I'm An Alcoholic

[BearSchlong 8098]

Well, at least he's making an honest effort to get there.  So far he's checking all the boxes that I did.

[Not a cat 5658]

The funny thing is he's in HR and when a mutual friend of ours at the company had a tough time with the same issues, he told that friend just go do 30 days rehab, take a break, get clean and when you come back your job will be here and nobody will care that you were gone.  Said friend did exactly that and is doing great.

He knows the answer but just won't take his own advice.

[RubyManJack 47]

I read this article today and thought it was pretty encouraging, so maybe someone else will think so too: https://brenebrown.com/blog/2019/05/31/what-being-sober-has-meant-to-me/?fbclid=IwAR30BAVw3bSLGfIy0YuFqIgm5XwbqW0co0PzKk85T3eeWWWEO643DhMVTA0#close-popup

[hullabelew 3724]

Good stuff.  Plus her opening and closing podcast music is done by a couple of Austin musicians, Carrie Rodriguez and Gina Chavez.   I admit I have a possibly unhealthy infatuation/borderline stalking relationship with Carrie.   

[Shoxthemonkey 1981]

2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Good stuff.  Plus her opening and closing podcast music is done by a couple of Austin musicians, Carrie Rodriguez and Gina Chavez.   I admit I have a possibly unhealthy infatuation/borderline stalking relationship with Carrie.   

I have the same infatuation with Gina Chavez.

Yeah, I know. Don't care.

[hullabelew 3724]

1 hour ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

I have the same infatuation with Gina Chavez.

Yeah, I know. Don't care.

Who are we to argue?  

[pch 1259]

10 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Good stuff.  Plus her opening and closing podcast music is done by a couple of Austin musicians, Carrie Rodriguez and Gina Chavez.   I admit I have a possibly unhealthy infatuation/borderline stalking relationship with Carrie.   

If it walks like a duck. . . .😄

Don't you just wish honesty was enough? Has to be RIGOROUS honesty!! Talking to myself here amigo.

[Reagan1k 3024]

Doing some yard work this evening and was listening to “The Redheaded Stranger”.  Never noticed it before, but Hands on the Wheel sure does describe what I find in sobriety and in fellowship with you drunks. 
 

At a time when the world seems to be spinnin'
Hopelessly out of control
There's deceivers and believers and old in-betweeners
That seem to have no place to go

Well, it's the same old song, it's right and it's wrong
And livin' is just somethin' that I do
And with no place to hide, I looked in your eyes
And I've found myself in you

I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars
And I've nearly gone up in smoke
Now my hand's on the wheel, I've something that's real
And I feel like I'm goin' home

[pch 1259]

19 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Doing some yard work this evening and was listening to “The Redheaded Stranger”.  Never noticed it before, but Hands on the Wheel sure does describe what I find in sobriety and in fellowship with you drunks. 
 

At a time when the world seems to be spinnin'
Hopelessly out of control
There's deceivers and believers and old in-betweeners
That seem to have no place to go

Well, it's the same old song, it's right and it's wrong
And livin' is just somethin' that I do
And with no place to hide, I looked in your eyes
And I've found myself in you

I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars
And I've nearly gone up in smoke
Now my hand's on the wheel, I've something that's real
And I feel like I'm goin' home

Mickey Rafael's harmonica on this tune is the shit.

[hullabelew 3724]

On 3/19/2021 at 5:27 PM, pch said:

Mickey Rafael's harmonica on this tune is the shit.

One of life's consistencies.  

[DallasHorn26 586]

So I found some of my old chips lying around from before I relapsed (I’m sure there were others I’ve thrown away) I decided to use them as a daily reminder and think twice anytime I’m heading out the door. Happy to be here!!!

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Looks like he could be the short bus. 😀

You’re not making short bus decisions, are you?

