I'm An Alcoholic

[BearSchlong 8252]

1 hour ago, El Diablo said:

Old timer from my first go 'round in 1990 had this to say, and it may be common in the rooms as so many things we hear aren't original...

"There's an old saying that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. HOWEVER you can let the horse see how much others are enjoying the water, how cool and refreshing it is. You CAN help make the dumb horse THIRSTY!"

ETA: The old attraction rather than promotion principle.

Good reminder. Thank you.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

Funny enough, this just came across my phone. I've never heard of "sober bars". These a new thing? 

https://cbsaustin.com/news/addicted-austin/sober-bars-help-people-in-recovery-stay-social

[Celery Man 21105]

Just thinking about the signing papers stuff.  Early on when I was still trying to make sure to get to a meeting every single day (and figuring out what meetings were what and where and when) I wandered into Clifford at noon on a wednesday or something and just saw some old guy in overalls and a squirrelly dude sitting around a table.  I did a "uhhh..." and the guy (overalls) glanced up and reached for a pen and said "You got a paper to sign?".

"Oh... no, I just... is there a meeting at noon?"

He perked up and said something like "there can be" and pulled me and the other guy into the next room and... I don't really remember the meeting (still in my squishee brain phase) but we had one the three of us and then he went back to the table.

[hullabelew 3730]

I've got a great story about a three person AA mtg in Baton Rouge. I'll post it when I get to a computer.

[MissingInAction 25597]

I get this weird stinging sensation in my lower right abdomen right below the rib cage. Is that my liver failing?

[El Diablo 4232]

Talk of odd meetings reminds me of one occasion here in Waco some years back. I think it was the HOT Conference but could be wrong on that. Anyway it was a big affair with a speaker in a rented facility. Somehow nobody had brought the meeting literature and the attendees had to basically recite the preamble from memory. One person got it started and then forgot what came next but someone else got that part and so on. We got through it together.

It was interesting though, something you've heard a thousand times and feel like you could do but it's harder than it sounds when you're put on the spot like that.

[El Diablo 4232]

1 minute ago, MissingInAction said:

I get this weird stinging sensation in my lower right abdomen right below the rib cage. Is that my liver failing?

Gall bladder. Lay off the fatty meats.

[BearSchlong 8252]

15 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I get this weird stinging sensation in my lower right abdomen right below the rib cage. Is that my liver failing?

Blood test out front should have told you.  Get one.

[Dewey 3335]

Reading the promises and the serenity prayer for the first time in a long time, well then promises at least. Holy shit is all I can say. Probably a couple months ago I read the serenity prayer and discovered that I indeed do have the peace, the serenity to accept the things I can not change. Read the promises just now, there really is no longer any self pitty and I was filled with it, overflowing is not an exaggeration.  There are times when I have my doubts and self pitty creeps in, but it goes away because I have proof that faith is stronger than doubt. 

Sitting here waiting for word on a background check for a job that would allow me to stop working two jobs, would end the game of trying to make my ends meet check to check, I sat in doubt yesterday, not today, I'm fine with whatever happens. The money would be great, but finding inner peace far outweighs the rest. If I need to keep grinding, then so be it. 

I urge those of you who still struggle to keep grinding,  to not give up on that peace that is in us all, you'll never know when you will find it and where. Might be something someone says to you, might be in a book or pamphlet that leads you there. Just keep picking yourself up every day, every moment. It happens. 

[BearSchlong 8252]

I've been called sponsor by a guy for 7.8 years. He drove over to central LA last night to see about his 80+ year old dad, who had a doctor's appointment today.  His dad's getting to the point where living at home by himself is challenging, he was stressing that the Doc was going to "institutionalize him". . .so around 11 am today he went out to the toolshed, retrieved his gun, and shot (killed) himself in the chest.

Sponsee and I both celebrate anniversaries in January, and for the last 7 years his dad has given him his chip.  He was so proud of his son.

I've been talking to him sporadically as he deals with the coroner, the Parish sheriff, etc.  Since he had outfitted dad's house with cameras he even saw it on video.

Dammit.

Edited November 21, 2019 by BearSchlong

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

Goddamn, Bear.  Hope he's able to keep it together. 

