Official bitch about your family 2020 holidays edition

[TrashMaster G 17565]

6 hours ago, ztejas said:

Needs more glaze. 

He already spent 15 min with the wife.  He'll need several more hours to come up with more glaze.

 

2 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

From a buddy of mine. He smoked a perfect medium rare tenderloin for the feast. His in laws insisted on shoe leather for their portions.

Meat on the right makes me very sad.

[elfenix 34314]

i get where i'm going and not only is the only beer in the place bud light, but none of it is cold.  wtf.  

[davidg 4038]

That’s on you man. Always be the gracious guest and present the host with a bottle or a sixer or two of what you like drink.

[elfenix 34314]

28 minutes ago, davidg said:

That’s on you man. Always be the gracious guest and present the host with a bottle or a sixer or two of what you like drink.

i brought a case of wine.  

[G650 14263]

8 hours ago, elfenix said:

i get where i'm going and not only is the only beer in the place bud light, but none of it is cold.  wtf.  

Well, this is a small step in the right direction for this thread

[Biff Tannen 45691]

So instead of the in laws breakfast table screaming at everyone, this year they are FaceTime screaming. Just as annoying. Maybe more. 

[tx ind 7013]

sounds like a convenient time for your wifi to go out

[Kennythetiger 9390]

12 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

He already spent 15 min with the wife.  He'll need several more hours to come up with more glaze.

 

Meat on the right makes me very sad.

Those top three pieces on the right are cooked perfectly for my taste. 

[Kennythetiger 9390]

12 hours ago, ztejas said:

I don't know where The Divying falls on the list of things guaranteed to wear a red-blooded American male's patience thin, but it has to be somewhere near the top.

If anyone is unfamiliar with this process use the terms "post-meal" and "leftovers" as helpful context clues. It even turned into non-leftover items.

"How much pie do you want? Which kinds of these three that we have?"

"I really don't care"

"Do you have sandwich bread at home?" 

"Yeah, I do (I definitely don't)"

"Okay well are you sure because this is really good bread..."

"Mom I'm really trying to get out the door"

To be fair, I'm pretty exhausted and especially didn't have patience for this type of thing this year, but good Lord woman! And this was with 2 people involved.

Next year you can borrow my mother-in-law. Hell, take her for Christmas if you want. She’ll solve your divvying problem. Minimal, if any, help with any sort of shopping, prep, etc. but takes home all leftovers. 

[Wulaw Horn 19107]

12 hours ago, elfenix said:

i brought a case of wine.  

Ok.  Not selfish enough if you want to drink beer. 

[dcbc 14487]

On 11/25/2020 at 8:02 PM, DCA_HORN said:

My name is Joel Osteen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Looks like University of Illinois!

[Longboard Horn 40334]

Guess I can put this here. This was sent to me from a friend 

 

[Guest]

just like when you send something back at the restaurant...

[Guest]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

LOL, that Rep icon could not be any more perfect...

[Nice Guy Eddie 13515]

On 11/27/2020 at 10:47 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Next year you can borrow my mother-in-law. Hell, take her for Christmas if you want. She’ll solve your divvying problem. Minimal, if any, help with any sort of shopping, prep, etc. but takes home all leftovers. 

I don’t want to bring any leftovers home, so I’m cool if someone else wants everything.  Leftover turkey is crap. And while I would like leftover apple pie, I don’t need it. 

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

Just to offer closure on my OP our father passed peacefully, and in his sleep Sunday morning. Pancreatic cancer can be an extremely painful death, and we were able to keep him medicated enough that he never experienced pain (as far as we could tell). 

The other siblings ended up doing their own Thanksgivings which made for no stress for us or him.  Apparently having too many people around can be very uncomfortable for people at the end of their life, too much stimulation is disconcerting to them, according to the hospice folks, who have the end of life services down to a very good science.

