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Things new Texas HC needs to know

TexasEd

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TexasEd

TexasEd 8064

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1. Beat OU

2. OU Sucks

3. Do Hook'Em the right way (not like the minister of culture)  (Looks like he has it down.)

Texas Longhorns Name Steve Sarkisian Head Football Coach

4. Don't lose to cockroaches

5. Beat OU + don't lose to cockroaches + win CCG = get in the playoffs

Anything I missed?

 

Edit 6. Don't candy up uniforms, they are work clothes.

Edited by TexasEd
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Nueces River Rat

Nueces River Rat 5530

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

1. Beat OU

2. OU Sucks

3. Do Hook'Em the right way (not like the minister of culture)  (Looks like he has it down.)

Texas Longhorns Name Steve Sarkisian Head Football Coach

4. Don't lose to cockroaches

5. Beat OU + don't lose to cockroaches + win CCG = get in the playoffs

Anything I missed?

 

Edit 6. Don't candy up uniforms, they are work clothes.

Who is the chic?

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TexasEd

TexasEd 8064

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I guess this should be the things Texas Fans should know about their new HFBC.

His name is Steve, his wife is Loreal, ...

From Alabama bio:

Quote

Steve Sarkisian returned to head coach Nick Saban’s staff at Alabama as the offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach in January of 2019 and the decision immediately paid dividends as the Crimson Tide’s offense was among the most explosive in school history in his first season back. Year two in Tuscaloosa will feature a new full-time signal caller but an offense filled with dangerous skill players and one of the best offensive lines in the nation. 

The 2019 Alabama offense averaged a school-record 47.2 points per game, which ranked second nationally while averaging 510.8 yards per game. Quarterbacks Tua Tagovailoa and Mac Jones combined to throw for 4,449 yards and 49 touchdowns which equated to a school-record 342.2 passing yards per game that ranked third nationally. Alabama’s 199.61 passing efficiency rating was not only a school record but the second-best mark in NCAA history. 

Prior to his return to the Capstone, Sarkisian was the offensive coordinator for the Atlanta Falcons. During his two years coordinating the Falcons’ scheme, Sarkisian built one of the most dangerous offenses in the NFL. The 2018 unit finished in the top 10 in the NFL in passing yards (fourth – 4,653 yards), total yards (sixth – 6,226 yards) and 10th in scoring (25.9 ppg). Quarterback Matt Ryan was third in the NFL in passing yards (4,924 yards) while tossing 35 touchdowns. Wide receiver Julio Jones caught 113 passes for 1,677 yards and eight touchdowns and Calvin Ridley added 64 catches for 821 yards and a team-high 10 scores. Jones led the league in receiving yards in 2018 while Ridley paced all rookies in receiving yards and touchdowns.

In 2017, two pieces of the Falcons offense, center Alex Mack and Jones, were selected to the Pro Bowl. Atlanta led the NFL in third-down percentage in his first season while finishing eighth in the league in passing offense (249.4) and third in yards per play (5.93). 

Sarkisian served as the Crimson Tide’s offensive coordinator for the 2017 College Football Playoff National Championship Game after spending the 2016 season with Alabama as an analyst prior to being promoted. 

Sarkisian not only boasts play-calling experience at the highest levels of football, but seven years as a Football Bowl Subdivision head coach. He guided the Southern Cal program in 2014-15 and the Washington Huskies from 2009-13. He posted a head coaching record of 46-35 over those seven seasons while leading his teams to five bowl appearances. 

During his time as head coach at USC, Sarkisian led the Trojans to a 12-6 overall record including a second-place finish in the Pac-12’s Southern Division in 2014. His 2014 offense ranked in the top 25 nationally in passing efficiency (fourth – 165.35), passing offense (15th – 296.6 ypg), third down conversions (19th – 46.6 percent) and scoring offense (22nd – 35.8 ppg).

At Washington, Sarkisian inherited a program in 2009 that had won just 12 games during the previous five seasons, including a winless season the year prior. Despite that challenge, he guided the Huskies to bowl games his last four seasons. His eight victories in 2013 were the most at UW since 2000. His overall Washington record was 34-29, and his tenure in Seattle resulted in eight wins over Associated Press Top 25 teams (No. 3 USC, No. 19 California in 2009; No. 18 USC, No. 18 Nebraska and No. 24 Oregon State in 2010; No. 7 Oregon State and No. 8 Stanford in 2012; No. 13 Boise State in 2013). 