[lmao 178]

Sober since May. Friend of mine got fired (teacher) for alcohol related issues. It took that for him to finally jump on the sobriety train. I'm trying to help him the best as I can. 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

1 hour ago, lmao said:

Sober since May. Friend of mine got fired (teacher) for alcohol related issues. It took that for him to finally jump on the sobriety train. I'm trying to help him the best as I can. 

So he’s been sober for 10 months, or he had a terrible relapse after 10 months?

 

And I’m just razzin’ @DallasHorn26.

[lmao 178]

1 minute ago, JohnnyRage said:

So he’s been sober for 10 months, or he had a terrible relapse after 10 months?

 

And I’m just razzin’ @DallasHorn26.

Derp. No I've been sober since May.

He got let go at the beginning of the year and that rock bottom it was got him sober finally. 

[DallasHorn26 586]

1 hour ago, JohnnyRage said:

Looks like he could be the short bus. 😀

You’re not making short bus decisions, are you?

so far today I havent.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

1 minute ago, lmao said:

Derp. No I've been sober since May.

He got let go at the beginning of the year and that rock bottom it was got him sober finally. 

Well congrats to you both. It gets easier.

[El Diablo 4232]

Had a knock on the door today, delivery guy with a package. No biggie, I'm ordering shit online all the time what with COVID and not driving etc... Finally got around to opening it up and it's 2 bottles of vino. Appears one of my co-workers in Cali thought I deserved a gift to show their appreciation for some job related stuff. A bottle of 2016 cab and some other 2016. Don't know the vineyard and don't know anyone who would appreciate what I'm assuming is "good" wine. Holy hell, lol. No temptation AT ALL but now I have to thank them for the gift and find someone who can use it. 

ETA: The sender was playing defense for USC in the 2005 MNC but other than that is a decent human. 

Edited March 23, 2021 by El Diablo

[BearSchlong 8098]

Wowza.  A case of wine from a bespoke OR vineyard was delivered at my house yesterday.  Half of which will be given away as hostess, birthday, housewarming gifts etc.  The other half will be drunk by my wife and her mom and maybe her dad - perhaps even by 2022.  Normies, what can you say.

11 years ago that would have been a 3 day bender.  Nowadays it barely registers that she keeps booze in the house.  That's what a few thousand hours in AA gave me.  One slight irritation, though - Tito's put little sweaters on their bottles during the holidays and now one of my topo chicos is wearing it.

After reading that part about the teacher getting fired for alcohol related stuff, I went to my Monday night meeting.

Very close friend of mine was a pilot, then a CFI, (insert the death spiral drunkalog) finally came to at 2am in a dirty travel trailer with a whole bunch of DEA laser sights focused on his chest.  Was facing 20 to 99.

narrator: he got sober and avoided prison

Now he teaches high school english.  Was 100% transparent with the school district administrators about his background.  By all accounts he's a great teacher, and I know for a fact that he has a great program.

And those HS kids can't bullshit him, that's for sure.

Personally I know about 5 alcoholics/dope fiends who went from the jailhouse to the school house.  Inspiring.

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by BearSchlong

[Kennythetiger 9388]

Guy in my group last night described alcoholism as “patient”. Goddamn if that ain’t right. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

4 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Guy in my group last night described alcoholism as “patient”. Goddamn if that ain’t right. 

yeah, I always liked the appendage of that term onto "cunning, baffling, and powerful". 

I was texting a buddy in the program last night and had a random memory about when he and I worked together, how one morning I'm visiting the datacenter and walking up this ramp to the server area with the raised floor at 830 in the morning, and I'm thinking back to the prior night when I'd drank a fifth of vodka and taken a couple of sleeping pills and how the thought had occurred to me that "you know, drinking and taking pills like that... probably no one else here did that last night, it's probably not really normal to drink the way I do anymore".

and I only did it for another 12 years before I quit

[pch 1259]

Woke up this morning in Dana Point, California.  I have been here with my wife and daughter in law preparing to do a memorial service for my son who died in January.  It has been a bittersweet visit to such a beautiful place, but thankfully, the zoom meetings in Ft Worth have been a lifeline to my answer as well as the many phone calls to those who truly care about me. 