[Dewey 3335]

I hope everything he has gained in his 7 years will hold him up, along with friends and family. Sad to know. 

[Caddox 952]

Thats terrible, sorry Bear. 

[TwiceHorn 32107]

This is kind of OT for the thread, but here goes.

The action (violent suicide) is terrible, but the sentiment behind it may not be so bad.  Before their deaths, my parents and beloved aunt all expressed something to the effect of "I'm not sure why I'm here anymore."  It wasn't particularly dramatic or morbid or driven by depression or anything.  It was a calm assessment of their state of health (not horrible, but lacking mobility and vision) and increasing dependence on others.  Although it was slightly disturbing to hear it at the time (really not so bad because of the way they stated it), it ultimately gave me comfort upon their passing (knowing that they were "ready").

My dad expressed an admiration for Chester NImitz, Jr.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chester_Nimitz_Jr.

Quote

Our decision was made over a considerable period of time and was not carried out in acute desperation. Nor is it the expression of a mental illness. We have consciously, rationally, deliberately and of our own free will taken measures to end our lives today because of the physical limitations on our quality of life placed upon us by age, failing vision, osteoporosis, back and painful orthopedic problems.

Of course, talking about it in the abstract is one thing, and actually having it happen is another.  But it's something worth thinking about in advance.

Edited November 22, 2019 by TwiceHorn

[Caddox 952]

I have thought about the idea a good bit in terms of why someone in that situation would do it. I watched as my grandfathers living will was not honored by my family. He was left in a vegetative state and his daughters didnt have the stomach to let him serve to death, even though his will made it clear thats what he wished. 

After seeing him, I've always wanted to die if I couldn't take care of myself. I'm not concerned with living as long as possible. I want to handle my business and when my race is finished I don't want to linger around. It isnt about being suicidal at all for me, I just don't want to be a burden to others when I have no real quality of life. 

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

I think it's pretty common. My grandmother told me she just wanted to go. She was 93, had lost her husband (my grandfather) a few years earlier, had lived a good life, had 4 healthy children, 6 healthy grandchildren, a couple great grand children. She was just done. Nothing really to look forward to anymore. Her favorite thing, outside of family, was walking the parks and travelling. She couldn't do it anymore. She was still in her house and needed help. She didn't like help. It was just time. 

I've heard countless stories from my mom, who has a lot of friends in their 90's tell her the same. She had one, who was 95 or something and funny and feisty as hell. She told my mom when she had gotten pretty bad, that she'd wake up every morning, and think "Shit, another day. I just can't die"

 

[El Diablo 4232]

My mom's been miserable and just plain lost since dad died in '06. That's a long time to be alone, especially for someone who's not naturally strong emotionally. She leaned on him a lot, being married to him was everything to her. She just grinds it out from day to day now. Her late stage Alzheimer's may be a blessing of some kind though who's to know what is going on in her head. She wandered off the reservation a couple of times before we moved her to a more secure facility. She'd be in the parking lot with a few of her things and be waiting for dad to come pick her up.

It's got to be a shock to the ones left to pick up the pieces but hopefully your friends dad had a good life. He got to see his son get and stay sober and that's a lot more than many parents get. RIP old dude.

[Caddox 952]

Yea his dad giving him his chips is powerful stuff. I’d encourage him to really lean on those moments and in his heart know that his father died being proud of his son for standing up and facing his demons. 
 

 

[Caddox 952]

Which is probably a good time to remind everyone that dealing with this stuff is truly something to be proud of, no matter how many times you have to get back on the horse. 

[Caddox 952]

There’s also no use in being ashamed for getting bucked off of a horse you’re still trying to break.

[NIUHuskies 505]

Just checking, I have been sexually sober for a week. 

As always, I am powerless over lust and fear.

Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. 

[TwiceHorn 32107]

18 minutes ago, thestud said:

My friend has been back from rehab for a month now. I’ve seen him once and spoken to him by phone one other time. I’ve called him no less than 20 times and sent another 20-30 texts. Nothing. He has yet to return to work or even attempt to file his FML paperwork to begin the process of returning to work. Fuck

Do you think he's back out there?  It's not terribly unusual for someone fresh in sobriety to think they need to change their work or their marriage or whatever.  That's usually bad idea jeans, but it's not an uncommon thought pattern.  The usual rule is no major life changes for a year.  And there's a "rule" because it's a common thing to want to do.  Of course, a fair number of life changes may be coming beyond the addicts' control.