Among the UW players Sarkisian coached were nine NFL draftees, including quarterback Jake Locker, cornerback Desmond Trufant, linebackers Donald Butler and All-American Mason Foster, defensive end Daniel Te’o-Nesheim and tailback Bishop Sankey, plus All-Pac-12 tailback Chris Polk.

Sarkisian arrived at Southern Cal as an assistant in 2001 and took over as the quarterbacks coach in 2002, where he tutored quarterback Carson Palmer to the Heisman Trophy and the No. 1 overall pick in the 2003 NFL Draft. After spending the 2004 season as the quarterbacks coach for the Oakland Raiders, Sarkisian returned to the Trojan staff in February of 2005 as the assistant head coach and quarterbacks coach for four seasons (2005-08). He added the offensive coordinator role to his duties in 2007 and 2008 at USC.

At USC, Sarkisian coached Heisman Trophy-winning quarterbacks in Palmer and Matt Leinart, along with NFL signal-callers Mark Sanchez, John David Booty and Matt Cassel. The Trojans went 23-3 during his tenure as the offensive coordinator.

Sarkisian starred at the quarterback position at the prep, collegiate and pro levels. He spent time with the Saskatchewan Roughriders of the Canadian Football League for three seasons (1997-99) following his collegiate career at BYU.

While with the Cougars from 1995-96, he completed 549-of-824 passes (66.6 percent) for 7,755 yards and 55 touchdowns. His 162.0 career passing efficiency rating was third on the all-time NCAA list when he finished playing. As a senior in 1996, he led the nation in passing efficiency (173.6, the fourth-best mark in NCAA history at the time), leading the Cougars to the WAC championship and a win in the 1997 Cotton Bowl. He was the WAC Offensive Player of the Year in 1996 and earned second team All-America honors.  

Sarkisian earned his bachelor’s degree in sociology from BYU in 1997 after getting his associate’s degree in general studies from El Camino College in 1994.

He is married to the former Loreal Smith, who competed and coached in track and field. He has two daughters, Ashley and Taylor, and a son, Brady.

 

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Hagbard Celine

Hagbard Celine 10763

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8. aggy:  that is the correct spelling. It is never capitalized, and is simultaneously singular, plural, a noun, a verb, an adjective and an adverb.  According to the Constitution of the State of Texas, the aggy college is a branch of The University, and every year they steal 1/3rd of our money.   When they divorced us they wanted to keep sleeping with us, and when we offered to fuck for old times' sake, they lied about having a full calendar, so CDC scheduled your former employer.

9. Games: don't lose them.  Losing to the following teams is unacceptable and if you do we will demand your immediate termination: all of them.

10. Oklahoma: you must go .500 against them.  If you lose 2 in a row we will demand your immediate termination.  Win 3 in a row and you can sleep at night.

11. Darrell K. Royal.  Fred Akers.  Mack Brown.  Know and understand their tenures.  Especially their records against 0u.

12. 0u: it is spelled with the number Zero ("0") and a lowercase 'u'.  We call them the dirt burglars and the land thieves.  Know their history and understand why.

13. The Eyes of Texas.  We have had a bit of a problem this year with our school song.  Get your ass some religion right now and lay down the fucking law.  If someone asks you if The Eyes will continue to be our school song, this is your answer:

2042443578_goddamnright2.gif.d084fefd4c3f807d6a1da3b4558a862b.gif

  • Hook 'Em 7
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PassiveAggressiveCoach

PassiveAggressiveCoach 118

Posted
Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Hagbard Celine said:

 

12. 0u: it is spelled with the number Zero ("0") and a lowercase 'u'.  We call them the dirt burglars and the land thieves.  Know their history and understand why.

 

wut? I'm pretty sure it is just ou. What is this 0 thing? You just made that up. 

Edited by PassiveAggressiveCoach
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MrPhlegm

MrPhlegm 3413

Posted
Posted
1. Beat OU
2. OU Sucks
3. Do Hook'Em the right way (not like the minister of culture)  (Looks like he has it down.)
IMG_2788_2.jpg?width=1128&height=635&mode=crop
4. Don't lose to cockroaches
5. Beat OU + don't lose to cockroaches + win CCG = get in the playoffs
Anything I missed?
 
Edit 6. Don't candy up uniforms, they are work clothes.
3. is wrong dumbass. hookem front or back is fine.

1ad830ba2aa47055026021c9973f64a2.jpgthe cheerleader in the middle is harley clark the INVENTOR OF THE HOOKEM. notice his hands. one front one back. BOTH ARE PROPER. this is at the pep rally where he introduced it. i wish you ignorant twatwaffles would lay off the wrong hookem horseshit.
  • Hook 'Em 2
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