I'm An Alcoholic

[Dertyberd 394]

1 hour ago, SwanderedTalent said:

On 12/8/2019 at 9:24 AM, Dewey said:

After that, if he wants to continue the routine of drying out in jail,

or if he wants to switch it up a bit and try it in an ER bed!

Shoot for the trifecta and try the psych ward! Some of us need that extra level of demoralization to realize that we might actually need divine help. 

[El Diablo 4232]

I figure I owe it to the drunk mafia who've put up with my shit all these years to at least provide an update on my situation here at casa Diablo. @Augustus put me in touch with a friend of his who passed my info along to some local folks and I met with one of them back in October. They got my records from my docs and took their good old time reviewing them but last Thursday they concluded that yes, I am in fact as blind as a bat and therefore eligible for some assistance. To celebrate being pronounced legally blind I have been masturbating feverishly ever since. What the hell, right?  Anyway, wheels are turning, the world didn't come to a stop and a drink has never once crossed my mind today. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Soldier on, happy trudgers! Thanks for all of your love and support.

[Prepuce of Doom 21296]

Some of you may remember a couple of years ago when I posted about having a hard time moderating my drinking in certain circumstances - basically, when I hit a certain level of intoxication, I was going to put the pedal to the metal and get shithammered. Not always a huge problem, but on the occasions where I really shot the moon, I sometimes had some apologizing to do. 

Anyway, I posted here and got some very helpful advice and useful perspective on things. Someone tipped me to the Sinclair Method, and I decided to give it a shot. 

I ended up having to see a different doctor than my usual GP just due to scheduling, but I was able to make my case and explain it to him to the point that he was willing to write me the prescription even though he hadn't ever heard of such a thing. 

I used it mostly to good success over a couple of months (with the lone exception of its usefulness and effectiveness being the time I also mixed in some pot). 

I ended up getting diagnosed with atrial fibrillation about two months into the experiment, and I was told that my drinking likely played a role in it. 

I stopped drinking more easily than I feared it might be. I am fairly confident that the few months of "erasing the pleasure pathways" in my brain in the lead up probably helped quite a bit. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to learn, but I am pleased to say that I haven't had a drop since, and I miss it much less than I thought I would. I do count myself as having dodged a bullet - it was in the back of my mind that perhaps I might not be able to hang it up so easily. 

Anyway, I just tried to get a life insurance policy and the online quote/policy match outfit I used eventually dinged me for "having been diagnosed with excessive drinking" and said that none of their carriers would touch me for a minimum of five years after the diagnosis. 

I hate to divert the thread any more than I have, but does anyone have any ideas, suggestions, advice, or experience with this situation?

Please feel free to PM rather than shit up the thread. 

Thanks, and keep on keepin' on... 

[El Diablo 4232]

Thanks for posting that, man. Probably some good info for any casual reader. Hopefully you can get some answers for your particular predicament. 

[Kennythetiger 9660]

In my opinion the entire point of this thread is for it to be shitted-up (shat-up?) with advice.  I have none for you, but I am really glad that you're doing so well.  Good news in the morning Surly read.

[Prepuce of Doom 21296]

Right on - thanks! 

Unless anyone has a better idea, I think we're probably just going to freeball it for another three years or so and just put the money we had budgeted for premiums into other investments instead.  And I'll try not to croak in the meantime! 

[TexMex Horn 68]

No help for Doom, but I'm here to celebrate my 12th Re-Birthday. Y'all make it very comfortable.

[Augustus 3061]

18 hours ago, El Diablo said:

I figure I owe it to the drunk mafia who've put up with my shit all these years to at least provide an update on my situation here at casa Diablo. @Augustus put me in touch with a friend of his who passed my info along to some local folks and I met with one of them back in October. They got my records from my docs and took their good old time reviewing them but last Thursday they concluded that yes, I am in fact as blind as a bat and therefore eligible for some assistance. To celebrate being pronounced legally blind I have been masturbating feverishly ever since. What the hell, right?  Anyway, wheels are turning, the world didn't come to a stop and a drink has never once crossed my mind today. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Soldier on, happy trudgers! Thanks for all of your love and support.

Glad to hear they finally got back to you.

God Bless

[El Diablo 4232]

1 minute ago, Augustus said:

Glad to hear they finally got back to you.

