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closetohumping

By closetohumping
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Posted by Teryor,

HOLY SHIT WE'RE ROOTING FOR BRIAN FUCKING DAVIS TO BE RIGHT
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TexasRenegade

TexasRenegade 2610

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3 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Is she trashy? Hell, yes. Is she a woman of low moral fiber? Clearly. Is she nuttier than a shithouse rat? No doubt. She's also hot in her own way. What's not to like if you're heterosexual? Are you the dude that goes to the strip club and then looks down your nose at every woman that comes by the table? Those guys do nothing but fuck up everyone else's time and irritate their friends. 

I've met plenty of you fuckers from the Internet over the last 20+ years. The bullshit many of you throw out there pertaining to what you would and wouldn't hit is outright absurd. 

No....I don't go to strip clubs period. So guess I'm not in her demographic.  Sorry I find her neither hot nor attractive.  I haven't looked at her page but just going by what is posted on here.  Women do what they do for a living and why would I look down on her for that?  I just don't find her attractive.

 

 

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https://www.captiongenerator.com/2107502/SurlyHorns-Reacts-to-the-Coaching-Search Enable subtitles if you're watching embedded.  

closetojumping
closetojumping

Just got a text from my friend in the Bama program that Flood and Wiggins are going with Sark. It's done.

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nope, reposding to other posters. You want an asshole? I'll show you an asshole I'm gonna lose to OU THIS many times   Texas fucking sucks now, and you ALLLLLLL know it. Good

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TexasRenegade

TexasRenegade 2610

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6 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

 

I've met plenty of you fuckers from the Internet over the last 20+ years. The bullshit many of you throw out there pertaining to what you would and wouldn't hit is outright absurd. 

I will completely agree with that statement though.

 

I am not claiming I only bang 10s or she isn't hot enough for me. I just don't find her attractive.

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Rhinotx

Rhinotx 506

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11 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Is she trashy? Hell, yes. Is she a woman of low moral fiber? Clearly. Is she nuttier than a shithouse rat? No doubt. She's also hot in her own way. What's not to like if you're heterosexual? Are you the dude that goes to the strip club and then looks down your nose at every woman that comes by the table? Those guys do nothing but fuck up everyone else's time and irritate their friends. 

I've met plenty of you fuckers from the Internet over the last 20+ years. The bullshit many of you throw out there pertaining to what you would and wouldn't hit is outright absurd. 

Hit it and put a ring on it are different. Especially if you have a public job.

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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

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2 minutes ago, TexasRenegade said:

No....I don't go to strip clubs period. So guess I'm not in her demographic.  Sorry I find her neither hot nor attractive.  I haven't looked at her page but just going by what is posted on here.  Women do what they do for a living and why would I look down on her for that?  I just don't find her attractive.

You are no TexasRenegade, sir. You should change your handle to TexasChoirboy. Maybe TexasGeezer. Not sure. There are a few options, I guess.

 

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cdain3

cdain3 3454

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No....I don't go to strip clubs period. So guess I'm not in her demographic.  Sorry I find her neither hot nor attractive.  I haven't looked at her page but just going by what is posted on here.  Women do what they do for a living and why would I look down on her for that?  I just don't find her attractive.
 
 
.giphy.gif?cid=349c9dd73gfe9de3ui2ar83xpatpfabp8s9dw7gwdtxtfwvr&rid=giphy.gif
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GRHorn

GRHorn 105

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17 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

I've met plenty of you fuckers from the Internet over the last 20+ years. The bullshit many of you throw out there pertaining to what you would and wouldn't hit is outright absurd. 

We’re not all 5’7” with a man bun either. Some of us can afford to have higher standards. 

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UncleSonny

UncleSonny 6790

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Posted (edited)
50 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

I was irritated with the Herman hire because I was fantasizing about hiring, wait for it, Justin Fuente.

Respect for the honesty. I went through an old group chat I have with some friends the other day and before we hired Herman I was hoping we were going to money-whip Chip Kelly. 

Edited by UncleSonny
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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

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6 minutes ago, GRHorn said:

We’re not all 5’7” with a man bun either. Some of us can afford to have higher standards. 

Here we go again. When we all meet up before the Louisiana game for the Surly Sprint-off, bring your measuring tape, salon shears and your significant other. After you dust me in the forty, I'll let you cut my man bun off, and then take a photo of you standing tall over my tiny frame with my hideous woman and your smoking hot lady friend, and you can post the photo on Surly and have me mocked forever.

"That GRHorn," they'll say, "he's an American bad ass."

"Yeah, and who knew that closetojumping was Danny Devito in real life? Didn't see that one coming."

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TexasRenegade

TexasRenegade 2610

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16 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

You are no TexasRenegade, sir. You should change your handle to TexasChoirboy. Maybe TexasGeezer. Not sure. There are a few options, I guess.

 

The term renegade has nothing to do with behavior...my name is certainly not some claim that I live some crazy lifestyle.  It has a meaning and a reason but nothing to do with any of that.

 

Though I guess I do betray the principles of many who post on Surly so there you go....

 

5 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

I’m not even a boob man- which is a shame bc my wife has a huge rack- but those boobs are so spectacular that it overrules everything else about that package and makes it a must bang. Seriously, they are spectacular. 

Putting a ring on someone else's finger pretty much ends the entirety of the idea of a must bang.

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Fondren & Main

Fondren & Main 6871

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Posted
5 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Here we go again. When we all meet up before the Louisiana game for the Surly Sprint-off, bring your measuring tape, salon shears and your significant other. After you dust me in the forty, I'll let you cut my man bun off, and then take a photo of you standing tall over my tiny frame with my hideous woman and your smoking hot lady friend, and you can post the photo on Surly and have me mocked forever.

