Beefcake Cawthorn is a proselytizing jackass who needs his own thread

[Pato del Muerto 53268]

8 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

 

That’s bullshit

[Guest Lobo]

Madison, "I mean the guy is over there just blasting mini rails off his fob like a madman.  I see him tapping his baggie for more, and it was a lot for a Wednesday...not sure if re-upped a tweener on Monday or that's leftover from a ball on Friday.  Anyway, then he does a gummy and comes over to offer me a keybump."

(journalist's jaw drops, dead silence)

Madison, "But again, not my scene.  I don't know anything about that stuff.  That's why I was so shocked."  

[Pescado_Rojo 19544]

54 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Madison, "I mean the guy is over there just blasting mini rails off his fob like a madman.  I see him tapping his baggie for more, and it was a lot for a Wednesday...not sure if re-upped a tweener on Monday or that's leftover from a ball on Friday.  Anyway, then he does a gummy and comes over to offer me a keybump."

(journalist's jaw drops, dead silence)

Madison, "But again, not my scene.  I don't know anything about that stuff.  That's why I was so shocked."  

"the guy" in this story? Don Jr. 

[Bama Chick 28596]

Yeah, I stan the dictionary. What about it?

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20829]

I watched The Wire. I'm pretty conversant with drug lingo.  I had no idea what a key bump is and I doubt many of you have ever heard that phrase.

TLDR:  Madison is doing coke. 

[Longhorn_Fan68 34070]

3 minutes ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

I watched The Wire. I'm pretty conversant with drug lingo.  I had no idea what a key bump is and I doubt many of you have ever heard that phrase.

TLDR:  Madison is doing coke. 

you must not go to bars very often.

[Guest Lobo]

3 minutes ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

I watched The Wire. I'm pretty conversant with drug lingo.  I had no idea what a key bump is and I doubt many of you have ever heard that phrase.

TLDR:  Madison is doing coke. 

I watched the wire but I also lived in Northern California and Austin in my 20’s.  Was never a big drug guy, but you hear/see enough lingo being around those people while drinking.  

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  Since Madison’s hands are usually busy wheeling himself or signing pro-hate legislation, the key bump is the natural choice.  Somebody can just hold it at nose level for him and he can hit it while multi-tasking.  

[Longhorn_Fan68 34070]

1 minute ago, Lobo said:

I watched the wire but I also lived in Northern California and Austin in my 20’s.  Was never a big drug guy, but you hear/see enough lingo being around those people while drinking.  

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  Since Madison’s hands are usually busy wheeling himself or signing pro-hate legislation, the key bump is the natural choice.  Somebody can just hold it at nose level for him and he can hit it while multi-tasking.  

pfffft. there are way more than two methods. lulz. two. hahahahaha

[Guest Lobo]

People in wheelchairs don’t have a coke pinkie nail.  Gets caught in the spokes.  Read a fucking book, man!

[Pescado_Rojo 19544]

As big a piece of shit as this guy is in real life, I can't imagine what he must be like all coked up. I think Bill Cosby asks the important question here starting at the 3:30 mark. 

 

[hookemATL 12220]

We always did ladle bumps, bc we weren’t pussies. Key bumps are for supermodels and gay, French screenwriters seeking inspiration.  

[Guest Lobo]

LOL, ladle bumps.  Or for our orthodox coke fiends, dreidel bumps.  Spin it as hard as Madison in a parking garage, and see if you can finish a half gram before it lands.  Admittedly, the game had sent a lot of folks to Cedars-Sinai 

[jimmyjazz 46856]

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

[Guest Lobo]

19 dudes way too old to be at the club creepily hovering over 5 women…and everybody wondering who still has more blow?  Yep, I think we totally partied together years Ago in real life.  

[TheStoicPaisano 9947]

What kind of punishment is “sit down, child” to Cawthorn? Kevin is a pussy and so are the Ds for not pushing this front and center.

 

[elfenix 34635]

1 hour ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

goddamnit white people

[Aqua Buddha 14764]

47 minutes ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

What kind of punishment is “sit down, child” to Cawthorn? Kevin is a pussy and so are the Ds for not pushing this front and center.

 

Well, he's already sitting down so there's that.

[TheStoicPaisano 9947]

1 hour ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

Guys get older, girls stay the same age.