God Bless

Thanks man. Things are going well. Your friend and I exchanged texts a couple weeks back one Saturday, they were just checking up on me. On a football Saturday. Go figure.  

[JohnnyRage 1617]

https://dailyvoice.com/new-jersey/teaneck/police-fire/teaneck-pd-drunk-ups-driver-crashes-flees-leaving-injured-woman-behind/780438/

 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

13 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

https://dailyvoice.com/new-jersey/teaneck/police-fire/teaneck-pd-drunk-ups-driver-crashes-flees-leaving-injured-woman-behind/780438/

 

Without clicking or reading, I'm going to guess that a) this wasn't anywhere near the first time he'd driven his UPS truck drunk, and b) it was fun or "fun-ish" for him drinking on the job for a while, he felt like he was getting away with something and it felt super smart to have solved that annoying problem of needing to be sober for long stretches of daylight. It was probably pretty mellow for a time, cruising in his UPS truck with a nice buzz, then going home after shift and getting hammered until he passed out. 

There's a lot of different ways the "control" slips on you. When you stop being able to drink without getting completely drunk, and when you stop being able to wait to drink until say sundown or something like that-- it's amazing you can still argue with yourself that some aspect of it's under control. You pick up a drink at 10:30 in the morning, then you pick yourself up off the floor at 6 PM-- hard to believe we'll still insist it's somehow under control.

But enough about my drinking.

Sober today and grateful for this program. Things happen, they might suck, but I have a program I can work that helps me deal with the suckage and either accept it or change it if I can, and to avoid spinning my wheels changing stuff I need to accept and vice versa.

Nice day to be alive.

[BearSchlong 8252]

My thoughts exactly. . .good to be safe, sober, and sane today.

[Dertyberd 394]

Grateful to be sober today.  The holidays are hard. There are real reasons I had to reset my sobriety date to January a couple of years ago.  I won't get too specific, but the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas opens the wound of my broken heart like nothing else does, as does the worldly thought of the New Year.  It is bombed into our heads that this will be the year it all starts getting better.  It doesn't always get better the way I want it.  I don't have an economically comfortable life, I don't have my child with me, and I don't have an idea of where I am even going to make things happen.  That can be daunting and destroying if I let myself dwell, drink, or suppress it deep in my soul.  That dark only gets darker when I'm not sober.  There is no love on Christmas if I don't love myself, and no magic of a New Year if I'm lying to myself.  It took me two tries to figure that out.  

I say all of that because today I have serenity, peace of mind, and a chance, even with the heavy stuff all around.  I sleep at night, I'm not avoiding getting caught, and I'm fighting out of hope and not bitterness. I am building slowly instead of destroying quickly. Every problem is a little more real every day that I am sober, but I do not crash and burn like I do when I'm drinking.  I am not causing mayhem, sadness, worry, or resentment for others today. I can be a gentleman to those I do not like yet must be around.  In essence, I'm capable of letting go and dealing with the unpleasantness and circumstances around me without needing a substance to get me there.  Sobriety does for me slowly what alcohol did for me instantly.  That is a fucking miracle. The type of hope and miracle I was always looking for in a virgin birth I didn't really believe in or an arbitrary new year that just added pressure.  It was sitting there in front of me for several years until I actually got out of my own way and surrendered to who I was.  A guy who drank better, more, and for pain that no one else could understand.  Now, the hope comes from within, by watching others recover, and a spiritual place I never knew had.  That is real, I am lucky, and I am grateful.  

[TwiceHorn 32108]

1 minute ago, Dertyberd said:

Grateful to be sober today.  The holidays are hard. There are real reasons I had to reset my sobriety date to January a couple of years ago.  I won't get too specific, but the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas opens the wound of my broken heart like nothing else does, as does the worldly thought of the New Year.  It is bombed into our heads that this will be the year it all starts getting better.  It doesn't always get better the way I want it.  I don't have an economically comfortable life, I don't have my child with me, and I don't have an idea of where I am even going to make things happen.  That can be daunting and destroying if I let myself dwell, drink, or suppress it deep in my soul.  That dark only gets darker when I'm not sober.  There is no love on Christmas if I don't love myself, and no magic of a New Year if I'm lying to myself.  It took me two tries to figure that out.  

