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I'm An Alcoholic

El Diablo

By El Diablo
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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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For those in Dallas, I know the Big Book Group of Rockwall is open, and I hear the Freedom Group in Mesquite is too.

Best thing to do is call during one of the known meeting times and see if someone picks up. This happened to me tonight. I had a live one on the other ending of the line wanting to break the cycle.

I'm pretty inexperienced with stuff like this. I wasn't even going to go to the 8 o'clock but was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of unmanageability. It was the first meeting in a long while where I was there for my own reasons. Super glad that someone was able to pick up the phone.

That's what some people just don't seem to get right now, lots of the alcoholic's still suffering don't know what else to do besides call or show up to a meeting.

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So I moved over to Baton Rouge from the Austin area over 4 years ago for a job. The job didn't turn out and I don't like the city at all. I've stayed basically because I'm an alcoholic. I'm single wit

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pch

pch 1259

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17 hours ago, Sparky said:

I haven’t seen this posted, but if so here it is again.  There’s links to online meetings as well as online forums for us during this time. 
http://aa-intergroup.org

 

Thanks for this link.  My 7am home group has been doing online meetings since Monday.  Our connection to each other and the solution continues to be a bright spot in my life.  When I consider how many lives have been lost or destroyed by alcohol, this current virus pales in comparison.  God bless each of you as this too shall pass.

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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5 hours ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

@El Diablo, has this put a hold on your eye therapy or whatever it is you're going through? Is it a setback? 

 

I'm just down in Austin, so if you need me to drop some groceries or shit on your porch, let me know. I don't have anything going on. 

 

Ha, nah Saul Goodman. I got sent home from work on Monday as a precaution due to my age. Everybody else in the office got sent home on Wednesday. So I had Tuesday off. Cane trainer lady is a school teacher, works with blind students, so she was off work too. Her side gig is working for the state with folks like myself but they won't let her go to the homes of any of her clients BUT she can meet them as long as the client gets to wherever and leaves on their own.

The city bus runs about 200 yards from my front porch so we set a time and I met her at the bus stop. We put my ass on a city bus for the first time in my life so that I could regain a bit of independence. I carried my fancy collapsible white cane that the VA gave me and she was waiting at the bus station when I got there. Did a bit of exploring downtown and practiced street crossings. Terrifying to imagine doing it completely blind.

So, worked from home part of Wednesday once they got me networked in and all of Thursday and yesterday. So today?....I took the bus downtown AND caught a transfer that dropped me off about 3 blocks from the Hilton and the river. Took my cane and strolled on. Carried my camera because nothing says "blind" more than a guy with a white cane and a Nikon, right? ;) 

Anyway, I'm trying to approach this thing the same way I try to approach sobriety and the way that I ALWAYS fucking approached drinking. Full throttle. If you'd told my still drinking blind ass that there was a drink to be had in downtown....you KNOW I'd be a bus riding mofo if that's what I thought it would take.

 

 

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pch

pch 1259

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Just finished telling my story online for the first time.  There were 68 people who joined and I was grateful to tell what God has continued to do for me that I could not do for myself.  The app on my phone tells me I have not had a drink in 7999 days-think I'll keep coming back, it works!

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hundredTT

hundredTT 576

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I haven't posted for months. I'm scared to even see this thread. I've still been drinking since I last posted; maybe Augustish? I'm able to stop for a few days,  but the cycle always repeats. With the Corona stuff happening, I admit I'm scared. Drinking had led to weight gain and very bad sleep apnea. I'm worried my lungs are fucked up, and this virus could probably kill me. I know I sound like I'm full of shit, but I've quit several times, but I'm going to try again. I know that "prisoner of the moment" is not a good thing, but does anyone know of online resources I can do? Or maybe an online sponsor from here can help, during this quarantine time? I'm ready to be not this version of myself.  

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BBQ2Bayou

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1 hour ago, hundredTT said:

I haven't posted for months. I'm scared to even see this thread. I've still been drinking since I last posted; maybe Augustish? I'm able to stop for a few days,  but the cycle always repeats. With the Corona stuff happening, I admit I'm scared. Drinking had led to weight gain and very bad sleep apnea. I'm worried my lungs are fucked up, and this virus could probably kill me. I know I sound like I'm full of shit, but I've quit several times, but I'm going to try again. I know that "prisoner of the moment" is not a good thing, but does anyone know of online resources I can do? Or maybe an online sponsor from here can help, during this quarantine time? I'm ready to be not this version of myself.  

