Halloween bullshit

[Hook1997 5,351]

If that green pumpkin makes a year, it might be the most disturbing looking thing ever! 

[Guest Lobo]

8 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

If that green pumpkin makes a year, it might be the most disturbing looking thing ever! 

Yeah, you tell Muerta Verde that we're all pulling for her down here at the precinct.  (pumpkins are female right, with all those seeds?  Or do the dark lords not recognize binary sexes?  I just don't wanna piss it off.)

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

Brilliant work @Prepuce of Doom, I love the new additions. Also like that you left Junior's "appendages." Makes it look like Lobos' scenario of a night-time journey more plausible.

 

If you wish to grow them for yourself next summer (to fine tune your collection), I believe the variety is called "warty pumpkins," and many seed companies like Harris Seeds carry them.

https://www.harrisseeds.com/products/11613-Pumpkin-Warty-Goblin-F1?variant=35441562484808&msclkid=86eb74fee6251eba025b159388339868&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=**LP - Shop - HS - Vegetable Seeds&utm_term=4576854593217652&utm_content=All Vegetables

https://www.botanicalinterests.com/product/Red-Warty-Thing-Pumpkin-Seeds

https://twilleyseed.com/vegetables/vegetables_pumpkins

There was a seed company in Michigan, Siegers, that tried to patent the seeds about a decade ago, but pumpkins with warts have been grown for a long time.

Beware, however, as vining crops such as this can cross-pollinate I believe and you may end up with a Smeagol pumpkin that slaughters all the others.....

 

Edited October 18, 2021 by Mrs Whiggins

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

37 minutes ago, Lobo said:

 (pumpkins are female right, with all those seeds? 

I believe they are monoecious and have male and female flowers on the same plant. Quite a handy development for them.

Edited October 18, 2021 by Mrs Whiggins
I forgot to add to the seed post above, that a lot are sold out at the moment since the season is just finishing so mark your calendar for a spring order!

[Guest Lobo]

Oh big surprise, you're in league with the Dark Overgourds as well.  With your fake science and double entendres "Handy Development".  

I won't be taken by your evil...I will rise up against Asheron and his legion this Halloween.  I have 50 pounds of worthless candy corn with which to combat you! 

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

3 minutes ago, Lobo said:

 I have 50 pounds of worthless candy corn with which to combat you! 

You think your little arm candy weaponry is a match for the Melon Militia?

[smuggs 9,352]

Grout in that drain pipe. Guarantee that filthy rodent freak went back up to his nest inside your wall after gnawing on Junior. The evil has assumed control of his simple ignoramic mind. His next feast will consist of human skin tags.

[davidg 4,036]

 

[MissingInAction 25,004]

Just as you were compelled to bring additional soldiers to the Legion of Despair.

It was easier to free their true spirits because you are an instrument of their will now. Their familiar, if you will. 

Edited October 18, 2021 by MissingInAction

[mchookem 16,320]

Lobo gets posrep for 'Dark Overgourds' 🤣

[Guest Lobo]

I mean it was just sitting out there waiting to happen.  I'm personally ashamed it took me a full year, and four uses of the term "dark overlords" before I figured it out.  Unless of course it was some kinda "inception" thing by these evil fuckers.  Dammit! 

[SHOOTER12 8,800]

On 10/17/2021 at 8:59 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

We had a near tragedy yesterday. A strong gust of wind came through, picked up Sr., and rolled him down the driveway. Luckily, Mrs. Doom happened to see it all go down, and was able to run outside to grab him before he rolled out into the street. 

He took a little damage - the crack on his right/our left got a little more pronounced, but it could have been much worse. And I don't even want to know what kind of Thinner-esque gypsy curse would have befallen the motorist unlucky enough to have struck him... 

So I've dumped a pound or two of topsoil into his mouth to act as ballast, and have sort of positioned him between a stone and the house, so hopefully he'll stay put. 

Also, someone has been gnawing at Jr., but only just a little. I'll be on the lookout for Rodents Of Unusual Lividity (ROULs). 

JFK?

