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1 minute ago, OrangEngr said:

I think you can sum up this plus the precious few as “women + phones”. Not trivial.

We've got a thread for that!

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  • Scheiss Meister
    Scheiss Meister

    The day I retired I set an auto reply that said something like "As of EOB today I will be retired.  If you expect me to reply to an email after 10:00 am today, you will be disappointed."  At the 3:00

  • Ghost of NMAS
    Ghost of NMAS

    I hate the people that ignore it when they have the right of way and try to wave me through first, it just fucks up the system and delays everyone

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When conferences retroactively claim program achievements. Like the Big Ten putting 1995 Nebraska on its list of its best teams, etc. 

25 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

When conferences retroactively claim program achievements. Like the Big Ten putting 1995 Nebraska on its list of its best teams, etc. 

That's a good one.  I've seen some Big 12 fans do it with the West Virginia final four from a few years back.

 

Song lyrics with improper verb tense usage. My 2-yr old loves Run by the Foo Fighters so I hear this every day:

I need some room to breathe
You can stay asleep
If you wanted to
They say that's nothings free
You can run with me
If you wanted to
Yeah you can run with me
If you wanted to

It should be either "could" and "wanted", or "can" and "want". 

When the microwave clock and the oven clock are out of sync. No matter how careful I am to get them set exactly the same, after a week or two they get out of sync.

On 3/11/2019 at 11:13 AM, MNLonghornFUKM said:
On 3/11/2019 at 7:01 AM, deadshank said:
Your card?  You don't have a $10 bill on you?

because for a $8.19 order, its easier to receive back $1.81 instead of a credit card

Twice in the past week I have beengiven incorrect change.  One dude even used a calculator to figure the change from a $10 bill for a $4.27 charge.  He hands me $4.73.  I just look at em and finally say, “ Hey Chief, I gave you a $10.  You owe me another dollar. “ His coworker is dying laughing, “ you even used a calculator and still fucked it up.”

Today I hand the clerk a $20 for a charge of $11.07.  He gived me back $14. 93.   I corrected him and he didn’t want to take the overage back.  Dude in line behind me said he’d take it. Lol  

Pretty sure clerk was high AF, but damn, that’s some 1st grade maf there...

 

 

21 minutes ago, slorch said:

Twice in the past week I have beengiven incorrect change.  One dude even used a calculator to figure the change from a $10 bill for a $4.27 charge.  He hands me $4.73.  I just look at em and finally say, “ Hey Chief, I gave you a $10.  You owe me another dollar. “ His coworker is dying laughing, “ you even used a calculator and still fucked it up.”

Today I hand the clerk a $20 for a charge of $11.07.  He gived me back $14. 93.   I corrected him and he didn’t want to take the overage back.  Dude in line behind me said he’d take it. Lol  

Pretty sure clerk was high AF, but damn, that’s some 1st grade maf there...

 

 

Happens all the time with me because I hate having dollar bills in my wallet so if something is 6 bucks and I don't have exact change I'll give them a $10 and a $1 to get $5 back. This usually ensues:

confused math GIF by CBC 

cannot edit "gived"  LOlz.

 

But i can freaking count.

Happens all the time with me because I hate having dollar bills in my wallet so if something is 6 bucks and I don't have exact change I'll give them a $10 and a $1 to get $5 back. This usually ensues:
200.gif 


Attendant enters overpay into register without realizing its overpay. Drawer opens. Stuffs $1 bill in tray. Reads screen. $5.32. Gathers coins. Pulls out same $1 bill and 4 brothers without realizing what just happened. Hands you bills coins and receipt in one motion.

Had that happen a handful of times in the past few years.
3 hours ago, VolenteHawk said:

That's a good one.  I've seen some Big 12 fans do it with the West Virginia final four from a few years back.

 

You trying to tell me that LT wasn't the greatest running back in Big 12 history?

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

You trying to tell me that LT wasn't the greatest running back in Big 12 history?

