Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[elfenix 34,330]

That parking is allowed within a couple hundred feet of Westheimer and Dunlavy.

[WhatTheBuck 28,793]

2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Actually most venoms are not poisonous

So it's probably better to know which snakes are poisonous. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19,209]

16 hours ago, 'stache said:

Meh. I'll do it sometimes to try the different offerings. There is a new donut shop in town that has a billion different types and people like to bring them in to the office. They have about a pound of sugar per bite so most people take small pieces to try the different varieties and consume a reasonable amount of sugar. I'm okay with it.

fegat.

[elfenix 34,330]

when people post pics of their half eaten meal on google maps.  thanks bro, i totally want to know what the enchiladas look like when there's only rice and beans left on the plate. 

Edited May 17, 2019 by elfenix

[52-80 19,205]

the symbolic shake-hands-for-the-camera pose.  when people are turned towards camera with the side hand shake.  usually also holding a trophy or award or widget or some such.  its so awkward

[Guest]

On 5/15/2019 at 8:07 AM, EMAWesome said:

Goddamn motherfuckers who spit their gum out on golf courses.  This is two years in a row I am going to spend six months trying to get a goddamn piece of gum out of the threads of my soft spikes of one of my shoes.

You’re watching for fire ants... might as well look for gum too. LOL

 

( yes, it’s a shit heel move for people to chunk their gum out there)

[Fudge Nuggets 19,209]

On 5/15/2019 at 2:07 PM, EMAWesome said:

Goddamn motherfuckers who spit their gum out on golf courses.  This is two years in a row I am going to spend six months trying to get a goddamn piece of gum out of the threads of my soft spikes of one of my shoes.

I only spit mine out in the middle of the fairway so you won't have to worry about it.  Because I'm considerate and stuff.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

5 hours ago, 52-80 said:

the symbolic shake-hands-for-the-camera pose.  when people are turned towards camera with the side hand shake.  usually also holding a trophy or award or widget or some such.  its so awkward

A buddy of mine who was a photographer all of his life (RIP, John) used to hate posed photos. He especially hated (what he referred to as the "firing squad" photos) where sports teams would do team pictures. 

[deadshank 24,653]

Mongoloids you happen to know that stop by your table while your having a nice meal and then proceed to stand there for seemingly hours and go on about the recent events in their miserable and mundane life.  

Pop your head out of your own ass and move on.  I don’t care, I don’t like you and you smell bad.  Beat it. 

[WhatTheBuck 28,793]

On May 17, 2019 at 5:12 AM, 52-80 said:

the symbolic shake-hands-for-the-camera pose.  when people are turned towards camera with the side hand shake.  usually also holding a trophy or award or widget or some such.  its so awkward

Sometimes it's good for a laugh. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21,096]

When you wake up with a morning boner and also have to go pee and poop. 

[Guest Lobo]

^

You talking about a Donald L. Blumpkin?  Only way I know how to get rid of all three at the same time.  

[markstanco 12,586]

Phone trees.  Specifically AT&T. Having issues with a business land line and I had to press 1,2,3, or 4 no fewer than 9 times.  If I pressed zero to bypass it would simply start the tree option over again.  

Ive now been on hold for 12 minutes.  I am considering going on a 3 state killing spree. 

26 minutes now.

Edited May 20, 2019 by markstanco

[VolenteHawk 495]

That’s not enough states, IMO.

[OrangEngr 1,035]

8 hours ago, markstanco said:

Phone trees.  Specifically AT&T. Having issues with a business land line and I had to press 1,2,3, or 4 no fewer than 9 times.  If I pressed zero to bypass it would simply start the tree option over again.  

Ive now been on hold for 12 minutes.  I am considering going on a 3 state pradesh killing spree. 

26 minutes now.

Fif phone support accuracy

[elfenix 34,330]

dell's phone tree when i answered phones there was fucking terrible.  half of it was the questions used to funnel people around.  they weren't simple - you had to know what kind of consumer dell considered you and it wasn't clear.  if you answered the automatic system that you were home and home office, but then told me you were buying for your home business, i (as a home and home office guy) *had* to transfer you to a small business rep.  fucking retarded. 

i drew them a new fucking phone tree one afternoon in about 10 minutes that would have solved half their problems, complete with simple questions like "are you calling today because you're thinking about purchasing something?"  answer yes, go to the sales queue.  answer no, get customer service or tech support.  meanwhile they paid a fuck ton of consultants taking up an entire room in 1 dell way for months of time to barely improve the shit they had. 

Edited May 21, 2019 by elfenix

[chikin23 384]

The amount of money big corporations spend getting from point A to point B could end poverty.

[Lat22 4,015]

On 5/14/2019 at 5:48 PM, ztejas said:

I work in an office with all women (for another couple months at least). 

Sometimes I get the question, "What's it like being the only guy?"