I say all of that because today I have serenity, peace of mind, and a chance, even with the heavy stuff all around.  I sleep at night, I'm not avoiding getting caught, and I'm fighting out of hope and not bitterness. I am building slowly instead of destroying quickly. Every problem is a little more real every day that I am sober, but I do not crash and burn like I do when I'm drinking.  I am not causing mayhem, sadness, worry, or resentment for others today. I can be a gentleman to those I do not like yet must be around.  In essence, I'm capable of letting go and dealing with the unpleasantness and circumstances around me without needing a substance to get me there.  Sobriety does for me slowly what alcohol did for me instantly.  That is a fucking miracle. The type of hope and miracle I was always looking for in a virgin birth I didn't really believe in or an arbitrary new year that just added pressure.  It was sitting there in front of me for several years until I actually got out of my own way and surrendered to who I was.  A guy who drank better, more, and for pain that no one else could understand.  Now, the hope comes from within, by watching others recover, and a spiritual place I never knew had.  That is real, I am lucky, and I am grateful.  

That's pretty poetic, my friend.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

34 minutes ago, Dertyberd said:

Grateful to be sober today.  The holidays are hard. There are real reasons I had to reset my sobriety date to January a couple of years ago.  I won't get too specific, but the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas opens the wound of my broken heart like nothing else does, as does the worldly thought of the New Year.  It is bombed into our heads that this will be the year it all starts getting better.  It doesn't always get better the way I want it.  I don't have an economically comfortable life, I don't have my child with me, and I don't have an idea of where I am even going to make things happen.  That can be daunting and destroying if I let myself dwell, drink, or suppress it deep in my soul.  That dark only gets darker when I'm not sober.  There is no love on Christmas if I don't love myself, and no magic of a New Year if I'm lying to myself.  It took me two tries to figure that out.  

I say all of that because today I have serenity, peace of mind, and a chance, even with the heavy stuff all around.  I sleep at night, I'm not avoiding getting caught, and I'm fighting out of hope and not bitterness. I am building slowly instead of destroying quickly. Every problem is a little more real every day that I am sober, but I do not crash and burn like I do when I'm drinking.  I am not causing mayhem, sadness, worry, or resentment for others today. I can be a gentleman to those I do not like yet must be around.  In essence, I'm capable of letting go and dealing with the unpleasantness and circumstances around me without needing a substance to get me there.  Sobriety does for me slowly what alcohol did for me instantly.  That is a fucking miracle. The type of hope and miracle I was always looking for in a virgin birth I didn't really believe in or an arbitrary new year that just added pressure.  It was sitting there in front of me for several years until I actually got out of my own way and surrendered to who I was.  A guy who drank better, more, and for pain that no one else could understand.  Now, the hope comes from within, by watching others recover, and a spiritual place I never knew had.  That is real, I am lucky, and I am grateful.  

Standing O, brother

[hullabelew 3730]

I saw something that was a reply on a Jason Isbell tweet.  A girl was talking about people trying to get her to go rehab.  She said, "I was ready to fight everyone except myself".  That just rang as true as any statement I've ever heard.  

[Celery Man 21105]

Merry Christmas y’all. Love you guys.

[TwiceHorn 32108]

6 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Merry Christmas y’all. Love you guys.

And to you, friendo.

[TexArcher 39077]

Merry Christmas, ya inspiring buncha bastards.

[Dewey 3336]

I had an aunt last night grab me by both my hands as I was saying good bye, she asked if I planned on attending more family functions, I told her that I dont plan on missing anymore,  that I was sorry for the last 3 or 4 years, I was sick, not doing well... she looked at me and said good, and you're off the drink for good?

Yes

Thank you, that's what I wanted to hear.

My aunt is in her 80s, dementia,  has numerous grandchildren, I'm one of many nephews and nieces and she remembers I wasnt around the last few years... I had no idea I was loved like that, missed at all. I've gotten so much love from my family, the ones in Texas and elsewhere. All it took was cleaning up, becoming the person life has been expecting me to be. 

Much love to all of you, I know the journey,  my love and respect goes out to all of you trying to turn your lives around, it takes that brave soul that's buried in us all. Keep fighting those fears and cravings and find love you never knew was out there.

Edited December 25, 2019 by Dewey

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

2 hours ago, Dewey said:

I had an aunt last night grab me by both my hands as I was saying good bye, she asked if I planned on attending more family functions, I told her that I dont plan on missing anymore,  that I was sorry for the last 3 or 4 years, I was sick, not doing well... she looked at me and said good, and you're off the drink for good?