 

Edited November 30, 2020 by Onboard 2.0

[Gil Bang 25975]

On 11/23/2020 at 2:40 PM, slorch said:

My wife’s uncle, with whom I get along extremely well solved for this in his mancave. It is apart from the house on the other side of the garage, from which you can access the room. It has Ac/ heat, Couch, two badass recliners/ comfy chairs, huge tv, beer fridge, margarita bar...but wait there’s more.  Then he has the billion dollar outdoor kitchen with another huge ass TV and a deck overlooking a lake with the butane heaters and firepit, if needed. The kids have all been taught they can only come out there if they are quiet.  Same rules for the ladies.

When we get there, I don’t want to go anywhere else. It’s great. I just bring him more booze than will be consumed, at least by us two.  That’s my price for what is always a great day. 

How long has he been out of the closet?

 

Also dude, butane is a bastard gas.

Edited November 30, 2020 by Gil Bang

[Guest]

Lol.  It’s a margarita machine to make frozens when it’# hot outside.  Not really my cup of tea, but he’s also a bigtime Parrothead, so it ties in with the theme of his bar.

[BHMCruiser 1814]

On 11/26/2020 at 6:38 AM, slorch said:

agreed, however I keep it on at all times because of my mom.   Otherwise, yep, that bitch would have been off.

now that's TWO reasons to turn that thing off

[BHMCruiser 1814]

On 11/26/2020 at 12:48 PM, G650 said:

Probably the biggest kick in the teeth from Covid, aside from all the dying of course, is the lack of quality entries in this thread as the gatherings have all been down sized.

the dying was not nearly as funny as I hoped it would be when this whole thing started

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

now that's TWO reasons to turn that thing off

If I was 17, I'd probably agree. My mom is elderly and being available for her to call 24/7 isn't remotely bothersome.  Now, as for the other dipshits who have no decorum or decency towards their fellow man's time off...welp...settings adjusted now.   

[GhostOfTomJoad 9331]

So in addition to my dad refusing to end the stupidity of us exchanging gift cards each year, he's now begun to send me old shirts that no longer fit him.

Great, pops. I really needed a Ralph Lauren Oxford from circa '98 you found in the back of your closet. The only upside is that I can donate it now & not have to deal with it ten years down the road.

[Parliament 14260]

Parliament has entered the chat.  My dad's 2nd wife is a sociopath, if not full bipolar.  Every Christmas my sister (no pics) who lives closest to home hosts the siblings, dad and dad's wife.  They're too old to cook and clean for all of us and the kids.  That and their house is a dump.  We plan WAY ahead because of all the schedules involved and there's some driving from the various rustbelt cities of Ohio. We do this every year.  A month ago we set the party for the 27th.  Coordinated with everyone, told dad and his wife at the same time, while they were together.  Can't get that wrong.

Sunday the wife Facebook IM's one sister, "Hey when are you coming over!  I'll fix everything!" Sister calls her right away and reminded her it was already set.  "You never told me! Your father never tells me! etc, etc!"  "Yes we did.  We told you and dad at the same time."  

A few days later, dad call another random sister.  "Your stepmother is upset with you and doesn't want to come.  And if she doesn't go, I can't go.  You know how she is."  This happens once every 3 years it seems, and of course it hadta land on 2020.  Dad's wife sets this up for maximum drama, and it's a battle of wills.  Because my sisters are (surprisingly) not baited by this drama.  They know she feeds on the negative emotions she creates, and you gotta starve her of it.  So we'll wait until a few days before and call him.  Make one more invite and let it be.  He has 6 grandchildren from 6 months up to 11 years and they'll all be there.  If they choose to sit in their shithole house while the rest of us open presents 10 miles away...whatever I guess.

[PittsburghTiger 6190]

On 11/26/2020 at 11:26 PM, TrashMaster G said:

He already spent 15 min with the wife.  He'll need several more hours to come up with more glaze.

 

Meat on the right makes me very sad.

I have a buddy who is like the folks on the right. When possible we used to have a group over to watch Thursday night college games and I would cook ribeyes. They'd be perfect and I would take them off, all but one, and tell Chris to take his off when ready because I was not responsible for his shoe leather.

[Reagan1k 3024]

After decades of arguments, my wife and I have finally settled into an unspoken ritual on Christmas evening. 

