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Official bitch about your family 2020 holidays edition

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
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tbone_

tbone_ 14157

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Put it in the Covid thread. IDGAF.
We ain’t staying hunkered down in the fetal position In the basement  in constant fear like some of you motherfuckers.  The fear mongering is never going to end, especially as long as motherfuckers can control other people. Some of us Want to actually have a life. Be diligent don’t be fucking insane.
FTR, we were within the guidelines dictated by the state of New Mexico for what the property allows, and their Covid measures are pretty fucking strict.

Your buttons are so easy to push man.
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Do a bunch of Texans have basements and I’m just now finding out about it?
 I’m not gonna judge if you’re hiding down there in fear of Covid, but I was always under the impression we couldn’t build them here because of the geology?  

my neighbor said something similar as we were all outside watching the kids play. about certain folks of a political stripe living in fear in their basements. And I thought maybe I’m the only house on the street without a basement or a pool.  

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17594

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17 hours ago, slorch said:

the ladies had the house at 78...'cuz it's fucking cold outside, right?  

That right there is where I head back home.  

11 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Do a bunch of Texans have basements and I’m just now finding out about it?
 I’m not gonna judge if you’re hiding down there in fear of Covid, but I was always under the impression we couldn’t build them here because of the geology?  

my neighbor said something similar as we were all outside watching the kids play. about certain folks of a political stripe living in fear in their basements. And I thought maybe I’m the only house on the street without a basement or a pool.  

Lots of basements in the Lubbock area and Panhandle. Other parts of the state, notsomuch.

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gyroprotagonist

gyroprotagonist 2595

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26 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

That right there is where I head back home.  

Lots of basements in the Lubbock area and Panhandle. Other parts of the state, notsomuch.

team basement here in Dallas.  i hope everyone is too tired to bitch, about whatever side of the election you may fall on, during thanksgiving.  people have covid fatigue, why not politic derangement syndrome fatigue.  

insert idi amin laughing gif, I guess.

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21867

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3 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

 For Christmas, we don't really have any plans yet.  I know we're going to get a virtual Santa to have a video call with us (my wife's uncle could be a mall Santa).  I'm tired of covid.

@pearlandhorn's Christmas stories are among the best.  Let's hope you get another ball of string or whatever.

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27601

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On 11/8/2020 at 11:36 AM, G650 said:

I wait every year for this thread

One of the best features of this place. 

On 11/3/2020 at 9:26 AM, BearSchlong said:

Pops just passed peacefully, surrounded by family. Waiting for the hearse now.

Died as he lived, with quiet dignity.

Condolences. He sounds like he rocked.

On 11/9/2020 at 6:42 PM, Sbbruin said:

I thought it was very well played.

Damn, this thread is one of my favorite "car crash yet can't look away" threads.  So great stuff has been unloaded here over the years.  Some of the Christmas ones are gold.

 

Weed eater string, meltdowns in the kitchen, and all kinds of drama?! 

So very in.

11 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

My christmas tree arrived today 

 

20201122_103304.jpg

My daughter got one too. My bad cat discovered it about five minutes later. The shiny bauble that is so enticing is still intact. I figure it has a 2 in 5 chance of survival. 

Just got back from the first round of Thanksgiving with my girlfriend's family. The turkey was good, but I didn't want to ask about the dressing. Hard pass on seconds. Mom is about to throw a revolt. If she had her way she'd make a pan of dressing with extra oysters and get a dozen tamales. However, she knows that she is expected to throw down some turkey with it, camouflaged green beans, rolls, and the rest. Step dad is on his last few rounds of chemo and he's making her even grouchier being a worry wart. 

I'm not going. My daughter volunteered to work on Thanksgiving day and I am going to grill some nice ribeyes for us.

I'll decorate the big ass cactus that comes in from the porch in the winter because my bad cat leaves it alone. 

Merry Christmas you buncha aholes!

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UncleCharlie

UncleCharlie 334

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I am, and have been my dads power of attorney, and they're lucky I'm not a vindictive person, and would never cut them out of an equal share of whatever is left in the estate, because he would not want that to happen. His wife would, and was going to make sure me nor my brother got anything without a fight.


Get his beneficiary info updated on all qualified plan assets ASAP. My dad passed in April and he had his ex girlfriend from 5 years ago as the Primary Bene on all of his retirement accounts. Luckily we had a good relationship with her and she is a very good person or she could have taken all of it and there would have been no recourse. Even with her signing declination letters it was still a cluster fuck causing the financial institutions to do familial research to make sure the people receiving his assets were correct.


Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9350

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Mrs GOTJ hit HEB today. Should have been no more than a 45 minute trek since it's just going to be the 2 of us for Thanksgiving so it was a normal Sunday shopping list plus a few extra ingredients.

I watched the entire Belushi documentary before she got home. Almost 2 hours. She came in frazzled and pissed. Apparently heb was overrun by 3 generations of families shopping for the feast, and nobody knowing where to look for ingredients. Clusterfuck.

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3561

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7 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

 Almost 2 hours. She came in frazzled and pissed. Apparently heb was overrun by 3 generations of families shopping for the feast, and nobody knowing where to look for ingredients. Clusterfuck.

Imagine what they're posting about her on Surly3GenFams.com

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10 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Mrs GOTJ hit HEB today. Should have been no more than a 45 minute trek since it's just going to be the 2 of us for Thanksgiving so it was a normal Sunday shopping list plus a few extra ingredients.

I watched the entire Belushi documentary before she got home. Almost 2 hours. She came in frazzled and pissed. Apparently heb was overrun by 3 generations of families shopping for the feast, and nobody knowing where to look for ingredients. Clusterfuck.

the "let's take 9 people from our family to the grocery store during peak business times" phenomenon will never cease to amaze me.  It is some kind of innate need, but it is not common to all of us.  Drives me nuts in the stores...

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40501

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On 11/16/2020 at 11:43 AM, slorch said:

Put it in the Covid thread. IDGAF.

We ain’t staying hunkered down in the fetal position In the basement  in constant fear like some of you motherfuckers.  The fear mongering is never going to end, especially as long as motherfuckers can control other people. Some of us Want to actually have a life. Be diligent don’t be fucking insane.

FTR, we were within the guidelines dictated by the state of New Mexico for what the property allows, and their Covid measures are pretty fucking strict.

And this is why this website is called surly horns

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40501

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Got a family group text from my step brother. Read something like this:  

Quote

Good morning, I'm sending this as a reminder that I do not want anyone to get me any Christmas gifts this year. The reason is because I won't be getting anyone Christmas gifts either this year.

Note, this man is a lawyer and makes decent money. To get a reaction from him I texted the group back, "literally fuck your own face Ebenezer Scrooge." Uncle sent laughing emojis. 

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pearlandhorn

pearlandhorn 3274

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In my family, I tell them all I wish we would not give gifts to anyone old enough to have a full time job. There’s only 1 person under the age of 21 in my entire family (my son). 
 

Just give him gifts. I don’t need anything. If I needed something, I’d go buy it. My wife and I are buying some PC components for each other for Christmas. I don’t need another screwdriver set, a scentcy, or anything else. Half of what I get as gifts go in the trash when I get home.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9454

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1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

Got a family group text from my step brother. Read something like this:  

Note, this man is a lawyer and makes decent money. To get a reaction from him I texted the group back, "literally fuck your own face Ebenezer Scrooge." Uncle sent laughing emojis. 

In far less dramatic fashion, my brother and I decided a few years ago that giving each other $50 gift cards was dumb. We just spend the money on my sister’s kids now. 

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Kennythetiger

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1 hour ago, pearlandhorn said:

In my family, I tell them all I wish we would not give gifts to anyone old enough to have a full time job. There’s only 1 person under the age of 21 in my entire family (my son). 
 

Just give him gifts. I don’t need anything. If I needed something, I’d go buy it. My wife and I are buying some PC components for each other for Christmas. I don’t need another screwdriver set, a scentcy, or anything else. Half of what I get as gifts go in the trash when I get home.

It’s shitty-ass attitudes like this that make life tougher for Chad B.  No scentcy?  C’mon, man. 

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

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3 hours ago, slorch said:

the "let's take 9 people from our family to the grocery store during peak business times" phenomenon will never cease to amaze me.  It is some kind of innate need, but it is not common to all of us.  Drives me nuts in the stores...

I do everything I can to avoid grocery shop with my wife, so I can’t even imagine this

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9454

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1 hour ago, OrangEngr said:

I do everything I can to avoid grocery shop with my wife, so I can’t even imagine this

I've got one for you.  Mine, her mother, and her grandmother, hit the local (30 miles away) Wal-Mart so much that they have the layout of the store memorized.  To a t.  If one person goes to the store, the others can give grocery lists that work the shopper right-to-left and weaving front-to-back through the store.  It's a little sad, a little impressive, and very efficient, all at the same time.  

