a buddy who used to go out a lot with. He cut way back as well. We hang out all the time still, but now instead of spending cash to listen to people at a bar we never really liked we do stupid projects.

There are time. After installing an outdoor sink or building a raised garden I have wanted an ice cold beer. The issue is that 1 easily became many. Little fuckers multiple faster than cockroaches.

Checking cattle for me, and a whiskey. 
And I have to remind myself over and over how the song ends. 

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Macanudo

Macanudo 13254

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3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I would add if you ever wonder why others don't drink as much as you. I honestly was curious as to why everyone didn't drink like me. I thought they had a problem, not me.

Kind of funny to read this.   I can see the decanter we keep bourbon in for Old Fashioneds and what have you from where I'm sitting.   My wife drinks them and it's a go-to for others when we have visitors.   Next to the decanter are the remnants of the collection I had acquired before I quit drinking;  two full and unopened bottles rye and a half full bottle of bourbon.   

When I quit drinking in 2022 I had 40+ bottles on display.   Most of those were unopened as I was a "collector."   For daily drinking, I kept 2-3 bottles in various stages of open and would religously refill them to mask how much I was drinking plus a half dozen other ways to tell myself I was keeping my drinking on the down low. 

I sold or gave away most of those 40 bottles.   And yet we still have 2+ bottles.   We haven't had to buy any bourbon or rye because eveybody else around me doesn't have my "problem."  

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9584

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1 hour ago, Macanudo said:

Kind of funny to read this.   I can see the decanter we keep bourbon in for Old Fashioneds and what have you from where I'm sitting.   My wife drinks them and it's a go-to for others when we have visitors.   Next to the decanter are the remnants of the collection I had acquired before I quit drinking;  two full and unopened bottles rye and a half full bottle of bourbon.   

When I quit drinking in 2022 I had 40+ bottles on display.   Most of those were unopened as I was a "collector."   For daily drinking, I kept 2-3 bottles in various stages of open and would religously refill them to mask how much I was drinking plus a half dozen other ways to tell myself I was keeping my drinking on the down low. 

I sold or gave away most of those 40 bottles.   And yet we still have 2+ bottles.   We haven't had to buy any bourbon or rye because eveybody else around me doesn't have my "problem."  

We keep a bottle of bourbon, a bottle of tequila, and a bottle of vodka on hand because I make dinner on Sunday nights and my wife likes to have a drink while I am cooking. A bottle of vodka will last her a month or more. It used to last me a Saturday. 

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8952

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1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

We keep a bottle of bourbon, a bottle of tequila, and a bottle of vodka on hand because I make dinner on Sunday nights and my wife likes to have a drink while I am cooking. A bottle of vodka will last her a month or more. It used to last me a Saturday. 

Yeah.   I took my wife 4 1/2 years to finish the half bottle of bourbon left over from my last day of drinking.

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BearSchlong

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I just witnessed my wife - in her official capacity, call an 18-year-old and tell him that his mother had died of an overdose and that he needed to come to pick up his nine and 12-year-old sisters from the county sheriff's office.

Both fathers in prison. The kid didn't sound surprised.

Heartbreaking.

Every time she is on call I get to rework my 1st step.

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UpperWestside

UpperWestside 6262

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8 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I would add if you ever wonder why others don't drink as much as you. I honestly was curious as to why everyone didn't drink like me. I thought they had a problem, not me.

I believe this to be true with many heavy drinkers. Looking back I was always conscientious of the fact I drank heavily. I was like a train that went off the rails, but could not stop the routine until my personal life hit rock bottom. I thank God regularly that my ex broke up with me in January of 2020 or I probably would not still be here. She didn’t deserve a functional alcoholic and her having enough and kicking me to the curb got me to stop a week later. Never missed it even once since then.

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Gatorubet

Gatorubet 30629

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, UpperWestside said:

I thank God regularly that my ex broke up with me in January of 2020 or I probably would not still be here. She didn’t deserve a functional alcoholic and her having enough and kicking me to the curb got me to stop a week later. 

You should call her and thank her for that. 

Fantastic that you traveled to where you are now. 

Edited by Gatorubet
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