Yes

Thank you, that's what I wanted to hear.

My aunt is in her 80s, dementia,  has numerous grandchildren, I'm one of many nephews and nieces and she remembers I wasnt around the last few years... I had no idea I was loved like that, missed at all. I've gotten so much love from my family, the ones in Texas and elsewhere. All it took was cleaning up, becoming the person life has been expecting me to be. 

Much love to all of you, I know the journey,  my love and respect goes out to all of you trying to turn your lives around, it takes that brave soul that's buried in us all. Keep fighting those fears and cravings and find love you never knew was out there.

My family never turned their back on me and I have had the best time of my life hanging out with all of them this year. I don't see them all that much, so it's really something I've embraced and knowing how happy they are that I'm happy finally is really a special thing. 

Merry Christmas to all of you. This thread has been very comforting to have. Love you guys and gals and all you lurkers.

[pch 1264]

74 people this morning at the 7am at Harbor.  We discussed something from As Bill Sees It regarding our self imposed prison.  It was an open meeting and one of my friends brought his wife and two year old daughter.  I watched as she drank from her bottle and smiled throughout the whole meeting, never making a sound.  I shared that I too used to suck on a bottle in the morning to get the same happiness she was getting, or so I thought.  It was a reminder that God has taken me from my self imposed prison fueled by daily drinking and given me the keys to the kingdom which is a life now worth living without alcohol, full of wonder, gratitude, and serenity.    We served breakfast after the meeting and I thanked every member present for showing me the answer I could have never found without them. I wish for each of you here who is on this journey to a new life the best the day has to offer.  May love and peace rule the day and your hearts be blessed. 

[BearSchlong 8252]

Merry Belated, Y'all. Good stuff.

Friday night I was priviliged to give one of my guys his 1 year chip at my home group. My 19 year old daughter came with me, visited an AA meeting for the very first time, which was cool. Gave her a glimpse into this thing we have.

[hullabelew 3730]

I was in patient for 28 days in May.   Probably 100 people there at any one time. 75% male.  

One guy died from an OD while there.  Since I left 1 girl and 2 guys have died from opiate-based overdoses.  The latest had been sober for 8 months.  Two weeks ago, he went out one night and ended up doing something.  Within a few days he was calling his old dealer from California and he was dead in less than two weeks.  He was 38 years old.  He left California and his band to move back to Nashville.  I had dinner with him in October and he seemed OK.  He was really positive about the new music he was writing.  

Another guy from my IOP.  No drugs...just booze.  The day he was supposed to sign his divorce papers (no spousal support and 51% of custody of two young kids) told his brother in a note, "I'm not signing those fucking papers.  She can't have her divorce."  Then he shot himself in the head.  That didn't kill him, so when he regained conscientiousness in an hour, he picked up the gun and shot himself again.    Prior to this last stint, he had been sober for almost 2 years.  

These are just the ones I know about.  Fuck.  

 

 

[Celery Man 21105]

Yeah, I can think of several I know of from my stint at La Ha who have died, I'm sure there are more that I'm not aware of.  One guy who was really young, smart, kinda.... brash and confident, but in a fairly charming way.  Had worked as a short order cook, was a pole vaulter in high school. We offered him a ride to La Ha for a reunion and he was trying to see if he could parley that into crashing at our hotel room which wasn't as welcome.  He got arrested a while later for being shitfaced and trying to break into a dairy queen in the middle of the night.  Then some months later an obituary notice - no idea if he OD'd on something or killed himself.

A good rehab buddy of mine, older guy who plays guitar and (up until recently) lived down the road from me took me to visit a guy in the hospital he had been working with who also shared our love of guitar.  That guy seemed in a fairly good place - beat up, swollen hands, but lively.  He was going to come over to my house and jam with us, wanted to play my Martins.  And then two days later he was dead.

It's a bummer, it happens.

[Dewey 3336]

I'm always, or I try to be conscious of my emotions,  good or bad. I know I could easily slip off to darker shit, we all can. When I get dark, I'm reminded of things people have said, "where there is darkness there is light",  MLK asked "how may I transform this liability (me) into an asset?" That for me is looking at a higher power, God if you will and finding love deep down, forgiveness deep down and my deepest apologies. We dont have to go back to the bottle or drugs or face the gun, we have to reach deep inside and find ourselves, to let go of the unknown and just be patient with love. 