Today I come back from lunch to a cupcake tray that a client has gifted us:

Holy crap if that doesn't speak to me.  I throw a half banana away every evening when I get home. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

Sweet caroline



BAH BAH BAH...


Good times have never felt so good


SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

Fuck you for putting that in my head.

[BrazilHorn 6,623]

The “we got you here on time but oh no the gate is still occupied” spiel from the airlines. 

Just because we land early doesn’t really mean we got here early. I’m just on a runway in the plane vs the air. 

[Guest Lobo]

Yeah, the quoted "arrival" time when I buy the tickets, get to the airport, etc. is when the aircraft comes to a complete stop at the gate and those guys put the little triangles underneath the wheels.  "Arrival" time is not when the wheels touch down, unless you're flying through an FBO.  If you spend 20 minutes dicking around on the apron, we haven't "arrived" yet, we're just a plane out there in the universe between gates no matter if we're out in the stratosphere or 20 feet from the Jetway.  

I know there are simpler times, simpler places, simpler people out there...but it annoys me in movies/shows when a group of people (usually a family) sing a full folk song of some-sort, and when they finish they all cheer and laugh.  Why do some people think singing a good ole' country song together is funny?  It may be fun, but it's not funny.   In real life, people that just say regular, mundane shit and then laugh a little bit afterwards?  What the fuck is that?  Some kind of twisted speech impediment?  
"Everyone want cheese on their burger?  No for you?  Okay, so all the burgers except one with cheese?  Okay, I've just always had cheese on my burgers, I dunno...hehehehehehehe."  

Why the fuck do people that?  Just to fill air?  We've all been guilty of laughing after we say something half-funny to try and get the ball rolling, but you can just say pedestrian shit with no hint of humor, and then start giggling.  It's a sign of insanty.  

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

35 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

The “we got you here on time but oh no the gate is still occupied” spiel from the airlines. 

Just because we land early doesn’t really mean we got here early. I’m just on a runway in the plane vs the air. 

Gotta hit those metrics!

[Paco 1,934]

Yeah, the quoted "arrival" time when I buy the tickets, get to the airport, etc. is when the aircraft comes to a complete stop at the gate and those guys put the little triangles underneath the wheels.  "Arrival" time is not when the wheels touch down, unless you're flying through an FBO.  If you spend 20 minutes dicking around on the apron, we haven't "arrived" yet, we're just a plane out there in the universe between gates no matter if we're out in the stratosphere or 20 feet from the Jetway.  
I know there are simpler times, simpler places, simpler people out there...but it annoys me in movies/shows when a group of people (usually a family) sing a full folk song of some-sort, and when they finish they all cheer and laugh.  Why do some people think singing a good ole' country song together is funny?  It may be fun, but it's not funny.   In real life, people that just say regular, mundane shit and then laugh a little bit afterwards?  What the fuck is that?  Some kind of twisted speech impediment?  
"Everyone want cheese on their burger?  No for you?  Okay, so all the burgers except one with cheese?  Okay, I've just always had cheese on my burgers, I dunno...hehehehehehehe."  
Why the fuck do people that?  Just to fill air?  We've all been guilty of laughing after we say something half-funny to try and get the ball rolling, but you can just say pedestrian shit with no hint of humor, and then start giggling.  It's a sign of insanty.  

People who don't use paragraphs.

[Guest Lobo]

I'm looking right at my original post and it's three separate and distinct paragraphs. I don't know what your quote masher did to it, but I'm looking right at my three paragraphs.  Plenty of things wrong with plenty of my posts, but this wasn't one of them.  

Here's the thing, you seem like a nice girl...

[elfenix 34,330]

when you type something on the numeric keypad and afterward realize num lock was off. 

Edited May 22, 2019 by elfenix

[Anton Chigurh 3,319]

when you type something on the numeric keypad and afterward realize num lock was off. 

Like 10 times a day. Fuck.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,096]

The fact that one of these ATMs is 1.5" lower than all the rest.

I walk past that sumbitch twice a day and it's fucking infuriating.

[Armybrat 40,855]

Why you hate midgets?

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

31 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Why you hate midgets?

[Prepuce of Doom 21,096]

35 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Why you hate midgets?

That's the thing - it's not meaningfully lower than the others, so this minor difference is probably only helpful for a very, very small subset of midgets and cripples. 

[Armybrat 40,855]

Well, Grandma with the dowager hump probably appreciates it.

[GottaB 594]

I work on a computer that I have to log into. The computer locks if I am inactive for 10 minutes for security reasons (healthcare data, HIPAA).

1) I have to log into at least three different applications that I use for tasks all day using the same login and password I use to log into the computer.

2) each application will log me out if I do not interact with that application within 10 minutes

Logic tells me, both 1) and 2) are unnecessary.
I should be able to use my login credentials once and have access to all applications. If the screen doesn’t lock, I’m still there and will likely need all applications at some point.

Fucking waste of time with zero added security.

