Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[NBMisha 224]

3 hours ago, slorch said:

This is incorrect.

If it were true, move the cows from first class to the back.  See how it goes.

 

No fucking way am i volunteering to sit in a middle seat.  6'2, 240#, I pick the aisle any time I have a choice and the middle is NEVER if I have a choice.

Slorch

Buddy.  No shaming intended, but, for your health, you might consider shedding a few.  I know, I carry too much extra myself, and giving up shit is not in my DNA.

[ChickenSandwich 9,853]

probably on page three but....

Fuck Surly Message board template that makes "Notify Me Of REPLIES" to any thread you post in the Default option.  Fuck off with that shit

[Llano Estacado 1,257]

Richard, at the CA DOI Bureau of Licensing, can go fuck hisself with a rusty cactus prod.

Seems rather specific, and non trivial.

[elfenix 34,332]

"hey can you take lunch late we're having cake at 2 for so and so's birthday and you're usually still out at lunch then"
2 rolls by
"so and so has to be on a conference call that got rescheduled this morning so cake is going to be a bit late"

still sitting here, not having eaten lunch and not having gotten any cake

[El Diablo 4,232]

20 minutes ago, Llano Estacado said:

 

 

Seems rather specific, and non trivial.

 

It WAS trivial. I just hate dealing with people who hate their jobs. They suck the life out of everyone they come in contact with. I've had occasion to call the CA DOI many times over the years and gotten that prick TWICE in probably the last 6 months. Just a sad sack of depressing humanity trying to spread his own misery.

[elfenix 34,332]

so and so's lunch came while she was on the conference call and so now so and so is eating lunch rather than all of us eating cake.  motherfucker!

this is coming:

Edited May 9, 2019 by elfenix

[Blotto 23,579]

52 minutes ago, elfenix said:

"hey can you take lunch late we're having cake at 2 for so and so's birthday and you're usually still out at lunch then"
2 rolls by
"so and so has to be on a conference call that got rescheduled this morning so cake is going to be a bit late"

still sitting here, not having eaten lunch and not having gotten any cake

 

41 minutes ago, elfenix said:

so and so's lunch came while she was on the conference call and so now so and so is eating lunch rather than all of us eating cake.  motherfucker!

So a usual day finds you still at lunch at 2 PM, and that's not considered a late lunch? And currently there's a bunch of you sitting around midday waiting to eat cake, but you cant even accomplish that because the birthday girl is now eating her lunch? What kind of monkeyfuck company do you work for?

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

Sounds like a government job. DMV maybe?

[elfenix 34,332]

1 hour ago, Blotto said:

 

So a usual day finds you still at lunch at 2 PM, and that's not considered a late lunch? And currently there's a bunch of you sitting around midday waiting to eat cake, but you cant even accomplish that because the birthday girl is now eating her lunch? What kind of monkeyfuck company do you work for?

i don't have any set schedule so i usually lunch from a bit after 1 to around 2:30. 

[pops 7,006]

2 hours ago, elfenix said:

"hey can you take lunch late we're having cake at 2 for so and so's birthday and you're usually still out at lunch then"
2 rolls by
"so and so has to be on a conference call that got rescheduled this morning so cake is going to be a bit late"

still sitting here, not having eaten lunch and not having gotten any cake

You want to have your cake and eat it, too?

[Guest]

3 hours ago, elfenix said:

"hey can you take lunch late we're having cake at 2 for so and so's birthday and you're usually still out at lunch then"
2 rolls by
"so and so has to be on a conference call that got rescheduled this morning so cake is going to be a bit late"

still sitting here, not having eaten lunch and not having gotten any cake

fuck inconsiderate mofos at work who can't stay on schedule.

 

"Slorch we missed you at lunch"

"I go to lunch every day at 11:00.  Y'all fucked around until 1:30. You didn't even get back until 3."

"(no answer)"

Edited May 9, 2019 by slorch

[Zepol87 9,191]

Had a team outing at Top Golf today. Got told keep it under 350 and all good. Few fatasses order damn near the whole menu, chill dude we need that for alcohol. Then couple other people couldn't handle alcohol and got kind of fucked up. Fuck I would have rathered stayed at the office

[Mach 1 1,677]

Survey takers when exiting Whole Foods is now on my list.  No, I do not want to stop and answer your questions while carrying a bag of overpriced produce.  Yes, I care about Saving the Whales, or whatever the fuck you want me to sign, but an additional Fuck You for making me feel guilty for blowing you off because I'm traumatized about shopping in Whole Foods and just want to get to my car to decompress.