Do you even Roosevelt Leaks, bro?

any singer who pronounces the "er" sound as "oi", e.g., James Taylor on Steamroller Blues ("choinin' oin' of boinin' funk")

I think there's a CCR song where John Fogerty does it too

Edited by SwanderedTalent

4 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

any singer who pronounces the "er" sound as "oi", e.g., James Taylor on Steamroller Blues ("choinin' oin' of boinin' funk")

I think there's a CCR song where John Fogerty does it too

Damn cajuns and their funny speak!

6 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

any singer who pronounces the "er" sound as "oi", e.g., James Taylor on Steamroller Blues ("choinin' oin' of boinin' funk")

I think there's a CCR song where John Fogerty does it too

Or Leonard Nimoy on Proud Mary ?

20 hours ago, slorch said:

Twice in the past week I have beengiven incorrect change.  One dude even used a calculator to figure the change from a $10 bill for a $4.27 charge.  He hands me $4.73.  I just look at em and finally say, “ Hey Chief, I gave you a $10.  You owe me another dollar. “ His coworker is dying laughing, “ you even used a calculator and still fucked it up.”

Today I hand the clerk a $20 for a charge of $11.07.  He gived me back $14. 93.   I corrected him and he didn’t want to take the overage back.  Dude in line behind me said he’d take it. Lol  

Pretty sure clerk was high AF, but damn, that’s some 1st grade maf there...

 

 

Try this one on for size.

Bill is, say, $5.24.  So you give the person a 10 and a quarter.  Watch the "hilarity" that then ensues.  Now, I get that this just might be a step above normal millennial math; however, there have been times when I've done this and the person was using a register or calculator.  I'm all, "Punch in the numbers and watch the magic happen."  The best part is when they give you five ones, though there's a stack of fives in the drawer.

Edited by Knoxtnhorn

6 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Try this one on for size.

Bill is, say, $5.24.  So you give the person a 10 and a quarter.  Watch the "hilarity" that then ensues.  Now, I get that this just might be a step above normal millennial math; however, there have been times when I've done this and the person was using a register or calculator.  I'm all, "Punch in the numbers and watch the magic happen."  The best part is when they give you five ones, though there's a stack of fives in the drawer.

Fuck that.  When I was 15 I took my first job cashiering in a theme park's restaurant. Maybe the first transaction ever, I rung a guy for  7.36 or some such.  Fucker hands me a 10.   I punched it in the POS and out slides the cash tray. 

 

As I'm gathering the indicated change value, he fishes out 50 cents and pushes it on me.  I basically froze up.  Then he starts points at the coins already in my palm and indicates to swap this quarter for that nickel and so on and so forth.

 

I aced all my math classes up to that point.  But I was 15, mindlessly going through the motions.  Fucker made me freeze up and feel dumb as fuck.  Fuck that guy.

Just now, Knoxtnhorn said:

Try this one on for size.

Bill is, say, $5.24.  So you give the person a 10 and a quarter.  Watch the "hilarity" that ensues then.  Now, I get that this just might be a step above normal millennial math; however, there have been times when I've done this and the person was using a register or calculator.  I'm all, "Punch in the numbers and watch the magic happen."  The best part is when they give you five ones, though there's a stack of fives in the drawer.

Yer letting them keep the penny right ?  For their troubles and all...

8 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Yer letting them keep the penny right ?  For their troubles and all...

Pennies make me surly. Get rid of those fucking things!

2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Fuck that.  When I was 15 I took my first job cashiering in a theme park's restaurant. Maybe the first transaction ever, I rung a guy for  7.36 or some such.  Fucker hands me a 10.   I punched it in the POS and out slides the cash tray. 

 

As I'm gathering the indicated change value, he fishes out 50 cents and pushes it on me.  I basically froze up.  Then he starts points at the coins already in my palm and indicates to swap this quarter for that nickel and so on and so forth.

 

I aced all my math classes up to that point.  But I was 15, mindlessly going through the motions.  Fucker made me freeze up and feel dumb as fuck.  Fuck that guy.