That said, not your monkey, not your circus.

[pch 1264]

Went to the 7am at Harbor this morning where a host of friends (52} welcomed me as they do every morning.  Watched as a newcomer picked up his first 30 day chip and listened as he shared about spending this Thanksgiving sober for the first time in his life.  Reflected on all of the men who have gone before me to the big meeting in heaven and what an impact each one of them had in my sober life.  Watched and listened as each person called on to share expressed gratitude for what the program has brought them.  Was reminded that each day of sobriety is a day of Thanksgiving.  Will be reaching out to all family members scattered throughout the country later today to tell them how much I appreciate and love them-and thanks to the program, they will return the favor.  Since April 28, 1998, this miracle has been repeating itself, and it never ceases to amaze me how grateful I am today for the life I now have thanks to AA.  May each one of you have a day full of joy, happiness, and serenity.

[TwiceHorn 32107]

2 minutes ago, pch said:

Went to the 7am at Harbor this morning where a host of friends (52} welcomed me as they do every morning.  Watched as a newcomer picked up his first 30 day chip and listened as he shared about spending this Thanksgiving sober for the first time in his life.  Reflected on all of the men who have gone before me to the big meeting in heaven and what an impact each one of them had in my sober life.  Watched and listened as each person called on to share expressed gratitude for what the program has brought them.  Was reminded that each day of sobriety is a day of Thanksgiving.  Will be reaching out to all family members scattered throughout the country later today to tell them how much I appreciate and love them-and thanks to the program, they will return the favor.  Since April 28, 1998, this miracle has been repeating itself, and it never ceases to amaze me how grateful I am today for the life I now have thanks to AA.  May each one of you have a day full of joy, happiness, and serenity.

And to you, also.  And everyone here.

[Dertyberd 394]

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, but now more than ever I realize it is our holiday.  

I was hopeless before sobriety countless times and I have been fairly close to hopeless even in sobriety.  My mind has a tendency to look at the future as a dark void when things aren't going the way I want them in the present.  I am so lucky today though to have tools, most important of which is gratitude.  It is a powerful fucking weapon against my biggest demon, hopelessness.  When I take a moment to realize I have a bed, a roof, or even a few people care about me, I can reset and see a tiny bit of light in the darkness of my thoughts.  If I choose to follow the light that gratitude gives me, I can face the day and see what the world has yet to show me.  I'm so thankful for being taught to pause and count my small blessings, because sometimes I just need one more day to change it all.  

So grateful for you all.  Tell someone you're thankful for them today.  It might just save a life, and that life might be yours.  Much love, happy Thanksgiving Day.  

[BearSchlong 8252]

This dust is killing me. Love you bros.

[Celery Man 21105]

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday too.  4 years ago I was having Thanksgiving with a bunch of bottomed out drunks at La Hacienda.  My now wife's family friend Lou drove down and hung out with us (I mean, her, but I was there).  In March he was at our wedding and pulled us aside saying how honored he was to have been included and etc etc etc - yeah man, obviously.  Which is what I told him.  Also apparently 4 years ago there was going to at least be some sort of intervention or intervening going on at Thanksgiving, where it was reliable that I would show up even if I never answered calls or texts or e-mails.  That would've put a damper on the holiday, glad i hit bottom before then.  I think I missed some shitty UT games too.

At any rate, I just now thought "Oh yeah, my shaggy alcoholic friends!".  Only at this point in the day because it's a day that I love and being an alcoholic isn't a thing about it one way or the other and it wasn't at the front of my mind to think about people who might not be back in a place where it's just easy.  So, I'm thankful for all you guys, I'm thankful for your sobriety, or for the people who read this and haven't taken the plunge or fully admitted it (I know you're there), I'm thankful for your curiosity.  I'm thankful for the opportunity that still lives for y'all to enjoy days like today without alcohol or whatever your problem is even being a factor.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Edited November 29, 2019 by Celery Man

[TexArcher 39077]

It's a good idea for anyone, and critical for an alcoholic, to take nothing for granted.

