Sark after dark COACHING STAFF thread

[RandomIdoit 655]

[Machinator 32,099]

1 minute ago, TexasEx said:

Y’all act like 6 weeks ago we weren’t floating Bob “Stoops is Poops” as a head coaching candidate. Let’s fuck around and find out if Mike Stoops is up to the challenge of being our goddamn linebacker’s coach under a top 5 DC. He’s also a graduate of the nick saban coaching rehabilitation school of dominance. Worst case, he flames out this year and we 86 him. Best case, he helps us buttfuck Riley out of Norman and into the nfl. 

The more rational people here are pissed because he sucks as a coach and a human being, not because he's a Stoops (that doesn't help, I'll admit).

[Tex Pete 20,342]

1 minute ago, TexasEx said:

Y’all act like 6 weeks ago we weren’t floating Bob “Stoops is Poops” as a head coaching candidate.

I recall about 2 morons thinking that was a reasonable idea. 

[CHIEF 5,079]

Just now, TexasEx said:

Y’all act like 6 weeks ago we weren’t floating Bob “Stoops is Poops” as a head coaching candidate. Let’s fuck around and find out if Mike Stoops is up to the challenge of being our goddamn linebacker’s coach under a top 5 DC. He’s also a graduate of the nick saban coaching rehabilitation school of dominance. Worst case, he flames out this year and we 86 him. Best case, he helps us buttfuck Riley out of Norman and into the nfl. 

It's possible, and dare I say probable. Our identity is going to be predicated on our offense. Several people floated out ol' Bag O' Dicks as a possible HC. But, I believe, that it is universal that everyone hates Mike Stoops even more.

CHIEF

[edwardsr5 0]

Damn y’all are dramatic

[Hank_Hill 18,803]

4 minutes ago, Tex Pete said:

Would you shut the fuck up? There is no defending this hire, yet you keep on with completely irrelevant “rationale.” We could have hired junior high coaches with better reasoning. 

Well this just seems irrational 

[edwardsr5 0]

7 minutes ago, TexasEx said:

Y’all act like 6 weeks ago we weren’t floating Bob “Stoops is Poops” as a head coaching candidate. Let’s fuck around and find out if Mike Stoops is up to the challenge of being our goddamn linebacker’s coach under a top 5 DC. He’s also a graduate of the nick saban coaching rehabilitation school of dominance. Worst case, he flames out this year and we 86 him. Best case, he helps us buttfuck Riley out of Norman and into the nfl. 

Finally someone with a brain

[blacklab 11,926]

I don't care that he's a stoops

I don't care that he coached at ou, I was perfectly happy with the norvelle and boulware hires.

I fucking hate that we hired a guy who is a horrible coach and a horrible person. If he was a great coach/savant I'd been fine with the asshole part. But he's not. 

[Tex Pete 20,342]

Just now, Hank_Hill said:

Well this just seems irrational 

There is nothing about Mike Stoops that makes this an acceptable hire. The negatives outweigh any possible positive by far. It is completely unnecessary on every level.

This is an albatross around Sarkisian’s neck worse than Charlie hiring Shawn Watson. (If this hire actually happens)

[Hank_Hill 18,803]

Just now, Tex Pete said:

There is nothing about Mike Stoops that makes this an acceptable hire. The negatives outweigh any possible positive by far. It is completely unnecessary on every level.

This is an albatross around Sarkisian’s neck worse than Charlie hiring Shawn Watson. (If this hire actually happens)

Just objectively incorrect. Again, not a good hire but these types of statements are just silly. 

[Tex Pete 20,342]

Just now, Hank_Hill said:

Just objectively incorrect. Again, not a good hire but these types of statements are just silly. 

You can log off now, Mrs. Stoops. 

[blacklab 11,926]

You want to see this on our sidelines?

[Modessit 5,599]

Maybe - just maybe - Stoops is coming in an analyst role and this Zenitz guy heard about Stoops going to or offered a job by Texas and assumed it was the LB job? And the other 995ers have only been able to find similar evidence of a move to Texas but haven't been able to confirm it's as LB coach? Would we accept him as an analyst?

If true, I hope the first Longhorn clothing he puts on bursts into flame. That's assuming he doesn't get struck by lightning just walking into the stadium. Maybe Bevo will take him out.

[Hank_Hill 18,803]

3 minutes ago, Tex Pete said:

You can log off now, Mrs. Stoops. 

If Stoops has more negative impact on our program than the worst OC we’ve had in a decade I’ll futureman myself

Edited January 22, 2021 by Hank_Hill

[Don Hornleone 530]

See what? A coach and his player trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong out there? Better that than this...

