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A story about a pathetic man's downfall [34 Felony Convictions]

Francisco 2.0

By Francisco 2.0
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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105463

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Just now, Red Five said:

I heard a brief clip where Dotard was bragging about how after each indictment, his approval numbers went up. Then I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. 

...and even if the gun misfired, it still would have damaged more brain matter than DOTARD has ever possessed.

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Beau Vine
Beau Vine

To be fair, President Trump’s four years in office weren’t so bad, except when when he incited an insurrection against the government, mismanaged a pandemic that killed nearly half a million Americans

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Bama Chick

Y’all about to get a great visual representation of Cullman, Alabama. Only good things to come out of Cullman are the Britt brothers (Roll Tide!) and orange rolls from All Steak restaurant. That pla

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You seem really pissed off for a nontrumper.  Just laugh at the trumpers, bro.  They’re really gullible dumbfucks who worship this orange blob…you know, people completely unlike yourself.  

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Goredho

Goredho 17427

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1 hour ago, Red Five said:

I heard a brief clip where Dotard was bragging about how after each indictment, his approval numbers went up. Then I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. 


MAGA deplorables: HE'S A CONVICTED FELON, JUST LIKE US! 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

Posted
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1 hour ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Please sweet baby jesus let him get an ankle monitor.

fingers-crossed-luck.gif

In his case, it'd be a Cankle Monitor, amirite?

"President Trump, this is court mandated but we don't have a unit large enough for a man of your, uh...impressive physique.  As a discrete courtesy to you though, we can offer you a wrist monitor that looks like a black and gold ladies sports watch.  It was custom designed based on some photos we have of you playing tennis."  

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31597

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On 8/24/2023 at 5:10 PM, Pescado_Rojo said:

Please sweet baby jesus let him get an ankle monitor.

fingers-crossed-luck.gif

That actually seems excessively likely at one point or another.  While federal courts can't avoid a carceral sentence for a felony (i.e. jail) BOP has the power and discretion to determine how a prisoner is incarcerated and one of those options is home confinement, which includes an ankle monitor and GPS monitoring.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

Posted
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56 minutes ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

Is 6-3, 215 considered hanky/lanky?

 


"Many people watch, plus I am surrounded by Secret Service Agents."

Do you mean watched?  And what does that have to do with having Agents around?

"Not much you can do even if you wanted to, and I don't."  

I mean, is this the fucking Ben Stiller character from "Dodgeball"?  What the fuck does that sentence even begin to possibly mean?  

Do much about what?  Want to do what?  Why don't you?  And don't I and you want to do much?  Touche'! 

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26478

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On 8/24/2023 at 11:55 AM, Brisketexan said:

Here's my question -- did ANYONE check out Trump's interview with Tucker?  WTF happened there?

I watched about 12 seconds. It was like when you go to the zoo to see the gorilla fling shit, but instead he's just sorta rolled over asleep.

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A-Tex Devil

A-Tex Devil 2464

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man, I wish I could believe he is laughing in the clubhouse saying, “I’m gonna post that I shot a 67 and these people are going to lose their minds. And Mickey, I’m going to post your number to back me up.   It is going to be hilarious!”

But you know he had Secret Service agents and Bedminster lackeys tossing new balls out, kicking balls into the fairway, calling “gimme, pick it up” from 10 ft all through the 18 holes.  Kim Jung Il indeed.  

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41606

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2 minutes ago, A-Tex Devil said:

man, I wish I could believe he is laughing in the clubhouse saying, “I’m gonna post that I shot a 67 and these people are going to lose their minds. And Mickey, I’m going to post your number to back me up.   It is going to be hilarious!”

But you know he had Secret Service agents and Bedminster lackeys tossing new balls out, kicking balls into the fairway, calling “gimme, pick it up” from 10 ft all through the 18 holes.  Kim Jung Il indeed.  

It tells me he’d rather people be calling him a liar about his golf game than his weight. 

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Longhorn_Fan68

Longhorn_Fan68 33900

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Red Five said:

I wonder how many times in that round, the golf pro said something like "Let's just call it a par, Mr. Dotard" while watching him attempt to count his strokes on two hands. 

"Three it is then!"

I'm sure as someone alluded to above is he probably gets within 5 yards of the hole and call it. He likely only made the super easy putts. Or it's 100% bullshit and I should admonish myself for giving that fuckstick any cover.

