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I'm An Alcoholic

El Diablo

By El Diablo
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Celery Man

Celery Man 20943

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I don't know anything about the recovery community in Dallas, but I highly recommend La Hacienda in Kerrville as a treatment center - it's where I wound up when I was skidding across my bottom, and the changes that I began to make there saved my life.

Follow this link to find places you can go to be around people who can help you out

https://www.aadallas.org/wordpress/meetings/

Hang in there, don't get discouraged, don't be afraid to ask for help.

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Dewey

Dewey 3286

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Posted
I've never asked for help a day in my life. I've come to realize that I need it.
Any treatment center recommendations in the DFW area would be appreciated.
Man, if anything go to an AA meeting near you, you can find many options there. Trustworthy people too, they've been where you are right now.
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gasman

gasman 114

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First, it's great that you are reaching out. That was a huge hurdle for me. If you are on the FW side of DFW, here is another link to some meetings. Just pick any one that is close and at a time you can make it. DFW is huge but send me a PM. If you are in my area, I may be able to recommend a meeting or two. 

https://fortworthaa.org/?post_type=tsml_meeting

At the very least, get to a meeting today. You can figure out the treatment center thing a bit later. 

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Calo

Calo 0

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Thanks. I'm in North Dallas and found the list of meetings a few months ago. I have the schedule of three of them written down by my front door as a reminder. I still haven't gone to one.

I'm afraid if I don't get into treatment quickly, it will be too late. I don't think I'll quit drinking if I only start going to meetings.

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Dertyberd

Dertyberd 394

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Went to RightStep in Euless three years ago.  It wasn't a 5 star yoga, massage, froo froo place, but there was great counseling, decent food, and all I know of treatment.  It did the trick medically and mentally for me.  They'll take you to meetings around DFW if you choose to go.  GO! 

I haven't needed to go back to treatment again so that helps.  It's so much of what you put into it.  

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8087

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I've never asked for help a day in my life. I've come to realize that I need it.

Any treatment center recommendations in the DFW area would be appreciated.

God bless you bro.

 

What's your insurance situation like? Many people have called their Employee Assistance Program and gotten into treatment with the full assistance of their employer.

 

Don't get hung up on geography. If you really need treatment it's not that important that its local. Oftentimes getting away from your home environment is better - cause in point people from all over the world end up at La Hacienda.

 

Give them a call and talk to them, just tell them what's going on and see what they say.

 

AA saved my life and if you're just willing to walk in and say "I need help" they will save yours too.

 

JohnnyRage lives up in DFW too.

 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

 

 

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pch

pch 1259

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On 11/21/2018 at 7:23 AM, Calo said:

Thanks. I'm in North Dallas and found the list of meetings a few months ago. I have the schedule of three of them written down by my front door as a reminder. I still haven't gone to one.

I'm afraid if I don't get into treatment quickly, it will be too late. I don't think I'll quit drinking if I only start going to meetings.

The Preston Group in Dallas is one I have attended and can recommend.  Lots of long term sobriety in their meetings which are solution centered.  I messaged you my # and would welcome a call if you need to talk to someone.

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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Posted (edited)

I’m here. I’m very free starting Friday evening.

Rehab is for some. I was super sober for my only stint, Greenhouse in Irving/Arlington. Nice, but too many youngsters and an insurance meat market.

It was a waste of my time when AA is free and I was already detoxed and not going to do their work. I just wanted a completion. Their IOP was a little better.

I would recommend a medical detox or consulting with your primary care physician at the very least. Then save yourself 10,000 dollars and humbly reach out to AA.

Shoot me a PM. The best time to quit drinking was 10 years ago. The second best time is Now.

Edited by JohnnyRage
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troph

troph 24787

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New friend of mine drank beyond excess at a friendsgiving dinner party - actually two did this guy and a good friend. They both agreed to leave their cars and catch a ride or so I thought. Dinner ended at 9:15pm when I walked them down to the cars and my good friend ended up in the car with his designated and sober driver the other one got belligerent and had to drive. It got so bad I had to block him from getting in his car, I couldn’t find his keys either without engaging in some dick grabbing - maybe I should have. I pushed and shoved him back and threatened to deck him and told him there were only two ways this ends either he gets in the car and takes the ride or I call the police.