"That GRHorn," they'll say, "he's an American bad ass."

"Yeah, and who knew that closetojumping was Danny Devito in real life? Didn't see that one coming."

 

AA343D25-4D0C-4B54-846A-8584405C03B3.gif

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hobbs

hobbs 250

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1 minute ago, rpspeed said:

as someone who has skipped pages here and there, who is poleassassin and other than surly fuckery, any reason we should care?

She's Monkey Gia's friend.  And yes, you should care, because they are likely the new Co-DCs.

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UncleSonny

UncleSonny 6790

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, rpspeed said:

as someone who has skipped pages here and there, who is poleassassin and other than surly fuckery, any reason we should care?

tenor.gif

Just kidding, she's Jeff Banks' ladyfriend apparently. Jeff Banks who's almost for sure not coming, but it would be pretty cool if he did.

Edited by UncleSonny
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Tex Pete

Tex Pete 21394

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19 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Here we go again. When we all meet up before the Louisiana game for the Surly Sprint-off, bring your measuring tape, salon shears and your significant other. After you dust me in the forty, I'll let you cut my man bun off, and then take a photo of you standing tall over my tiny frame with my hideous woman and your smoking hot lady friend, and you can post the photo on Surly and have me mocked forever.

"That GRHorn," they'll say, "he's an American bad ass."

"Yeah, and who knew that closetojumping was Danny Devito in real life? Didn't see that one coming."

Does waddling like a penguin even count as running? 

spacer.png

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UncleSonny

UncleSonny 6790

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5 minutes ago, Tex Pete said:

Maybe Banks doesn't want to work for Bill O'Brien.

Honestly who would. 

Got curious about BOB's staff at Penn State (not that Saban would let him bring any of his guys anyway). A few familiar names on there including an old Mack pal:

image.png.9d4192db4119fd32c040a7d846e83c34.png

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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

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6 minutes ago, rpspeed said:

as someone who has skipped pages here and there, who is poleassassin and other than surly fuckery, any reason we should care?

I have a few buddies that work at/live with people who work at Bama. When Sarkisian was announced, I spoke to them for more data on some of the assistants rumored to be coming to Texas with him. One of them is Banks, the TE coach and ST coordinator. They said the dude's the balls on the coaching and recruiting end and otherwise a complete mess with an appetite for personal calamity. He moved to Bama from College Station in the middle of a divorce and left a bunch of kids behind.

Within weeks, a stripper showed up and moved in, with kids of her own, and a fucking pet monkey. While living with him, she's continued to work in and around Birmingham and Tuscaloosa as a stripper+. Her insta handle is poleassassin_, which I posted and Surly of course verified, and we've been off and running ever since. If the dude somehow winds up coming here, I'll get more of the stories about this guy and his circus, because apparently they're nuts and a source of entertainment inside the Bama regime. That's all no bullshit.

Another thing that you guys will probably find absurd/amusing and ties in to another favorite Surly sideshow: While this fucknut was at ATM, he drunk texted, allegedly including personal nudes, to 6Figs on accident instead of to one of the women he was fucking with a similar first name.

Ol'6figgy allegedly tried to hang that over this dude's head for recruiting access/info at one point, to no avail. He'd already apparently entered his own personal tumbledown with his wife and no fucks were given about what some recruiting dipshit might post or say about him, and apparently the dude's quite confident in the dick pics he sent being up to public snuff. Allegedly. That isn't from Bama folks.

hahahahahahahaha

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 26176

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

 

Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Is she trashy? Hell, yes. Is she a woman of low moral fiber? Clearly. Is she nuttier than a shithouse rat? No doubt. She's also hot in her own way. What's not to like if you're heterosexual? Are you the dude that goes to the strip club and then looks down your nose at every woman that comes by the table? Those guys do nothing but fuck up everyone else's time and irritate their friends. 

I've met plenty of you fuckers from the Internet over the last 20+ years. The bullshit many of you throw out there pertaining to what you would and wouldn't hit is outright absurd. 

My GF went to FSU.   I took her to the FSU NC game at the Rose Bowl.  She had a ton of friends that came out, so we went hit several tailgates.   At one of them, it came up that I'm a Texas fan.  A guy started talking to me about Mack...Dude is a lawyer in Tampa.   Said that they were frat bros, and remain good friends, and still speak a few times a year.   He lowers his voice and says  something like "I'm sure that you think he's a great recruiter, but Mack recruiting pussy for himself back then puts Mack recruiting football players to shame".

Edited by Gil Bang
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GRHorn

GRHorn 105

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Posted
47 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Here we go again. When we all meet up before the Louisiana game for the Surly Sprint-off, bring your measuring tape, salon shears and your significant other. After you dust me in the forty, I'll let you cut my man bun off, and then take a photo of you standing tall over my tiny frame with my hideous woman and your smoking hot lady friend, and you can post the photo on Surly and have me mocked forever.

"That GRHorn," they'll say, "he's an American bad ass."

"Yeah, and who knew that closetojumping was Danny Devito in real life? Didn't see that one coming."

I only know of your height and man bun from Sydney’s pic of you in some Houston clubhouse. 
 

And you talked big with somebody else about having a foot race before the LSU game. To my knowledge that spectacle never occurred. 

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closetojumping

closetojumping 65246

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Born Burnt said:

Now I'll hear DeVito's voice every time I read your posts. Not that that's a bad thing.

I've patterned most of my mannerisms and voice inflections as an adult after his role as "Ralph - the antiquities smuggler" from Romancing the Stone, considered by most aficionados as his cinematic tour de force.

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