Help me cook this rooster.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

This fella is going on the chopping block tomorrow, and he thoroughly deserves it. We're even thinking of holding a trial for him before he goes under the axe.

So.... How should we cook him once he's cleaned? What's your favorite way to do farm fresh chicken?

Edited July 26, 2020 by Walden Ponderer

[Dr Fear 1269]

Assuming it is more than a few months old, braising would be ideal.

 

Coq au vin is a good way to go.

 

 

[Anastasis 23529]

9 minutes ago, Dr Fear said:

Coq au vin

[Brisketexan 105783]

Whatever you do, don't burn your cock.

[futureman 22566]

54 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

We're even thinking of holding a trial for him before he goes under the axe.

what if he’s found not guilty?

[Humpy 112]

He will fry.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

1 hour ago, futureman said:

what if he’s found not guilty?

He'd have a good chance on appeal, given that the judge is thoroughly biased. His problem, though, is that he can only afford a chickenshit lawyer.

[conVINCEd 21474]

Have @Brisketexan take the case pro bono and you could turn this into a Chic-Fil-A commercial.
 

[PenelopeWitherspoon 19246]

Another vote for Coq Au Vin.

[sidis 9893]

My Alsatian and Burgundian forefathers had it right...if it is a coq, then it is going au vin. 

roosters are tough as fuck. Long, slow cook is the right call as most have steered you in this thread. 

[Anastasis 23529]

15 minutes ago, sidis said:

My Alsatian and Burgundian forefathers had it right...if it is a coq, then it is going au vin. 

Do you even coq au reisling bro?

[sidis 9893]

9 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

Do you even coq au reisling bro?

Regularly. Trimbach’s entire business model is based on me making it as long as they keep it so cheap. If @Walden Ponderer didn’t live in a shithole like college station, I would make it for him tomorrow with his soon to be headless buddy.  I’d even make some crème fraîche from scratch.

Fuck, if I know anything about myself, and I think I do, I’m gonna end up making this tomorrow.  

[Napoleon 8733]

This thread title reads like a G-rated version of what that Aggie in his car once got busted for requesting. 

[HornOnTheBayou 8995]

Sounds like you're going to come to snuff the rooster. You know he ain't gonna die.

[Spaulding Smails 1577]

We slaughtered and butchered our seven roosters two weekends ago.  Did beer belly chicken with one of them the next night.  Brined him overnight.  On the pit for a few hours over oak.  So damn good.  If he's big enough, that might be a good choice.  We vacuum sealed and froze the other six.

Love the coq a vin idea.  Just sent that idea to my wife for supper tonight.  

[CycleTex87 2991]

csb - In 2009 I spent more than 100 days/nights in Nigeria running a couple construction projects and more days in 2008 and 2010.  Our local Project Manager was a French dude (white guy) who was married to a Nigerian lady.  They had a nice house in an upscale Port Harcourt neighborhood.  I would go over there on Sundays for lunch and drinks, just to get away from our compound.  They raised chickens in the back yard.  One Sunday, they butchered the rooster, and we had coq au vin.  We would dine on the back patio, and when they brought out the coq au vin for lunch, the other (surviving) chickens began going crazy, making noise and flapping etc.  I guess they could smell their old buddy who was now cooked in the wine.  Interesting experience.  /csb.

tl/dr - Had coq au vin in Nigeria with backyard raised chicken.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

13 hours ago, sidis said:

Regularly. Trimbach’s entire business model is based on me making it as long as they keep it so cheap. If @Walden Ponderer didn’t live in a shithole like college station, I would make it for him tomorrow with his soon to be headless buddy.  I’d even make some crème fraîche from scratch.

Fuck, if I know anything about myself, and I think I do, I’m gonna end up making this tomorrow.  

Dude, I'm in Chapel Hill now. Orange (slice) chicken for the win.

Seriously, though, he was about five months old. Doesn't seem too tough, so a slow roast ought to be just fine.

[Spaulding Smails 1577]

6 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

csb - In 2009 I spent more than 100 days/nights in Nigeria running a couple construction projects and more days in 2008 and 2010.  Our local Project Manager was a French dude (white guy) who was married to a Nigerian lady.  They had a nice house in an upscale Port Harcourt neighborhood.  I would go over there on Sundays for lunch and drinks, just to get away from our compound.  They raised chickens in the back yard.  One Sunday, they butchered the rooster, and we had coq au vin.  We would dine on the back patio, and when they brought out the coq au vin for lunch, the other (surviving) chickens began going crazy, making noise and flapping etc.  I guess they could smell their old buddy who was now cooked in the wine.  Interesting experience.  /csb.

tl/dr - Had coq au vin in Nigeria with backyard raised chicken.

I totally believe it.  My wife mostly takes care of our chickens.  I made sure that my son and I were the ones snagging them out of the coop and butchering them for that reason.  I didn't want them associating that experience with her.  Usually, when we open the coop to let them range during the day, they come busting out.  For the next week, they all kinda chilled in the corner when we opened the door.  Especially me.  Even though we did the butchering on the other side of the property, they wanted no part of leaving the coop.  And, they still want no part of me.  They know when something's awry.  

[Deej 77312]

8 hours ago, Spaulding Smails said:

We slaughtered and butchered our seven roosters two weekends ago.  Did beer belly chicken with one of them the next night.  Brined him overnight.  On the pit for a few hours over oak.  So damn good.  If he's big enough, that might be a good choice.  We vacuum sealed and froze the other six.

Love the coq a vin idea.  Just sent that idea to my wife for supper tonight.  

More cock in your freezer than Jeffrey Dahmer. 

[Deej 77312]

.

Edited July 28, 2020 by Deej

[Sbbruin 21943]

On 7/26/2020 at 2:08 PM, futureman said:

what if he’s found not guilty?

It's Texas.  Not a chance he's found not guilty.