[chikin23 384]

So a usual day finds you still at lunch at 2 PM, and that's not considered a late lunch? And currently there's a bunch of you sitting around midday waiting to eat cake, but you cant even accomplish that because the birthday girl is now eating her lunch? What kind of monkeyfuck company do you work for?

I'm guessing his name is Richard and he works at the CA DOI Bureau of Licensing.

[tfoolry 8,238]

8 hours ago, lockport said:

Corporate speak

'circle back'

'out of pocket'

'take it offline'

'bandwidth'

'value add'

'lean in'

etc.

Thanks for all you do. 

[Paco 1,934]

Friyay. Fuck you.

[WhatTheBuck 28,798]

14 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

Tortillas that come in a bag with the zip lock opening on the bottom. Lots of tortillas have ended up on our kitchen floor as a result.

I know, I know, we should buy brands that don’t do this, but somehow we end up with them. 

Turn the bag upside down. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

11 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Had a team outing at Top Golf today. Got told keep it under 350 and all good. Few fatasses order damn near the whole menu, chill dude we need that for alcohol. Then couple other people couldn't handle alcohol and got kind of fucked up. Fuck I would have rathered stayed at the office

I hate you at work, why the fuck would I want to socialize with you?

I'll never understand "corporate outings"

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

10 hours ago, Paco said:

Friyay. Fuck you.

[Fudge Nuggets 19,224]

7 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Turn the bag upside down. 

Since when did "round" have a top or bottom?

[Llano Estacado 1,257]

I hate you at work, why the fuck would I want to socialize with you?
I'll never understand "corporate outings"

Since when did "round" have a top or bottom?

A circle is round. It has no end. That’s how long we’ll be friends.

-Becky in Accounts Payable

[Steamboat1874 4,085]

11 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

Survey takers when exiting Whole Foods is now on my list.  No, I do not want to stop and answer your questions while carrying a bag of overpriced produce.  Yes, I care about Saving the Whales, or whatever the fuck you want me to sign, but an additional Fuck You for making me feel guilty for blowing you off because I'm traumatized about shopping in Whole Foods and just want to get to my car to decompress.

Why does anyone shop at Whole "lotta money" Foods in the first place.

Never understood that.

HEB has the same shit at half the price.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

26 minutes ago, Steamboat1874 said:

Why does anyone shop at Whole "lotta money" Foods in the first place.

Never understood that.

HEB has the same shit at half the price.

People are dumb. This will answer 99.9% of the shit that makes us surly.

[Zepol87 9,191]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I hate you at work, why the fuck would I want to socialize with you?

I'll never understand "corporate outings"

Wasn't my idea but fuck it I will take a day at top golf drinking over sitting in the office answering dumb ass emails. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

1 minute ago, Zepol87 said:

Wasn't my idea but fuck it I will take a day at top golf drinking over sitting in the office answering dumb ass emails. 

I'd rather be in the office on surly. I can top golf/drink on my own time with people I want to be with other than Janice from Accounting telling me about how her husband is the greatest golfer in the world as she shovels Jalapeno poppers in her fat fucking face.

[Zepol87 9,191]

You make some good points. 

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

31 minutes ago, Steamboat1874 said:

Why does anyone shop at Whole "lotta money" Foods in the first place.

Never understood that.

HEB has the same shit at half the price.

Whole Paycheck ?  Cause you can afford it ?

[Fudge Nuggets 19,224]

I guess the only positive to the corporate outing is it's not on your dime.  Even that doesn't make it worthwhile in most cases.

[VolenteHawk 495]

42 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I'd rather be in the office on surly. I can top golf/drink on my own time with people I want to be with other than Janice from Accounting telling me about how her husband is the greatest golfer in the world as she shovels Jalapeno poppers in her fat fucking face.

Wait a damn minute.  There is no reason for delicious jalapeño poppers to be drug into this.

 

Edited May 10, 2019 by VolenteHawk

[VolenteHawk 495]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I hate you at work, why the fuck would I want to socialize with you?

I'll never understand "corporate outings"

I have several people across my teams that go on vacations together.  I will never understand that.

 

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

26 minutes ago, VolenteHawk said:

I have several people across my teams that go on vacations together.  I will never understand that.