I cook a beef tender the correct way.  Before I start to slice it, I put a skillet on the stovetop and turn on the heat.  When I start to carve slices, I take off each end 1st.  She walks over, takes both ends and puts them in the skillet to ruin them to her liking.

No words are spoken and we don't look at each other's plates after doing that "dance".  No fighting.....no ridicule...no "gross" comments.......Only internal disgust on my part and we're both happier for it.

[Kennythetiger 9390]

8 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

After decades of arguments, my wife and I have finally settled into an unspoken ritual on Christmas evening. 

I cook a beef tender the correct way.  Before I start to slice it, I put a skillet on the stovetop and turn on the heat.  When I start to carve slices, I take off each end 1st.  She walks over, takes both ends and puts them in the skillet to ruin them to her liking.

No words are spoken and we don't look at each other's plates after doing that "dance".  No fighting.....no ridicule...no "gross" comments.......Only internal disgust on my part and we're both happier for it.

The ends are the best part. I’d let her ruin a slice out of the middle. 

[Jerry Callo 8704]

13 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

After decades of arguments, my wife and I have finally settled into an unspoken ritual on Christmas evening. 

I cook a beef tender the correct way.  Before I start to slice it, I put a skillet on the stovetop and turn on the heat.  When I start to carve slices, I take off each end 1st.  She walks over, takes both ends and puts them in the skillet to ruin them to her liking.

No words are spoken and we don't look at each other's plates after doing that "dance".  No fighting.....no ridicule...no "gross" comments.......Only internal disgust on my part and we're both happier for it.

That's beautiful.

[hullabelew 3724]

My dipshit son-in-law is like that.  Even the 7 yr old makes fun of him.   Everyone else is eating beautiful medium rare and his are......ugh. 

[tbone_ 14128]

I don’t get the steak snobbery. Why does it matter?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Because it's like putting a tattoo on a beautiful set of tits.  You're ruining one of God's creations

Edited December 17, 2020 by NeverMarryAStripper

[Sandman 3403]

8 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Because it's like putting a tattoo on a beautiful set of tits.  You're ruining one of God's creations

But if you never got to see them naked and never got to suck on them, WTF difference does it make? I could understand if I took your last steak without asking but not if I purchase my own steak and cook it however I like. I'll never understand why anyone cares how another person eats their steak. 

[DigglerontheHoof 21202]

16 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I don’t get the steak snobbery. Why does it matter?

user name does NOT check out

[Reagan1k 3024]

9 hours ago, Sandman said:

But if you never got to see them naked and never got to suck on them, WTF difference does it make? I could understand if I took your last steak without asking but not if I purchase my own steak and cook it however I like. I'll never understand why anyone cares how another person eats their steak. 

Honestly I don't care - its your food.  Put A-1 and mayonnaise on it for all I care. 

My only pet peeve is when the well done crowd wants to impart their preference on a large cut like a tenderloin or prime rib.  Please don't tell me to cook it longer.  Don't act disgusted when there is blood on the platter. 

That's where the disagreement comes in.  If you want your piece burned, do it yourself after its carved.  I have no problem with that.  Just don't harass me to overcook the whole thing to your sole liking or criticize the final product.

That's our unspoken code - She doesn't tell me to cook it longer, and I don't give her shit about the skillet.

If you're paying for your own steak in a restaurant; ask the chef to drag it through his ass crack and soak it in dishwater for all I care.  It's yours - that's a you deal and not a me deal.

I won't call you out for ordering well done, just as I don't want a vegan / gluten-nut haranguing me about my sausage gravy covered biscuit.

[Sandman 3403]

7 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Honestly I don't care - its your food.  Put A-1 and mayonnaise on it for all I care. 

My only pet peeve is when the well done crowd wants to impart their preference on a large cut like a tenderloin or prime rib.  Please don't tell me to cook it longer.  Don't act disgusted when there is blood on the platter. 

That's where the disagreement comes in.  If you want your piece burned, do it yourself after its carved.  I have no problem with that.  Just don't harass me to overcook the whole thing to your sole liking or criticize the final product.

That's our unspoken code - She doesn't tell me to cook it longer, and I don't give her shit about the skillet.