I am grateful that I am sober today and will have the opportunity to speak to a large gathering of my friends about my son.  I went to a surf shop yesterday to rent a wetsuit for the paddle out and scattering of his ashes.  Three young locals working in the store were most helpful and when I told them why I needed the suit, they all embraced this Texas stranger and wished me comfort.  I went to pay for the suit, and the kid behind the counter said no charge sir-go in peace.  Such an unconditional random act of kindness was so touching to me that when I left the shop, I sat on a bench and cried while thanking God for my life today and my son's life without pain and suffering today.  I'm constantly reminded by this program that we know only a little and that God will constantly reveal Himself-yesterday was just another example of that for which I will have a memory to treasure and share with the new guy who walks into the room for the first time without any idea of how to live life without alcohol.

It's a beautiful day in California today thanks to the new pair of glasses I was given by the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Thank you for reminding us.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

20 hours ago, pch said:

the new guy who walks into the room for the first time without any idea of how to live life without alcohol.

your whole post was beautiful but this in particular, the idea of sharing with someone who's new and raw and scared, is such an incredible thing to be a part of. Such an incredible gift. A normal/non-drinker would never understand the sentiment of "I'm really sorry for all the hurt I caused, but I'm grateful for my life and wouldn't change a thing", but what we're enabled to do today via all the terrible shit in the past and our recovery from it....  it's a truly incredible thing.

also breakfast tacos

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

I'm coming up on 3 years, and at times I still feel like I'm being reintroduced or just introduced to the world. I'm still never certain what my reaction will be to anything. Like I'm getting to know myself still. Just waking up or just getting started or something. I don't know how to channel anything it feels like sometimes. 

 Normal? I think therapy might be worth a try at this point. I'm not unhappy. I'm not wavering. I'm just not sure. I feel like there's a big void. I guess when my life was booze for 25 years, that does leave a pretty big void. I'm 44 and skipped out on a career or family so I could drink. Now all my friends have families and good jobs and I'm just getting started. What a fucking waste. Jesus

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

37 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

Normal?

Normal?.....We're alcoholic.  We are predisposed to many of those emotions.

Even if we'd never had the first drop those feelings would and could come naturally to us.  I don't see any reason why seeing a professional would hurt.  We seek outside help when necessary.  The Big Book says "Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward." 

Maybe it's something that a sponsor could help you sort through in an inventory and maybe its something an professional could help you process - likely both would help!

Hell yeah its normal and should be something you pay attention to in a constructive way - getting into action to address it.  We don't come this far to wallow in doubt, self pity and regret.  You've got a lot to give and live for.  Explore that with whoever you need to help you wade into and through those emotions.

 

[BearSchlong 8098]

59 minutes ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

I'm 44 and skipped out on a career or family so I could drink. Now all my friends have families and good jobs and I'm just getting started. What a fucking waste. Jesus

I'm 48 and feel the same way much of the time.  When I compare my insides to everybody else's outsides, then I feel like shit.  But my higher power has me right where I'm supposed to be.  I have to remember to want what I have.  Which is actually a ton of serenity and manageability, compared to what it was like before.

My suggestion is to go get some sponsees and get busy taking them through the steps.  That's my go-to when I am in self pity.

Of course, that's my suggestion for pretty much whatever ails you in sobriety.

[Dewey 3286]

1 hour ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

I'm coming up on 3 years, and at times I still feel like I'm being reintroduced or just introduced to the world. I'm still never certain what my reaction will be to anything. Like I'm getting to know myself still. Just waking up or just getting started or something. I don't know how to channel anything it feels like sometimes. 