[TexasIsBetter 275]

18 minutes ago, edwardsr5 said:

Damn y’all are dramatic

This is the way 

[Modessit 5,599]

It's tough going through Twitter followers on mobile, but it does not appear that Josh Brown is following Mike Stoops at this time. Can anyone on desktop confirm? Might be a ray of sunshine.

[DanTheHorn 4,922]

35 minutes ago, TexasEx said:

Y’all act like 6 weeks ago we weren’t floating Bob “Stoops is Poops” as a head coaching candidate. Let’s fuck around and find out if Mike Stoops is up to the challenge of being our goddamn linebacker’s coach under a top 5 DC. He’s also a graduate of the nick saban coaching rehabilitation school of dominance. Worst case, he flames out this year and we 86 him. Best case, he helps us buttfuck Riley out of Norman and into the nfl. 

A very few on this board were floating this idea in any serious way.

[DanTheHorn 4,922]

2 minutes ago, Modessit said:

It's tough going through Twitter followers on mobile, but it does not appear that Josh Brown is following Mike Stoops at this time. Can anyone on desktop confirm? Might be a ray of sunshine.

Well Mike Stoops did seem to like tweets that said he had been hired. Maybe he is just trolling us.

[Rimbo 25,919]

46 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

Again, I don’t think Stoops is a good hire by any means. But y’all are absolutely showing vag.

[TheFlyingBoat 906]

23 hours ago, TheFlyingBoat said:

QBs: AJ Milwee (previously: analyst at Alabama, Akron OC/QB coach) - C B-

He was pretty terrible at Akron. His highest FEI offensive rating was in the 80s and every other year is below 100. That's out of like 125 teams. In 2018, he was third from last. Maybe he's a decent QB coach without having to deal with the difficulties of being an OC. Maybe he just sucks. He is described as Sark's right hand which sound like code for comfort hire to me. Maybe he got better through osmosis and Sark thinks he learned well during his time as an analyst at Bama. Maybe the dude still sucks. Sark apparently plans to call plays and be heavily involved with day to day offensive duties, so it is possible he could mitigate this by virtue of being a great QB coach himself, but man, I really think we could have done better. It was brought to my attention that he was made one of the ten on-field coaches for Bama when there was an opening due to COVID. That is a good sign that Nick Saban and Sarkisian do respect the guy a lot and that is enough for me to bump him up a bit. As I said before it's possible he's a good QB coach despite being a bad OC and with the level of offensive control Sark intends to exert it may not be the end of world.

RBs: Stan Drayton (retained from previous staff) - B+

Probably necessary to retain to keep Bijan away from transfer portal and maintain credibility with LJ. Guy is a pretty good coach, but seems to have a habit of getting too cute with rotations (see: Zeke @OSU and everything here). He is a decent recruiter. B+ because he got Bijan and keeping him keeps Bijan happy. Bijan is the truth.

WRs: Andre Coleman (retained from previous staff) - B

A lot of the players seem to love him, a lot of the analysts have great things to say about him, and a lot of coaches have great things to say about him, so I give him a B under the assumption my pessimism over him is just wrong instead of the C+/B- I may give otherwise. I didn't think our WRs were particularly great under him. No receiver got over 500 yards (aware season was shorter due to COVID (10 games vs 12-14), but that's still pretty shit. Putting up more than 60 yards a game for our WR1 should be a given. It's sad we couldn't do that. For comparison in 2018 when Collin Johnson was our WR2 he averaged over 75 yards a game. LJH averaged almost 85. 

TEs/STs: Jeff Banks (previously: TEs/STs coach at Alabama) - A+

Great fucking hire. Dude is an ace recruiter and if what the Athletic writes about the Kwiatkowski hire is true, Banksy already has his first elite recruit at Texas when he landed DC Pete from UW. Dude is a rainmaker and a good TE/ST coach that has performed admirably wherever his path has taken him. Don't need to say much else. Perfect hire.

OL/OC: Kyle Flood (previously: OL coach at Alabama) - A+

Only possible better hire is the Arkansas OL coach, but that would be just splitting hairs. Kyle Flood is everything I could possibly ask for (and in fact did beg for). Great hire that should fix the biggest problem Texas has faced for the past 15 or so years. Perfect hire.

DC: Pete Kwiatkowski (previously DC/OLBs at Washington) - A+

Somehow we got a better hire than some of the wild names thrown out on the forums. The idea that we could poach UW's stud DC was inconceivable to me before it happened. Over the moon about it. Dude takes some decent but not elite talent and churns out consistently elite defenses even when adjusted for the quality of Pac-12 competition. He performed admirably against Alabama in the playoffs back in the day (yes, not the same offense, but still did very well against elite talent) and beats the shit out of Mike Leach every single fucking year. If he can consistently handle Leach he is a good DC.

