Halloween bullshit

[mdleast 8388]

Damn squirrels keep eating mine this year

[nnm 36842]

3 hours ago, mdleast said:

Damn squirrels keep eating mine this year

@Prepuce of Doom, that’s a better Goatse than yours. And I blame you for my knowing that. 

[Laxtonto 12635]

Happy Halloween!

[dcbc 14568]

Safely hidden for its transformation. And now, we wait.

[gyroprotagonist 2595]

am i crazy or are the elementary kids trying to trick or treat earlier now?  we generally shut down our block as we get a large influx of traveling trick or treaters (cars tying to drive down the street with tons of kiddos is no bueno) but they blocked it off at 4pm and the bulk of the kids on the block came around at 4:30pm.  At least let the sun think about setting ffs.  

[Wally Fairway 5600]

14 hours ago, Laxtonto said:

Happy Halloween!

Billy Gibbons looking good bro

[YGIFS 19453]

14 hours ago, Laxtonto said:

Happy Halloween!

 I think Roger Stone and Billy Gibbons DP'd two sides of the same pumpkin and this is what resulted.  And now I'm gonna scrub that image from my head by vomiting.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

1 hour ago, gyroprotagonist said:

am i crazy or are the elementary kids trying to trick or treat earlier now?  we generally shut down our block as we get a large influx of traveling trick or treaters (cars tying to drive down the street with tons of kiddos is no bueno) but they blocked it off at 4pm and the bulk of the kids on the block came around at 4:30pm.  At least let the sun think about setting ffs.  

Our town's "official hours" were published as being from 3:00 to 7:00 which is especially asinine because both the grade schools and the middle schools were still in session at 3pm.

[Celery Man 21026]

6-8 in our suburb (lots of neighborhood kids, fair amount of country folk driving in), and it pretty much started right at 6 and wrapped up around 8. We got a bit of rain that impacted things but I think it was similar last year with clear weather.

lol 3-7 fuck you

i missed this thread previous years. looking forward to finding a thickass ugly pumpkin next year for nightmare fuel

[MissingInAction 25299]

1 hour ago, gyroprotagonist said:

am i crazy or are the elementary kids trying to trick or treat earlier now?  we generally shut down our block as we get a large influx of traveling trick or treaters (cars tying to drive down the street with tons of kiddos is no bueno) but they blocked it off at 4pm and the bulk of the kids on the block came around at 4:30pm.  At least let the sun think about setting ffs.  

Used to live in a suburb of terrified white people. As soon as the vans carrying kids from other parts of town would arrive everyone's porch lights went off. 

My sprinklers were already on for trick treaters of all races.

[gyroprotagonist 2595]

yeah, most everyone does not do that and just embraces the fact that we'll get 100s trick or treaters for Halloween.  it can get crazy if it falls on a weekend, but Monday was not too bad even though we ran out of candy around 8:30pm

almost no wind, so the smoke machine was awesome last night

 

[MeerkatBong 115]

1 hour ago, gyroprotagonist said:

am i crazy or are the elementary kids trying to trick or treat earlier now?  we generally shut down our block as we get a large influx of traveling trick or treaters (cars tying to drive down the street with tons of kiddos is no bueno) but they blocked it off at 4pm and the bulk of the kids on the block came around at 4:30pm.  At least let the sun think about setting ffs.  

In my hood: Toddlers and younger elementary kids go early before or at dusk-- older elementary and middle school go in dark and go hard until 9:30-10pm. High school kids are non-existent.

Edited November 1, 2022 by MeerkatBong

[Armybrat 40987]

We had 24 kids between 6:30 and 7:45. 
Closed it down at 8.

[Armybrat 40987]

I get the leftover Hersheys, she likes the others.

 

 

[Ghost of LL 15603]

I declared the right of jus primae noctis on my kids' candy bags last night.  They protested, but I assured them "It is my noble right" in between bites of a Snickers.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

31 minutes ago, Ghost of LL said:

I declared the right of jus primae noctis on my kids' candy bags last night.  They protested, but I assured them "It is my noble right" in between bites of a Snickers.

Keep fucking that Snickers! 

