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Official bitch about your family 2020 holidays edition

GhostOfTomJoad

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9465

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

You magnificent motherfucker. Yes. 

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40527

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

FYI. My SIL is not too bad.  She just has a habit of droning on and on and on about nothing for hours.  At the zoo this past summer, she talked about macaroons for 90 straight mins.  No exaggeration.

Edit: just read this to my wife.  She completely agrees with all of it.

tenor.gif

If she starts to ramble on and on about nothing, turn up the radio. I've done that to family members before. Pisses them off, but it sends a message loud and clear. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21894

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6066

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Knox - I mean it’s great for us that you are taking this trip, But honestly why are you doing it? Pretty easy to say no these days.

My wife really needs to see her mom.  I know I joked about her being on her death bed for years; however, one never knows.  I know I still have regrets for not visiting my grandfather more often during his last year of battling pancreatic cancer.  It was my first tear at UT, so it was really easy to insulate myself and not think about.  Years later, I see my mistake.

Also, we orig made the plans so I could also see my daughter (Sr at MTSU).  Unfortunately, she's leaving for a ski trip the morning we get there. It'd be a dick move to bow out now.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

FYI. My SIL is not too bad.  She just has a habit of droning on and on and on about nothing for hours.  At the zoo this past summer, she talked about macaroons for 90 straight mins.  No exaggeration.

Edit: just read this to my wife.  She completely agrees with all of it.

I can fully attest to the droning on part. There have been times when I walked away not realizing she was still talking to me. I thought topic was covered....

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ABSR

ABSR 5324

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

tenor.gif

If she starts to ramble on and on about nothing, turn up the radio. I've done that to family members before. Pisses them off, but it sends a message loud and clear. 

Get a book on tape/CD.  Fills the hours and is a very fair reason to turn volume up and not pay attention to any blathering.

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11824

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I can fully attest to the droning on part. There have been times when I walked away not realizing she was still talking to me. I thought topic was covered....

uh....   I meant to post this earlier but forgot... as we know the relationship between you two.....  Is Knox just straight up talking about your wife?

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6066

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, AUS-97HORN said:

uh....   I meant to post this earlier but forgot... as we know the relationship between you two.....  Is Knox just straight up talking about your wife?

Ok.  So I left out the positive part for effect.

My doctor gave me a full bottle of pain meds for my herniated back.  I will drive halfway, then melt into the back seat.

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26025

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

Dangit Dale!

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CHIEF

CHIEF 5095

Posted
Posted

Well, headed to Cedar Park to the MIL's house, the BIL was in an apartment, we told him it was stupid paying for an apartment with the MIL's house sitting there vacant. MIL law fell back in February and is now a paraplegic living with my SIL. Little does she know, she is going into a nursing home after the holidays, if she doesn't get Corona from my SIL's water headed kids this weekend and die first. Told Mrs. CHIEF with Austin in Stage 5 restrictions, this is a very stupid move and to hug her Mom, as there is a good chance this might be the last time you see her. 

We have been taking Vitamin D throughout this whole pandemic, have been exposed multiple times, and have yet to get sick. Know several people, first hand, that have died from it, but I guess it is damn the torpedoes. FML

CHIEF

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Now listening to my FIL and wife argue about how to go about carving a completely frozen, spiral cut ham that, according to my wife, is way too big.  
 

They have an electric knife out and are mid-stroke butchering it beyond recognition. 

You gotta get a picture of this.  I've seen some shit in the kitchen but never a full spiral ham that's frozen solid being mutilated by an electric knife.  Please take a photo.  

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54432

Posted
Posted

This will be the first year in 20+ that my mother-in-law and I won't have some variation of this conversation....


Her: What's the score?
Me: 21-3.
Her: Who's playing?
Those questions are always asked in that order, which baffles me.

Her: What bowlllll is this?
Me: It's Georgia Southern and Louisiana Tech.
Her: But what bowl is it?
Me: It's in the New Orleans Superdome.
Her: Yes, but what bowl is it?
Me: Are you seriously asking what corporation paid to be the primary advertiser for this game?

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tbone_

tbone_ 14165

Posted
Posted
This will be the first year in 20+ that my mother-in-law and I won't have some variation of this conversation....


Her: What's the score?
Me: 21-3.
Her: Who's playing?
Those questions are always asked in that order, which baffles me.

Her: What bowlllll is this?
Me: It's Georgia Southern and Louisiana Tech.
Her: But what bowl is it?
Me: It's in the New Orleans Superdome.
Her: Yes, but what bowl is it?
Me: Are you seriously asking what corporation paid to be the primary advertiser for this game?



1st questions are weird out of order. 2nd question is legit though.
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tbone_

tbone_ 14165

Posted
Posted
Now listening to my FIL and wife argue about how to go about carving a completely frozen, spiral cut ham that, according to my wife, is way too big.  
 