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Francisco 2.0

Francisco 2.0 32432

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17 minutes ago, Longhorn_Fan68 said:

I'm sure as someone alluded to above is get withing 5 yards of the hole and call it. He likely only made the super easy puts. Or it's 100% bullshit and I should admonish myself for giving that fuckstick any cover.

 

Should have brought this up yesterday, but here we go.  I read the book 4 or 5 years ago:

 

31522819623.jpg

 

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2019/dec/10/rick-reilly-donald-trump-golf-commander-in-cheat-book-interview

 

Quote

Donald Trump is the worst cheat ever and he doesn’t care who knows,” Rick Reilly says as he describes a man he has known for 30 years. “I always say golf is like bicycle shorts. It reveals a lot about a man. And golf reveals a lot of ugliness in this president.”

Reilly, the former Sports Illustrated columnist, has written a book called Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump. It’s rattling good fun which also depicts the startling duplicity of the president as a golfer. “You’re mostly laughing,” Reilly says, “but at times you’re crying – how did this happen? As a golfer he really offends me. Cheating? Hate that. Driving carts on greens? Hate that. Wearing old dockers two sizes too small for him? Give me a break. Kicking your ball so often the caddies call you Pelé? I so hate that. Most of all I hate how stupid he’s making my country look. I hate what he’s doing to my planet. I hate what he’s doing to kids at the border. I don’t mind Republicans. I just can’t stand this guy. I love golf and he has set the game back 30 years. Just when it was becoming cool with Rory McIlroy and Rickie Fowler we get this fat bozo cheating his ass off.”

 

 

Quote

Dr Lance Dodes, a Harvard psychiatrist, tells Reilly that Trump is “a very ill man” who “exhibits all the traits of a narcissistic personality disorder.” Reilly sighs. “It’s terrible he should cheat at golf which is the one sport where we self-regulate. There are referees in every other sport but in golf, if you’re 200 yards away, you can kick the ball and get away with it. I called the National Golf Foundation. They said 90% of golfers don’t cheat. Golf is an honest game but this guy leaves a big ugly orange stain on it. It really pisses me off.”

Reilly’s anger towards Trump is made more interesting by the fact they have known each other for so long and that he admits he once almost liked the billionaire. “I liked him as a writer because he’s a crazy fabulist who tells lies so big they can float in the Macy’s parade. He’s great copy. If he says, ‘Can you be here tomorrow for an interview?’ I’d be on the red eye. I would do anything to get that interview but if I had to play golf with him again, and it wasn’t for an article, I’d never do it.

 

 

Quote

“The first time I met him we were playing in the Pebble Beach Pro-Am [in the late 1980s]. He comes over and says, ‘It’s Rick Reilly, the greatest sportswriter in the world.’ There’s always an angle with Trump. Marla Marples was his wife then and she said, ‘He’s your biggest fan. Look!’ She pulled one of my columns out of her purse like this is a set up. He wanted me to write a column about him but I had this idea of writing a book where I caddie for famous people. So we make a day for me to caddie for him but I turn up and he didn’t have anybody to play with. So I played him. That was the day he took the only gimme chip in I’ve ever seen. A chip is a gimme? Trump’s pretty good off the tee but he chips like Edward Scissorhands. He’ll cheat you on the course and then buy you lunch.”

Trump introduced Reilly to other people after their game. “He couldn’t just call me a writer. He’d say, ‘Meet Rick – he’s the president of Sports Illustrated.’ He would introduce me to another guy. ‘Hey, Rick, meet Luigi – voted best hamburger chef in the world.’ Luigi’s like ‘What? No, I wasn’t.’ Trump wants to be a winner by pretending you’re someone huge.

 

Spoiler

“His lies were hilarious until he becomes the most powerful man in the world. Then it got scary. I don’t know what his plan is for my kids and grandkids. I don’t know who’s going to pay off this giant debt he’s created to give his fat-cat buddies a tax cut. Look what he did [last] week in London. He pissed off two of our best allies. It’s terrifying.”

Trump’s deceit about his golfing achievements motivated Reilly to resume writing. “I was retired, living in Italy for three months a year, drinking Campari. I kept seeing on my Twitter feed [Reilly mimics Trump]: ‘I’m a champion. You should vote for me because I’ve won 18 club championships.’ Whoa! That’s a lie because you already told me how you did it. Whenever you open a new course, you play by yourself and declare yourself the first club champion.’ I’m like, ‘That’s a shitty lie.’