 

He then went on an incoherent ramble about how sorry he was that he was an alcoholic - which honestly sounded like he was repeating what his boyfriend likely has said to him (boyfriend wasn’t here). He also talked about some complications about his boyfriend. I think it related to the excessive drinking and also probably cheating?? He was going to end up in the guest bed of the other guy being driven back to town by the sober one. So I think the home troubles related to excessive drinking complicated his decision making and he was not able to make the good and right decision. So I persisted with my refusal to let him get to his car.

 

He then pulled a fast one. I didn’t see it coming. He agreed to the ride. Everyone got in the car and drove off. I walked up my hillside stairs back to my house and as soon as I got in the house I saw the phone ringing and it was a call from the sober driver — the kid opened the back door of a moving car and jumped out, ran back to his car and took off. I had immediately run down the driveway to wrestle the keys from him but he was driving away. I did not know make or model and I tried to snap a pic of the license to call the police with info.

 

I found out later my good friend hopped out of the car to stop him and they had positioned the car as a baracade and he ran off the road around them. This was 9:45pm

 

He was found logging on to facebook at 3am and has since texted us all and called me presumably to apologize.

 

I’m furious. From 9pm until about 30 minutes ago my life was consumed with worry about his safety and the safety of others and questioning if I should have assaulted him to get the keys or call the police. Now he wants to make amends. No I’m not ready only now do I get to be ragey mad at him.

 

He won’t ever be invited to my home again. But I will forgive and I will not run him out of my life.

 

Next question is how do I speak to him and his problem. I guess there’s not much I can do.

 

 

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20943

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Posted (edited)

If that was me, that would be the beginning of a shame spiral where I would probably isolate from everyone and drink.  It's maybe a good sign that he's reached out, indicating that he doesn't just want to hide.  I'd pick up the phone and talk to him.  Message being (if accurate, I don't know your relationship with him) - I love you, that behavior is not acceptable.  If you ever need to talk about what's going on, if you ever need a helping hand, I'm here.  But the way you acted wasn't fair to me or any other of the folks who are just trying to love you, and I won't tolerate that.

Communicating - I do not hate you now, you do not need to run away, I'm not going to be bashful about talking about things you might find uncomfortable and I will not ignore it, I am happy to listen and to help, but I will not put up with this behavior.

I am not an expert and I did not stay at a Motel 6.  If he tried to call you though, I think I would call him back today with some version of that message - don't let him marinate on it or have the events ferment into something different than what it was, in his head.

 

a small amount of levity.  not actually all that wrong - 

 

Edited by Celery Man
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Dewey

Dewey 3286

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All alcoholics and addicts are selfish to the highest degree, remind him of all the things hes going to lose, the jail time he could pickup, health problems. Offer to go to a meeting with him, talk about treatment, that you'll help find a good place and take him there. Dont call it rehab either, just treatment center. It's a vacation of sorts, get away from all of lifes burdens and get yourself on track. To build yourself up better than it was before. But he'll probably have to hit rock bottom, lost everything, has no one in his life, etc. That's how it went for me.

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troph

troph 24787

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I said this in a text: Saw you called - we will be okay - I need some down time we can talk later.

 

I’ll call him tonight. Thanks fellas. You remind me of who I am...

 

I’ve fought hard to be my version of sober — of a different type. It cost me tremendously to find my place in this world and it was worth everything I did to get here. My best friend is 15 years sober of the AA kind. Sobriety - a place of sustainable mental health - is everything. I won’t sweep anything under the rug.

 

These are the times we can show up and love our people, our friends, our family and be a tribe.

 

I’ll offer to go to a meeting with him - that’s an awesome idea thank you!!! He’s a good kid. Even today being queer or gay or however you identify is tough, I’m sure he has demons he’s running from. Happy to be on his side *if* he takes responsibility and shows up for himself.