They have an electric knife out and are mid-stroke butchering it beyond recognition. 

Ignore until you hear screaming from severed finger.
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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11824

Posted
Posted

So I am very proud of myself.

 

2 weeks ago i was making plans to visit my brother and his family up in Allen. i've done it every year since my niece was born in 2010.  

Those plans hit a snag when Brother dropped this bomb outta the blue... our parents are going to visit and stay with him... 

Normally not the end of the world... except my parents have gone full on conspiracy wackos since the election.   Like out of the god damned blue hyper-nutso. 

I immediately tell Bro, I am not coming.   

Some complaints and whines about my nieces missing me. but I didnt want to deal with the crazy.

 

at 2p today, my brother who NEVER calls me, calls me from his own home, hiding in his bathroom because he had just had a full on shouting match fight with Dad over the most basic political question....  He's convinced the parents are insane and all I can do is chuckle...

Thats the kind of fun I want nothing to do with.

Im quite happy looking like the grinch and staying home thank you very much. .

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6066

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

This will be the first year in 20+ that my mother-in-law and I won't have some variation of this conversation....


Her: What's the score?
Me: 21-3.
Her: Who's playing?
Those questions are always asked in that order, which baffles me.

Her: What bowlllll is this?
Me: It's Georgia Southern and Louisiana Tech.
Her: But what bowl is it?
Me: It's in the New Orleans Superdome.
Her: Yes, but what bowl is it?
Me: Are you seriously asking what corporation paid to be the primary advertiser for this game?
 

My MIL does the same thing.  She comes from some weird subculture that thinks more than 60 seconds of silence at any given time is too much.  She also throws out tons of rhetorical questions.

That team's colors sure are blue, aren't they?

Do you think the red team will win?

What do you think that player is thinking about?

Etc.

 

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26025

Posted
Posted
56 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

My MIL does the same thing.  She comes from some weird subculture that thinks more than 60 seconds of silence at any given time is too much.  She also throws out tons of rhetorical questions.

That team's colors sure are blue, aren't they?

Do you think the red team will win?

What do you think that player is thinking about?

Etc.

 

Just respond "pussy, of course".

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

Posted
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Posted
2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

My MIL does the same thing.  She comes from some weird subculture that thinks more than 60 seconds of silence at any given time is too much.  She also throws out tons of rhetorical questions.

That team's colors sure are blue, aren't they?

Do you think the red team will win?

What do you think that player is thinking about?

Etc.

 

That subculture is “woman”

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nnm

nnm 36651

Posted
Posted

The whole family has made a tradition of going to Santa’s Wonderland in CS every year (https://www.santas-wonderland.com/). They left our house in Katy at 6 pm this evening. 
This has allowed me to extend my own tradition of sitting in my family room, enjoying a whisky (Aberlour 25 tonight), and watching CFB, reading a book, or doing whatever the heck I want to do (which is decidedly NOT hanging out in aggyland with 10,000 of my not-so-closest-friends). 

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, nnm said:

The whole family has made a tradition of going to Santa’s Wonderland in CS every year (https://www.santas-wonderland.com/). They left our house in Katy at 6 pm this evening. 
This has allowed me to extend my own tradition of sitting in my family room, enjoying a whisky (Aberlour 25 tonight), and watching CFB, reading a book, or doing whatever the heck I want to do (which is decidedly NOT hanging out in aggyland with 10,000 of my not-so-closest-friends). 

How many aggy parents are going to have to tell the truth about Santa this year? “But mommy, all I asked Santa for was a playoff spot!”

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17601

Posted
Posted
On 12/22/2020 at 8:23 AM, Knoxtnhorn said:

About a month ago, I was all, "How can there be a thread with people bitching about family during a pandemic?"

Yep.  I've turned the corner.  Friday morning, I get to drive to Nashville with my family.  

1. I just herniated a disc in my lower back.

2. My SIL will be with us.  She's one of those "woe is me" types and will yap the entire 13 hours there.  She also has no inflection in her voice and sounds like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation syndrome character from SNL.  I can't wait to hear about her fur babies for at least half of the trip.

3. We're now on about Year 8 of MIL having six months to live.  So, every visit is over-the-top and melodramatic. Her bright idea is for Dale (boyfriend) to take us all to Chili's.  (Nashville is currently the Covid Capital of the World.)  Just to be safe, she's going to stay home and have us bring her food back.  

4. All MIL talks about is how great Dale is.  If Dale is so great, then why are we on Year 4 of their kitchen sink being only operable with a wrench?  Oh, and I can't wait to hear the story (for the 10th time) about how Dale organized a walk out during a Billy Dee Williams appearance at ComicCon because Billy Dee had the audacity to charge $5 for autographs.  Yes, the guy is in his 60's and still goes to ComicCon.