[Player 4,575]

On 10/17/2021 at 10:44 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

The new crew. 

I'm not 100% positive that these two are the same super-durable type of organism as last year's. I bought them at the same place (the cashier said "well, this one sure is, uh, interesting" about the green one) but it was a lot easier to drill through the hides, and they just generally seemed much less tough and thick. 

I might need to go on the hunt again if these just turn out to be ugly pumpkins and not Demon Gourds™. 

Time will tell... 

 

 

 

Who let this IRA motherfucker in?

[MissingInAction 25,004]

Who all is dressing up this year? Actually have a party to go to so I bought an orange prison jump suit, Hannibal mask, and break away cuffs. Should be fun to stomp around in.

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

3 hours ago, Player said:

Who let this IRA motherfucker in?

He's there to guard the offerings for the Sidhs (faeiries). It's traditional to sacrifice a cow for Samhain, so @Prepuce of Doom should probably cook a brisket just to be on the safe side.

[Elvis 3,371]

On 10/19/2021 at 12:59 PM, MissingInAction said:

Who all is dressing up this year? Actually have a party to go to so I bought an orange prison jump suit, Hannibal mask, and break away cuffs. Should be fun to stomp around in.

In honor of Norm, I'm dressing up as Terd Ferguson.  Funny hat, bolo tie, red shirt, leather jacket, mustache; it's going to be great!

[MissingInAction 25,004]

3 minutes ago, Elvis said:

In honor of Norm, I'm dressing up as Terd Ferguson.  Funny hat, bolo tie, red shirt, leather jacket, mustache; it's going to be great!

Great idea!

[Longboard Horn 40,290]

Company is having the annual Halloween party today at 2pm. What the fuck?! I can make it, but most of the folks who work the midday and evening shifts can't and they're pissed. That some ole bullshit. 

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

Bump.

One week until The Dark Blight Rises....

[Longboard Horn 40,290]

[Longboard Horn 40,290]

[Kennythetiger 9,374]

On 10/20/2021 at 1:34 PM, Elvis said:

In honor of Norm, I'm dressing up as Terd Ferguson.  Funny hat, bolo tie, red shirt, leather jacket, mustache; it's going to be great!

[Bevo&Pevo 5,120]

Road trip anyone?

This Tennessee Haunted House Will Pay You $20,000 If You Make It Through Without Quitting (charlottestories.com)

 

Requirements | mckameymanor

 

 

[gyroprotagonist 2,592]

2 hours ago, Bevo&Pevo said:

Road trip anyone?

This Tennessee Haunted House Will Pay You $20,000 If You Make It Through Without Quitting (charlottestories.com)

 

Requirements | mckameymanor

 

 

does not look like a typical walk around and get scared type deal.  the one clip looked like they were pouring shit (literal shit) on them and burying them alive in it while they were in a hole.

[HornsOverIthaca 2,333]

On 10/20/2021 at 1:34 PM, Elvis said:

In honor of Norm, I'm dressing up as Terd Ferguson.  Funny hat, bolo tie, red shirt, leather jacket, mustache; it's going to be great!

Be sure to include the podium too

[Elvis 3,371]

I considered it, but I think that would be overt. If someone gets the costume as is, great. If I have to explain it, then I won’t like them (well at least, I will think less of them….as a person). Olds and kids excluded from my horrible, punitive judgement. 

[MissingInAction 25,004]

26 minutes ago, Elvis said:

I considered it, but I think that would be overt. If someone gets the costume as is, great. If I have to explain it, then I won’t like them (well at least, I will think less of them….as a person). Olds and kids excluded from my horrible, punitive judgement. 

So uh, whats the mrs dressing up as?

[Prepuce of Doom 21,052]

Today was the second time in the past few days that Sr. was tipped a little to the side in the morning. We had strong winds the first time, but not so much yesterday/last night. Perhaps whatever is occasionally nibbling Jr. may have bumped into him? 

But the real tragedy is that in trying to set him back upright, his stem broke off in my hand. I've slathered him in a bukkake of wood glue, and will be more cautious about handling him henceforth. 