I'm alive.  I'm sober.  I'm healthy.

And I'm grateful.

The rest is just details.

 

[hundredTT 578]

I have avoided this thread out of fear. Still drinking a 750MLer a night. Since I hit bottom around 2 months ago, I’ve found a job, worked out and lost crazy weight, have a great relationship with all my family. But they think I’m sober. I’m doing it all great, except I hit the booze everyday still, but have mastered hiding It. At this point, booze just gives me the perk I need to feel content. I really love it. I know my insides are dying though, and there is no such thing as a functional alcoholic as much as I want it. When I’m not drinking, I just do not like myself, and am a very mundane dude. Booze gives me energy, excitement, purpose. I really hate this. I really want to quit, and am not physically dependent yet. But when I go a few days sober, I get to a point where I romanticize my drinking and have a drink, and it snowballs from there. And I rinse and repeat this bullshit. I really love alcohol, I do.     

Edited December 1, 2019 by hundredTT

[Celery Man 21105]

Counterpoint - you feel energy and excitement when drunk and dreary when you don’t because your dopamine receptors are burnt out from consistent alcohol intake. You feel alive when you’re drunk because that is your baseline and it feels even better in contrast with sobriety when you either feel anxiety or nothing at all. Because the system in your brain that controls those feelings doesn’t get to zero until you’re a few drinks in.

If you stopped drinking for a period of weeks to months you would find a normal balance returning. Even an abnormal balance for a bit as your brain returns to equilibrium. It’s a thing, it happens, it trips a lot of people up because they feel so great they must be cured.

Glad you’re still with us. Nothing to fear from coming back here.

[Dewey 3335]

Its important to understand what alcohol does to the mind, to read up on it. It helps a person understand why they feel certain ways and thus helps combat negative emotions. Even after the drink is gone, 6, 7 months later, I could say to myself these fucked up thoughts, selfish thoughts are a product of virtually a lifetime of drinking, to have patience to keep turning things around and things do turn around. A famous AA speaker described it as slowly turning a ship around... the Queen Mary to be exact.

Alcohol is both a stimulant and a depressant, the double whammy. It makes you feel high on life and then it drags you down. The beauty of sobriety, really the beauty in life, is to find the middle ground, not too high, not too low. So many of us get stuck on wanting that high to last a lifetime. Reality is that its impossible to remain high 24/7, we always come crashing down, hurt ourselves and others, eventually die. It's better to step back and enjoy the beauty of life with an even mind. Its entirely possible for everyone to do.

Edited December 1, 2019 by Dewey

[BearSchlong 8252]

Last 2 posts are the truth.

[mention=4327]hundredTT[/mention] thank you for checking in. One question though - you said you were avoiding this thread out of fear - fear of what?

 

Love and bro hugs to y'all.

 

 

[hullabelew 3730]

On 12/1/2019 at 3:36 AM, Celery Man said:

Counterpoint - you feel energy and excitement when drunk and dreary when you don’t because your dopamine receptors are burnt out from consistent alcohol intake. You feel alive when you’re drunk because that is your baseline and it feels even better in contrast with sobriety when you either feel anxiety or nothing at all. Because the system in your brain that controls those feelings doesn’t get to zero until you’re a few drinks in.

If you stopped drinking for a period of weeks to months you would find a normal balance returning. Even an abnormal balance for a bit as your brain returns to equilibrium. It’s a thing, it happens, it trips a lot of people up because they feel so great they must be cured.

Glad you’re still with us. Nothing to fear from coming back here.

I'm meeting with a young dude tonight who says he needs to talk to someone about his drinking.  I think he is being pressured in to it by his parents and not sure if he will even show up, but this right here is going to be a vital part of what I talk to him about.  Kid is a phenomenal guitar player and is a band that tours all over the country.   

[Celery Man 21105]

I'll just say my experience is that if you're the only one teetering off the deep end, people get sick of your shit even if you don't cause nearly as much as you could.  I think there are a lot of different band dynamics that can play out with alcoholism.  Rather than try and take my experience and speculatively extrapolate out a broader truth, I'd just say there are a couple of ways in which my alcoholism contributed to.... my falling out with the guys in my band or otherwise the end of my days as a touring musician

From a very abstract thing that may not communicate well to someone still struggling with it, the whole thing where people who are alcoholics fundamentally have issues with control, letting go, rolling with the punches, etc, made me a more difficult person pre-sobriety even without the stuff directly tied to drinking.