For the record, my wife is in a far worse mood than I am.

I come here to read stuff just like this so that I feel better about my life.

3 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

So I am very proud of myself.

 

2 weeks ago i was making plans to visit my brother and his family up in Allen. i've done it every year since my niece was born in 2010.  

Those plans hit a snag when Brother dropped this bomb outta the blue... our parents are going to visit and stay with him... 

Normally not the end of the world... except my parents have gone full on conspiracy wackos since the election.   Like out of the god damned blue hyper-nutso. 

I immediately tell Bro, I am not coming.   

Some complaints and whines about my nieces missing me. but I didnt want to deal with the crazy.

 

at 2p today, my brother who NEVER calls me, calls me from his own home, hiding in his bathroom because he had just had a full on shouting match fight with Dad over the most basic political question....  He's convinced the parents are insane and all I can do is chuckle...

Thats the kind of fun I want nothing to do with.

Im quite happy looking like the grinch and staying home thank you very much. .

In the context of this thread all this represents is a massive missed opportunity. 

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PhillyD

PhillyD 1257

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

This will be the first year in 20+ that my mother-in-law and I won't have some variation of this conversation....


Her: What's the score?
Me: 21-3.
Her: Who's playing?
Those questions are always asked in that order, which baffles me.
 

My MIL always asked these same questions in the same order.  The next question was always, "why would anyone want to watch them?"

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45742

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, nnm said:

The whole family has made a tradition of going to Santa’s Wonderland in CS every year (https://www.santas-wonderland.com/). They left our house in Katy at 6 pm this evening. 
This has allowed me to extend my own tradition of sitting in my family room, enjoying a whisky (Aberlour 25 tonight), and watching CFB, reading a book, or doing whatever the heck I want to do (which is decidedly NOT hanging out in aggyland with 10,000 of my not-so-closest-friends). 

I’m right down the road from this as we speak. Those people apparently make BANK running that joint. 

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, deadshank said:

Now listening to my FIL and wife argue about how to go about carving a completely frozen, spiral cut ham that, according to my wife, is way too big.  
 

They have an electric knife out and are mid-stroke butchering it beyond recognition. 

chipped ham for breakfast?

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deadshank

deadshank 24653

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Lobo said:

You gotta get a picture of this.  I've seen some shit in the kitchen but never a full spiral ham that's frozen solid being mutilated by an electric knife.  Please take a photo.  

 

5 hours ago, tbone_ said:


Ignore until you hear screaming from severed finger.

I’d like to think I convinced them to let the ham thaw out from its permafrost state by reading to them both the instruction card that came with the ham from The Honey Baked Ham Co.

THBHC includes an instruction card because there are those among us that get bested by a frozen ham and the frozen ham says “checkmate” to an actual live human.  

So, upon hearing the instructions they put the damn ham back in the fridge for the 2-3 day defrost period.   I know deep down it wasn’t me that convinced them.  The just gave up on their own. 
 

The entire time my wife insisted that it should be refrigerated.  OK, dear.  Thanks for the input.  It’s in the fridge...thawing out from absolute zero. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5324

Posted
Posted
51 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

I’m right down the road from this as we speak. Those people apparently make BANK running that joint. 

Well, you’ve got to remember that this is made for just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... aggies.

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EE2B

EE2B 1565

Posted
Posted
I’d like to think I convinced them to let the ham thaw out from its permafrost state by reading to them both the instruction card that came with the ham from The Honey Baked Ham Co.
THBHC includes an instruction card because there are those among us that get bested by a frozen ham and the frozen ham says “checkmate” to an actual live human.  
So, upon hearing the instructions they put the damn ham back in the fridge for the 2-3 day defrost period.   I know deep down it wasn’t me that convinced them.  The just gave up on their own. 
 
The entire time my wife insisted that it should be refrigerated.  OK, dear.  Thanks for the input.  It’s in the fridge...thawing out from absolute zero. 

3f06d5c03f31e33d56c7161f27d547d6.jpg
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deadshank

deadshank 24653

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

we ALL need to see the picture of the Ham on Christmas Day after its been cooked, but before you all dive in... I cant WAIT to see what a ham that probably looks like a dog tried to attack it looks like after its been cooked. 

There’s no cooking to be done.  It was a prepared, fully cooked, spiral cut ham.  All you had to do was read the instructions, let it thaw and enjoy.  
 

But they had to hack at it like The Manson family going after Sharon Tate. 
 

Im out.  Calling Dominos. 

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27603

Posted
Posted

Frozen ham is a solid entry.

In the morning I am making the ride across the Brazos to bring offerings to the matriarch for dispersal among the family.

Then I am turning around and headed east. Because it all got cancelled/postponed due to multiple cases of sick. If I can make it happen she's going to stay in her vehicle while I make the exchange. 

 

 

 

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