[DigglerontheHoof 21510]

that "dance" video is....something

[Grade of D as in David 13254]

21 hours ago, tx 3 putt said:

no T-bone steaks ?

Or cheese eggs and welch's grape?

[mchookem 16710]

2 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

so much of this happening lol

[Longhorn_Fan68 34070]

yeah, so about that

 

[Grade of D as in David 13254]

10 minutes ago, Longhorn_Fan68 said:

yeah, so about that

The exaggerated part was the invitation. Nobody inviting wheels to sit and watch an orgy.

[Pescado_Rojo 19544]

3 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

Everyone in that video is in their 70s or 80s now...

[Biff Tannen 46025]

2 minutes ago, longhornmatt said:

Wait, did he say it was false/lies or just “exaggerated”?  And what would exaggerated even be in this context?  

“I exaggerated when I said 60 year old members of Congress did key bumps of cocaine and invited me to orgies.  In reality, it was 50 year old members of Congress taking Xanax and inviting me to threesomes and/or one-on-one glory holes - which, as an aside, are much easier to maneuver from the handicapped restroom stall.” 

Seriously this.  If it were actually false, why wouldn't they just say that?  These people are depraved.

[elfenix 34635]

aggy never lies steals or cheats

[Brisketexan 106430]

20 minutes ago, longhornmatt said:

Wait, did he say it was false/lies or just “exaggerated”?  And what would exaggerated even be in this context?  

“I exaggerated when I said 60 year old members of Congress did key bumps of cocaine and invited me to orgies.  In reality, it was 50 year old members of Congress taking Xanax and inviting me to threesomes and/or one-on-one glory holes - which, as an aside, are much easier to maneuver from the handicapped restroom stall.” 

I think they can stick with "exaggerated."  For example here's an extremely likely conversation with a fellow member involving drug use and sexual perversion that would have happened with old Blake:

"Wait, having to show up and actually do your job on the floor of the House gives you a headache?  Why don't you take an advil and go fuck yourself?"

 

See, old Blake was telling the truth, just somewhat exaggerated.

[Beau Vine 55739]

2 hours ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

that "dance" video is....something

Pretty bold of jimmyjazz to out himself like this, though...

[TexasEd 8241]

On 3/28/2022 at 6:18 PM, longhornmatt said:

Let me translate this for homeschooled readers:

“It's the work of the devil, ain’t it.

Hmmm, *home schooling and Mr. Cawthorn and Mr. Kirk are such super good examples of what happens when the people who inherit stuff are given that stuff without being touched by the Spirit. They are not the noble good fancy French guy; but rather the bad fancy English guys that have their badness all up in their ugly faces, their words, and the stuff they do. However, it does not do to not think none no more of them. They have the most stupidityest, but it is like a strong stupidity and people like it because at least it ain’t all uppity.”

Reads like the transcript of a Trump speech

[TexasEd 8241]

18 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

 

[TexasEd 8241]

4 hours ago, Lobo said:

I watched the wire but I also lived in Northern California and Austin in my 20’s.  Was never a big drug guy, but you hear/see enough lingo being around those people while drinking.  

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  Since Madison’s hands are usually busy wheeling himself or signing pro-hate legislation, the key bump is the natural choice.  Somebody can just hold it at nose level for him and he can hit it while multi-tasking.  

Don't forget the long pinky nail

[Gil Bang 26170]

"I got invited to an orgy" really means "a geriatric gay-hating republican official asked me if I'd like to jack off in the same room with him:. 

[jimmyjazz 46856]

36 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Pretty bold of jimmyjazz to out himself like this, though...

 

Sorry you lacked the moves to make it to the final cut.

[Gil Bang 26170]

 

[Bullneck 19432]

6 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

I wanted to neg you for this but I couldn't.

[Pato del Muerto 53268]

1 hour ago, TexasEd said:

Don't forget the long pinky nail

That’s for flamenco style finger picking, which I do on occasion. 

[smuggs 9392]

9 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

 

 

 

[Macanudo 13222]

This thread went from weird to plaid really fast.

[C-Man 27623]

5 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

 

If anybody knows about DC coke-and-orgy parties it's this guy:

 

[JohnnyRage 1617]

On 3/24/2022 at 11:12 PM, Beau Vine said:

 

We need more heroes.