DL: Bo Davis (previously: DL coach for the Detroit Lions) - A+

Another elite hire and a great sign that we're actually committing to playing the game as it is played today under SEC recruiting rules. Lights out recruiter, very good DL coach,  intimately familiar with the region. What more can you ask for?

LBs: Mike Stoops - F-

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. We ran the dumb bastard out of town with how hard we mudholed his shitty defense. The dude hasn't been good at defense in in 18 fucking years. The game has passed him by. The dude is an asshole who will likely run off a good player or two with his assholiness. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. The dude should not be coaching young men at the University of Texas in any capacity. Not as an analyst, not as position coach, nothing. Nada, zip, nothing. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. How did we fuck this hire up so hard? FUCK. The only thing that stops this from being Shawn Watson level bad is that he's a position coach and not a goddamn coordinator. This is absolutely fucking disastrous. The rest of the staff is good enough to carry this dipshit, but fuck me, I went from over the moon about the staff to despondent in about a quarter second. I'll probably even out to cautiously optimistic by February purely because of how elite the rest of the staff is, but this is a fucking albatross around the staff's neck. He is a relic of yesteryear, an asshole who thinks if he just yells a little louder at the player that counts as good coaching, and a dude who just gets mudholed by Big 12 offenses. We took a massive, humiliating dump on his face. And now he's our LB coach. Fuck me.

CB/Defensive passing game coordinator: Terry Joseph (previously: defensive PGC at Notre Dame) - B-

Better of the two ND DB coaches and has put some great guys in the NFL, but we probably had better options available for CB coach than Terry. C'est la vie.

S/ST: Blake Gideon (previously: special teams coordinator at Ole Miss) - A-

From what I've heard from a bunch of people, Blake Gideon is a great up-and-coming DB coach and what I know for a fact is that he's an elite ST coach. His STs at Houston led the nation in blocked kicks and blocked punts. They had a Ray Guy finalist. Ole Miss also had some very solid STs under him. He should be a great complement to Banks. Both of them should make us elite at ST again.

 

Given how I see the other current hires, relative to them, it is easy to see why there is consternation towards Terry.

Updated to include this terrible, all-bad, no good hire. Kill me. Anything new is underlined

Edited January 22, 2021 by TheFlyingBoat

[Modessit 5,599]

Did fat Ketch really say to look out for Mike Stoops?

The very first post in this thread. Let's burn Ketch at the same time.

[Rimbo 25,919]

42 minutes ago, ausjala said:

But what I really don't understand is why Sark is hiring position coaches for the defense when he hasn't hired a DC yet. Wouldn't you want input from your DC?

[DanTheHorn 4,922]

26 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

Just objectively incorrect. Again, not a good hire but these types of statements are just silly. 

Sark made a bad fucking PR move period. Anything he can get out of Mike Stoops is not worth how the move reflects on his judgment in the eyes of the Texas fan base and maybe even his players since they know what some of Mike's ex-players think of him. Sark has shown that if he digs around he can come up with hires like Kwiatkowski. He should have kept looking around.

[Rimbo 25,919]

32 minutes ago, blacklab said:

You want to see this on our sidelines?

[Rimbo 25,919]

31 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

If Stoops has more negative impact on our program than the worst OC we’ve had in a decade I’ll futureman myself

[Reese Bennett 3,609]

I guess Moloch, Set, and Baphomet weren't available so we have to settle for a third rate denizen of the underworld. I mean, come on Sark, sure Beelzebub is covered in flies, but he knows linebacker play better than Shtups.

[HOOK'EMHOOAH 1,610]

1 hour ago, ausjala said:

yes, but he had pictures

That's because he is illiterate.

[Voluminous Banality 1,032]

Summary of the last seven pages:

 

 

Edited January 22, 2021 by Voluminous Banality

[Enchubben 5,510]

3 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Seems like they think he's a decent hire, for LB coach.  SAban kept him around for two years and he's a cancer?

as an analyst.

2 hours ago, USMCHorn said:

Imagine spending all your political capital on Mike fucking Stoops. Sark pulled a Herman like move with this hire. 

I think the more comparable hire would be Strong’s hires where we told the guy no and he brings him in anyways.

Also:

[runthebone 7,968]

I come back to surly after a few hours, and this is what the fuck happened? 

I wonder if CDC will intervene if fans are pissed enough.