 Normal? I think therapy might be worth a try at this point. I'm not unhappy. I'm not wavering. I'm just not sure. I feel like there's a big void. I guess when my life was booze for 25 years, that does leave a pretty big void. I'm 44 and skipped out on a career or family so I could drink. Now all my friends have families and good jobs and I'm just getting started. What a fucking waste. Jesus

 

I'm 44, I'm 3 years, 3 months sober, and have felt the same, but I feel like I truly have an opportunity,  that not all is wasted. For one reason or another,  with or without drinking, I wasn't a stable human being, I could not have started a career or had a family. I feel blessed to have that opportunity now, at least a career, and hopefully settle down with a beautiful woman someday. Nothing is wasted, the past is filled with valuable lessons that people our age have no idea of. What we are lead through in sobriety many people never get to touch on in their ordinary lives. They too go through life thinking something is missing, not quite sure what a feeling is or how to react, but they never think to dig deeper (or are too scared) Bill Wilson and AA gave a road map to deeper thinking, simply reading through a page or a chapter of the big book and practicing leads us deeper than others. 

I get that drinking for 25 years + is a waste, it is, but what's to get out of it? There's something to take,  so take that little and don't dwell on the rest. Your job is to move forward,  plain and simple. Time doesn't stop. Write down the good and bad , take the good with you, throw the bad away.  That's a good life. 

Nothing wrong with therapy, sometimes I feel like I should (I absolutely should lol). Fuck it, when I read Gandhi's words that life would be a terrible burden if we carried such a load of memories with us,  I officially quit, I finally let go. When a friend of a friend came clean and let me know that my ex was fucking other guys, who and when during our marriage,  I was disturbed,  but no longer angry and as I walked back into work moments later, I said to myself I closed the flap to that circus tent, I'm moving on. 

Pick yourself up however you need to (not drinking) and keep moving on. Trust your instincts (scary for an alcoholic). 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

@BBQ2Bayou  Happy, Joyous, and Free...

 

Going on 5 years of being around the program, I don't go to AA because I'm trying to stop drinking. I can, not wisely, wage that battle outside of the rooms.

I keep coming back because of the promises like happy, joyous, and free - because on my own with my mostly fear based plans and discontentment towards the outside world, I lack significant progress.

Keep coming back.

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I'm 44 as well and about 15 years behind where I maybe should be, or maybe not. I'll settle for right here.

[Celery Man 20962]

Some good posts. Also that problem in general is just all the things rolled up together, which is a lot. There's a part where you need to... take out the bit where you are measuring yourself against others. I think it's healthy to measure yourself, but against who you want to be and not who others are. Down that path is.. all of the emotions - anger, bitterness, envy, etc etc. Fuck that. Who do you want to be, who are you right now, where would you be five years from now if you were making good progress towards the person you want to be, what kind of steps would you take to get there, what would be a good first step, how do you get started on that step. That's a lot of shit to think about and the answers aren't straightforward, and likely you can't define a list to get you from A to B, but you can start thinking about what you're doing that's taking you the wrong way and what you could be doing that is taking you the right way, and make those changes. All shit that you have control over. And you can keep assessing where it is that you think you want to go, and adjust to keep moving the right direction. Progress feels good, progress quiets feelings of remorse about lost opportunity, just do yourself the solid of really thinking about what would make you happy to progress towards. And know that you're on your path, some things won't work out and some things will surprise you, and even if it kills you you won't get anything you can't handle unless you pick up a bottle.

I should go to therapy as well. Getting your thoughts out of your head helps, even if someone is just bouncing your shit right back to you. Just playing catch with your thoughts. I sought out advice from my brilliant successful brother in law hoping he would let me in on some of his jedi mind tricks, and it was a lot of "yeah but is that what you really want? it you think of yourself more as this guy, why don't you try and be that?", mixed with "sure that's scary but people do that stuff all the time and you're not stupid you'll be fine let me know how it goes".

Let go of the stuff that you think you're supposed to be or supposed to want, focus on what you want. Don't worry about things that already happened. Control the controllables, do so purposefully. Pick a direction and a landmark, start walking towards it. It doesn't have to be far.