 

Maybe it's just you....

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

53 minutes ago, VolenteHawk said:

Wait a damn minute.  There is no reason for delicious jalapeño poppers to be drug into this.

 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

27 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Maybe it's just you....

GODDAM RIGHT IT'S ME. I'm the only sane one here.

[Lat22 4,017]

Thinking that it's OK to block an active lane of traffic because by God I'm going to have Chick Fil A. Or Shipley Donuts.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

1 minute ago, Lat22 said:

Thinking that it's OK to block an active lane of traffic because by God I'm going to have Chick Fil A. Or Shipley Donuts.

BOOM. This one gets me every time, but I blame the shit towns and strip malls who design them without proper drive thrus.

[Zepol87 9,191]

1 hour ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

I guess the only positive to the corporate outing is it's not on your dime.  Even that doesn't make it worthwhile in most cases.

Yep that was the only part worth a shit. 

1 hour ago, VolenteHawk said:

I have several people across my teams that go on vacations together.  I will never understand that.

 

You work with a bunch of swingers?

 

 

Edited May 10, 2019 by Zepol87

[Nueces River Rat 5,539]

28 minutes ago, Lat22 said:

Thinking that it's OK to block an active lane of traffic because by God I'm going to have Chick Fil A. Or Shipley Donuts.     While driving my Suburban or Escalade.  

Just an addendum to account for  the typical vehicle of this type of driver.  Carry on...

[ABSR 5,324]

People parking in the driving lanes of parking lots.   I have been having to pick my son up from an after school event several days a week for the last month or so.  I arrive there on time or a few minutes early, pull into a parking spot in the parking lot and wait.   Then other parents roll in and stop in front of me or other parked parents in the lot blocking us in as they decide to wait in the area where cars are suppose to drive.  Of course, there are open parking spots available, but little Johnny would need to walk 5-6 cars down to get there so they decide to block cars in and block traffic until their snowflake gets to their car.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,922]

Just start pulling out and keep going until they move

[Dbeasy 15,093]

My wife leaves the driver’s side car visor unhooked. She doesn’t rotate it down to block the sun, she just leaves it unhooked so that it slightly bounces up and down as we travel down the highway. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kill me.

[ztejas 43,538]

18 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Had a team outing at Top Golf today. Got told keep it under 350 and all good. Few fatasses order damn near the whole menu, chill dude we need that for alcohol. Then couple other people couldn't handle alcohol and got kind of fucked up. Fuck I would have rathered stayed at the office

Should have just blown the 350 on alcohol in one order the minute the waitress came over. They can eat when they're dead. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

10 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

My wife leaves the driver’s side car visor unhooked. She doesn’t rotate it down to block the sun, she just leaves it unhooked so that it slightly bounces up and down as we travel down the highway. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kill me.

Don't worry, it will snap off soon and she'll need a new car.

[High Plains Drifter 11,052]

On 4/30/2019 at 12:47 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

I don't have any data to prove this but it seems like officials go out of their way to NOT call a safety when a ballcarrier is tackled in the end zone, via favorable interpretation of forward progress. 

 

I love safeties because the defensive lineman look so fucking stupid doing the safety symbol in celebration.

[lateshow 1,308]

48 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just start pulling out and keep going until they move

[Guest]

6 hours ago, VolenteHawk said:

I have several people across my teams that go on vacations together.  I will never understand that.

 

I have about 5-6 friends at work with whom i would do a vacation.  The rest of them?  No fucking way.

[Okie State 3,848]

I've met a few people over the years who I'd enjoy hanging out with outside the office. We never do though. Probably because we see each other every day in the office.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,922]

I have about 5-6 friends at work with whom i would do a vacation.  The rest of them?  No fucking way.

I can’t think of 5 or 6 people that I know period that I would vacation with. I go on vacation to get away from the people I know.

[Scheiss Meister 8,411]

I can think of very few people with whom I would vacation, and fewer who would vacation with me.  None of them are coworkers. 

[Underdog 28,773]

Have played golf, gone fishing and camping, happy hours with co-workers.  Don’t think I could do an extended vacation or trip with any of them, like doing my own thing when it comes to that.  

[SilasCoade 2,622]

12 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I can’t think of 5 or 6 people that I know period that I would vacation with. I go on vacation to get away from the people I know.

I think you and I could vacation together.