I say that anywhere else and I get checked and asked if I'm alright, but here I say it because I know we struggle,  all of us. Even those "normal" motherfuckers out there struggle,  they are just too scared to see what's really in them. All it is love, for yourself and others. Move slow and see what the world brings today. 

Edited December 30, 2019 by Dewey

[BearSchlong 8252]

Especially this time of the year. . .

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

20 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I was in patient for 28 days in May.   Probably 100 people there at any one time. 75% male.  

One guy died from an OD while there.  Since I left 1 girl and 2 guys have died from opiate-based overdoses.  The latest had been sober for 8 months.  Two weeks ago, he went out one night and ended up doing something.  Within a few days he was calling his old dealer from California and he was dead in less than two weeks.  He was 38 years old.  He left California and his band to move back to Nashville.  I had dinner with him in October and he seemed OK.  He was really positive about the new music he was writing.  

Another guy from my IOP.  No drugs...just booze.  The day he was supposed to sign his divorce papers (no spousal support and 51% of custody of two young kids) told his brother in a note, "I'm not signing those fucking papers.  She can't have her divorce."  Then he shot himself in the head.  That didn't kill him, so when he regained conscientiousness in an hour, he picked up the gun and shot himself again.    Prior to this last stint, he had been sober for almost 2 years.  

These are just the ones I know about.  Fuck.  

 

 

I was @ Recovery Unplugged last May/June, in a real fog for the first two weeks or so. One of the earliest memories I have of coming out of the fog was seeing one of the other residents, a dude about ten years older than me named Flynn, leading the rest of us (~20 people) through nighttime chore responsibilities. I can't explain exactly what he was doing that got my attention other than it was kind of no-nonsense, not bossy "YOU DO THIS, YOU DO THAT" type shit but more like just a really reasonable, adult way of approaching the tasks. Listening to him in group etc the next few days, it sounded like he had realized a) what was eating him, what the root cause of his relapses/etc was, and b) that he couldn't keep obsession over things that led him away from wanting to recover, he couldn't wallow in the negative stuff. He had some plans, was "graduating" us and buying a car on Day 1 to drive back to Houston to go meeting X and meeting Y and then starting his little charter gulf fishing business back up. He really sounded like where I hoped to be on Day 29-- I feel better, I know myself better, I have a plan of action that will get me through 24 hours a day until it gets easier and I am loving life and everything's going awesome. 

It was kind of a shock when I learned he'd killed himself three days after being discharged.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

On a lighter note, @SwanderedTalent, I hit day 600 today and think you're right around there. So cheers to us.  

Things keep getting better and better everyday. I've been without a steady job for a while now and even though I have a lot of experience and I'm doing well in interviews and such, nothing has panned out yet. But ya know what, it's been such a smaller amount of stress on me than when I was drinking. It's still pretty stressful and my confidence is kind of low right now because of it, but being sober has made everything else just kind of gravy and able to take in stride. I'd be dead going through this with alcohol as my crutch. Knowing that I've been able to stay off the bottle, gives me a boost that I can endure and persevere through the tough times and do it with a smile.  

[Celery Man 21105]

Happy New Years y'all.  Cracking of a fresh decade, going to do this one sober.

ST - I drive by the Recovery Unplugged place on south Congress all the time and always wonder what is up with it - is that where the actual center is (where you spent time)?

[Junior Miller 1502]

Might need to chill it out for the first month of the year because right now I'm fucking lit. Smoked cherry old fashioneds ftw. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

7 hours ago, Celery Man said:

ST - I drive by the Recovery Unplugged place on south Congress all the time and always wonder what is up with it - is that where the actual center is (where you spent time)?

Hey man. They have a few facilities. The one on South Congress is the office/classroom building. They have a detox facility on Manchaca, then the residential recovery place is east of town, up near Webberville. So I started in detox, then did inpatient @ residential for about ten days, then moved to a sober house w/a few other dudes from the program, on Wasson Road, within walking distance of the South Congress facility. That's where I did whatever they call that stage of rehab for another two-plus weeks, until discharge, and then I went back there a few nights a week for outpatient for a few months after that. 