I feel like you were touching on some more uncomfortableness and uncertainty beyond "well now I'm here, where do I go".  I feel like I know what you're talking about, or I could be misunderstanding you completely. Either way, whether I'm paralyzed by doubt/lack of confidence, or I'm generally bummed or in a weird spot emotionally, doing a thing where I can make progress helps me either break through or distract myself until it passes. I've been talking about long term stuff but man even micro term stuff. I honestly love the whole process of cooking a meal and then cleaning the kitchen. Sometimes challenging, never baffling, always rewarding, and at the end of it I'm full in a spotless kitchen. Honestly, if you're ever in a funk and your surroundings are shitty, pick a spot and get to work.

Sorry for the longcat, keep on keeping on everyone.

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

9 hours ago, Celery Man said:

progress quiets feelings of remorse about lost opportunity

This is outstanding. 

Thanks all. Not sure where this little funk came from. I think it's mostly from a new job I started 2 months ago. I'd been out of work for a while and I felt like it would be a big void filler and make everything right when I started full time work again. I was super pumped to get the job and start working, no matter what it was, then some sort of arrogance or ungratefulness took over after I started and then started realizing how much more I have to offer and dwelling on that lost opportunity. 

I don't mean money as much as being at a place where I actually enjoy what I do. I know that's simple and perhaps unrealistic, but I really don't know what I like to do and it's frustrating. I never have had much interest in anything, but it didn't matter when I had booze. Or of course it did, booze just numbed me. 

I need to just take a step back and not try to fix everything at once, maybe. Or think that any one thing can fix all the other things. 

 

[hullabelew 3724]

Progress feels good, progress quiets feelings of remorse about lost opportunity,

This is brilliant.

[Reagan1k 3024]

17 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Progress feels good, progress quiets feelings of remorse about lost opportunity, just do yourself the solid of really thinking about what would make you happy to progress towards.

Another vote that this is great wisdom.

Heard a speaker this week talking about the fact that as alcoholics, we are normally walking up a down escalator.  If we stand still, we start moving backwards, and even if we do go backwards for a time, we can reverse that trend by taking action.

Tied in quite nicely with what @Celery Man said.  

[BearSchlong 8098]

Another vote that this is great wisdom.
Heard a speaker this week talking about the fact that as alcoholics, we are normally walking up a down escalator.  If we stand still, we start moving backwards, and even if we do go backwards for a time, we can reverse that trend by taking action.
Tied in quite nicely with what [mention=26]Celery Man[/mention] said.  

I stole that analogy and used it in my first few years. I love it.

[Kennythetiger 9388]

On 3/31/2021 at 9:54 PM, Celery Man said:

Some good posts. Also that problem in general is just all the things rolled up together, which is a lot. There's a part where you need to... take out the bit where you are measuring yourself against others. I think it's healthy to measure yourself, but against who you want to be and not who others are. Down that path is.. all of the emotions - anger, bitterness, envy, etc etc. Fuck that. Who do you want to be, who are you right now, where would you be five years from now if you were making good progress towards the person you want to be, what kind of steps would you take to get there, what would be a good first step, how do you get started on that step. That's a lot of shit to think about and the answers aren't straightforward, and likely you can't define a list to get you from A to B, but you can start thinking about what you're doing that's taking you the wrong way and what you could be doing that is taking you the right way, and make those changes. All shit that you have control over. And you can keep assessing where it is that you think you want to go, and adjust to keep moving the right direction. Progress feels good, progress quiets feelings of remorse about lost opportunity, just do yourself the solid of really thinking about what would make you happy to progress towards. And know that you're on your path, some things won't work out and some things will surprise you, and even if it kills you you won't get anything you can't handle unless you pick up a bottle.

I should go to therapy as well. Getting your thoughts out of your head helps, even if someone is just bouncing your shit right back to you. Just playing catch with your thoughts. I sought out advice from my brilliant successful brother in law hoping he would let me in on some of his jedi mind tricks, and it was a lot of "yeah but is that what you really want? it you think of yourself more as this guy, why don't you try and be that?", mixed with "sure that's scary but people do that stuff all the time and you're not stupid you'll be fine let me know how it goes".