 

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troph

troph 24787

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And to the selfishness part - yeah. yeah he was. I had a beautiful week with my boys and my girlfriend bordering on idyllic and perfect and it ended on my last day with them from 9pm - 11am with him blowing shit up. I had to talk with my kids and especially my 8th grader about it. I didn’t sleep I was worried. I had enough distance it wasn’t my decision to get so fucking shitfaced, but still I value his life and that of the innocent in his way quite a bit. Totally selfish. I trusted him to be a role model in my home with my kids of a decent human who happens to be gay. None of that is necessarily connected and I had two dozen other amazing, beautiful and successful gay and queer folk eating and laughing and loving and it was what I wanted even though he tried to steal it. Yeah I’m pissed. But in the end no I won’t let him steal it and I talked to my boys and we had a moment of clarity about it all so I took it back as mine.

Calling soon will report back.

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Charles DeMar

Charles DeMar 221

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Surly-

 

First post. I've lurked since I discovered the Shag when the children of the corn and the bison were considering a defection.  Wanted to thank all the guys on this thread in this forum and the last one.

 

I looked at this thread earlier this year and thought, "well, gee, I'm not that bad off!"  After what I hope was my bottom, and nearly losing it all, I am newly sober and figuring this thing out.  Wanted to give my opinion as a new guy, in a couple of ways, and say "even if you think you're ok, but there's an inkling of a thought that you may need help, you may need it."  

 

I'm active in AA and have found lots of great resources there, have a sponsor (my second), working step 8, had two months of IOP and counseling, and am very happy that the God of my understanding has me on a new path.  True, every day is a battle, but I'm equipped with some new tools and insight and am thankful for all the new life I have to live.

 

Just a quick "hello" and thanks to all the guys on this board who are putting real advice and life lessons out there.


Thanks,


CDeMar

Happily recovering with 109 days of sobriety today.

Edited by Charles DeMar
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Charles DeMar

Charles DeMar 221

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Thanks, PCH.

 

Guess I was the "slow burn" sort of drunk.  44 years old and really "only" a heavy drinker on and off for 23-24 years.  Years 25-26, was drinking morning, noon, night, liquor only, trying to hide it, lying about it, etc.  The whole 9 yards.  Lots of boundaries and rules came.  Wife and kids went out of town and I ended up not going to work all week; I've never done that.  Driving drunk, one car accident, locked myself out of my house and eventually found my keys feet away from where I "peacefully" spent the night in my back yard.  Ended up in the ER twice with 188/120 BP.  Went to a ghetto sober living facility here in Houston that wasn't going to work, so my wife, who could have left my ass and taken the three kids with her, busted me out, worked her tail off finding a recovery program, and generally saved my life.

But, for once, I have hope.  I know more about myself and why I've tried to cover my feelings and fears with booze.  I have learned how to communicate better with my wife and others.  I have learned how to not be a people pleaser and also how not to offer my opinion / super-smart solutions when not asked.  I've been truly blessed to have lots of complete strangers offer to help me, and many of them have.  The power of the program.

 

UT '96, BA - Lib Arts.  Lived in Moore-Hill 1992-1994, "second front"; grad degree out of state where they play lacrosse and tennis

Proud '92 Denton Bronco (when DHS was the only HS in Denton)

Reluctant Houstonian, but thankful for St. Martin's and Post Oak AA Groups from which I have learned quite a bit and made many great connections

 

Thanks, Surl.

 

 

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kibbles

kibbles 70

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Quick general question....I'm not typically too concerned about what substances people consume but I've been having problems lately with some drinkers who secretly consume cocaine, crack or meth.  I'm naive and trusting but these fiends love to steal.

 

How can i see this coming ahead of time?

Edited by kibbles
Cracked screen many typo
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troph

troph 24787

Posted
Posted

talked to the kid same day.  he had a prepared apology and a commitment to change with details.  it was good, hard to tell which direction - sincere or if he's been there done that on this stuff before with no lasting change.  I offered to go to a meeting with him, he said thank you but said he would likely decline.  he said he was talking to his therapist about it all too and she was making him feel uncomfortable which he said was a good thing.  I told him I loved him and cared about him.  I didn't rehash the details but I did say his behavior was unacceptable and that any number of really bad things could have happened and I don't want him to get to a place where one or more of them does happen before he gets help.  I'll see him at a Christmas party tomorrow.  that might tell me a lot.  probably won't update much since I'm not in recovery (not my thread) and he's not on here plus his need for privacy.  thanks for the insight and help responding, I feel boundaried up and good about how I handled the situation.

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Charles DeMar

Charles DeMar 221

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Posted

It's just so freeing to not hide anymore.  I went to a Christmas dinner of friends/supporters last night.  Folks there very supportive of my sobriety and I have been very open with them about my problems, unlike the hiding I did with drink.  Amazing encouragement and accountability.  It's amazing how far down I got, how much I lied and hid, and how "nobody knew."  Last year at this party, I'm sure I had a glass of wine or not much more, then went home and got tanked.  Now, I can openly talk about it, be asked hard questions, and actually accept kudos and well-wishes without blowing them off.  I thank God for my journey and where I am today.

 

"Only" 17 weeks sober, which in some ways feels like a lifetime and other ways feels like nothing.  Glad to be on the right side of this today, which is all I have, and have hope that I can continue to mend the relationships where I used to blame others for firebombing, where in reality, I was likely AT LEAST 51% at fault, if not 100000%.

 

Thanks for "listening."

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ztejas

ztejas 43419

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Totalled my car drunk in June. Miraculously avoided a DUI.

Been arrested 3 times for PI (one was dismissed).

Still battling it. I just dont know if I can ever be truly sober. I feel like I have the best handle on my drinking that I've had in awhile, but there's still nothing that feels as good in the world as those first couple of drinks after a long day.

I think one of the biggest things I struggle with (aside from genetics and all kinds of risk factors) is the societal pressure. I see someone in a movie drinking a neat scotch and I want a neat scotch. I see leftover beer in my fridge and I drink it.

I've been trying to stay away from liquor and that's helped. If I buy a fifth/handle of whatever and have a bad week that fifth doesn't stand a chance. If it's there, I drink it.

I've also been trying to just have 2-3 drinks and call it a night. Always struggled with stopping once I've started, trying to get better at that. 

Just 23 so I've got some time to figure shit out. But it's my biggest demon and always will be.

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3024

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Everyone has to figure it out for themselves, but if controlling your drinking once you start seems to be an issue - if once you start it is uncomfortable to stop; then you might have the allergy we suffer from.

There is a pretty good litmus test that might show if you are different from a normal drinker-  if you are controlling your drinking are you still really enjoying it?  If you are really enjoying your drinking are you controlling it.  

For me, the thought of stopping after 1-2 drinks was torture.... worse than not drinking at all because if have an allergy that kicks off a phenomenon of craving when the 1st drink hits home. 

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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Posted
17 hours ago, ztejas said:

200w.gif

I met you at the TX/ou Lee Harvey's Happy Hour. My first impressions of you are that you are a real asshole (in that Surly kind of way). The other was that you like to go hard.

I've got good news for you, we are never going to diagnose you as an alcoholic.

Bad news, alcoholism is a progressive disease that rarely seems to get better...only worse. This means it probably gets a lot more dark than you could ever imagine, so dark that many give up on life itself.

It doesn't have to go that way. Hit me up if you need shitty advice or a meeting.  I'm local.

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David Dennison

David Dennison 18856

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Posted
3 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

I met you at the TX/ou Lee Harvey's Happy Hour. My first impressions of you are that you are a real asshole (in that Surly kind of way). The other was that you like to go hard.

I've got good news for you, we are never going to diagnose you as an alcoholic.

Bad news, alcoholism is a progressive disease that rarely seems to get better...only worse. This means it probably gets a lot more dark than you could ever imagine, so dark that many give up on life itself.

It doesn't have to go that way. Hit me up if you need shitty advice or a meeting.  I'm local.

More bad news: Mr. Cocaine will show up eventually.

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ztejas

ztejas 43419

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

I met you at the TX/ou Lee Harvey's Happy Hour. My first impressions of you are that you are a real asshole (in that Surly kind of way). The other was that you like to go hard.