Coincidentally, I honed this skill while working at the Fine Arts Cafeteria @ Texas. Without that experience, I may never have become a "correct change in your head" snob.  :)

When the bedroom TV remote falls behind the headboard in a spot that is virtually unreachable without dismantling the entire room.

1 minute ago, DougO said:

When the bedroom TV remote falls behind the headboard in a spot that is virtually unreachable without dismantling the entire room.

5a1fd5e1-e2fa-1a57-d054-8a3aaa91a853.jpg

3 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

...The best part is when they give you five ones, though there's a stack of fives in the drawer.

They know you're going to the strip joint afterwards.

46 minutes ago, DougO said:

When the bedroom TV remote falls behind the headboard in a spot that is virtually unreachable without dismantling the entire room.

Your kids fall behind the headboard? 

 

<——- old school remote. 

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Pennies make me surly. Get rid of those fucking things!

I made this application that takes transactions and rounds them down to the nearest penny, and takes those fractions of a cent and puts them into another account...

2 hours ago, Underdog said:

Your kids fall behind the headboard? 

 

<——- old school remote. 

 

 

47 minutes ago, PvilleStang said:

I made this application that takes transactions and rounds them down to the nearest penny, and takes those fractions of a cent and puts them into another account...

sassy office space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

 

On 2/15/2019 at 2:18 PM, Richard Kimball said:

VP is wearing a bow tie. Personal note: only wear a bow tie with a tuxedo. We'll be open and courageous in our communication. Pretty sure they don't want to know what I really think. 

 

45 minutes in: Presenters keep asking if there are questions. NO! We want out!

 

OK, I know that I'm way behind on this thread, but I have to ask,

is your VP a farmer?

 

Also, I hate that one motherfucker who just has to ask some stupid question, then a follow up, then a response, to nail down exactly one useless point. SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER SHUT THE FUCK UP I WILL KILL YOUDIE DIE DIE

 

 

Yes, I just had a similar thing this week.

Edited by High Plains Drifter

On 3/1/2019 at 1:01 PM, Onboard 2.0 said:

I hate the same bs at office max. The little card scanner asks rewards members if they  want a printed or emailed receipt. I always say e mailed.  Then they still give you a receipt for a 10-20% off coupon if you use it the same day.  WTF, why do you think I want it e mailed ?  I don't want any more pieces of paper to carry out and have to throw away. My life is so firkin surly daily !!!

I just hand it back to them and ask if they will throw it away for me.

On 3/12/2019 at 7:36 AM, Al_4_ISU said:

On the phone etiquette tip, I absolutely can't stand it when you're on the phone with someone and they have to have a conversation with someone in person at the same time.  Unless that person is an interested third party in the phone conversation whose opinion is needed, it is absolutely aggravating.  My wife and her whole family are terrible at this.  It's at the point where if I call my wife and she insists on having the side conversation with whomever is around, I'll just hang up.

Yes this is the fucking worst. If you really need to have a conversation with that person, then call me back later.

Adults that don't know cardinal directions really piss me off.

"I can't do 'east' or 'west'.  Just give me left right."  You fucking mouth breather, "left" and "right" are subjective.  North is always north.

It's especially aggravating when you live in Iowa, where 95% of the state is on a cardinal direction oriented road grid.  The roads run straight east/west, straight north/south, and they outline the surveyed sections.  They're generally a mile apart.  Also, look at the fucking sun.  

When living in Austin, wife:  are we going down  to Dallas this weekend? 

I don't think I've posted this this week, but the thousands of unregistered hoopties in Houston with counterfeit paper license tags. 

On 3/11/2019 at 5:13 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:
On 3/11/2019 at 1:01 PM, deadshank said:
Your card?  You don't have a $10 bill on you?

because for a $8.19 order, its easier to receive back $1.81 instead of a credit card

People that use their CC for every single purchase like getting their cards scammed.