I don't know about your questions, but just wanted to say be strong and I'm pulling for you. I don't know if all this shit going on lines up well or terrible with trying to quit, but you already know how to fail at it, so why not this be the time to succeed at it?  

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gasman

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2 hours ago, hundredTT said:

I haven't posted for months. I'm scared to even see this thread. I've still been drinking since I last posted; maybe Augustish? I'm able to stop for a few days,  but the cycle always repeats. With the Corona stuff happening, I admit I'm scared. Drinking had led to weight gain and very bad sleep apnea. I'm worried my lungs are fucked up, and this virus could probably kill me. I know I sound like I'm full of shit, but I've quit several times, but I'm going to try again. I know that "prisoner of the moment" is not a good thing, but does anyone know of online resources I can do? Or maybe an online sponsor from here can help, during this quarantine time? I'm ready to be not this version of myself.  

https://aa-intergroup.org

At the top is a link to get help now, online meetings (Zoom and Skype meetings at all hours of the day and night), if you don't have a copy of the BigBook you can download one to any kindle or iPad. 

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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2 hours ago, hundredTT said:

I haven't posted for months. I'm scared to even see this thread. I've still been drinking since I last posted; maybe Augustish? I'm able to stop for a few days,  but the cycle always repeats. With the Corona stuff happening, I admit I'm scared. Drinking had led to weight gain and very bad sleep apnea. I'm worried my lungs are fucked up, and this virus could probably kill me. I know I sound like I'm full of shit, but I've quit several times, but I'm going to try again. I know that "prisoner of the moment" is not a good thing, but does anyone know of online resources I can do? Or maybe an online sponsor from here can help, during this quarantine time? I'm ready to be not this version of myself.  

We love you, and know exactly how you are feeling. The terror of having done it all over again, and the insanity knowing that you are doomed to repeat.

How you are feeling may be the wind needed to catch the sails.

The best time to quit drinking was 10 years ago, the second best time is right now.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

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JohnnyRage

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1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

Back in my pro days, fellony B&E would have seriously crossed my mind. I am going to say I would have gotten ahead of the curve with enough booze to drown in, and even if I didn't I wouldn't cross that line.

But it would be in my fucking head and... Well... 

I'll echo with anyone needing to talk with someone feel free to PM me. Door is open, feel free to walk in because you are welcome.

Liquor stores are being listed as 'Essential Retail' and are allowed to stay open, at least in Dallas County.

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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4 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Guess they don't want DT and detox cases clogging up ERs.

I doubt that the decision was that benevolent for the alcoholic that still suffers. It was probably to prevent blow back, and another shortage crisis.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8077

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I haven't posted for months. I'm scared to even see this thread. I've still been drinking since I last posted; maybe Augustish? I'm able to stop for a few days,  but the cycle always repeats. With the Corona stuff happening, I admit I'm scared. Drinking had led to weight gain and very bad sleep apnea. I'm worried my lungs are fucked up, and this virus could probably kill me. I know I sound like I'm full of shit, but I've quit several times, but I'm going to try again. I know that "prisoner of the moment" is not a good thing, but does anyone know of online resources I can do? Or maybe an online sponsor from here can help, during this quarantine time? I'm ready to be not this version of myself.  

Hey apologies for just now seeing this, I'd be happy to help - you up for a phone call sometime tomorrow? Good on you for reaching out, thanks for letting us know what's going on.

 

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Sparky

Sparky 149

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My home group is shut down due to county restrictions but we are doing some Zoom meetings.  This worries me because we typically have only about a month extra of rent in the bank.  We have a Pay Pal link on our website where I have and will continue to donate but I can only hope others are doing the same.  Here's to hoping our landlord is understanding.