“He even said: ‘This is against the best players in the club. No strokes given’. What? I played with you. You’re a 10-handicapper at best. There’s no way you’re winning a club championship. I soon discovered many of them are senior championships for guys over 60 or 70. That’s a nice honour but it’s not within a par 5 of beating the club’s best players. Lots of guys said he wasn’t even in town when some championships were decided. He claimed to have won a tournament in New Jersey when he was actually in Philly. My dad would flip over three times in his grave and he was a Reagan Republican.”

What would Reilly’s father, who loved Jack Nicklaus, have said if he heard Trump claim his handicap was lower than the 18-times major winner? Trump insists he plays off a 2.8 handicap, while Nicklaus, aged 79, admits his handicap is now 3.5. “My dad would say, ‘I’ll take Nicklaus, you take Trump, and the loser has to sweep the streets of New York for the rest of their lives.’ Do you know how Trump does it? He has recorded only 20 scores in eight years even though he plays more golf than any other president. I put in my every score in the computer because that’s what you do in golf. At my club guys will put in your score for you if you’re avoiding it. Trump doesn’t put in scores. That’s so unethical.”

He rolls his eyes when I say Britain can hardly claim to have an ethical prime minister in Boris Johnson. “Are you kidding? Trump makes your guy look like Churchill. That guy [Johnson] looks like a genius.”

Reilly has clearly enjoyed writing about Trump’s shameless shenanigans but he is disappointed the president has remained unusually silent about his book. “This guy will tweet about a bad postcard but I can’t get a tweet to save my life. If he did tweet I know what he’d say. ‘Rick Reilly? I kicked his ass. He swings like a girl. This is FAKE NEWS!!!’ He’s got a buddy in LA who’s also my buddy. They talk once a week. My buddy’s said: ‘Don’t get in a Twitter war with Reilly. You’ll look stupid. And don’t say a word about the book. You’ll just fuel sales.’ I said to my buddy: ‘Who asked you?’

“I’ve offered Trump a $100,000 charity bet to play him. He has not responded. I’d bet my house I can beat him as long as there is a camera on both of us but he’s not going to play me. He’s not going to testify to the impeachment hearing because he can’t stop lying. And when you lie in front of Congress, you go to jail for perjury. As soon as he plays me in front of TV cameras it would come out how bad he is.”

Trump likes to denigrate his enemies as losers – and so the final line of Reilly’s book suggests that, when the president looks at his reflection, he will see “the face of a loser.” Reilly nods. “That was on purpose. My dad always told us that if you cheat then, ultimately, you’re cheating yourself. I wanted that to be the last word in the book because he is a loser. He’s the biggest loser I’ve ever met.”

 

 

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Pescado_Rojo

Pescado_Rojo 19442

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2 hours ago, Red Five said:

I wonder how many times in that round, the golf pro said something like "Let's just call it a par, Mr. Dotard" while watching him attempt to count his strokes on two hands. 

"Three it is then!"

He actually shot “around” a 67, not a round of 67

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Pods

Pods 7587

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22 hours ago, Mdhorn said:

He meant Mikey. Because Mikey likes it, Mikey likes everything.  

image.png.fae1b595340962c842884d182465a913.pngimage.png.37d469fd237c56487bc0a9edf55fc0d5.png

215?  Which half?  But besides that,  the fat, orange motherfucker cheated at golf too. 

Nope. Can't be him.

Everybody knows Mikey died from eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke. 

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45750

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2 minutes ago, Hermanator said:

 

1082818592.jpg.0.webp

This is about the time I started to really believe we were in a simulation. How in the ever loving fuck did this actually happen?  The mother fucking President of the United States got the national champions of whatever a god damn fast food spread and presented it, without any irony or self awareness, as some grand meal at the White House. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

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The best part is his spell check now knows "DeSanctimonious" and he shifts past it.  But he sees the auto-correct for "Roomer" and "a shambles", and glosses over it because he thinks the machine doesn't know his lingo well enough yet.  

That's a 'special' kind of stupid.  

Also, no adult should ever start a serious sentence with the word 'Rumor.'  Of course, this is no normal adult we're dealing with, save for the diapers and trial status.  

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TeeDubya

TeeDubya 3362

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3 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

You just wait until the MAGATs who've taken over all of the school boards across the south adopt Trump's English as THE standard for education going forward.

Great news.  No more coherent sentences.  Going forward, only marginally understandable dependent clauses, and one or two word utterances will be acceptable.  Extra points will be awarded for praising the white, english-speaking, blue-eyed evangelical Jesus who dislikes all brown people.

Edited by TeeDubya
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