On 3/12/2019 at 5:47 PM, slorch said:

Twice in the past week I have beengiven incorrect change.  One dude even used a calculator to figure the change from a $10 bill for a $4.27 charge.  He hands me $4.73.  I just look at em and finally say, “ Hey Chief, I gave you a $10.  You owe me another dollar. “ His coworker is dying laughing, “ you even used a calculator and still fucked it up.”

Today I hand the clerk a $20 for a charge of $11.07.  He gived me back $14. 93.   I corrected him and he didn’t want to take the overage back.  Dude in line behind me said he’d take it. Lol  

Pretty sure clerk was high AF, but damn, that’s some 1st grade maf there...

 

 

I like telling them how much change they should give me before they even get done punching it into the register.  It makes me feel superior and shit.

When your call drops and you immediately call the person back... and they don't answer, even though your phone was the one that dropped the call. 

Happened to me yesterday driving home from bfe east TX calling my wife. After I got her VM a few times in a row I gave her a what the fuck message. She calls back 15 min later "oh sorry my mom called" 

 

should also go in wives thread. 

1 hour ago, Underdog said:

When living in Austin, wife:  are we going down  to Dallas this weekend? 

My sister does this all of the time. We live in Dallas and she'll say things like "down to Oklahoma" and "down to Minnesota". She's actually somewhat intelligent and I've confronted her multiple times but she doesn't care.

I don't think I've posted this this week, but the thousands of unregistered hoopties in Houston with counterfeit paper license tags. 
Amazing how many of these are on the road.
1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

When your call drops and you immediately call the person back... and they don't answer, even though your phone was the one that dropped the call. 

Happened to me yesterday driving home from bfe east TX calling my wife. After I got her VM a few times in a row I gave her a what the fuck message. She calls back 15 min later "oh sorry my mom called" 

 

should also go in wives thread. 

Ditto texting. Having a conversation, about to walk into the store. Do you need anything?

45 minutes later.

Oh..can you pick up some lettuce?

BITCH THAT WAS 45 MINUTES AGO.

23 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

I made this application that takes transactions and rounds them down to the nearest penny, and takes those fractions of a cent and puts them into another account...

You mean like Superman 3?

Amazing how many of these are on the road.

And they all get away with it. If the police tried to enforce it, they’d be accused of profiling.
4 hours ago, Lat22 said:

I don't think I've posted this this week, but the thousands of unregistered hoopties in Houston with counterfeit paper license tags. 

[CSB] Place I lived my 3rd year at UT, guy in the back of the complex had paper plates, expired of course.  Someone back there bought a new-ish car, and had their paper plates stolen off the car like two days later (they left the corners of the paper under the frame).  Oddly enough, the original car with paper plates happened to have new ones with a newer expiry date on them.  And the paper tears perfectly matched the neighbor's missing paper plates. [/CSB]

On ‎3‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 10:25 PM, NWBuck said:

While holding it below their mouth... 

It looks like one of those tribal lip discs, but for basic white girls. 

I get the tribal lip disc but what does "basic" mean in this context?

  • Author

when i forget to reset the trip odo after filling up. 

35 minutes ago, elfenix said:

when i forget to reset the trip odo after filling up. 

Yep my Gammy & paw paw did the same thing all the time...  dentures would be flying out their mouths....

1 hour ago, Llano Estacado said:

When the electric eye soap dispenser ejaculates a 2nd time onto your shirt sleeve as you wash.

Think baseball next time, big guy.   It works, per friend. 

I don't think I've posted this this week, but the thousands of unregistered hoopties in Houston with counterfeit paper license tags. 

These are the same cocksuckers that slow to a crawl any time it rains and fuck traffic up. Every one of these assholes have their wipers maxed out during a soft sprinkle, when the second setting should be plenty sufficient. Change your wiper blades and quit fucking things up for the rest of us.
58 minutes ago, luke duke said:

That’s why you should never wash your hands.

Actually you should also not piss all over your hands.

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