Let go of the stuff that you think you're supposed to be or supposed to want, focus on what you want. Don't worry about things that already happened. Control the controllables, do so purposefully. Pick a direction and a landmark, start walking towards it. It doesn't have to be far.

I feel like you were touching on some more uncomfortableness and uncertainty beyond "well now I'm here, where do I go".  I feel like I know what you're talking about, or I could be misunderstanding you completely. Either way, whether I'm paralyzed by doubt/lack of confidence, or I'm generally bummed or in a weird spot emotionally, doing a thing where I can make progress helps me either break through or distract myself until it passes. I've been talking about long term stuff but man even micro term stuff. I honestly love the whole process of cooking a meal and then cleaning the kitchen. Sometimes challenging, never baffling, always rewarding, and at the end of it I'm full in a spotless kitchen. Honestly, if you're ever in a funk and your surroundings are shitty, pick a spot and get to work.

Sorry for the longcat, keep on keeping on everyone.

Man, I’m so glad you went nuts several years ago. 🙂. 
I’ve re-read this post over and over the last couple of days. Like others have stated, when I get in a funk I can’t shake my wasted decade of 25-35. Thank you for your post. 

[BearSchlong 8098]

Sobriety is like the fountain of youth, though. When I think of myself and my fellows as God's kids, it makes me feel like one.

Plus those wasted years are now the 9th step promises. We will see how our experiences can benefit others.

[hullabelew 3724]

Saw this earlier this week.

[baboso 6056]

I was told there would be no math.

[Celery Man 20962]

That's a true fact hulla. Well I haven't checked the math but I'll assume it's correct.

Glad you guys found my thoughts helpful. I'm better at preaching than practicing and need to return to a lot of those things myself. I'll say one thing that's become clear over the past year - I don't think I'm going to accept "I just need to tread water until things are normal/comfortable" again as an excuse for myself, cause it's never normal and it's never comfortable except in memory.

[Reagan1k 3024]

11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

16 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Another vote that this is great wisdom.
Heard a speaker this week talking about the fact that as alcoholics, we are normally walking up a down escalator.  If we stand still, we start moving backwards, and even if we do go backwards for a time, we can reverse that trend by taking action.
Tied in quite nicely with what [mention=26]Celery Man[/mention] said.  

I stole that analogy and used it in my first few years. I love it.

I went back and looked it up.  It was a guy named Cliff G. from OK - lawyer I think. I should replay that b/c it was a great talk and normally I miss more than I grasp.  I listen to SoberCast daily while walking my dog.  Great resource.  I want to say it was a recording of a recent talk he gave during a Covid Zoom meeting.

Great message - very relevant to these last few posts.  Becoming emotionally sober once we achieve physical sobriety was a big part of it.

[Kennythetiger 9388]

23 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

I went back and looked it up.  It was a guy named Cliff G. from OK - lawyer I think. I should replay that b/c it was a great talk and normally I miss more than I grasp.  I listen to SoberCast daily while walking my dog.  Great resource.  I want to say it was a recording of a recent talk he gave during a Covid Zoom meeting.

Great message - very relevant to these last few posts.  Becoming emotionally sober once we achieve physical sobriety was a big part of it.

Thank you for this. Added it to the front page of my phone. 
At our meeting last week we talked about how someone might feel like they don’t need to attend a meeting at a particular time, and they might be absolutely correct. However, there might be someone at that meeting who needs that other person to be there. Kind of how I feel about your and Celery’s posts right now. Thanks for posting, guys. 

[TwiceHorn 31488]

On 4/1/2021 at 7:48 AM, BBQ2Bayou said:

This is outstanding. 

Thanks all. Not sure where this little funk came from. I think it's mostly from a new job I started 2 months ago. I'd been out of work for a while and I felt like it would be a big void filler and make everything right when I started full time work again. I was super pumped to get the job and start working, no matter what it was, then some sort of arrogance or ungratefulness took over after I started and then started realizing how much more I have to offer and dwelling on that lost opportunity. 