[gyroprotagonist 2595]

i saw that some psycho was handing out bags of SunChips.  saw the bag in a kid's pumpkin as they getting candy at our house.  wtf is wrong with people?

there was also some crazy lady on nextdoor trying to shame people using fake cotton webbing in their yards by claiming that by doing so a multitude of birds were surely going to die from being trapped in the strands.  

[nnm 36842]

Moved to the country in ETX last year. Not a single trick or treater last year or this year. It is glorious. 

Edited November 1, 2022 by nnm

[Celery Man 21026]

48 minutes ago, gyroprotagonist said:

i saw that some psycho was handing out bags of SunChips.  saw the bag in a kid's pumpkin as they getting candy at our house.  wtf is wrong with people?

there was also some crazy lady on nextdoor trying to shame people using fake cotton webbing in their yards by claiming that by doing so a multitude of birds were surely going to die from being trapped in the strands.  

we got some veggie straws that were actually great, since they were something that the toddler could eat as we were parading her from house to house

[Guest]

Have a neighbor that goes all out to Halloween, including the 12 foot skeleton. He left a table with candy out while they took the kid around the neighborhood. I see his next door neighbor lady come over and snap pictures of their yard and the skeleton and then head back into her house with all the lights turned off. I guess she liked the decorations but didn't want anything to do with Halloween.

[pantone159 719]

3 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

I guess she liked the decorations but didn't want anything to do with Halloween.

Makes sense to me.

[MissingInAction 25299]

Where i live now you will get shot if you go around knocking on doors wearing a mask. Halloween or not.

[YGIFS 19453]

Kind of a weird night last night.  We actually had a more robust trick-or-treat scene the last two years of Covid.  Maybe because of Monday, but almost every kid had today off because of parent-teacher conferences.  And it didn't help that our neighbor had demolition on their remodel going on until past 6 o'clock.  But overall, the whole neighborhood was festive, just not terribly engaged nor high volume.  Had some folks from other areas of town come and they were most welcome (I live the in least douchiest part of the most Karen part of town).  I threw up the Ws game on the projector only to learn it was postponed so we put on some Halloween movies for the kids who were wiped from walking.  plenty of drinks and candy, but it was just kind of weirdly low-traffic.  Me and a handful of other dads kinda informally have everything covered each year  from entertainment to booking a food truck to projection screen to mobile bars to traffic cones to route traffic on all the dead-end roads, etc.  

This afternoon finally has me thinking that my repeated emails with the subject headline "We are all going to die from Fentanyl" may have dissuaded some foot traffic.  I dunno.  

[After irth 1245]

8 hours ago, nnm said:

Moved to the country in ETX last year. Not a single trick or treater last year or this year. It is glorious. 

Same here.  Parked my vehicle so it blocked the sidewalk to my house and shut down all the outdoor lighting.  Not a single doorbell ring.  It was glorious.  

[Shoxthemonkey 1983]

19 hours ago, nnm said:

Moved to the country in ETX last year. Not a single trick or treater last year or this year. It is glorious. 

Same here. For us, it has been at least 30 years since we have had a trick or treater. Nobody wants to risk getting the Volvo dirty for a couple of tootsie rolls.

[honolulu horn 6176]

Our neighborhood was wall-to-wall kids as it usually is. From 5-8 every block in our neighborhood is crawling with kids and families. Houses generally go all out with decorations. This year we had a house with a live band, another with an animatronic bartender, another with an entire graveyard set up with candy in coffins etc, another with a cotton candy station...it was fantastic. 

[Steamboat1874 4152]

Had quite a few at my house in Georgetown.

I always sit in my lawn chair in the driveway with cold beer and tunes.

That way I do not have to answer the door every 5 minutes and....BONUS.....I get to check out all of the MILFS.

[Hpara759 1781]

Nieghbor across the street was handing out fireball shots to the adults....78626

[Armybrat 40987]

On 11/2/2022 at 1:40 PM, Hpara759 said:

Nieghbor across the street was handing out fireball shots to the adults....78626

You must live across from my niece.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

50 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

You must live across from my niece.