If you're paying for your own steak in a restaurant; ask the chef to drag it through his ass crack and soak it in dishwater for all I care.  It's yours - that's a you deal and not a me deal.

I won't call you out for ordering well done, just as I don't want a vegan / gluten-nut haranguing me about my sausage gravy covered biscuit.

I agree, if this is a large piece of meat that is intended to serve multiple people, it shouldn't be cooked to the preference of one person. I can't remember the last time I ate something like that, so the thought didn't cross my mind. I'm usually just ordering a steak at a restaurant.

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

Food is personal and to each their own is the way I roll.

I know this is the drama thread, but we have none. I even managed to put the Thanksgiving pie photo and discussion in the Food forum so as not to derail so all I have to say is have yourself a little holiday, whether apart or together, masked or not, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Love yourself, love others and the rest will take care of itself.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy holidays, and peace to all y'all.

[cactusflinthead 27601]

That's cool and all, but it's gonna take a lot of effort from the vegans to shut the hell up. I'll gladly serve them a bean burger but I don't want to hear a peep about what I am having either. 

And since they can't be quiet I'll be free to mock them in return.

If Reagan's wife likes her steak like boot leather and he can have his rare I fail to see the problem here.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

On 12/15/2020 at 8:57 PM, Parliament said:

Parliament has entered the chat.  My dad's 2nd wife is a sociopath, if not full bipolar.  Every Christmas my sister (no pics) who lives closest to home hosts the siblings, dad and dad's wife.  They're too old to cook and clean for all of us and the kids.  That and their house is a dump.  We plan WAY ahead because of all the schedules involved and there's some driving from the various rustbelt cities of Ohio. We do this every year.  A month ago we set the party for the 27th.  Coordinated with everyone, told dad and his wife at the same time, while they were together.  Can't get that wrong.

Sunday the wife Facebook IM's one sister, "Hey when are you coming over!  I'll fix everything!" Sister calls her right away and reminded her it was already set.  "You never told me! Your father never tells me! etc, etc!"  "Yes we did.  We told you and dad at the same time."  

A few days later, dad call another random sister.  "Your stepmother is upset with you and doesn't want to come.  And if she doesn't go, I can't go.  You know how she is."  This happens once every 3 years it seems, and of course it hadta land on 2020.  Dad's wife sets this up for maximum drama, and it's a battle of wills.  Because my sisters are (surprisingly) not baited by this drama.  They know she feeds on the negative emotions she creates, and you gotta starve her of it.  So we'll wait until a few days before and call him.  Make one more invite and let it be.  He has 6 grandchildren from 6 months up to 11 years and they'll all be there.  If they choose to sit in their shithole house while the rest of us open presents 10 miles away...whatever I guess.

Tell your dad to stop being a pussy.  That is no way to live.

[Armybrat 40851]

Mrs. Brat will dip her prime NY strip steak (medium) in A-1 sauce. Revolting, but I just savor mine medium rare without any slop on it.

 

[Parliament 14260]

On 12/18/2020 at 8:15 AM, Johnny Sack said:

Tell your dad to stop being a pussy.  That is no way to live.

On occasion, when they pull this, I call him and jack him up.  Last time I told him my sisters are blocking her on Facebook. Surprisingly that worked. He came alone and we had a great time.  I am told that she fears two people, me and Dad's oldest sister who's about 75.  Sister isn't a battle axe, but she's not to be trifled with either.  I am honored to be held in the same regard as her.  

He called my sister tonight.  "We visited her cousin last week and he's been diagnosed with Covid.  No Christmas for us."  I tend to believe that, and I don't fault him for getting exposed.  They've been fairly careful and (no CR) I believe it's gonna just happen.  You gotta live your life some.  I hope they quarantine 100%, and don't just use this as an excuse to skip the family party.  Again, I think they aren't doing that, as they already told us they are likely skipping.  Don't seem to need this excuse.

[deadshank 24653]

On 11/26/2020 at 11:55 PM, elfenix said:

i brought a case of wine.  