I've got good news for you, we are never going to diagnose you as an alcoholic.

Bad news, alcoholism is a progressive disease that rarely seems to get better...only worse. This means it probably gets a lot more dark than you could ever imagine, so dark that many give up on life itself.

It doesn't have to go that way. Hit me up if you need shitty advice or a meeting.  I'm local.

I've already diagnosed myself, but I'm not sure if I'm full blown or just really like to drink. I'm finding that as I get older my love of drinking has waned a bit. I hope that trend continues. If it doesn't, that's when I will need to sit down and really think about it.

I'll either age out of it or I won't. Either way I'm prepared to handle what it throws me. 

To be a pedant, I don't like the term asshole. I can be a huge dick and a total douche but I don't consider myself a mean person. I pick my spots just like the rest of us, unfortunately drinking has tended to pick those spots for me. 

Thanks for the reply. I'll DM you if I feel like it. I'm not a wallflower (but you already knew that).

 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8087

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Good stuff, y'all.

I feel like this is at least the 8th time I've stated the following on the shag/surly, but here goes, for ztejas' sake.

Alcoholism isn't defined by how much you drink, or how often, or how seldom.  Alcoholism is defined by consequences.

I too totalled my car while drunk, but it was in January 2011 - the 20th to be exact.  First thing I asked the nurses when I woke up in the hospital the next morning is did I hurt anyone?  Nope, single car crash.  Whew!

Do you even realize how fucking selfish it is to get behind the wheel of a car under the influence of alcohol or other drugs?  Incredibly selfish.  What gives me the right to expose innocents to my own unmanagable deadly weapon?

See, I love to drink.  I love it more than just about anything.  Ask me about my relationship with Scotch Whisky and my heart just goes pitter patter and I get flush and excited.  I love it more than my kids, my ex wife, my job, my house, my bank account, my family, my friends, my reputation, my safety, my health, my sanity, my morals, my self respect, my self confidence. . .anything.

Of course, I didn't realize these things until Alcohol almost killed me and I had a moment of clarity.

I realized how incredibly selfish and self centered I actually was - it was more important for me to drink and drive and put others at risk than it was to be responsible.  All those other things I mentioned - gone.  poof.

Alcoholics don't decide to stop drinking, we decide to start avoiding the consequences - to "Stop digging the hole" - even if that means that we have to abstain.  The serenity, security, and meaning that some of us find in the rooms and through 12 step are the payout, the "Why we do it."

To quote my good friend Matt H. "today more than anything I want to be a sober member of AA"

I can't pronounce anyone alcoholic, and the only thing I have is my own experience.

I'm so grateful for my life today. I spent the last week in the Keys and Bahamas, watching normal people drink.  It still astounds me as to how they do that.

January 21 will be 8 years sober since that car wreck.

yeah, I love to drink.  Love it, love it love it.  Can't do it anymore.  Found something I love even more and that's sobriety.

 

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ztejas

ztejas 43419

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Posted
55 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Good stuff, y'all.

I feel like this is at least the 8th time I've stated the following on the shag/surly, but here goes, for ztejas' sake.

Alcoholism isn't defined by how much you drink, or how often, or how seldom.  Alcoholism is defined by consequences.

I too totalled my car while drunk, but it was in January 2011 - the 20th to be exact.  First thing I asked the nurses when I woke up in the hospital the next morning is did I hurt anyone?  Nope, single car crash.  Whew!

Do you even realize how fucking selfish it is to get behind the wheel of a car under the influence of alcohol or other drugs?  Incredibly selfish.  What gives me the right to expose innocents to my own unmanagable deadly weapon?

See, I love to drink.  I love it more than just about anything.  Ask me about my relationship with Scotch Whisky and my heart just goes pitter patter and I get flush and excited.  I love it more than my kids, my ex wife, my job, my house, my bank account, my family, my friends, my reputation, my safety, my health, my sanity, my morals, my self respect, my self confidence. . .anything.

Of course, I didn't realize these things until Alcohol almost killed me and I had a moment of clarity.

