Jump to content

Shart 2021: Shit Can Always Get Worse

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

'stache

'stache 21,858

Posted
Posted

Can I post here about itchy asshole? I wipe thoroughly but when it’s runny it’s never clean and my starfish itches like crazy. Not looking for advice, just venting. I’ve seen the bidet thread to and am aware of the greatness just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
nnm

nnm 36,598

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Can I post here about itchy asshole? I wipe thoroughly but when it’s runny it’s never clean and my starfish itches like crazy. Not looking for advice, just venting. I’ve seen the bidet thread to and am aware of the greatness just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Yeah, it's all about the bidet.  Get one.  It solves that problem.  You will wonder how in the world you got to age __ with poop smeared all over your backside your entire life.

Cheap version: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00P2XZIP2/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Best version: https://bidetking.com/products/bio-bidet-bb-2000-bliss-bidet-seat-w-remote.  Order from there instead of Amazon, use the coupon code bkflyer10 to get another 10% off.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,102

Posted
  • Author
Posted
43 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Can I post here about itchy asshole? I wipe thoroughly but when it’s runny it’s never clean and my starfish itches like crazy. Not looking for advice, just venting. I’ve seen the bidet thread to and am aware of the greatness just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Perhaps you have pinworms.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, 'stache said:

Can I post here about itchy asshole? I wipe thoroughly but when it’s runny it’s never clean and my starfish itches like crazy. Not looking for advice, just venting. I’ve seen the bidet thread to and am aware of the greatness just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

It takes maybe 3 minutes to install an Astor bidet. You'll make that time up in saved wiping time by your second shit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,102

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
46 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

I figured this was a good a thread as any: if you haven’t gotten a squatty potty you’re missing out. It’s a game changer. Turds as long as your arm and your legs don’t fall asleep.

I've got a Squatty Potty (feet are on it right now as I type this, in fact!) and while it's an overall improvement to mere Potty, I have to say that I probably had unreasonably high expectations for it based on hearing this sort of thing. Not that it sucks, but it's not a game changer like a bidet. I miss my bidet when I travel. Squatty Potty, not so much. 

And I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Squatty Potty satisfaction is at least partially a function of leg length vs toilet height (and/or other similar unique characteristics). 

*I'd have put this in the bidet threas, but I will allow it. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

What do you do if your farts/most recent bowel movements smell like a hot version of that chemical shit that women used to use for in-home perms while we were growing up?  That's totally normal right?  Flatulence that smells like a chemical invented only in the last .00001% of human physiology?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, Parliament said:

Maybe eat some fiber and healthy food?  Jesus, Man 

That's just it, I'm getting the fiber.  Family is out of town and I've been cooking for myself at home with no kid leftover pizza/chicken nuggets to snack on.  Nothing but lean meats, vegetables, and good breakfasts.  Bowels are back to normal but Sunday was a scare.  My shit/farts Smelled like a looted New Orleans hair salon.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 11,013

Posted
Posted

Does post-colonoscopy count?  I made it through the prep without soiling any cloth.  After the procedure, I thought it was safe to expel some of the extra gas they inflated me with.  Apparently, there was some residual lube that needed to escape as well.  The rest of the ride home was a bit “squishy.”

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

^

That reminds me, I got one coming up in early 2022.  How long is the McRib going to be around for this go?  

I'd like to just hold one up in the exam room when the nurse is fetching the Go-Lyte, "It's okay ma'am, I got my own prep solution right here..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,102

Posted
  • Author
Posted
59 minutes ago, Lobo said:

^

That reminds me, I got one coming up in early 2022.  How long is the McRib going to be around for this go?  

I'd like to just hold one up in the exam room when the nurse is fetching the Go-Lyte, "It's okay ma'am, I got my own prep solution right here..."

 

Screenshot_20211123-170432_Yahoo Mail.jpg

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25,177

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I've been on a fiber kick lately and I have to say my farts/turds have never smelled worse.  I farted in the car yesterday and had to roll down the window.

That's because the fiber is cleaning out old rotten turds full of bacteria.

I've found that organic granny smiths will clean you out completely after eating one a day for a week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

Hence the expression "Ooof Mr. Hat, something gave me a case of the green apple splatters"

Yeah, those fiber-induced stink shits are really cathartic once the smell has cleared the area.  It's my digestive tract's way of telling me, "You know how good you feel when you drop off a box of stuff at goodwill and get it out of your house?...yeah, this is gonna be like that for us...and it's gonna smell a lot like their dumpster/homelessVRBO" 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Marfa Low Crown

Marfa Low Crown 2,547

Posted
Posted
On 11/18/2021 at 1:52 PM, Buzzrock said:

if you haven’t gotten a squatty potty you’re missing out. It’s a game changer. Turds as long as your arm and your legs don’t fall asleep.

Back to this for a second. Ex-gf and I ended up with a squatty potty at a Christmas exchange. There do seem to be two camps to this because while she said it made little difference for her, for me it was a game-changer. I ended up with it after the break up and it's the thing I wish I could take with me everywhere. If it works for you I would say it easily adds 3-4 inches to every turd. I'm still waiting for the legendary unbroken two footer but I've definitely been in the neighborhood. Maybe they should change their slogan to, "Is squatty potty right for you?".

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...