As drinking became more of a necessity, it also made me more difficult in my ability to roll with the punches in a kind of general way.  I couldn't get shitfaced at a show, I had to perform/drive/function/etc, but I needed to get x amount of drunk before I'd be anxious because I needed to get to X level of drunk before I could sleep, or just because I wanted to go shut everything out and finish my day, which takes a few hours.  Or maybe I don't have enough booze at home and the stores are going to be closed, whatever - all the stuff that you have to do to maintain your addiction are difficult when you're tied at the hip to a bunch of guys doing shit like playing concerts.  And an alcoholic stressing out about that stuff and getting irritable is not everyone's favorite guy, and nobody really understands what your problem is (so, you're just an asshole).

As the disease progresses, and especially in touring, there were more and more nights when you're just doing the things you do and going along OK and then *click* you've hit that level of drunk where you're a problem.  That happens more and more, people get sick of it, it becomes more clear that you have a problem, or that you are a problem.  Also everything leading up to that - getting sloppier in advance of performances, making mistakes.  Spending time apart from the band, not being reliable in that way, or just drifting in the basic group dynamics of the thing where you become more of an outsider as you also become more of a problem.

Maybe that's the thing.  It's progressive.  You can't control it.  You can try and control it, it makes you miserable to be around, but you still eventually lose control and then it's more impossible or frightening to be around.  It's just not sustainable in life in general, but... you know, also in life on the road in a band where you're playing in bars every night.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

Maybe that's the thing.  It's progressive.  You can't control it. 

Alcoholism gives off a very seductive vibe of control when you're neck deep in it, whether it's telling you you're in control of the drinking or you're in control of your life, or your faculties, your decision-making, you name it. It doesn't feel out of control until it's already been way out of control for a long time, further than you ever thought possible when you first started consciously thinking about your drinking in that way that we do and normal drinkers don't. 

Really, even at the very end, I only had two problems with my drinking. It made me feel like I was dying, and it made me wish I was dead. Otherwise...

[El Diablo 4232]

Quote

Spending time apart from the band, not being reliable in that way, or just drifting in the basic group dynamics of the thing where you become more of an outsider as you also become more of a problem.

 

Same things that happen to any alkie in their relationships with pretty much anyone they're close with. Hell, don't even have to be close. People just kinda drift away, no reason given. But if there's some amends to be made and they're cognizant and honest I have found that it's often the case that they didn't like being around the asshole me. People detach. Sometimes it's with love and some times not so much.

Edited December 3, 2019 by El Diablo
there, their, they're

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Keys+Phone+Wallet is the greatest handle of all time.

[hundredTT 578]

On 12/1/2019 at 7:23 AM, Dewey said:

Its important to understand what alcohol does to the mind, to read up on it. It helps a person understand why they feel certain ways and thus helps combat negative emotions. Even after the drink is gone, 6, 7 months later, I could say to myself these fucked up thoughts, selfish thoughts are a product of virtually a lifetime of drinking, to have patience to keep turning things around and things do turn around. A famous AA speaker described it as slowly turning a ship around... the Queen Mary to be exact.

Alcohol is both a stimulant and a depressant, the double whammy. It makes you feel high on life and then it drags you down. The beauty of sobriety, really the beauty in life, is to find the middle ground, not too high, not too low. So many of us get stuck on wanting that high to last a lifetime. Reality is that its impossible to remain high 24/7, we always come crashing down, hurt ourselves and others, eventually die. It's better to step back and enjoy the beauty of life with an even mind. Its entirely possible for everyone to do.

I feel like this is the best post I've ever read in my life. I love the high life and always feel like booze gives me that edge to be interesting, interested, and in the moment. My whole life has been mostly high and low. When I have been content, it was when I found the in -between. But I cannot sustain it. 

[Kennythetiger 9660]

None of us could, man. That’s why we’re here. 

[hullabelew 3730]

10 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

None of us could, man. That’s why we’re here. 

And virtually all of us thought we were hiding it...and we weren't.  We weren't fooling anyone except ourselves. 