It's not the nicest building (no fucking windows), but there were guitars on the wall and time to jam a little bit with other musicians and the program itself was pretty good although it was tailored to the patients and the majority were twenty-something opioid addicts who'd never been to an AA meeting. But that was OK too. 

If nothing else, I learned for sure I never wanna fucking go back to treatment, or a hospital.

[BearSchlong 8252]

Over the holidays my current wife and I took over custody of my ex wife and daughter's 2 Dachshunds.

Coco Pup is the daughter, Captain Jack is the father.  Both of them super sweet but rowdy as hell.

The irony is that when I'm calling them from the back porch I find myself yelling "Jack! Coke! Come here!"

When I thought about it for a moment, I made a yuck face because I HATED that drink.

Friday night I get to introduce a good friend from Northland who is giving his story at my home group in Beaumont.  And if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll have 9 years on the 21st.

Grateful Alcoholic just checking in to say hello.

[Charles DeMar 221]

Been a while, and I just wanted to check in/thank everyone for their continued AMAZING contributions.

 

518 days today; tomorrow, God willing, 17 months.

 

What really hit me over the holidays was the ability I have now to smell alcohol on people.  That smelling "power" was not accompanied by a craving, just was something I noticed.  No judgment, no correction of others, just ... insight.  I mentioned this new "ability" to my wife, who said "yeah, you never thought I could smell it on you, did you?"  I totally thought I was hiding it like a boss, but, in reality, she knew.  Everybody knew.  

 

Grateful to be sober today.  My second holiday season and I can say it was easier.  The many posts of the feelings that come up during the holidays, those feelings I used to drown, resounded completely with me.  I was able to actually feel, and maybe even process, those old feelings as we went through yet another roller coaster of family obligations, last minute gifts, calamity, etc.  In fact, able to have non-confrontational communication during my wife's stressful times.  "Is there something I need to assemble this fine Christmas Even that I may be unaware of?"  In the past, that really, really was a resentment.  "I am at buzz/drunk level 9, and you tell me I have to put some crap together for little Janie?  That messes with MY plan!"

 

My attitude was SERVICE.  I knew that if I served, I could feel good about it no matter how others felt about it.  I could take their input and not feel overwhelmed by anger or frustration because, hey, I'm doing what I think is the next right thing TODAY, and perhaps they have a point that I should consider when they DO have something to say about it.  I didn't have to be the smartest guy in the room, with all the answers, and looking down on those who didn't heed my (unsolicited) advice.  I could accept their path as being their path, and mine being mine.  "Live and let live" is a powerful statement to me.

 

Appreciate everybody, and Happy belated 2020.

 

CDM

[MaybeACoordinator 8350]

I happened to be awake at 1:37 AM on New Year's Day, but only because I had been stirred out of deep sleep by a nightmare brought on by a mild sleeping pill. My phone buzzed. It was my son. Uh oh, I thought. This can't be good. And it wasn't, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse. He and his army buddy were trashed downtown and couldn't get an Uber because Nashville has become party town and there were about 300K people down there.

So, dad, can you come pick us up?

For the first time in decades, I could say yes, son, I can, and not be worried about getting arrested for doing so. 

That's a good feeling. 

[El Diablo 4232]

10 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Over the holidays my current wife and I took over custody of my ex wife and daughter's 2 Dachshunds.

Coco Pup is the daughter, Captain Jack is the father.  Both of them super sweet but rowdy as hell.

The irony is that when I'm calling them from the back porch I find myself yelling "Jack! Coke! Come here!"

When I thought about it for a moment, I made a yuck face because I HATED that drink.

Friday night I get to introduce a good friend from Northland who is giving his story at my home group in Beaumont.  And if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll have 9 years on the 21st.

Grateful Alcoholic just checking in to say hello.

Rock on brother. I'll be turning 4 on the 25th if I keep breathing and don't drink. Thanks for everything I have today. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

18 hours ago, Charles DeMar said:

I could take their input and not feel overwhelmed by anger or frustration because, hey, I'm doing what I think is the next right thing TODAY, and perhaps they have a point that I should consider when they DO have something to say about it.  I didn't have to be the smartest guy in the room, with all the answers, and looking down on those who didn't heed my (unsolicited) advice.  I could accept their path as being their path, and mine being mine.  "Live and let live" is a powerful statement to me.