I realized how incredibly selfish and self centered I actually was - it was more important for me to drink and drive and put others at risk than it was to be responsible.  All those other things I mentioned - gone.  poof.

Alcoholics don't decide to stop drinking, we decide to start avoiding the consequences - to "Stop digging the hole" - even if that means that we have to abstain.  The serenity, security, and meaning that some of us find in the rooms and through 12 step are the payout, the "Why we do it."

To quote my good friend Matt H. "today more than anything I want to be a sober member of AA"

I can't pronounce anyone alcoholic, and the only thing I have is my own experience.

I'm so grateful for my life today. I spent the last week in the Keys and Bahamas, watching normal people drink.  It still astounds me as to how they do that.

January 21 will be 8 years sober since that car wreck.

yeah, I love to drink.  Love it, love it love it.  Can't do it anymore.  Found something I love even more and that's sobriety.

 

Great post man. Thank you so much.

What you said about consequences rings very true for me. I dont like getting arrested. I dont like waking up in the ER. I dont like being an asshole for no reason. 

I dont like being hungover, and I dont like looking like shit because I've been boozing and not sleeping well.

All of those things happen and you find out really just how much you like drinking. 

I'm starting to like it less. I hope that trend continues. If it doesn't, it will be time to hang em up.

Fortunately I don't have a car right now so I can't make the selfish decision I made in June (like you, it was a one car collision. Smack into the median at 55 mph and somehow zero injuries). 

Avoiding those consequences has been my ballgame lately. 

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20943

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On 12/8/2018 at 5:18 PM, ztejas said:

Totalled my car drunk in June. Miraculously avoided a DUI.

Been arrested 3 times for PI (one was dismissed).

Still battling it. I just dont know if I can ever be truly sober. I feel like I have the best handle on my drinking that I've had in awhile, but there's still nothing that feels as good in the world as those first couple of drinks after a long day.

I think one of the biggest things I struggle with (aside from genetics and all kinds of risk factors) is the societal pressure. I see someone in a movie drinking a neat scotch and I want a neat scotch. I see leftover beer in my fridge and I drink it.

I've been trying to stay away from liquor and that's helped. If I buy a fifth/handle of whatever and have a bad week that fifth doesn't stand a chance. If it's there, I drink it.

I've also been trying to just have 2-3 drinks and call it a night. Always struggled with stopping once I've started, trying to get better at that. 

Just 23 so I've got some time to figure shit out. But it's my biggest demon and always will be.

If you're like me, you will likely think about it, not do it, and then 5-10 years will go by (and they go by quick, quicker if the drinking progresses) but you should go check out a meeting.  It's no big deal.  Takes exactly an hour, the magic words if you don't want to say anything (and it's the type of meeting where people are asked to share) are "I'm just listening today".  You may come out thinking "I am not like these people", but there's a pretty good chance a bunch of shit will hit home.  And you'll know where to go when you're ready to give it a shot.

My instinct is to give you advice like "watch the day drinking", or think of markers along my descent in my twenties when things decidedly did not improve, but I'm not sure if that would be productive or counterproductive.  So I guess I'll say... I went from partying pretty hard in college to drinking heavily in my mid twenties, imagining that at some point I would give it up.  But the smooth natural "thing" that was going to come along to cause me to stop never came along.  Relationships seemed like the likely thing, those got sabotaged and then largely avoided.  Then I really lost the ability to control things and it seemed more likely that the end of my drinking would be death or prison than a weekend of sweating on the couch followed by effortless sobriety.  I'm incredibly fortunate to have recovered at all, and I'm really glad that I recovered at 30 with a lot of runway to build a life and a career.  But I really did waste my twenties in a lot of ways.  Reading your thing, reminds me of a lot of things about myself, and when reading that you are 23 it makes me think that it would be pretty great if you didn't end up wasting a decade before recovering (if you do recover, if the topic of this thread is your problem).  At any rate, we'll be around, people like us will be around, drop me a DM if you feel. 

 

FWIW that urge to drink when you see someone else drinking or hear that beer can noise or whatever - that's something that's powerful and we've all had to deal with, and it's something that can largely go away over time.

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