[RubyManJack 47]

Happy Birthday @TwiceHorn.
 

I went to a meeting where I got sober today (hadn’t been there in years) and was surprised to hear they are struggling and in danger of being no more. Like me, I guess, people have moved or moved on, others have died, and the area isn’t the greatest and has continued to decline. There is a season for all things, as is said, and I’m grateful that this dying group I didn’t recognize today existed for me 5 years ago as a vibrant place full of good, sponsor based sobriety and service work.

I guess if you stick around the program long enough you’ll see your fair share of death and I had heard that a lot, but it didn’t dawn on me that death couldn’t extend to a group or community.

[RockyMountainHighHorn 929]

Hadn’t been to this page in awhile but I’m glad I took a look again. I’m the addict that identifies as an alcoholic at meetings for respect and I don’t think we have an addict thread on surly(?). Anyway, just wanted to say that everything that has been posted the past few pages is absolutely incredible. It’s amazing when people post uplifting success stories and when people post that they are struggling. As seen above, the outpouring support that almost immediately happens when someone posts that they are in the thick of it is almost magical. Surly can be such an enigma- a group of people with a common love that spiders out to so many other diverse topics.

 

Anyway, I wanted to post that I just passed my 5 months sober from opiates. I also am halfway done with writing a book on my story and the opiate epidemic. I have a publisher and an editor and all of that-this isn’t a project, it’s a real book deal. I rarely try to plug things but I think in this instance I will. I’m looking to speak with anyone that has been affected by an opiate addiction. Whether it’s an addict, someone that knows/loves and addict, family friend to someone that has died/overdoes from opiates, anyone that works with opiate addicts,  a good therapist that works in this area, a lawyer in this field, etc. If you know anyone, please direct message me. I’m not doing this book to try to make money, when my editor asked what I was trying to do I said,” I want one person to come up to me and say that the book helped save _____ life. Just one life”. That’s my goal and hopefully surly can help as it usually goes. If you don’t know anyone, you can also help by messaging me what you would like to read in a book about this crisis. I got the deal because I have an interesting story so there will be an aspect that is engaging to the reader-kind of a million little pieces-ish-as well as stories of others, some research, interviews and facts. I don’t want it to be too formal and not interesting to read. I know reading on a horrible epidemic isn’t the most “fun” to read so I am asking what people would like to learn more about and just what in general would make you pick up a book like this. Thank you in advance! Im glad to be sober another day. 

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

17 minutes ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

Hadn’t been to this page in awhile but I’m glad I took a look again. I’m the addict that identifies as an alcoholic at meetings for respect and I don’t think we have an addict thread on surly(?). Anyway, just wanted to say that everything that has been posted the past few pages is absolutely incredible. It’s amazing when people post uplifting success stories and when people post that they are struggling. As seen above, the outpouring support that almost immediately happens when someone posts that they are in the thick of it is almost magical. Surly can be such an enigma- a group of people with a common love that spiders out to so many other diverse topics.

 

Anyway, I wanted to post that I just passed my 5 months sober from opiates. I also am halfway done with writing a book on my story and the opiate epidemic. I have a publisher and an editor and all of that-this isn’t a project, it’s a real book deal. I rarely try to plug things but I think in this instance I will. I’m looking to speak with anyone that has been affected by an opiate addiction. Whether it’s an addict, someone that knows/loves and addict, family friend to someone that has died/overdoes from opiates, anyone that works with opiate addicts,  a good therapist that works in this area, a lawyer in this field, etc. If you know anyone, please direct message me. I’m not doing this book to try to make money, when my editor asked what I was trying to do I said,” I want one person to come up to me and say that the book helped save _____ life. Just one life”. That’s my goal and hopefully surly can help as it usually goes. If you don’t know anyone, you can also help by messaging me what you would like to read in a book about this crisis. I got the deal because I have an interesting story so there will be an aspect that is engaging to the reader-kind of a million little pieces-ish-as well as stories of others, some research, interviews and facts. I don’t want it to be too formal and not interesting to read. I know reading on a horrible epidemic isn’t the most “fun” to read so I am asking what people would like to learn more about and just what in general would make you pick up a book like this. Thank you in advance! Im glad to be sober another day. 

First thing that came to mind, that would make it interesting to someone like me, who has had addictions, but not an opiate addiction, is to hear opiate addicts that have had other addictions, but at different times and have them compare those other addictions to opiate addiction.  Maybe it's not even possible to find many people like that to talk to. I don't know, just kind of thinking out loud after I read your post. But that might diversify your readership and reach a lot more people.  

And a big congrats on 5 months. 

 

[RPM 26677]

On 12/2/2019 at 1:00 PM, hullabelew said:

Kid is a phenomenal guitar player and is a band that tours all over the country.   

Working the club circuit is tough. I used to manage/bartend during the week and DJ on the weekends. Everyone wants to buy you a drink. I remember one Saturday night when the entire band got DWIs in different vehicles leaving the gig.

[TwiceHorn 32107]

2 hours ago, RubyManJack said:

Happy Birthday @TwiceHorn.
 

I went to a meeting where I got sober today (hadn’t been there in years) and was surprised to hear they are struggling and in danger of being no more. Like me, I guess, people have moved or moved on, others have died, and the area isn’t the greatest and has continued to decline. There is a season for all things, as is said, and I’m grateful that this dying group I didn’t recognize today existed for me 5 years ago as a vibrant place full of good, sponsor based sobriety and service work.

I guess if you stick around the program long enough you’ll see your fair share of death and I had heard that a lot, but it didn’t dawn on me that death couldn’t extend to a group or community.

Hey, thanks man.  Glad you're still around.

Yeah, my church-based group has turned over almost 100%.  It was all guys and a few gals over 50, probably 60, when I started there.

[BearSchlong 8252]

1 hour ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

Hadn’t been to this page in awhile but I’m glad I took a look again. I’m the addict that identifies as an alcoholic at meetings for respect and I don’t think we have an addict thread on surly(?). Anyway, just wanted to say that everything that has been posted the past few pages is absolutely incredible. It’s amazing when people post uplifting success stories and when people post that they are struggling. As seen above, the outpouring support that almost immediately happens when someone posts that they are in the thick of it is almost magical. Surly can be such an enigma- a group of people with a common love that spiders out to so many other diverse topics.

 

Anyway, I wanted to post that I just passed my 5 months sober from opiates. I also am halfway done with writing a book on my story and the opiate epidemic. I have a publisher and an editor and all of that-this isn’t a project, it’s a real book deal. I rarely try to plug things but I think in this instance I will. I’m looking to speak with anyone that has been affected by an opiate addiction. Whether it’s an addict, someone that knows/loves and addict, family friend to someone that has died/overdoes from opiates, anyone that works with opiate addicts,  a good therapist that works in this area, a lawyer in this field, etc. If you know anyone, please direct message me. I’m not doing this book to try to make money, when my editor asked what I was trying to do I said,” I want one person to come up to me and say that the book helped save _____ life. Just one life”. That’s my goal and hopefully surly can help as it usually goes. If you don’t know anyone, you can also help by messaging me what you would like to read in a book about this crisis. I got the deal because I have an interesting story so there will be an aspect that is engaging to the reader-kind of a million little pieces-ish-as well as stories of others, some research, interviews and facts. I don’t want it to be too formal and not interesting to read. I know reading on a horrible epidemic isn’t the most “fun” to read so I am asking what people would like to learn more about and just what in general would make you pick up a book like this. Thank you in advance! Im glad to be sober another day. 

Congrats.

I'm one of those readers who downloads lots of "samples" on Kindle and I end up buying/reading the whole volume about 20% of the time.  My suggestion would be to stay away from the politics, economics, history, and criminal justice implications of the epidemic, even in the introduction.  IMO that's complex, defies logic, is depressing as hell, and should be covered in a separate volume if so desired.

My suggestion would be to sharpen the focus on personal stories - and what it finally took to get clean.

[deadshank 24654]

I posted about my BIL a while back. He's gone to Rancho Cold Ones a few times now and always leaves early because "he's good now" and declares himself "better."  Obviously he's fooling himself and, honestly, he's a catered-to, spoiled and pampered guy living off of what his father built.  BIL is a good guy but hasn't pissed a drop his whole life.  The old man is gone now and he's missing him, missing the structure and the direction his dad gave him and I think he knows he's lazy, not good at things and now he's scared.  So, he hits the bottle and now the bottle controls him and he's screwing up in big ways now. 