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Guest Lobo

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I wish I had a way to get my wife, her mother, and her sisters all out of the house at the same time to go do some shopping (most years, this year we're all rolling solo).  It might bug the shit out of other shoppers at those stores, but I'd get some fucking peace and quiet.  Invariably only 2 of the 5 of them go and the other 3 stay here and have a talking contest.  

And then when I volunteer to go to get the fuck out of the house, invariably her dad wants to come with me.  His town only has a convenience store, nothing else for several dozen miles in any direction so he likes to come to any and all stores I may be visiting.  He's a helluva good guy but he does that thing where he comments on every single end-cap display no matter what.  "Here you go Lobo, tostitos chips for scooping.  $2.99 a bag."  Takes us two hours to complete a 30-minute shopping run.  

But all in all, I'd love it if we could have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.  To see our two little ones get all that attention from grandparents and 3 doting aunts would be great.  But it's just not in the cards this year.  

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9454

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6 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I wish I had a way to get my wife, her mother, and her sisters all out of the house at the same time to go do some shopping (most years, this year we're all rolling solo).  It might bug the shit out of other shoppers at those stores, but I'd get some fucking peace and quiet.  Invariably only 2 of the 5 of them go and the other 3 stay here and have a talking contest.  

And then when I volunteer to go to get the fuck out of the house, invariably her dad wants to come with me.  His town only has a convenience store, nothing else for several dozen miles in any direction so he likes to come to any and all stores I may be visiting.  He's a helluva good guy but he does that thing where he comments on every single end-cap display no matter what.  "Here you go Lobo, tostitos chips for scooping.  $2.99 a bag."  Takes us two hours to complete a 30-minute shopping run.  

But all in all, I'd love it if we could have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.  To see our two little ones get all that attention from grandparents and 3 doting aunts would be great.  But it's just not in the cards this year.  

5665904_std.jpg

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17594

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10 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I wish I had a way to get my wife, her mother, and her sisters all out of the house at the same time to go do some shopping (most years, this year we're all rolling solo).  It might bug the shit out of other shoppers at those stores, but I'd get some fucking peace and quiet.  Invariably only 2 of the 5 of them go and the other 3 stay here and have a talking contest.  

And then when I volunteer to go to get the fuck out of the house, invariably her dad wants to come with me.  His town only has a convenience store, nothing else for several dozen miles in any direction so he likes to come to any and all stores I may be visiting.  He's a helluva good guy but he does that thing where he comments on every single end-cap display no matter what.  "Here you go Lobo, tostitos chips for scooping.  $2.99 a bag."  Takes us two hours to complete a 30-minute shopping run.  

But all in all, I'd love it if we could have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.  To see our two little ones get all that attention from grandparents and 3 doting aunts would be great.  But it's just not in the cards this year.  

Dude, he's just trying to get away from the wimmin, too.  And make the break last as long as he can.  Have some sympathy - he's been putting up with it more years than you have.

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Guest Lobo

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That's what I used to think too.  so whenever he's in town, I invite him to go do all kinds of shit-fishing, shooting range, day drinking, UT baseball or hoops, alamo drafthouse.  Nope, he likes to go see stores and sit and listen to the wimmin's talk.  It's amazing.  I don't know how he does it.  I have two daughters that I love to be around as much as I can, but if I had four of them---I'd be taking up every hobby I could find that was at least 50 miles away from home and power shopping wouldn't be one of them.

Still, I'd trade a lot to get to see him with his two little granddaughters playing this year at the holidays.  

 

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4 hours ago, Lobo said:

I wish I had a way to get my wife, her mother, and her sisters all out of the house at the same time to go do some shopping (most years, this year we're all rolling solo).  It might bug the shit out of other shoppers at those stores, but I'd get some fucking peace and quiet.  Invariably only 2 of the 5 of them go and the other 3 stay here and have a talking contest.  

And then when I volunteer to go to get the fuck out of the house, invariably her dad wants to come with me.  His town only has a convenience store, nothing else for several dozen miles in any direction so he likes to come to any and all stores I may be visiting.  He's a helluva good guy but he does that thing where he comments on every single end-cap display no matter what.  "Here you go Lobo, tostitos chips for scooping.  $2.99 a bag."  Takes us two hours to complete a 30-minute shopping run.  

