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Gather 'round young newbs, for a retelling of a classic Christmas story...


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Posted

3d4067caabc04ee1520d4250a9044773.jpg

This ain't onebody's story, it's the story of us all; we got it mouth-to-mouth, so you got to listen it, and 'member, 'cause what you hears today you gotta tell the birthed tomorrow.

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Posted (edited)

God Bless Wide-E-Wide and family.

In other mistakes in his life, he was one poster, along with JTK; who invited me to the Shag from 5ATexasFootball.

Edited by slorch
Posted

This story always kills me. I’ve driven my kids around our neighborhood at least four or five times since people started putting up Christmas lights. The next time I drive by @MarkStanco’s house I’m shooting a BB Gun at his lights and throwing dirt on his driveway.

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Posted (edited)

I want Spielberg to direct this movie with Tom Cruise as husband and Ellen DeGeneres as wife so that we can all boo and throw popcorn at the screen when she's on camera.

I also want to read the press release of how Tom motherfucking Cruise did his own stunt to "put his fat ass up there."

Edited by crash_davis
Posted (edited)

15 years ago it was okay to identify a black lady as a stereotype name like "Shaquandra" and "okay den".

I mean, it's hilarious and amazing still, just interesting to note the slight shifts in what was acceptable then and what is now, when it comes to race relations and what's accidentally or passively racist vs what it looks like to be an anti-racist.

Edited by DonkeyCigars
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Posted
Announcer voice:
"In a world where Peace On Earth doesn't exist comes a tale as old as marriage itself. Watch as Tom Motherfucking Cruise lives out the horrors of every husband who's heard the phrase "Don't worry, it will be fun, honey". Cry as you realize that "he put his fat ass up there". Weep as you realize he's still an hour drive away from being at home, while looking at his own Christmas lights. Coming to to theatres in January. Rated PG-13. Violence. Horror. Language." 

The “being an hour away from being home while looking at his own Xmas lights” is perfect.
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Posted
2 minutes ago, DonkeyCigars said:

15 years ago it was okay to identify a black lady as a stereotype name like "Shaquandra" and "okay den".

I mean, it's hilarious and amazing still, just interesting to note the slight shifts in what was acceptable then and what is now, when it comes to race relations and what's accidentally or passively racist vs what it looks like to be an anti-racist.

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Posted

I love this story because it is a Christmas classic and because it reminds me of the first time Mrs Fairway & I went to London. 

we are staying at a small B&B somewhere in metro London, and she books us for a day long bus tour to Bath, Stonehenge and Salisbury Cathedral. But the catch is we have to get to the bus depot by 7:30 am, so we are up early, before 6,  to get on the tube to go across London to the bus. Promptly at 7:30 the bus take off on our adventure, stopping a 3 big hotels to pick up more of us tourists, a little after 8;30 it pulls up to the last hotel which happened to be about 100 yards from our B&B and all I could do was laugh my ass of as it took us over 2 hours to go the length of a football field, and Mrs went back to get a sweater.


For the record Bath is cool, Stonehenge is super-overrated and the Cathedral was great the Magna Carta is in an anteroom of the cathedral - not really a copy as they made 4 originals and one is there for all to see.

Posted
51 minutes ago, Wally Fairway said:

I love this story because it is a Christmas classic and because it reminds me of the first time Mrs Fairway & I went to London. 
 

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we are staying at a small B&B somewhere in metro London, and she books us for a day long bus tour to Bath, Stonehenge and Salisbury Cathedral. But the catch is we have to get to the bus depot by 7:30 am, so we are up early, before 6,  to get on the tube to go across London to the bus. Promptly at 7:30 the bus take off on our adventure, stopping a 3 big hotels to pick up more of us tourists, a little after 8;30 it pulls up to the last hotel which happened to be about 100 yards from our B&B and all I could do was laugh my ass of as it took us over 2 hours to go the length of a football field, and Mrs went back to get a sweater.


For the record Bath is cool, Stonehenge is super-overrated and the Cathedral was great the Magna Carta is in an anteroom of the cathedral - not really a copy as they made 4 originals and one is there for all to see.

 

you must've been there in june or july, that's a lot to do in one day.  

Posted
3 hours ago, Homercles said:

Saw the title and said ‘please be the Waco Roll On’ and was not disappointed.  

Seconded.

Christmas is not complete without wide-e-wide's story and Die Hard on the teevee screen.

Posted
4 hours ago, DonkeyCigars said:

15 years ago it was okay to identify a black lady as a stereotype name like "Shaquandra" and "okay den".

I mean, it's hilarious and amazing still, just interesting to note the slight shifts in what was acceptable then and what is now, when it comes to race relations and what's accidentally or passively racist vs what it looks like to be an anti-racist.

Or perhaps her name was Shaquandra and she said those exact words.

 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Doc Reeves said:

Yes, shit didn’t age well: lets try as a county to move past it. 
 

 

I didn't know we had our own county.

Edited by workswithseed
Ha, fuck we.
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Posted
On 12/8/2020 at 11:51 AM, DonkeyCigars said:

15 years ago it was okay to identify a black lady as a stereotype name like "Shaquandra" and "okay den".

I mean, it's hilarious and amazing still, just interesting to note the slight shifts in what was acceptable then and what is now, when it comes to race relations and what's accidentally or passively racist vs what it looks like to be an anti-racist.

He never said she was black.  Just your racist assumptions I guess.

And even though I know the story, I still laugh out loud each time I read it.

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Posted (edited)

IIRC, Wide had a mixed marriage, and thus, felt very comfortable using such terminology.

That, and not so long ago, we didn't weep at the very possibility of being offended, before we as a society forgot how to fucking laugh.

 

You motherfuckers in here tryin to fuck up a good story on scorekeeping bullshit.

Edited by slorch

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