Their company sold and he was kept on by the new owners (BIG conglomerate). First thing he does is shit the bed piss drunk at a national sales meeting and grope a female sales rep.  Canned immediately.  Now no gig, old lady and kids are rightfully alarmed and pissed.  He's trying hard but went back to the bottle the other night. Cops pick him up all shitty and driving (on private property). They know him and let him dry out  and release him with trespassing and harassment charges. 

Now he's off to a new recovery facility out of town.  Not with the common addicts / alcoholics but at a real expensive, high speed / low drag place with private rooms and a bunch of country club like amenities. 

I know he hasn't hit bottom yet and his financial means keeps him out of legal hot water and in the lap of luxury.  I've spoken with him about his problems and he's been honest about his addiction and the problems it causes. It just seems to me that he's not really ready to overcome his personal demons and addiction issues. 

I know you guys battle every day and I'm proud of y'all for it.  As a concerned, regarded BIL, do you have any advice on how to communicate and show better support?

[TwiceHorn 32107]

7 minutes ago, deadshank said:

I posted about my BIL a while back. He's gone to Rancho Cold Ones a few times now and always leaves early because "he's good now" and declares himself "better."  Obviously he's fooling himself and, honestly, he's a catered-to, spoiled and pampered guy living off of what his father built.  BIL is a good guy but hasn't pissed a drop his whole life.  The old man is gone now and he's missing him, missing the structure and the direction his dad gave him and I think he knows he's lazy, not good at things and now he's scared.  So, he hits the bottle and now the bottle controls him and he's screwing up in big ways now. 

Their company sold and he was kept on by the new owners (BIG conglomerate). First thing he does is shit the bed piss drunk at a national sales meeting and grope a female sales rep.  Canned immediately.  Now no gig, old lady and kids are rightfully alarmed and pissed.  He's trying hard but went back to the bottle the other night. Cops pick him up all shitty and driving (on private property). They know him and let him dry out  and release him with trespassing and harassment charges. 

Now he's off to a new recovery facility out of town.  Not with the common addicts / alcoholics but at a real expensive, high speed / low drag place with private rooms and a bunch of country club like amenities. 

I know he hasn't hit bottom yet and his financial means keeps him out of legal hot water and in the lap of luxury.  I've spoken with him about his problems and he's been honest about his addiction and the problems it causes. It just seems to me that he's not really ready to overcome his personal demons and addiction issues. 

I know you guys battle every day and I'm proud of y'all for it.  As a concerned, regarded BIL, do you have any advice on how to communicate and show better support?

Doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong.  You're dead right that he's being enabled.  You're also dead right that he hasn't hit his bottom.

Honestly, his family should have refused to take him back every time he left early.  That would probably be a good limitation this time around.

Because he seems to be sincere and at times honest, he's probably getting some clarity in treatment and convincing himself that his problem isn't as bad as initially thought.  The "I've got this" syndrome, a/k/a the "pink cloud."  Then life kicks back in and boom, face down in the gutter.  Very common, very predictable. 

That cycle can be its own bottom, along with whatever happens when he relapses.  It has been my experience that in those sober/drinking cycles, consequences come fast and hard.  And because the alky has a "taste" of sobriety, the impact of the consequences sometimes is greater than it might be otherwise.

But the general advice is to quit covering for him and detach.  Good luck with it.

[Dewey 3335]

Speak of his problems,  but speak more of a life he can have if he maintains his sobriety.  One thing after another happens, good things, usually not great things, but good things, and if he's been where a lot of us have been, those good things feel great. Talk to him about a healthy life, one filled with promise and positivity. We all have that good life in us, a lot of us just cant comprehend that it exists, we have to step out to experience it. 

After that, if he wants to continue the routine of drying out in jail, you'll be there when he wants to get right and stay right. As said, detach with love, let him know the promise of life is out there and have faith he'll turn it around. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

On 12/8/2019 at 9:24 AM, Dewey said:

After that, if he wants to continue the routine of drying out in jail,

or if he wants to switch it up a bit and try it in an ER bed!