Halloween bullshit

[RamjetFDO 10575]

[futureman 22439]

forgot to add bert. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

right?

[RamjetFDO 10575]

forgot to add bert. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
right?

Wrong

[futureman 22439]

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

August update. 

Hard to tell just exactly what's going on in there - foliage is pretty dense right now. 

 

[Shoxthemonkey 1976]

57 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

August update. 

Hard to tell just exactly what's going on in there - foliage is pretty dense right now. 

 

Hang in there, buddy. 90 more days or so.

[Longhornstampede 3180]

That looks horrifying! And I love it. I'm going to start my pumpkin search this week. Hopefully I get primal reactions to rotting pumpkin face on my porch this year.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Longhornstampede

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

September update. Not much has changed, at least that I can spot without trampling the ground cover.

I'm planning on checking with our local pumpkin patch to see when they're expecting the season's first batch of TumorGourds so I can get a head start on the putrefaction action in time for maximum effect on Halloween. 

And the undead cardinal is still flapping around the neighborhood in purgatorial torment. 

 

Edited September 2, 2021 by Prepuce of Doom
Added undead bird picture.

[LW Goatman 1117]

That is one hell of a pumpkin you got there. 

[MissingInAction 25002]

Hell being the operative word here.

[Guest Lobo]

Tumor Gourds?  they opened for Megadeath in '86, right?  

Hard to believe Halloween is now only "next month"  

I still say you should go as McQueen's "Papillon" for Halloween and wheel that pumpkin around in a wagon.  Introduce him as, "My friend, Toussaint. This is all that's left of him but I made him a promise in that jungle." 

 

 

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

October update. It's almost time for the monster to emerge. 

The undead cardinal has much of his plumage back, with the exception of a Kurganesque scar-like ring around his neck. Probably gearing up to pass among the living soon. 

And in yet another indication of the unholiness of The Gourd, we've had a weird vine growing in our backyard for the past month or two. It initially appeared to be some kind of zucchini-like squash, and I was prepared to eventually eat it, but Mrs. Doom's good sense prevailed, and we discovered that unintended members of the squash family (also apparently called "volunteer squash," probably because they resemble residents of Tennessee) can have extremely high concentrations of a chemical that can give a human crippling diarrhea for weeks and also cause your hair to fall out. 

Anyway, as this plant has taken over more of our yard with each passing day, stretching towards the back corner of the lot where The Gourd resides, it has become increasingly clear that it's some kind of pumpkin. 

So our guy definitely appears to be summoning an army. 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Prepuce of Doom

[smuggs 9350]

38 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

That's a Great Pumpkin reenactment waiting to happen if I've ever seen one.

[Guest Lobo]

" 'Great Pumpkin'?  No, that was my father's name...I walk a different path.  My name is Asheron, my gourds are legion, and everything you know...is at an end." 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Lobo

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

October update. It's almost time for the monster to emerge. 

The undead cardinal has much of his plumage back, with the exception of a scar-like ring around his neck. Probably gearing up to pass among the living soon. 

And in yet another indication of the unholiness of The Gourd, we've had a weird vine growing in our backyard for the past month or two. It initially appeared to be some kind of zucchini-like squash, and I was prepared to eventually eat it, but Mrs. Doom's good sense prevailed, and we discovered that unintended members of the squash family (also apparently called "volunteer squash," probably because they resemble residents of Tennessee) can have extremely high concentrations of a chemical that can give a human crippling diarrhea for weeks and also cause your hair to fall out. 

Anyway, as this plant has taken over more of our yard with each passing day, stretching towards the back corner of the lot where The Gourd resides, it has become increasingly clear that it's some kind of pumpkin. 

So our guy definitely appears to be summoning an army. 

Between this and the shit my kid says thread you may be my favorite poster here.

[Guest Lobo]

"Is it true about Haunted Gourd in Prepuce's yard?  Is Mr. Pumpkin building an army?"  

[Texas St. Armadillos 1381]

"Generations of pumpkins will stand before you and demand your allegiance.  It would be wise to swiftly acknowledge the new gourd overloads that have enveloped this land."

[Guest Lobo]

I'll give Prepuce some credit, and some flack.  If a completely unplanted and unplanned vine of poisonous pumpkins just spontaneously started growing in my backyard and making their way towards the haunted pumpkin in my back corner...I wouldn't be taunting it with photography and whimsical postings.  I'd call a botanist and a priest and have them both watch me douse the fucking thing in diesel, herbicides, and prayer.  

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

#TeamSatan

[Incredulity 11643]

slutty nurse pics not loading...

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

46 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

slutty nurse pics not loading...