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

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41 minutes ago, Sparky said:

My home group is shut down due to county restrictions but we are doing some Zoom meetings.  This worries me because we typically have only about a month extra of rent in the bank.  We have a Pay Pal link on our website where I have and will continue to donate but I can only hope others are doing the same.  Here's to hoping our landlord is understanding.

we're not nearly as digitally savvy as we should be-- I've asked in the past about Venmo, things like that, and I think up until now the reaction's been "yeah, good idea, we'll get to it.... when we get to it"

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SwanderedTalent

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On 3/24/2020 at 2:08 PM, BurntEyes said:

Back in my pro days, fellony B&E would have seriously crossed my mind.

Absolutely, 100% true. I've never considered it in terms of "let me pack up my crowbar and head to Oak Liquor Cabinet", but I have thought about it in terms of "OK, if all the stores were closed and I needed vodka, how would I go about breaking into the store? Doesn't seem like you can get in through the roof, maybe the back door? Where are the cameras?"

like way too much thought.... I was going to do for me what God would not do, if push came to shove

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BearSchlong

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2 hours ago, Sparky said:

My home group is shut down due to county restrictions but we are doing some Zoom meetings.  This worries me because we typically have only about a month extra of rent in the bank.  We have a Pay Pal link on our website where I have and will continue to donate but I can only hope others are doing the same.  Here's to hoping our landlord is understanding.

We usually keep a prudent reserve of about 90 days expenses.

Here's a link to Northland's zoom meeting schedule - https://www.northlandgroup.org/ - it's pretty much public record at this point.  I'm a little worried that you have to go in and change your name in zoom to first name, last initial - way too many people have first and last name in their zoom login.  Also, closed vs. open meetings, men's/women's meetings can't really be enforced. . .

 

 

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BearSchlong

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Really good zoom meeting tonight, here is a link to a google docs list - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gr3IfHHon6qR6MIZ1VTq4GvvtN_8j3Av/view

 

I'm afraid that after this quarentine my home group might split due to discord, there is one jackass who insists on defying the steering committee - and the stay home order - by holding meetings on the covered patio at our building and then accusing the rest of us of denying recovery to newcomers. Actually quoting the big book at us.

 

Pretty sure he's not actually an alcoholic. Years ago he was led away from celebrate recovery in handcuffs and a restraining order. Garden variety pendergast and psychopath, armed with a big book.

 

I think I want him to get Coronavirus just to prove my point.

 

Dang it, I'll go read page 67 now.

 

 

 

 

 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8077

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AA groups fall into essential service mental health care and are exempt here in a Dallas and Rockwall.
It caused discord in my home group but was handled appropriately at Group Conscience with a coinciding Zoom piped in.
So online only? What was the discord?

I've got a buddy in the Irving group whose daughter has the virus, and local friend whose best friend has it.
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Reagan1k

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19 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Really good zoom meeting tonight, here is a link to a google docs list - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gr3IfHHon6qR6MIZ1VTq4GvvtN_8j3Av/view

 

I'm afraid that after this quarentine my home group might split due to discord, there is one jackass who insists on defying the steering committee - and the stay home order - by holding meetings on the covered patio at our building and then accusing the rest of us of denying recovery to newcomers. Actually quoting the big book at us.

 

Pretty sure he's not actually an alcoholic. Years ago he was led away from celebrate recovery in handcuffs and a restraining order. Garden variety pendergast and psychopath, armed with a big book.

 

I think I want him to get Coronavirus just to prove my point.

 

Dang it, I'll go read page 67 now.

 

 

 

 

 

How bad does it have to be to get hauled off from Celebrate Recovery in handcuffs? Good grief.  Our ilk tend to work at this to get out of handcuffs- not go into them.

Hopefully  cooler heads will prevail and your group comes out of this unified and reinvigorated by the experience as a result of applying the steps and traditions.  

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BearSchlong

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15 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

How bad does it have to be to get hauled off from Celebrate Recovery in handcuffs? Good grief.  Our ilk tend to work at this to get out of handcuffs- not go into them.

Hopefully  cooler heads will prevail and your group comes out of this unified and reinvigorated by the experience as a result of applying the steps and traditions.  

Pretty bad, from what I heard about that particular episode.