Let’s go mess and fool around

You know? Like we used to 

(with the Puerto Rican girls, of course)

[Superhero 8830]

Not sure if this belongs here or the Stupid Things thread...

My wife invited her nephew and niece over for a sleepover. My kids were excited because they get to play with their cousins. But I can't stand those 2 kids AT ALL. The older brother has ADHD and has no "inside voice". He yells everything. Saturday night, he was arguing with my wife about something he ought not to be arguing about. Sunday morning, I could hear him downstairs at 645. I "reminded" him to use his inside voice at least 5 times in a 14 hour stay.

Now his sister is something else. She's just a few weeks younger than my boy. At 5 yeas old, she's still sucking on a pacifier. Probably because of the pacifier, her speech is weird and I can barely understand a word she's saying. Thankfully she was in relative good behavior over the weekend, but with her parents, she'll scream for up to an hour when she doesn't get her way. She plays next to my kids instead of with them. She's generally alone, singing to herself, and making a mess of our house.

I hate going over to my BIL's house because everyone is at the top of their lungs all the time. Plus they are just messy... with a pallet of water by their front door, toys and clothes all over the floor, countertops full of stuff, and boxes in every corner of the house. To tie this into Christmas theme, I'm just glad they're headed to Dallas for the winter break so I don't have to see them.

[deadshank 24653]

14 minutes ago, Superhero said:

Not sure if this belongs here or the Stupid Things thread...

My wife invited her nephew and niece over for a sleepover. My kids were excited because they get to play with their cousins. But I can't stand those 2 kids AT ALL. The older brother has ADHD and has no "inside voice". He yells everything. Saturday night, he was arguing with my wife about something he ought not to be arguing about. Sunday morning, I could hear him downstairs at 645. I "reminded" him to use his inside voice at least 5 times in a 14 hour stay.

Now his sister is something else. She's just a few weeks younger than my boy. At 5 yeas old, she's still sucking on a pacifier. Probably because of the pacifier, her speech is weird and I can barely understand a word she's saying. Thankfully she was in relative good behavior over the weekend, but with her parents, she'll scream for up to an hour when she doesn't get her way. She plays next to my kids instead of with them. She's generally alone, singing to herself, and making a mess of our house.

I hate going over to my BIL's house because everyone is at the top of their lungs all the time. Plus they are just messy... with a pallet of water by their front door, toys and clothes all over the floor, countertops full of stuff, and boxes in every corner of the house. To tie this into Christmas theme, I'm just glad they're headed to Dallas for the winter break so I don't have to see them.

You drink alcohol, don’t you?

[Superhero 8830]

32 minutes ago, deadshank said:

You drink alcohol, don’t you?

Yes when they’re at my house.

They don’t have alcohol at their place - maybe that’s another reason I don’t go over. 

Edited December 21, 2020 by Superhero

[Longboard Horn 40334]

@MissingInAction is this you? 

[Goofyboy 3293]

Yes when they’re at my house.

They don’t have alcohol at their place - maybe that’s another reason I don’t go over. 

Hide some in your car?

[Knoxtnhorn 6058]

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

[After irth 1243]

1 hour ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

Damn...hearing YOUR story put ME in a bad mood.  That sounds maddeningly horrible.  Hang in there, brother.  Don't drink to escape.  Drinking to cope, however...completely acceptable!

[Longboard Horn 40334]

1 hour ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

Bring duct tape to shut the SIL up. If she get on your last nerve, pull over at the gas station and tell everyone y'all are stopping for a bathroom break. When she gets out, speed away!

Also, what's wrong with ComicCon?

Edited December 22, 2020 by Longboard Horn

[Knoxtnhorn 6058]

14 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

Also, what's wrong with ComicCon?

Perhaps not a lot... unless you're a 60-something fanboi that harasses people for autographs and stages walkouts.

[Knoxtnhorn 6058]

FYI. My SIL is not too bad.  She just has a habit of droning on and on and on about nothing for hours.  At the zoo this past summer, she talked about macaroons for 90 straight mins.  No exaggeration.

Edit: just read this to my wife.  She completely agrees with all of it.

Edited December 22, 2020 by Knoxtnhorn