[Armybrat 40987]

11 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Fugeddaboutit - niece is a grandma.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

2 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Fugeddaboutit - niece is a grandma.

And? I'm down to clown.

[Superhero 8889]

On 10/17/2022 at 1:31 PM, nnm said:

 

 

On 10/19/2022 at 11:08 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

damn, that is a huge clit.

Where is it?

That's right. Don't care.

[Hpara759 1781]

13 hours ago, Armybrat said:

You must live across from my niece.

dressed as Alice in Wonderland......she looked pretty good from a distance, haven't met her yet

[Armybrat 40987]

I just noticed that your zip code is Georgetown, hers is Pflugerville.

6’ Niece could dress as Julia Child.

Edited November 5, 2022 by Armybrat

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

On 10/30/2022 at 5:38 PM, nnm said:

@Prepuce of Doom, that’s a better Goatse than yours. And I blame you for my knowing that. 

Not so fast, my friend! 

Though to be fair, the varmint could have done a much better job at placing the asshole. 

[nnm 36842]

51 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Not so fast, my friend! 

Though to be fair, the varmint could have done a much better job at placing the asshole. 

[Harrison Stafford 3353]

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

New guy took some kind of piss on our front porch so I moved him to his putrification copse a little prematurely. His "lower jaw" (for lack of a better term) was full of an orange-ish liquid. I dumped a little bit so I could carry it without becoming a biohazard but much of it remains. 

[Shoxthemonkey 1983]

On 11/23/2022 at 4:28 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

New guy took some kind of piss on our front porch so I moved him to his putrification copse a little prematurely. His "lower jaw" (for lack of a better term) was full of an orange-ish liquid. I dumped a little bit so I could carry it without becoming a biohazard but much of it remains. 

That's the mung I warned you about last year.

[dcbc 14568]

Just told my 13 year old about our new family member of the warty pumpkin variety. He reports that one of the eyes is black and there is a black substance oozing out if his mouth.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

I've been neglectful, both in my duties as a gourdfather, but moreso in keeping you all abreast with monthly updates. 

And I fear that I have some bad news. 

A varmint has eaten almost the whole ass out of this year's rotter. I noticed a big gaping hole a while ago, and for what it's worth, it seems like the feasting has come to an end. But this one may not have the structural integrity to become (or remain) a permanent part of future lineups.

He was keeled over when I went out to check on him. 

In the shot above, you can see the aftermarket asshole there on the right side. 

Here's the best shot of the damage I could get just holding my phone into the bushes. 

When I reached in to help straighten him out, he was mushy at the top of his head. Not sure what that portends, but it's probably not ideal. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

April update. 

Not much has changed. 

 

[dcbc 14568]

I'm sorry for your loss. Just checked on my flower bed dweller.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

28 minutes ago, dcbc said:

I'm sorry for your loss. Just checked on my flower bed dweller.

Looking good! 

It's going to be a lot lighter and more delicate than you expect the first time you pick it up. Take care not to accidentally rip the stem right off. 

Edited April 15, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

It's about that time of year. How are the gourds looking?

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

22 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

It's about that time of year. How are the gourds looking?

Very low expectations for this year's (well, last year's) new monster. 

As previously reported, someone or something has eaten much of its ass, and not in the good way. There's a real Frank Beamer quality to it now, at least as far as I can tell without disturbing it. 

It kept tipping over and I eventually gave up on propping it up, and I have little faith that it will stand upright very easily or for very long once I extract it from the bushes. 

But who knows - maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised in a couple of weeks. And the previous two have fared well by spending the offseason in my garage. 

Edited September 19, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[dcbc 14568]

Looking good, Louis.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

I find McSweeney's to be pretty far up its own ass most of the time, but this is an entertaining read. 

https://www.patreon.com/posts/colin-nissans-of-30183394

Edited September 22, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

46 minutes ago, BeardIP said:

Dude what? McSweeney's is consistent gold. 

Is @BeardIP short for @Beard(edH)IP(STER)?

I'd give you "consistent bronze," and I wouldn't agree but I wouldn't argue with "consistent silver," but "consistent gold" is too much... 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom