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Trivial Things That Make You Surly

elfenix

By elfenix
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NeverMarryAStripper
NeverMarryAStripper

If cassettes are coming back, then people will have to start carrying pencils again

nnm
nnm
Armybrat
Armybrat

“No Trucks In Left Lane” - Waxahachie 2023:  

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dingleberryswitzer

dingleberryswitzer 2724

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Everytime I walk my dog and he takes a shit, I dutifully pick it up in a little trash bag.  Meanwhile as soon as he's done pinching it off he swiftly trots away.  Then as I'm trying to pick the turd off the grass while the dogs tugging juuuust enough to make it annoying, he turns his head and give me a look like "c'mon bro let's get out of here, it smells like dog shit".  

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Js1

Js1 85556

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1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

My daughter's dog has the annoying habit of taking a dump, waiting until i use the bag I brought to pick it up, and walking a little more and taking another dump.

My dog does this as well.  In fact, he does both.

Poop

Tries to run away from his poop

Walks another block

Poops again

Tries to run away from that poop too

 

Also, god help me if anyone is looking at him while he poops. 

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nnm

nnm 36595

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2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

My daughter's dog has the annoying habit of taking a dump, waiting until i use the bag I brought to pick it up, and walking a little more and taking another dump.

Yep, learned a long time ago to bring at least 3 bags. 

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52-80

52-80 19238

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4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

One of my old dogs would do the whole "violently kick grass onto fresh turd" routine about one out of every hundred shits, and only once I had already bent over to begin picking up. 

Mine does it every single goddamn time.  It's like the roadrunner legs when he takes off

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elfenix

elfenix 34332

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mine has gained the ability to poop without really slowing down so sometimes i have to look back over the last 50' to see if he's left a trail of nuggets. 

being blind, when he runs from his poop at the end of the leash it causes him to circle back and almost step in his poop while i'm in the process of picking up after him

i just bring the whole roll of bags at this point. 

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21102

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1 hour ago, elfenix said:

mine has gained the ability to poop without really slowing down so sometimes i have to look back over the last 50' to see if he's left a trail of nuggets. 

being blind, when he runs from his poop at the end of the leash it causes him to circle back and almost step in his poop while i'm in the process of picking up after him

i just bring the whole roll of bags at this point. 

Get your dog a boat. 

 

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CooterBrown

CooterBrown 18026

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I have a large front porch with a step in front of a screen door on the front door. Without fail, Favor sets the food right against the door. How the fuck do you expect me to open the door to get it you fucksticks? If I push it open, it’ll fall off the step which may or may not be a problem depending on the order. My porch is like 10’x30’. There’s not a single other spot you could set it down?

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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So I’ve recently had to watch the animated version of Beauty and the Beast about 800 times and there is one plot hole that I just can’t get over. 

in the beginning the hot witch turns the prince into a beast with the magic rose as a timer to eternal damnation on his 21st birthday.

we know Belle saves him at the last possible second because we see the final petal fall, so we know that he turned 21 at that moment. 

-however, during the ‘Be Our Guest’ song the candlestick guy says “for 10 years we’ve been rusting, needing so much more than dusting...”

That means that that fucking witch cursed an 11 y/o boy.  The fuck? Are 11 y/o supposed to let freaky ladies into their house at night? Also, is it fair the judge the worth of ones entire soul on who they were when they were 11? I mean shit, as a rule 11y/o aren’t the best at thinking of others. 
 

in conclusion, fuck that chick.

Edited by Doc Reeves
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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21102

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12 hours ago, Deamerxt said:

Arriving at my destination and before I can get the car parked, I have to take a piss and IT'S A FUCKING EMERGENCY NO IT CANNOT WAIT YOU MUST PISS THIS VERY SECOND!!1!

And then when I piss it's like a third of a cup.

Yeah, usual bullshitting aside, this sounds like it could be an angry prostate or some other major malfunction. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Make him buy you dinner first though.
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After irth

After irth 1243

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6 minutes ago, Deamerxt said:

I appreciate y'all's concern, but it's the coffee. That's why it's every day, and why it's never gonna stop.

And that's why it makes me surly.

I feel ya, but...I drink coffee like a madman. Actually, I drink everything like a madman. Maybe I am a madman...?  

The point is, I piss like a fucking firehose. You should too. 

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Deamerxt

Deamerxt 51

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18 minutes ago, After irth said:

...I drink coffee like a madman...I piss like a fucking firehose. You should too. 

Yes, and yes. Most of the time. 

I usually have a pot for breakfast, and if I'm going anywhere, the last cup goes with me. We have a keurig at work, and while I think they're pretty wasteful, they are hella convenient, and I use it a lot. At least another pot's worth throughout the day. So, yes, there's definitely a fire hose involved. Roughly every 20 minutes by my watch.

The problem seems to be if I have to go say, 45 minutes without (about how long it takes me to get to work). 

I've long since given up and keep a bottle under the seat, which is why I consider all of this trivial.

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ztejas

ztejas 43531

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2 hours ago, Deamerxt said:

Yes, and yes. Most of the time. 

I usually have a pot for breakfast, and if I'm going anywhere, the last cup goes with me. We have a keurig at work, and while I think they're pretty wasteful, they are hella convenient, and I use it a lot. At least another pot's worth throughout the day. So, yes, there's definitely a fire hose involved. Roughly every 20 minutes by my watch.

The problem seems to be if I have to go say, 45 minutes without (about how long it takes me to get to work). 

I've long since given up and keep a bottle under the seat, which is why I consider all of this trivial.

So you say "hella" but you have problems pissing? Meaning you aren't old enough to where you should have problems pissing?

Might want to make an appointment there, chief.

Edited by ztejas
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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105298

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Yes, and yes. Most of the time. 
I usually have a pot for breakfast, and if I'm going anywhere, the last cup goes with me. We have a keurig at work, and while I think they're pretty wasteful, they are hella convenient, and I use it a lot. At least another pot's worth throughout the day. So, yes, there's definitely a fire hose involved. Roughly every 20 minutes by my watch.
The problem seems to be if I have to go say, 45 minutes without (about how long it takes me to get to work). 
I've long since given up and keep a bottle under the seat, which is why I consider all of this trivial.

Wait....you drink two POTS of coffee a day?

Dude....that’s an insane amount of caffeine.

Shit, when I got up to 4-5 cups a day, I realized it was a bit much, dialed it back to 2-4 cups. Maybe try mixing in some water?
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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
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41 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Please don't tell me "the book is better than the movie". I expect a different experience when reading a book vs. watching a movie and the two aren't comparable. So shut you smug mouth.

99 times out of a hundred the book is better.  Exceptions:

Deliverance.

The old man and the sea

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15355

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23 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


Wait....you drink two POTS of coffee a day?

Dude....that’s an insane amount of caffeine.

Shit, when I got up to 4-5 cups a day, I realized it was a bit much, dialed it back to 2-4 cups. Maybe try mixing in some water?

No shit.  If I get to cup #3 too quickly I can feel my blood pressure getting angry at me.  I drink water all day, every day.  

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