Last week the building chair changed the locks on our home group building and he actually broke in and hosted the birthday night meeting this past Friday.  The master breaker box was padlocked - he brought bolt cutters and cut the lock and turned on power, and taped a $10 bill next to it as "payment" for the lock.  The police were called but because he is a steering committee member charges can't be filed.  He bought pizza and then gave the receipt to the treasurer, expecting payment - knowing full well that we've never bought pizza for birthday night, it's potluck.

I could go on and on about the damage that I (and many others) perceive he has done to people - inside and outside of the rooms - over the last 7 years he has been around.  Statutory rape, bad faith business dealings (he is a slum lord and used car dealer) just a litany of stuff.  To this day he has never once spoken about his drinking, my opinion is that he's a garden variety sociopath that found a group that wouldn't throw him out.

Talked to my sponsor about it and our consensus is he's none of our business.  Closest I've ever wanted someone to get struck drunk though.

 

 

 

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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My Aunt has been in AA for decades. While I think she probably overdid it more than most "normal" people, I've heard my  mom say a couple times that she doesn't think she's probably an alcoholic, but needed some sort of support and fit in there. She didn't say it in a resentful way or anything (my mom is one of the "normal" drinkers), just an observation. 

But it's been good for her spiritually I think and she quit drinking altogether, so I don't see why anyone else would care. I'm wondering if this happens quite a bit with AA? Not the kind of person that @BearSchlongis talking about, but the people like my Aunt that are perhaps searching for something in way of support and end up there. 

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31240

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Kind of an interesting question would be, does she just go to the meetings or have a sponsor and work the steps?

Working the steps can be difficult, but it's beneficial to anyone.  Some people just innately live according to the steps.  My church (Methodist) has had a more explicitly Christian/Bible oriented 12-step program for anyone without professing any kind of dependency off and on for years.

Because AA is more than a "support group" in the Fight Club sense.  It has that element, sure, but it's a program of action and the meetings are kind of a launching pad for that action.

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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years ago we had an old guy, "Fred" who attended meetings regularly. Fred was not as well equipped as many on the IQ scale. He'd introduce himself by name and "emotional problems". Don't know that he ever shared in a meeting but he was a fixture and a sweet, gentle soul. 

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BBQ2Bayou

BBQ2Bayou 807

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1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

Kind of an interesting question would be, does she just go to the meetings or have a sponsor and work the steps?

Working the steps can be difficult, but it's beneficial to anyone.  Some people just innately live according to the steps.  My church (Methodist) has had a more explicitly Christian/Bible oriented 12-step program for anyone without professing any kind of dependency off and on for years.

Because AA is more than a "support group" in the Fight Club sense.  It has that element, sure, but it's a program of action and the meetings are kind of a launching pad for that action.

I don't know about that. I've never talked to her about my own problem or hers. I know she's made a lot of good friends from it all over the country and always finds them when out of town, so maybe it helped and then just became part of her social life. Maybe she worked the hell out of the steps and couldn't have stopped without it. Maybe both. 

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pch

pch 1259

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On 3/29/2020 at 2:21 PM, BearSchlong said:

So online only? What was the discord?

I've got a buddy in the Irving group whose daughter has the virus, and local friend whose best friend has it.

Does he go the The Gift in Irving?  Several members there were influential in my staying sober early on and I have always been grateful.

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JohnnyRage

JohnnyRage 1617

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1 hour ago, pch said:

Does he go the The Gift in Irving?  Several members there were influential in my staying sober early on and I have always been grateful.

Me too. Did you ever meet old man Sam before he passed on? If I had known what I was doing or had the guts my first go around, I would have asked him to be my sponsor. In a weird way he was kind of like my first sponsor.

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

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Part of it might be that some people are just more teachable than others. I had to get to the suicidal "drinking for oblivion" phase and not everyone I know in the program got there or got close, so I do hear stories of what it was like and think "I would never have been able to stop at that point".

But then I'm sure there are plenty of people in some of the rooms that hear my story and since the money and house and job and family were still there think "ah, it could have been worse". 

That part does worry me sometimes. I try not to futurecast but it does cross my mind.

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pch

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22 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

Me too. Did you ever meet old man Sam before he passed on? If I had known what I was doing or had the guts my first go around, I would have asked him to be my sponsor. In a weird way he was kind of like my first sponsor.

Ray C., Jerry T. and Sam were all role models.  

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