Great post. This part is where I keep coming back to the question of whether arguing sports on an Internet message board compatible with the type of recovery I'm pursuing. I am way too much like my drinking self trying to engage on, say, the Football board than I am in literally any other area of my life. 

That is not to say I am SIGNIFICANTLY like my drinking self there, just that the only place I see the pathologies and character defects come out, instinctively and automatically, is there. 

There's driving in traffic, too, come to think of it, but there, my options are limited. I can learn to be a more patient and kind driver, but I can't quit driving. A sports message board, though-- 100% elective. 

Edited January 10, 2020 by SwanderedTalent

[MaybeACoordinator 8350]

11 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

Great post. This part is where I keep coming back to the question of whether arguing sports on an Internet message board compatible with the type of recovery I'm pursuing. I am way too much like my drinking self trying to engage on, say, the Football board than I am in literally any other area of my life. 

That is not to say I am SIGNIFICANTLY like my drinking self there, just that the only place I see the pathologies and character defects come out, instinctively and automatically, is there. 

There's driving in traffic, too, come to think of it, but there, my options are limited. I can learn to be a more patient and kind driver, but I can't quit driving. A sports message board, though-- 100% elective. 

"I used to fly off the handle in traffic until I realized that I am part of the traffic." -- one of the counselors at rehab. That pearl was itself worth the price of admission.

[hullabelew 3730]

I go one night a week to a family session at the IOP where I went after my inpatient stint.  We were going around the room 'checking in' and also you were supposed to mention the one area you had grown the most in the past year.  I really loved one dude's response.  He has been sober about 1 1/2 years.  He said, "I'm intentionally making changes in my life."   That really stuck with me.  In the vein of 'I'm actually making a plan and going through with it, rather than being reactive, flying by the seat of my pants, just trying to keep people off my back' kind of way.  

 

 

Edited January 10, 2020 by hullabelew

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

He said, "I'm intentionally making changes in my life."   That really stuck with me. 

eventually the cliches stop sounding trite and start making a lot of sense

"if you want something you've never had, you have to do some things you've never done" was one that stuck with me. I could sit around and wait for God to miracle my ass up to the top of the mountain, or I could start climbing. 

[BearSchlong 8252]

That dovetails nicely with the 3rd step.

How can I offer myself God to build with me and do with me as thou wilt if I'm isolating and not taking any action?  It's through the footwork and activity that I demonstrate my willingness to put myself in God's care.  It's not praying furtively for God to make changes, it's getting out there and trying.

[Jerry Callo 8971]

Last drink on January 12, 2019. Been reading y'alls' words since TOS - every time there is a new post. In fact, I read the entire shaggy thread in one sitting a few years ago.

I'm not doing AA or any program, just determined not to drink today and again not tomorrow. When thoughts of missing drinking creep into my head, I make a point of fast forwarding to where that drink will eventually end.

Thanks for the assistence y'all have given without even knowing.

[Dertyberd 394]

Congrats!! That’s a damn long time without a drink. So much happens in that first year that I hate that most people don’t get to see it. 

My hats off to you for doing what works for you. There’s no way in hell I could’ve done it without a program and a fellowship. I don’t believe any way is better as long as you’re getting the results. Bravo. 
 

Unfortunately there are a lot more people these days not as lucky as we are.  Just read this today.  

https://time.com/5763403/alcohol-deaths-us/

“Deaths from boozing and bingeing more than doubled in the past two decades, as alcohol consumption per person rose 8%, with sharp increases in the rate for women and the middle-aged.”

[BearSchlong 8252]

42 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Last drink on January 12, 2019. Been reading y'alls' words since TOS - every time there is a new post. In fact, I read the entire shaggy thread in one sitting a few years ago.

I'm not doing AA or any program, just determined not to drink today and again not tomorrow. When thoughts of missing drinking creep into my head, I make a point of fast forwarding to where that drink will eventually end.

Thanks for the assistence y'all have given without even knowing.

Awesome, sounds like you've become practiced at playing the tape all the way through, that's a huge huge part of what we do in 12 step work.

It's not uncommon for people like you to eventually join AA, not necessarily to stop drinking but to expand their spiritual lives - especially if they aren't big churchgoers - so know that we're still here for you should you encounter any rough patches in life.  Not a recruiting pitch, just leaving the door open.