Jury is still out on the new crew. I haven't ruled out possible longevity for the green guy, but I'm pretty sure the orange one is just an ugly pumpkin, not a Demon Gourd. We're having some drainage work and regrading done in our yard right now, so the corner sanctuary has been razed. If the green guy has staying power, he'll have to winter elsewhere. I think Sr. has earned the right to winter in my garage. He very well may get a shellacking for preservation, too. 

Edited October 27, 2021 by Prepuce of Doom

[RamjetFDO 10,575]

1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

We're having some drainage work and regrading done in our yard right now, so the corner sanctuary has been razed. 

 

 

Now you've done it ... you've opened the very pit of hell and Demon Gourd, Sr. wants to return.

[Guest Lobo]

"a bukkake of wood glue"  ???

Seriously, we're just whistling past this comment?  It's not enough that Prepuce's homestead has been compromised, but it's now blatantly obvious that he himself has been overtaken by the Dark Overgourds, or at least they've hacked his IP?  I mean, I would never, but if I were to google "Bukkake Pumpkin"...this thread would show up instead of the old Cucurbita Coitus page from 'All Hollowed Beaves'   

The legion grow stronger with each passing hour.  And we just pretend nothing is wrong.  $50 says the stem he "accidentally broke off" ends up in his tailpipe tomorrow morning before his A.M. commute.  But "Nope, nope...no sir...no idea how that got in there.  Big inconvenience for you.  Wrong Mr. Pickford altogether..."    You are all in league on this and I will have you struck down by the holiest of holies.  Or the hole left by the stem thing.  Either way, be warned or be dammed!

Edited October 27, 2021 by Lobo

[Prepuce of Doom 21,052]

13 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:

 

Now you've done it ... you've opened the very pit of hell and Demon Gourd, Sr. wants to return.

Any chance you can send me this picture without the pumpkin? I've already convinced the Doomlet that a clown lives back there (and that all sewers contain clowns) - this will terrify him. 

[Spaceman Spiff 394]

But he should leave Bert in, right? That's where the real terror is.

[RamjetFDO 10,575]

1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Any chance you can send me this picture without the pumpkin? I've already convinced the Doomlet that a clown lives back there (and that all sewers contain clowns) - this will terrify him. 

Done...

44 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

But he should leave Bert in, right? That's where the real terror is.

...and yes.

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

1 hour ago, RamjetFDO said:

 

Now you've done it ... you've opened the very pit of hell and Demon Gourd, Sr. wants to return.

 

That's pretty much what happens--at Samhain, the door to the underworld is opened and those of the other world join the living.

As @Lobo pointed out, they walk amongst you on All Hallow's Eve, and who knows what mischief is afoot.

[Guest Lobo]

No, sorry.  All of Eve's Hallowed Holes is a totally different holiday on my street.  

Back to the Dark Overgourds.  That you are all getting more flippant with each passing moment leads me to believe that you must all be cleansed by the sewer dwellers.

I cannot be held responsible for what the Demonic Spawn do from here on out, only know that I warned you.  One of two things is going to happen by the next Full Moon; either they will all rot out and be picked up by your local compost bin pickup...or they be ruling our government and we shall be evacuated by their hand.  As I've said they've said to me, 'Everything we know...is at its end.'

Your casualness wrenches my soul. 

We will not be saved by God the Father.

We will not be saved by the Chris the Savior.

We will not be saved by the Holy Spirit.

One could argue...we will not be saved...at all.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,052]

@RamjetFDO was kind enough to furnish these pictures that I very much took with my own phone when inspecting the drainage work today.

I showed them to the Doomlet to prove that a clown lives in the drain in our backyard. 

Excitement, then worry, then terror, then full-flowing tears, all within about 10 seconds.  Had to abort mission, confess, and explain quickly, but once I explained photoshop, he then asked if my friend could give the clown a chainsaw. 

And I've been fielding questions for the past 10 minutes about where the bad clowns live, how to tell a good clown from a bad clown, whether all clowns are human or just some or even none, signs that there's a clown nearby, whether clowns will be attracted to us and our house because we're "using clown words" and talking about them, whether I've ever seen a clown in the sewer, and other assorted questions about clown lore. 