I don't mean money as much as being at a place where I actually enjoy what I do. I know that's simple and perhaps unrealistic, but I really don't know what I like to do and it's frustrating. I never have had much interest in anything, but it didn't matter when I had booze. Or of course it did, booze just numbed me. 

I need to just take a step back and not try to fix everything at once, maybe. Or think that any one thing can fix all the other things. 

 

Expectations are a bitch.

[BearSchlong 8098]

I went back and looked it up.  It was a guy named Cliff G. from OK - lawyer I think. I should replay that b/c it was a great talk and normally I miss more than I grasp.  I listen to SoberCast daily while walking my dog.  Great resource.  I want to say it was a recording of a recent talk he gave during a Covid Zoom meeting.
Great message - very relevant to these last few posts.  Becoming emotionally sober once we achieve physical sobriety was a big part of it.

Now I remember, Cliff is friends with my grandsponsor and I think he spoke at Lakeside conference sometime in the last 10 years. I probably have his cd somewhere.

[ztejas 43459]

On 4/1/2021 at 7:48 AM, BBQ2Bayou said:

I need to just take a step back and not try to fix everything at once, maybe. Or think that any one thing can fix all the other things. 

Yes. There is such a fine balance to so much of this. You need to not get too excited about anything but also make sure you are finding joy in everyday things. You need to be grateful for what you have and not desire more but also work towards improving your life and the lives of those around you. You need to stay busy doing things that move your life in a positive direction but not overload yourself. And what I find the most paradoxical of all: you have to give up control and let things fall as they may, assuming you are practing the ULTIMATE control of not drinking.

Fortunately, these all come to us much more easily when we are staying sober and working a good program. 

"You" here = the alcoholic. I'm not telling anyone what to do. 

I mean, there is this type of thinking right there in the promises: "We will not regret the past nor shut the door on it" 

What are you doing??? Regretting the past? 

Oh God - don't tell me you're shutting the door on your past now! 

It's tricky - but so is life. As it says, "We thought we could find an easier, softer way but we could not".

This is as simple and easy as it gets for us - even though sometimes it's hard. (Oh no! Is that another one? 😁)

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

I want to dive in and respond to some of these great posts but just heard a great story on a podcast, which-- to my mild surprise-- I had not heard before called "The Vinegar Tasters". 

So there's these three Chinese dudes, you have probably heard of them, Confucius and Buddha and Lao Tzu, and they're tasting vinegar. Confucius tastes it and says "Feh! Bitter! Spoiled wine." Buddha tastes it and screws up his face in distaste and then sighs and says, "Well there you go, that's my desire for something pleasant interfering with my ability to just experience the taste".

Lao Tzu tastes it and says, "Yup, that's vinegar alright, doing what it does".

[Dewey 3286]

I've studied quite a bit in Buddhism and quite a lot of Taoism,  but never got into Confucianism. That said, there's one thing that Confucius said that has stuck with me and I carry it everywhere I go. And that is

"Man who farts in church sits in own pew"

 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Back in the day I would already be drunk by now. I used to LOVE Saturday mornings. Pass out, and then hopefully put myself back together in time go out to get drunk on a Saturday night with minuscule chances of getting laid.

 

And no, that wasn’t a size of my penis joke. I’m very average sized!

[JohnnyRage 1617]

Back in the day I would already be drunk by now. I used to LOVE Saturday mornings. Pass out, and then hopefully put myself back together in time go out to get drunk on a Saturday night with minuscule chances of getting laid.

 

And no, that wasn’t a size of my penis joke. I’m very average sized!

[JohnnyRage 1617]

I can thanks sanely about those days now and how it all played out.

Did my reverse psychology work on Thundo? Anybody hear any news?

It was indeed a thought about not having had taken it as far and having more time, but a thought that quickly that quickly dissipated as it floated on downstream.