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Ken Paxton is dirty? NO FUCKING WAY!

Gil Bang

By Gil Bang
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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31247

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Foosters said:

The ACLU is not supposed to be political. Yes, I'm sure the individual attorneys within the org vote blue by a pretty good margin, but they'll take up any case.

Up to you to figure out why the majority of the cases they take involve pushing back against the party that bills itself as the one for individual freedom and liberty.

I have always admired the ACLU and their willingness to go to bat for the fundamental civil liberties of shitheels and cocksuckers.

And you make a most excellent point.

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Chewbacca
Chewbacca

Here's a hint - if you vote for someone, you support them.  Whether it's Paxton, Abbott, Trump, Cruz, your vote says you support their actions.

SydneyCarton
SydneyCarton

Ah, yes. The “I don’t like this guy, but voting for a a literal criminal into a position of power is better than voting for someone who fights for civil liberties. Because fuck democrats and people wh

BevoAbyss
BevoAbyss

Lulz. With all due respect, what this really means in 2023 GQP Texas is: "I lean hard fascist, but I've never been a fan of fascist Paxton. Of course, I am a fan of many other fascists and voted

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52337

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Posted (edited)

Can someone connect the dots for me please so I don’t have to do my own research?

is the settlement related to his indictments?  Is it something that historically has been paid by public funds, if there is a history?  Is the investigation only to make sure the money is being spent appropriately?

lastly, should this impeachment have happened independent of the settlement because of the actions resulting in the settlement?

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53978

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, Evil Bill Obrien said:

Im dead ass laughing at the extreme emphasis on if Ken didn't ask for tax funded settlement he would not be at the center of this shit storm.

"All this seemingly horrible shit he did would have actually been OK with us if he hadn't asked for money for whistleblowers that is less than 1/2 of 1% of the annual budget we gave him."

Do I have that right?

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104540

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1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Can someone connect the dots for me please so I don’t have to do my own research?

is the settlement related to his indictments?  Is it something that historically has been paid by public funds, if there is a history?  Is the investigation only to make sure the money is being spent appropriately?

lastly, should this impeachment have happened independent of the settlement because of the actions resulting in the settlement?

Summary:

1) AG did fucky criminally stuff

2) AG employees blew the whistle on him, and he retaliated, because he's a fucky criminal

3) AG employees sued, and were going to win

4) AG said "hey Legislature, pay these guys $3.3 million taxpayer dollars to get them off my back about my fucky criminally stuff"

5) Lege said "gee...that sounds fucky.  And would put us on the side of trying to cover up fucky criminally stuff being investigated by the feds.  We decline.  In fact, fuck YOU for asking us to do that shit."

6 hours ago, Chooky said:

It still amazes me. George Pee Bush's claim of validation is when Trump complimented him at the insulting expense of his entire family. He even made a koozie depicting the entire exchange, as we know. And these are the people who use the word "cuck" and "snowflake." Standing silent and idle while Trump insults your family has become somewhat of a GOP rite of passage. Trump's endorsement comes in the form of disparaging your father or your wife. And they line up for it.

"Mr. President, we'd be really appreciative if you could find the time to call my father a useless piece of shit. Thank you in advance." These people are fascinating. 

Gather 1 million Republicans together, and 1 million slugs.  If tasked with "find a spine," you'd have a better chance of success confining your search to the slugs.

7 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

His Surly handle is briskettexan.  

Like FUCK it is.  His billboards piss me off.  It's not "The attorney THAT rocks."  The attorney is a person.  It should be "The attorney WHO rocks."

Grammar matters.

7 hours ago, hookemATL said:

Brisket wishes his coif met the Komie standard. 
 

Brisket’s billboards would be more like:

“Briskettexan - Will work for rep.”

Rep given.  But my hair is mi-tee-sharp these days, being that the wife liked it a bit longer as it got during COVID, so now I wear it longer.

7 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

 Brisket’s billboard says “the attorney that crop dusts opposing counsel during cross”

I mean....wouldn't you WANT that guy on your team?

5 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

He can be both a literal fascist and ignorant, sir. 