[SilasCoade 2,622]

Yeah you definitely should have single sign on

[ztejas 43,521]

When you go to LinkedIn and the 3rd post is your ex-girlfriend talking about how amazing her grad school experience was.

Yeah I'm sure it was great you harlot. 

Really just social media in general. Fuck all of it. Plague on society. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

15 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Yeah I'm sure it was great you harlot.

Pics of ex aren't showing up.

[ztejas 43,521]

26 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Pics of ex aren't showing up.

I know. I'm a disgrace to the community. 

Unfortunately for the board I try to avoid being reminded of her existence whenever possible. Take an IOU. 

[SwanderedTalent 5,761]

I realize I am the last person in the continental United States who still reads the print edition of a newspaper, but it's not really a great customer experience when you just stop delivering the paper with no warning. And then I have to call to find out "oh we are between delivery drivers/fulfillment companies at the moment". And no you weren't going to warn me it was happening, you were sort of hoping it would just work itself out. And no you don't have an ETA as to when I can actually expect to get another paper. 

And it was the Wall Street Journal. Not the Statesman, not a community paper, the fucking Journal. I get the electronic edition as well, so this is trivial, but wow.

[ernest_t_bass 1,196]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. There is nothing on planet earth as annoying as a teenage (middle school age) girl.  If I hear "Yeet!" or "Rip!" or "Legit!" one more time... 

[52-80 19,205]

Cold brew coffee.

 

Miss me with that hipster shit

[PilotsError 2,312]

Continually being lectured about the "real reason" for various holidays.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

Continually being lectured about the "real reason" for various holidays.

I got 7 texts in the past 24 hours from people thanking me for my service.

 

Now, I'm never going to lecture anyone on that, for sure.  It is always nice to be appreciated; but Memorial Day is for those who never made it out of uniform.  their level of sacrifice cannot be matched.  It should be a different level of remembrance for them.

 

I agree with you on the way people respond, and it should be done VERY tactfully.  Sometimes you just ask yourself if people are trying to absolve themselves of some guilt complex or what...  maybe for another thread.  I hear ya, but this weekend can be tricky for vets.

[SilasCoade 2,622]

5 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Cold brew coffee.

 

Miss me with that hipster shit

Why? I'm not saying it's any better, but at least it actually makes a difference in how the coffee tastes. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,819]

On 5/22/2019 at 8:00 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

That's the thing - it's not meaningfully lower than the others, so this minor difference is probably only helpful for a very, very small subset of midgets and cripples. 

Same deal with the urinals at my office.  There are 2 that are at like 5yr old height.  We don’t have kids at the office, and I’ve never seen a dude in a wheelchair shoved up against a urinal pissing all over himself.  

[luke duke 6,413]

2 hours ago, slorch said:

I got 7 texts in the past 24 hours from people thanking me for my service.

 

Now, I'm never going to lecture anyone on that, for sure.  It is always nice to be appreciated; but Memorial Day is for those who never made it out of uniform.  their level of sacrifice cannot be matched.  It should be a different level of remembrance for them.

 

I agree with you on the way people respond, and it should be done VERY tactfully.  Sometimes you just ask yourself if people are trying to absolve themselves of some guilt complex or what...  maybe for another thread.  I hear ya, but this weekend can be tricky for vets.

Thank you for your service.

@Paco thank you for your service.

[WhatTheBuck 28,793]

59 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

We don’t have kids at the office, and I’ve never seen a dude in a wheelchair shoved up against a urinal pissing all over himself.  

Then you haven't lived. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19,209]

3 hours ago, slorch said:

I got 7 texts in the past 24 hours from people thanking me for my service.

 

Now, I'm never going to lecture anyone on that, for sure.  It is always nice to be appreciated; but Memorial Day is for those who never made it out of uniform.  their level of sacrifice cannot be matched.  It should be a different level of remembrance for them.

 

I agree with you on the way people respond, and it should be done VERY tactfully.  Sometimes you just ask yourself if people are trying to absolve themselves of some guilt complex or what...  maybe for another thread.  I hear ya, but this weekend can be tricky for vets.

Good for you to acknowledge the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day.

[General Specific 3,262]

I work on a computer that I have to log into. The computer locks if I am inactive for 10 minutes for security reasons (healthcare data, HIPAA).

1) I have to log into at least three different applications that I use for tasks all day using the same login and password I use to log into the computer.

2) each application will log me out if I do not interact with that application within 10 minutes

Logic tells me, both 1) and 2) are unnecessary.
I should be able to use my login credentials once and have access to all applications. If the screen doesn’t lock, I’m still there and will likely need all applications at some point.

Fucking waste of time with zero added security.

People that do t understand security.

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Good for you to acknowledge the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day.

yeah, now if you could get the general public to understand, that'd be great.

[SilasCoade 2,622]

@slorch you ever think that maybe those people are just politely telling you they wish you had died?