I don't think I could have ever stopped drinking without AA, mainly because I'm horrible at manufacturing my own discipline - I needed a time tested program, and exposure to people with similarities.  Our literature specifically addresses folks like you, who could stop drinking with a good enough reason.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

1 hour ago, Dertyberd said:

 So much happens in that first year that I hate that most people don’t get to see it. 

 

I think about this a lot. I felt it a bit, but didn't really see it. I suppose it's different for everyone, but it took me quite a while after, to piece together the first few months of sobriety. I'm still relatively fresh, so things are still changing a lot. 

@Jerry Callo  Big hug! A year is really something to be proud of. Let yourself.

 

[Dewey 3336]

I read some in the bog book today, haven't done that in a while. Glad I did. I dont forget how bad a drunk I had became, when I read the words "once we start we cant stop", I was reminded again and further how I was. As I got into Agnostics, my favorite chapter, it put me in that spot again, that I had 2 choices, to keep drinking til my death (that was my original plan), or I could try to believe in a power greater than myself....

Those are our two options,  were my two options, and I'm glad I blindly put my faith where it had never been. 

Anyways, keep at it Jerry, that's great stuff. Slow it down and enjoy life

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

11 hours ago, Dertyberd said:

“Deaths from boozing and bingeing more than doubled in the past two decades, as alcohol consumption per person rose 8%, with sharp increases in the rate for women and the middle-aged.”

I see that as an obvious extension of the drinking behaviors Gen X learned in college. Or, timing-wise, the generation that came of college age after the drinking age was raised to 21. 

I lived in a house with five other dudes my last year of college and I didn't keep in touch with them, but I would be pretty surprised if I were the only one in recovery (or, in need of it) 25 years later. 

[TwiceHorn 32108]

1 hour ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I see that as an obvious extension of the drinking behaviors Gen X learned in college. Or, timing-wise, the generation that came of college age after the drinking age was raised to 21. 

I lived in a house with five other dudes my last year of college and I didn't keep in touch with them, but I would be pretty surprised if I were the only one in recovery (or, in need of it) 25 years later. 

Yeah, quite a number of my high school drinking buddies and one college one are in recovery.  Oddly, more high school buddies.  One died on his bathroom floor from an esophageal hemorrhage on New Years Day 2005.

The college one had started to slip into irritating bad drunk stage quite a few years before me.  But could I take any kind of lesson from that?  Heelllll no.

 

[Dertyberd 394]

2 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I see that as an obvious extension of the drinking behaviors Gen X learned in college. Or, timing-wise, the generation that came of college age after the drinking age was raised to 21. 

I lived in a house with five other dudes my last year of college and I didn't keep in touch with them, but I would be pretty surprised if I were the only one in recovery (or, in need of it) 25 years later. 

Tail end of GenX (1979) here.  I hate to say, "back in my day" binge drinking was not only socially acceptable, it was a large part of networking and expected, but it was.  Everyone I new from that time in school and throughout their 20s and early 30s drank very heavily compared to the kids today and our parents before.  Some were able to stop when they had kids/work/important shit, some of us were not without help, and a there are a large group of folks sitting in a suburban Buffalo Wild Wings type bar on a Thursday afternoon pretending everything is just fine.  There is a reason those types of places have thrived with my generation and fail with the youngsters. The rooms are starting to fill up rapidly with my old friends, but not fast enough for a lot of folks.  Grateful to be on the right side of things today.  

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

2 minutes ago, Dertyberd said:

Tail end of GenX (1979) here.  I hate to say, "back in my day" binge drinking was not only socially acceptable, it was a large part of networking and expected, but it was.

For me, it wasn't high school graduation that sent everyone their different ways, it was dividing up into drinkers and non-drinkers. I went to HS in Houston and college @ UT, so I was still around 25+ people from high school once we got here, but if your weekend plans weren't "find parties Friday and Saturday and get as drunk as you can", you went by the wayside quickly. Someone on the other side of that equation would state it as "if you were just in college to get drunk out of your mind as often as you can instead of getting a worthwhile degree and maturing, you went by the wayside quickly". I am certain my behavior and change in attitude was baffling to a lot of people. 

In the first 12 months after graduating high school, I had fallings-out with a number of HS friends who weren't drinkers. And I stayed close friends with an equal number who were. If I went through a HS yearbook right now and looked over my friends from that time, I could tell you who was and wasn't an obvious candidate for AA circa 2019 just based on who I was still in touch with a year after graduating.