[Biff Tannen 46025]

6 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

"I got invited to an orgy" really means "a geriatric gay-hating republican official asked me if I'd like to jack off in the same room with him:. 

This is so much closer to the truth than anything that has been posited so far. 

[Pods 7622]

12 hours ago, Lobo said:

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  

If you're going to snort off your hand, go old school and use your anatomical snuff box like our ancestors  did. 

It's a triangular shaped trough formed by 3 tendons running from the forearm to the thumb.

https://teachmeanatomy.info/upper-limb/areas/anatomical-snuffbox/

 

To form the depression, do an aggy thumb's up, but pull the thumb as far backwards towards your forearm as your thumb muscles will let you. Adjust and fine tune thumb position until you get the biggest trough. 

Achievement Unlocked. 

 

[956 Worldwide 35416]

It’s really telling that members of the GOP can go to neo-Nazi rallies, blame everything on Jews and secret pedophiles, ask Vladimir Putin to help sink political opponents, suggest political rivals be killed, and attempt a whole-ass coup.

But if you suggest some other Republicans like to bone and get high, well that’s just beyond all bounds of decency. 

Edited March 31, 2022 by 956 Worldwide

[Guest Lobo]

Dibs on "Anatomical Snuff Box" for band name.

And to 956's point, this is another point of being beyond the pale.  Given everything we've seen/heard/read this week...that there might be drugs in D.C.?  Nope, no fucking way.  I wish it was just hookers and blow.  At least those are normal human vices. 

I get to "phone-a-friend" to Putin.  I'm gonna ask him "Which of these can you do right now on the global stage to assuage human suffering:  Is it A: Stop shelling civilian targets?  Is it B:  Call for a ceasefire in Ukraine while you negotiate for territory?  Is it C : Allow for safe passage of humanitarian aid and sick children to be evacuated?  Or is it D : Dig up dirt on Joe Biden?  10 seconds..." 

[Kyrie Eleison 9312]

17 hours ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

that "dance" video is....something

it’s orgy-rific!

[TexasEd 8241]

15 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

"I got invited to an orgy" really means "a geriatric gay-hating republican official asked me if I'd like to jack off in the same room with him:. 

It is much easier to just type Lindsey Graham. Although he could have been talking about Matt Gaetz

 

6 hours ago, Pods said:

If you're going to snort off your hand, go old school and use your anatomical snuff box like our ancestors  did. 

It's a triangular shaped trough formed by 3 tendons running from the forearm to the thumb.

https://teachmeanatomy.info/upper-limb/areas/anatomical-snuffbox/

 

To form the depression, do an aggy thumb's up, but pull the thumb as far backwards towards your forearm as your thumb muscles will let you. Adjust and fine tune thumb position until you get the biggest trough. 

Achievement Unlocked. 

 

I'd rather go for the anatomical squeeze box. Or maybe the JT method.

Edited March 31, 2022 by TexasEd

[Hookah Horns 3089]

4 hours ago, Lobo said:

Dibs on "Anatomical Snuff Box" for band name.

And to 956's point, this is another point of being beyond the pale.  Given everything we've seen/heard/read this week...that there might be drugs in D.C.?  Nope, no fucking way.  I wish it was just hookers and blow.  At least those are normal human vices. 

I get to "phone-a-friend" to Putin.  I'm gonna ask him "Which of these can you do right now on the global stage to assuage human suffering:  Is it A: Stop shelling civilian targets?  Is it B:  Call for a ceasefire in Ukraine while you negotiate for territory?  Is it C : Allow for safe passage of humanitarian aid and sick children to be evacuated?  Or is it D : Dig up dirt on Joe Biden?  10 seconds..." 

Too long for a band name. Would be a sweet album title though.

[Blotto 23946]

1 hour ago, TexasEd said:

I'd rather go for the anatomical squeeze box. Or maybe the JT method.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the "key" in madison's key bump escapades is the tip of Trump's johnson. And the line of GQP junkies stretches around the block. 

[Hookah Horns 3089]

Everyone in his district should be shamed to the point of the seppuku.

[RDCanecutter 26811]

23 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

Strangely hypnotic. Cutting loose at the South Dakota Competitive Rope-Pull Non-Juniors Division Dance. I enjoyed Nick Saban's scampishly homoerotic antics at 1:47. Would watch again.