[Treefidy 1,463]

The wagon is going to end up crashed into a ditch, like catching a ride to an AA meeting with Nick Nolte and Bobby Brown with Charlie Sheen driving.   
 

Hope we can recruit some high end talent over the next few cycles then warm the Urban thread back up in 2023.  If he goes through with it, hiring an asshole fuckup loser like the regarded Stoops does not instill confidence that Sark has turned the corner and learned how to be a great HC.  

[Leanderman 2,275]

I guess morals and ethics were never a consideration?

[Rockwell Torrey 1,280]

WTF?  This can't be real.  This is like Auburn hiring Harvey Updyke as a groundskeeper.

[BrazilHorn 6,586]

Maybe we can add Jerry Schmitt as the other S&C coach just to make the shithead Sooner pipeline complete.

I hate this hire as I hate Stoops. So many other ways Sark could have gone, this one (if true) is a bad one.

[Not a Sock 2,313]

This is when a good AD says “No, Mike Stoops will not be on the Texas side lines pick someone else”

[PassiveAggressiveCoach 118]

4 hours ago, ausjala said:

But what I really don't understand is why Sark is hiring position coaches for the defense when he hasn't hired a DC yet. Wouldn't you want input from your DC?

dafuq?

 

Also, I assume the wheels are already in motion finding a good rehab program?

Edited January 22, 2021 by PassiveAggressiveCoach

[alphahorn 1,637]

We can only hope this is a redemption hire for Sark. He's clean now and off the coke he's settled down and is a different person.  I can't imagine Sark would hire him if he's still the maniac OU fired. Time will tell

[ClubWhatever 12,128]

6 hours ago, Sir Ulrich said:

CDC is my guess. They overlapped at Arizona from 04-06

Is he on coke too?

[wood 11,225]

Stoops to Texas? Seems more likely that we're being trolled, imho, or the guy is just wrong. One asshole out there is making this claim. I'll wait til it's official before I freak out.

[Deej 76,759]

[Bevo 13,576]

I woke up to this shit! Motherfucker.

[BurntOrange&White 39,931]

 

Fuck this hire if it's true.

[Bill Lumbergh 7,171]

Stoops to Texas? Seems more likely that we're being trolled, imho, or the guy is just wrong. One asshole out there is making this claim. I'll wait til it's official before I freak out.

It is only one guy making the claim, but the silence from all camps who could potentially dispute it is deafening.

[Acropora 856]

What the fuck....I make the mistake of going to sleep and we hire this fuck?!   

Indefensible.   Beyond the name, which is bad enough, this guy isn't even a good coach or recruiter.  Seriously fucked up.   

That's a lot of good will and support gone.   Sark better be right.  

[BurntOrange&White 39,931]

6 minutes ago, Bill Lumbergh said:

16 minutes ago, wood said:

Stoops to Texas? Seems more likely that we're being trolled, imho, or the guy is just wrong. One asshole out there is making this claim. I'll wait til it's official before I freak out.

It is only one guy making the claim, but the silence from all camps who could potentially dispute it is deafening.

I am hoping it is one of those jump the gun things and we actually hire someone worth a fuck.

[Jebus 1,305]

6 hours ago, Hank_Hill said:

More influential to the program as a whole than Strong, Watson, Beck, Herman, Mehringer? Come on now.

Shittier hire.  Nobody said “more influential to the program as a whole.”   
 

Literally every coach on your list had a hand in an embarrassing OU loss where Mike Stoops got his ass handed to him, and the last three shit on him so bad they got him fired. 

[WBT 20,561]

Fredo Stoops would be a terrible fucking hire.  I'm holding out hope it's not true and we're still getting Marve

[bigup2dahorns 3,343]

Wake up to see over 300 posts overnight and think what did the night crew do now? It’s worse than I could have expected. Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.

[HateYouAndMyself 828]

18 minutes ago, Bill Lumbergh said:

It is only one guy making the claim, but the silence from all camps who could potentially dispute it is deafening.

Agreed. This hire would be so immediately toxic to recruiting, especially when we are currently trying to attract LBs through the portal....     no way they would let this float for ever a few hours if fake. It did break late but only like 1030; hardly middle of the night. SOMEONE would have been spamming their contacts to push out 'this is not true' if it were wrong. Also the timing of this coming out fits- cowardly fucks decided to slide it in at the end of the cycle I guess hoping they banked enough positivity they could get away with it? Or they simply wanted to avoid having 10 high profile zoom calls where the first question is "How could you hire that fucking retard?"

I guess there is some tiny chance this was being intentionally leaked to gauge the fan/player reactions but that is likely a pipe dream. 

 

Edited January 22, 2021 by HateYouAndMyself