Yes.  The word for that is "Republican."

4 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

You seriously think Brisket could limit his billboard slogan to only nine words?

I've always thought that "Brisket: I fuck over the other guy FOR YOU!" would be a good slogan.  And waddaya know, 9 words.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104540

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Also, I enjoyed the SHIT outta this text I just got, about LIBERAL DADE PHELAN!

Quote

Hi Brisket, this is Andie with Defend Texas Liberty. Liberal Dade Phelan is attacking the most conservative AG in America, and Republicans everywhere are condemning his actions. Contact your state representative Lopez at (512) 463-0640 and tell them you stand with Matt Rinaldi, Ken Paxton and every Republican voter who participated in our elections. Don't let them team up with Democrats to steal your vote.

Also, I dunno where the hell they think I live...I love the fact that they assume my rep is Lopez (a Rio Grande Valley Republican) because hey....we all know all those beaners live down in beanerville in beaner county.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52337

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6 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Also, I enjoyed the SHIT outta this text I just got, about LIBERAL DADE PHELAN!

Also, I dunno where the hell they think I live...I love the fact that they assume my rep is Lopez (a Rio Grande Valley Republican) because hey....we all know all those beaners live down in beanerville in beaner county.

I think defend Texas liberty is the group that has the billboard on 35 in jerrell that says something like more casinos mean more crime. So I guess they don’t want Texans to have the liberty to own, operate, or patronize casinos in this state. 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104540

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

What we need is a really good truck rant...

 

1) Man, I always love a good truck rant.

2) I also love the GQP lizardbrain approach to everything.  "The fact that Democrats hate his guts should tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about Paxton!"

Dems hate him....therefore the GQP loves him, because owning the libs and all that.  Problem: Democrats (at least the ones I know) hate LOTS of people.  Hitler.  Stalin.  Pol Pot.  John Wayne Gacy.  Kenneth McDuff.  Barry Switzer.  Following their single-point logic chain leads to "therefore, we support Hitler Stalin Pol Pot Gacy McDuff Switzer!"  For fuck's sake, it's why a shitload of GQPers can't stop slobbering all over Putin's knob: Democrats say "man....that guys a murderous authoritarian piece of shit, attacking innocent people and committing war crimes," and the GQP says "you hate him?  Well we love him!  Watch us cup the balls and gargle his gravy!  Take that, libs!"

Fucking reactionary lizardbrain moronism.  That's all the party stands for anymore.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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Posted

I really don't care for the way you're dragging John Wayne Gacy's name alongside those other assholes.  

Fun facts---my mother's family from Mexico moved to the RGV.  When their citrus farm dried up, they headed north to Chicago where a cousin had staked out jobs.  She finished high school in the Maine Township of Illinois where some of Gacy's family also attended school (along with Hillary Clinton around the same time).  She knew some Gacy's.  Some relatives of the last missing boy from Des Plaines that Gacy killed were known to my father's German-immigrant family from that area as well (my mother and father would not meet for another decade or so).  In elementary and junior high school, a good friend of mine's dad prosecuted and convicted Gacy and got him the death penalty.  William Kunkel, officer of the court, died just a few months ago within sight of the 30th anniversary of Gacy's execution.   

Nothing that happened to his victims or to Gacy himself will hold a candle to what is about to happen to Ken Paxton.  May god be with him, because nobody else on this earth will be.  

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104540

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1 minute ago, YGIFS said:

May god be with him, because nobody else on this earth will be.  

The entire MAGAsphere is with him.

The majority of Texas voters are with him.  I guarantee you, 100%, Paxton could be impeached by the house, convicted by the senate, removed from office, tried in federal court, and sent to federal prison....and he would still 1) win the GQP nomination and 2) win the general to become our AG.  Again.

You still don't understand how genuinely awful Republicans are.  It's so, so, so, so much worse than you think.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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You're right, he would probably get re-elected.  Because stupidity loves validating corruption. 

But Ken made one fatal mistake.  He could have grifted from the stupids quite easily.  But he got greedy, he grifted from our friends down South.  You can't run for office when you're running for your life.  He was counting on having a full term to sort shit out.  But now, the hunt is on.  

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SydneyCarton

SydneyCarton 47836

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6 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

I really don't care for the way you're dragging John Wayne Gacy's name alongside those other assholes.  

Fun facts---my mother's family from Mexico moved to the RGV.  When their citrus farm dried up, they headed north to Chicago where a cousin had staked out jobs.  She finished high school in the Maine Township of Illinois where some of Gacy's family also attended school (along with Hillary Clinton around the same time).  She knew some Gacy's.  Some relatives of the last missing boy from Des Plaines that Gacy killed were known to my father's German-immigrant family from that area as well (my mother and father would not meet for another decade or so).  In elementary and junior high school, a good friend of mine's dad prosecuted and convicted Gacy and got him the death penalty.  William Kunkel, officer of the court, died just a few months ago within sight of the 30th anniversary of Gacy's execution.   

Nothing that happened to his victims or to Gacy himself will hold a candle to what is about to happen to Ken Paxton.  May god be with him, because nobody else on this earth will be.  

Yeah, this is kind of fucked up. I don’t think Paxton is going to end up hog tied and basically raped to death. Youre shitting all over the horrors of a lot of innocent victims of a serial killer here because you think you’re making a funny. 
 

that being said, specifically to Paxton, I hope I’m wrong. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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Sorry, Brisket brought up Gacy.  I was just waxing nostalgic.  No disrespect to his victims, some of whom were known to my family as I said.  My point was Gacy.  Executed.  If you don't think international money launderers of a certain trade can't figure out a way to make Ken understand their displeasure with his performance, I dunno.  I didn't want to use the Gacy example, it was just sitting there above my post.  Shit's gonna get weird for Ken is all.  Killer clowns in windowless vans aside. 

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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11113

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18 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Is it time to start predicting who plays Paxton, Patrick, Paul, etc in the Netflix docuseries?

Buscemi is way too skinny and good looking to play Paxton. And Marty Feldman has been dead for 40 years.

Abbot - Ian McDermott

Paxton - Jonah Hill

Patrick - Amy Sedaris 

Needs some makeup, but it could work. 

 

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TexasEd

TexasEd 8064

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13 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Any accusation against any Republican is a witch hunt.  None of these people own, can spell, or know the purpose of a thesaurus. 

 

 TheyThink thesaurus is a dinosaur. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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You can do two things with illicit funds that are bad and get away with one or the other.  Lose the money, in the investment sense.  Expose the money, in the criminal investigation sense.  You can do one or the other and live to deal with the rest of the money another day.  I mean, you can also steal it but that's an immediate deal-breaker and most people aren't that stupid when you know who your partners are.  But Ken and Nate managed to do both---they manage to get the Feds on their asses and lose money at the same time in a very shady real estate scam.  These people lost real money on real assets and have real inquiries into their very real U.S. based ventures.  That's not good for business nor good if you want to keep breathing.  

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TexasEd

TexasEd 8064

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, chainsaw said:

okay well why would they be pissed off at him?

From what I can decipher it is a "The wire" type deal where Mexican Drug dealers want to invest in Texas real-estate but Nate Paul fucked them over an Ken facilitated the fucking

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chainsaw

chainsaw 9837

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4 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

, from what can decipher it is a "The wire" type deal where Mexican Drug dealers want to invest in Texas real-estate but Nate Paul fucked them over an Ken facility’s the fucking

But how exactly did Nate Paul and Ken fuck them over?

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chainsaw

chainsaw 9837

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6 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

You can do two things with illicit funds that are bad and get away with one or the other.  Lose the money, in the investment sense.  Expose the money, in the criminal investigation sense.  You can do one or the other and live to deal with the rest of the money another day.  I mean, you can also steal it but that's an immediate deal-breaker and most people aren't that stupid when you know who your partners are.  But Ken and Nate managed to do both---they manage to get the Feds on their asses and lose money at the same time in a very shady real estate scam.  These people lost real money on real assets and have real inquiries into their very real U.S. based ventures.  That's not good for business nor good if you want to keep breathing.  

So they lost money on a deal. I see.

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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Posted
17 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

, from what can decipher it is a "The wire" type deal where Mexican Drug dealers want to invest in Texas real-estate but Nate Paul fucked them over an Ken facility’s the fucking

I really hope it was real estate for a bunch of Eskimo huts. 

Or a Ponzi scheme where they exchange gold for land involving Louie Anderson.

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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Posted

It's what brought me to shaggy originally.

 

Apparently, a poster knew of some friends Billy and April that had invested their entire savings into a Ponzi scheme involving gold. The con man proved how legit the investment was based on Anderson's involvement.

It's been a while since it happened but they were convinced the payday was always around the corner, and I'm pretty sure kept investing until everything they had was tied into it.

 

 

 

Oh and that poster who brought us this tale was the son of a former Texas Football head coach.

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21468

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Posted
Just now, YGIFS said:

Oh goddamit, I'll bite.  Which former head coach?  You don't have to spell out the name, just some google-hidden indicator of a season or something.  

He was pretty open a bout it.  It was Mackovic’s kid.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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Oh yeah, that rings a bell now.  I forget we have an attorney in common.  I did not have Mackovic-Louie Anderson-Gold Ponzi-Ken Paxton-Nate Paul on my 2023 bingo card.  

OR DID I????????!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  Drinks on me. 

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Kyrie Eleison

Kyrie Eleison 9312

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15 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

It's what brought me to shaggy originally.

 

Apparently, a poster knew of some friends Billy and April that had invested their entire savings into a Ponzi scheme involving gold. The con man proved how legit the investment was based on Anderson's involvement.

It's been a while since it happened but they were convinced the payday was always around the corner, and I'm pretty sure kept investing until everything they had was tied into it.

 

 

 

Oh and that poster who brought us this tale was the son of a former Texas Football head coach.

jensen-ackles-dean-winchester.gif

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

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And that head coach's name?  You guessed it!

Frank Stallone.  

I can't fucking believe it's Friday afternoon, last day of school.  And I'm seriously considering driving by the AG's office to see if the dumpster full of documents is still on fire.  For real.  As impeachment hearings open up over Memorial Day Weekend.  This is all happening in real life.  Because being stupid is like a cool thing now.  And then on Sunday at church service, I have to pretend that the prominent Republican elected officials in our parish who attend during session aren't fucking insane as we all have donuts and coffee and celebrate graduation as I'm pretending to embrace my own faith.

This fucking state is a fucking cartoon.  This cannot be happening.  Louie Anderson apparently ate Ken Paxton's gold and his eyeball?  What the fUCK@!!??????

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104540

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Posted

If Billy and April are involved in this whole tale - and based on how the current Simulation has been going, there's like a 98% chance of that - I'm going to start drinking professionally.  Like, hire a trainer, practice, and take it to the next level.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104540

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2 minutes ago, StassneyHorn said:

Don Jr has tweeted in support of Paxton. Not sure how this tightens the screws with Patrick.

Paxton telling his supporters to come to the Capitol in defense of him tomorrow for the impeachment vote is just too much like Jan 6th

Oh, look, we clearly live in a timeline/simulation where anytime a legislative body in these United States is convened, there's a material chance of stochastic terrorists showing up and committing violence up to and including assassinations/overthrowing the government.  And that is EXACTLY how the GQP wants things to work.

Political violence is a feature, not a bug.

And there are still some fools in the GQP who think they can control the beast they've unleashed.

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Foosters

Foosters 17725

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36 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

It's what brought me to shaggy originally.

Same. 2008. The thread on hornfans had dried up and I was literally googling "Billy and April" to find my next hit and stumbled upon shaggy. Thanks for the invite, assholes

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19449

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

If Patrick isn't played by Jane Lynch it will be a huge miss. 

She's too tall and doesn't have the requisite "Paunch".  Though I'm told with CGI, that's not all that big an issue these days.  

But then, there's also the issue that Patrick looks like a fucking lesbian muppet at a Tommy Hilfiger/Subaru corporate activation event.  

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