Mrs. Doom is going to be pissed. 

Edited October 27, 2021 by Prepuce of Doom

[Guest Lobo]

You moved the headstones, but you didn't move the dead armadillo bodies...did you...you sonofabitch?!?!?!?!?!??!

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

@RamjetFDO was kind enough to furnish these pictures that I very much took with my own phone when inspecting the drainage work today.

I showed them to the Doomlet to prove that a clown lives in the drain in our backyard. 

Excitement, then worry, then terror, then full-flowing tears, all within about 10 seconds.  Had to abort mission, confess, and explain quickly, but once I explained photoshop, he then asked if my friend could give the clown a chainsaw. 

And I've been fielding questions for the past 10 minutes about where the bad clowns live, how to tell a good clown from a bad clown, whether all clowns are human or just some or even none, signs that there's a clown nearby, whether clowns will be attracted to us and our house because we're "using clown words" and talking about them, whether I've ever seen a clown in the sewer, and other assorted questions about clown lore. 

Mrs. Doom is going to be pissed. 

 

Now you are on the hook to travel to Sedan, Kansas so Doomlet can visit the Emmett Kelly museum....

 

[cactusflinthead 27,598]

 

[smuggs 9,352]

10 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

 

[Prepuce of Doom 21,052]

These two houses are always the best in the neighborhood. 

The French Grand Prix house had either a movie set or a mob/gangster shootout last year, and the Stay Puft house had a Titanic display where they changed the scene a few times as the iceberg (with "2020" on it) approached the ship and finally collided on Halloween. Both are likely posted earlier in the thread. 

 

 

[tbone_ 14,106]

Road trip anyone?
This Tennessee Haunted House Will Pay You $20,000 If You Make It Through Without Quitting (charlottestories.com)
 
Requirements | mckameymanor
 
 

I saw a story on this place. It’s way fucked up.

[Hook1997 5,351]

40 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I saw a story on this place. It’s way fucked up.

Yes, they actually torture you.  I thought at first glance of headline, how hard could that be.  Then you find out they blindfold you bury you up to your neck and basically water board you, shoot you with paintball guns, whip you, ect.   

[OrangEngr 1,035]

On 10/27/2021 at 6:48 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

And I've been fielding questions for the past 10 minutes about where the bad clowns live, how to tell a good clown from a bad clown, whether all clowns are human or just some or even none, signs that there's a clown nearby, whether clowns will be attracted to us and our house because we're "using clown words" and talking about them, whether I've ever seen a clown in the sewer, and other assorted questions about clown lore. 

No clowns are human

[Guest Lobo]

I don't care for clowns. 

[mchookem 16,320]

[DigglerontheHoof 21,175]

15 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

Yes, they actually torture you.  I thought at first glance of headline, how hard could that be.  Then you find out they blindfold you bury you up to your neck and basically water board you, shoot you with paintball guns, whip you, ect.   

Do you forfeit the money if you fight back?

[tbone_ 14,106]

You mean fight back but don’t bail?

I bet there’s language in all the shit they make you sign that says you won’t (in the story I saw they talked about all the documentation required).

But yea that would be cool if the deal was you could fight back. Send some bmf special forces types in there and see what’s what. But I think the people that run this place are too big of pussies for that.

[smuggs 9,352]

28 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

You mean fight back but don’t bail?

I bet there’s language in all the shit they make you sign that says you won’t (in the story I saw they talked about all the documentation required).

But yea that would be cool if the deal was you could fight back. Send some bmf special forces types in there and see what’s what. But I think the people that run this place are too big of pussies for that.

Or we could send @Digdogger. Pretty sure he waltzes out with 20K at sunrise.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,052]

1 hour ago, smuggs said:

Or we could send @Digdogger. Pretty sure he waltzes out with 20K at sunrise.

Maybe in a week or two. Like early April for accountants, late October is busy season for the "I have people locked in my basement" crowd.