But all in all, I'd love it if we could have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.  To see our two little ones get all that attention from grandparents and 3 doting aunts would be great.  But it's just not in the cards this year.  

My wife’s uncle, with whom I get along extremely well solved for this in his mancave. It is apart from the house on the other side of the garage, from which you can access the room. It has Ac/ heat, Couch, two badass recliners/ comfy chairs, huge tv, beer fridge, margarita bar...but wait there’s more.  Then he has the billion dollar outdoor kitchen with another huge ass TV and a deck overlooking a lake with the butane heaters and firepit, if needed. The kids have all been taught they can only come out there if they are quiet.  Same rules for the ladies.

When we get there, I don’t want to go anywhere else. It’s great. I just bring him more booze than will be consumed, at least by us two.  That’s my price for what is always a great day. 

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25178

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Had the text exchange with the magat fam the other day. Told mother I had to be at the office last week, lots of people, not a good idea for me to be around.

Then an avalanche of bullshit from trumpkin father, bil, etc calling me names (snowflake, sheeple, libtard) and other horse shit. All their messages go to a folder named "fuck heads" which is auto cleared every day.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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Thanksgiving is going to suck. It's by far my favorite day of the year. Usually we have about 20 to 25 people over. I smoke a turkey and a ham or pork shoulder. @Knoxtnhorn usually comes over a couple of hours before everyone to "help" with the smoked meats. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I actually love all my wife's family. And even my ex's mom and sister will come over. We eat informally while watching football all day. At night, me and any of the men still left at the house go to a bar and leave the women at the house to talk. 

 

This year, it's just my family plus my MIL & FIL. I'm still going to smoke a turkey. And a friend of mine is going to trade me some of the smoked turkey for some of his fried turkey.

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2981

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Well, this being 2020 and all, our Thanksgiving plans just went away.  Nothing really special, just MIL and BIL coming over (she turns 90 in January just for reference). We found out today one of my sons might have been exposed about a week ago, so now it’s just the household for dinner. 

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6066

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59 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Thanksgiving is going to suck. It's by far my favorite day of the year. Usually we have about 20 to 25 people over. I smoke a turkey and a ham or pork shoulder. @Knoxtnhorn usually comes over a couple of hours before everyone to "help" with the smoked meats. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I actually love all my wife's family. And even my ex's mom and sister will come over. We eat informally while watching football all day. At night, me and any of the men still left at the house go to a bar and leave the women at the house to talk. 

 

This year, it's just my family plus my MIL & FIL. I'm still going to smoke a turkey. And a friend of mine is going to trade me some of the smoked turkey for some of his fried turkey.

@Jameslaw121

I had typed something on here earlier about how our immediate family gets along really well.  I had added some stuff about cousins/aggy/funeral 4 years ago, but thought it was kind of in poor taste, so I deleted it.  Anyway, last TDay may have been my favorite one ever - and that's saying a lot.  

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8110

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God I love being the sane parent.

Daughter is home from college and she, my ex wife, and my ex MIL drove up to Dallas from the Woodlands today.  To get their hair done.

(Redacted in Red marker) is my ex's husband - who was so liberal the DoJ investigated him for a serious Hatch act violation that made MSM a few years ago.  Now gone 100% MAGA.  And he and my ex joined Joel Osteen's cult.

14 more hours and she will be here with me for the next week. Turkey about to take a brine bath, apple wood standing down and standing by to smoke the motherfucker.

 

joel.jpg

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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9350

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Survived Total Wine today. Got a great tip from a former liquor store manager ("wait 45 minutes until after they open before the holidays so you can avoid the hardcore alcoholics, then you've got about 90 minutes before the crowds get crazy"). In and out in 15 minutes.

Mrs GOTJ baked a couple of pies and made her cranberry sauce (with minced jalapeños for the MF'ing win). It's gonna be an easy meal prep day tomorrow which is mucho bueno.

I had to troubleshoot a bad extension cord that was tripping the GFCI that powered the xmas lights. The weather was perfect so I put up some outdoor Command clips to tidy up the whole deal. All in all a good day.

Stay safe, y'all. For those of you traveling to see family...just get back in one piece. Safe and sane.

 

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