 

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

Extracted Demon Gourd Sr. from his tomb in the back corner of the yard the other day, and had enough of Jr.'s vine strangling the grass, so I harvested him. I don't know how much bigger he was going to get anyway - he'd been stalled at roughly this same size for a while. 

A picture of Sr. immediately after retrieval, and then one next to the boy. And I've moved Sr. to the front of the house. It's currently the only outdoor Halloween decoration, which I think makes it all that much more unsettling. 

Mrs. Doom has done a complete 180 on the whole thing and is fully on board the bandwagon - she's suggested shellacking it for ongoing preservation, and is nervous about displaying it where marauding teens may steal and/or destroy it. But I've explained that it's decay is its power source, and it would be a crime to hide it from the neighborhood any longer.  And frankly, I'd be delighted if some kids stole it for their own use and amusement as long as they didn't just smash it. 

I've obtained this year's host bodies and will be transforming them and summoning their true nature this weekend. 

 

Edited October 13, 2021 by Prepuce of Doom

[Shoxthemonkey 1976]

That is fucking awesome. I would have never guessed it would make it from one season to the next.

[smuggs 9350]

I agree with the wife, you need to shellac and preserve Satan's envoy. Use a matte finish so it doesn't shine him up too much.

[tfoolry 8201]

It needs one of these inside it at night. 
 

[hundredTT 577]

Yes you must preserve him! Awesome pics! 

[davidg 4036]

1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

 

 

When i was a kid, we would carve a jack o'lantern, put the candle inside  and put it on top of a 6' ladder that had a sheet draped over it for a body.  I would submit that this demented gourd would make for a fine example. 

[Bullneck 19070]

7 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

 

What is that, the condensate overflow pipe?  

[squib 1120]

Every time I get disgusted with myself for spending so much time on this website, I come across some hidden gem like this thread and I then realize that maybe I AM NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME ON THIS WEBSITE.

[mulletpelini 5210]

ain't nobody gonna steal that fugly nasty dumpkin

[Guest Lobo]

So are we just not talking  about the fact that the pumpkin’s facial expressions are different in each of Prepuce’s photographs, even when accounting for angle and lighting?   We’re just gonna move along with our silly bullshit like it’s not happening?

the fucking thing’s jaw is moving and you are all like “whoah……funny story this holiday season…”

Edited October 14, 2021 by Lobo

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

2 hours ago, Bullneck said:

What is that, the condensate overflow pipe?  

Backup sump pump. 

[Clackles 276]

#eagerlyawaitingpicturesofilluminateddemonicglow

[RamjetFDO 10575]

Make. This. Happen.

[MissingInAction 25002]

I'm against any type of sealant or finish. It could either interfere with its connection to Chtullu, or piss it off causing it to summon the eldritch terrors right to your door step.

[Guest Lobo]

But an offering of preservation could be looked upon favorably by the dark lords.  

I took the liberty of ordering one of these to house the Gourd for the all hallow's eve's blood sacrifice.  I mean, trick-or-treating:

https://www.starhomedesigns.com/products/ranch-glass-dome-cake-stand 

I think it has an understated tastefulness to it, while also allowing us to serve Lord Asheron as he commands his Abominable Legions.  

Edited October 14, 2021 by Lobo

[High Plains Drifter 11024]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

But an offering of preservation could be looked upon favorably by the dark lords.  

I took the liberty of ordering one of these to house the Gourd for the all hallow's eve's blood sacrifice.  I mean, trick-or-treating:

https://www.starhomedesigns.com/products/ranch-glass-dome-cake-stand 

I think it has an understated tastefulness to it, while also allowing us to serve Lord Asheron as he commands his Abominable Legions.  

 

I hope you also got the Ocean Seahorse Dip Dish with Spreader.

 

[Guest Lobo]

For sure, man.  We're gonna have a really nice spread for the OSU tailgate, gonna spruce it up real nice.  

[SHOOTER12 8800]

On 10/1/2021 at 5:31 PM, Lobo said:

I'll give Prepuce some credit, and some flack.  If a completely unplanted and unplanned vine of poisonous pumpkins just spontaneously started growing in my backyard and making their way towards the haunted pumpkin in my back corner...I wouldn't be taunting it with photography and whimsical postings.  I'd call a botanist and a priest and have them both watch me douse the fucking thing in diesel, herbicides, and prayer.  

Propane pear burner, often referred to as "kill it with fire".

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

On 10/13/2021 at 1:49 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Extracted Demon Gourd Sr. from his tomb in the back corner of the yard the other day, and had enough of Jr.'s vine strangling the grass, so I harvested him. I don't know how much bigger he was going to get anyway - he'd been stalled at roughly this same size for a while. 

A picture of Sr. immediately after retrieval, and then one next to the boy. And I've moved Sr. to the front of the house. It's currently the only outdoor Halloween decoration, which I think makes it all that much more unsettling. 

Mrs. Doom has done a complete 180 on the whole thing and is fully on board the bandwagon - she's suggested shellacking it for ongoing preservation, and is nervous about displaying it where marauding teens may steal and/or destroy it. But I've explained that it's decay is its power source, and it would be a crime to hide it from the neighborhood any longer.  And frankly, I'd be delighted if some kids stole it for their own use and amusement as long as they didn't just smash it. 

I've obtained this year's host bodies and will be transforming them and summoning their true nature this weekend. 

 

 

I stumbled upon this thread rather late but it has been very much worth it. My youngest would be of a like mind with you in regards to allowing Senor Gourdo to remain in the backyard for the last year as a banishment/Halloween curse or something. Or a grand science experiment of which we had several of the course of his younger days. I love that Junior is also showing some potential with the stems coming out of the top. It's hard to tell if the rind on the smaller melon will perform as well as the tumor pumpkin, but you never know.

 

Pretty spectacular all around.

[mchookem 16318]

On 10/28/2020 at 11:10 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

The hide of this terrible gourd was so tough and resilient that it broke the old-assed hammer I was hitting it with. 

Doomlet was delighted. 

 

i mean all the signs were there from the beginning... you can't claim you weren't warned 🤣

Edited October 15, 2021 by mchookem

[Guest Lobo]

Exactly.  I'm sure Prepuce is a swell guy and all, but when Asheron and his dark legion take those same tools to task on Prepuce on All Souls Day...I'm gonna have a hard time mustering up sympathy.  

The fucking thing is literally trying to utter words in those photographs.  It's trying to be a good sport and warn us of the evils to come and we're being dismissive!

This is how we end, not with a bang, but with a gourdy whimper

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

12 minutes ago, Lobo said:

The fucking thing is literally trying to utter words in those photographs.  It's trying to be a good sport and warn us of the evils to come and we're being dismissive!

In the one above, it is trying to say, "take me to play disc golf; just strap me onto the back of your bicycle rack. I can recruit more porch pumpkins to the Demon Army."

[purplepride95 6890]

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

We had a near tragedy yesterday. A strong gust of wind came through, picked up Sr., and rolled him down the driveway. Luckily, Mrs. Doom happened to see it all go down, and was able to run outside to grab him before he rolled out into the street. 

He took a little damage - the crack on his right/our left got a little more pronounced, but it could have been much worse. And I don't even want to know what kind of Thinner-esque gypsy curse would have befallen the motorist unlucky enough to have struck him... 

So I've dumped a pound or two of topsoil into his mouth to act as ballast, and have sort of positioned him between a stone and the house, so hopefully he'll stay put. 

Also, someone has been gnawing at Jr., but only just a little. I'll be on the lookout for Rodents Of Unusual Lividity (ROULs). 

Edited October 18, 2021 by Prepuce of Doom

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

The new crew. 

I'm not 100% positive that these two are the same super-durable type of organism as last year's. I bought them at the same place (the cashier said "well, this one sure is, uh, interesting" about the green one) but it was a lot easier to drill through the hides, and they just generally seemed much less tough and thick. 

I might need to go on the hunt again if these just turn out to be ugly pumpkins and not Demon Gourds™. 

Time will tell... 

[Guest Lobo]

So the senior gourd, flush up against the house with the two inch elevation of the driveway on one side and the HVAC drainage pipe on the other side…and the rocks in front despite a relatively calm evening…you just ‘claim’ that massive gusts magically picked it up and rolled it down the driveway just as Uber headed for the county line was driving by?  This is your story?  A near impossible feat of nature almost brought your pumpkin to its end?   
 

and whom, I wonder, brought you to this fanciful tale?  Not so much as a leaf or modicum of lawn debris is seen having been blown across your lawn in your photos.  But we are to believe that a several pounds rotten gourd found its way down your driveway during these ocean like gales that only seem to occur over your solitary homestead?   
 

you have been compromised.  You are under its control.  You are doomed.  You are forsaken.  I am sorry we could not help you.  

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

As consistent with the narrative as your theory is, Sr. probably weighs about 8 ounces at this point - he's all husk and shell.  Like papier-mâché over a balloon. 

So it was probably pretty easy for him to levitate. 

[Guest Lobo]

Precisely what he said you’d say.  And you magically learned French to boot?
 

$50 says you wake up tomorrow and for no apparent reason know how to make yourself a croissant for breakfast.   

Edited October 18, 2021 by Lobo

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

Wee wee, poo poo!