Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,780]

You may think that my 70s (very late 70s mind you) degree from UT that only cost me a ha’penny and two chickens is the equivalent of an associates degree from ACC, but it sure took me a lot of places.

[markstanco 12,464]

The fact that the Chicago-based, fat, milqeutoast ass owners of Whataburger are having actors pronounce it "wut-a-burger" in ads now instead of "hwhat-a-burger" - the way that it has always been pronounced and should be pronounced. 
Fuck you, fuck the Blackhawks, I hope the Cubs go 200 years before winning another WS. 

Yea but they got the Buffalo chicken sandwich correct.

[markstanco 12,464]

Dove changed the color of their disgusting deodorant/gel shit to white instead of blue

Sounds like they suckered your dumb ass to purchase it again. They win.

[luke duke 6,364]

You may think that my 70s (very late 70s mind you) degree from UT that only cost me a ha’penny and two chickens is the equivalent of an associates degree from ACC, but it sure took me a lot of places.

Countless strip clubs?

[EE2B 1,561]

Fuck this. Such a pain in the ass. I cleared the cache and so far the issue has gone away. Ymmv.

[deadshank 24,646]

At HEB - Bunker Hill and this dipshit stops to fill his minivan with gasoline.  He’s nowhere to be seen.  
 

Finally he comes strolling up from the store, which is +/- 175 yards away, carrying 2 sacks of groceries, pops his hood, does a little preventative maintenance and then sits down behind the wheel, pops a nail between his lips and fires it up.  

A few trucks pulling trailers pile in to fill with diesel and they’re waiting for me and dipshit to clear out   I’m ready to go and ask dipshit if he’s done and gonna move on because people are waiting on the diesel pump that he’s beached up in front of in his gasser minivan. 

He replies, “nah, I’m waiting on someone.”

Wow. 

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

5 minutes ago, deadshank said:

At HEB - Bunker Hill and this dipshit stops to fill his minivan with gasoline.  He’s nowhere to be seen.  
 

Finally he comes strolling up from the store, which is +/- 175 yards away, carrying 2 sacks of groceries, pops his hood, does a little preventative maintenance and then sits down behind the wheel, pops a nail between his lips and fires it up.  

A few trucks pulling trailers pile in to fill with diesel and they’re waiting for me and dipshit to clear out   I’m ready to go and ask dipshit if he’s done and gonna move on because people are waiting on the diesel pump that he’s beached up in front of in his gasser minivan. 

He replies, “nah, I’m waiting on someone.”

Wow. 

That is why bumper mounted,  .50 cals should be standard vehicle equipment.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,791]

Sounds like they suckered your dumb ass to purchase it again. They win.

Fuck you as my arm pits feel like a disgusting greasy mess

[52-80 19,046]

its really common in asia that napkins are these tiny, flimsy, slickly surfaced piece of paper thats basically 1 square of airport toilet paper

 

cant even clean a pinky finger for shit. whats up with that

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

5 hours ago, 52-80 said:

its really common in asia that napkins are these tiny, flimsy, slickly surfaced piece of paper thats basically 1 square of airport toilet paper

 

cant even clean a pinky finger for shit. whats up with that

Asians are a tiny peoples ....

[Scheiss Meister 8,387]

My wife (no damn pictures) and I were at HEB for curbside pick up tonight when a dude pulls his pickup in the slot directly in front of us and leaves his lights on, shining straight into our eyes.  I flashed brights at him a couple of times, but the bastard didn't take the hint.  I hope that he had four flats on the way home and that his cell phone broke.  Fuckhead.

Edited November 14, 2020 by Scheiss Meister

[futureman 22,380]

this fucking bullshit here.  staying at my sister’s house for a couple days to take care of her dog while she’s out of town.  this is the guest bed.  that goddamn gap between the mattress and the headboard will be my undoing.  fucking pillow slides through that gap multiple times a night.  makes me want to cover this house in gasoline and drop a match on my way out the door. 

[elfenix 34,161]

On 11/2/2020 at 7:45 PM, markstanco said:

I'm not going to stuff the waitress so I leave a $4 tip.

not with a $4 tip you're not

 

 

edti: i'm way behind

Edited November 16, 2020 by elfenix

[elfenix 34,161]

On 11/13/2020 at 1:23 PM, 52-80 said:

its really common in asia that napkins are these tiny, flimsy, slickly surfaced piece of paper thats basically 1 square of airport toilet paper

 

cant even clean a pinky finger for shit. whats up with that

shanghai was bring your own napkin.  have to buy your own at family mart. 

[futureman 22,380]

On 11/6/2020 at 8:46 PM, Sandman said:

The older I get, the more easily triggered I get by certain words. Kiddo(s), hubby (hubs), doggo are the worst offenders. Yummy is another one. 

“wifey”

[Frank The Tank 1,483]

1 hour ago, futureman said:

this fucking bullshit here.  staying at my sister’s house for a couple days to take care of her dog while she’s out of town.  this is the guest bed.  that goddamn gap between the mattress and the headboard will be my undoing.  fucking pillow slides through that gap multiple times a night.  makes me want to cover this house in gasoline and drop a match on my way out the door. 

I assume the simple solution of pushing the mattress from the foot of the bed until it hits the headboard didn't work?

[futureman 22,380]

25 minutes ago, Frank The Tank said:

I assume the simple solution of pushing the mattress from the foot of the bed until it hits the headboard didn't work?

bad picture.  the top of the mattress is a good four inches lower than the base of the headboard. 

[Prepuce of Doom 20,954]

31 minutes ago, futureman said:

bad picture.  the top of the mattress is a good four inches lower than the base of the headboard. 

Find things around the house to use in propping up the mattress and to eliminate any gap. 

I recommend beginning your search for construction materials in her underwear drawer, but if that's too skeevy for you (unlikely...) then just use something else that she won't like seeing used that way in order to adequately convey your disgust. 

Edited November 17, 2020 by Prepuce of Doom

[Guest]

The only reasonable conclusion is that Futureman is getting pegged so hard, he keeps pushing the pillow up and over  the mattress...

[troph 24,487]

“wifey”

That’s lezzie terminology right there. Any dude who says “wifey” deserves to lose, wait...

[Cheeseweasel 26,437]

6 minutes ago, troph said:

That’s lezzie terminology right there. Any dude who says “wifey” deserves to lose, wait...

[SilasCoade 2,620]

8 minutes ago, troph said:

That’s lezzie terminology right there. Any dude who says “wifey” deserves to lose, wait...

I glanced over this the first time without seeing who wrote it. Hilarious.

[futureman 22,380]

2 hours ago, slorch said:

The only reasonable conclusion is that Futureman is getting pegged so hard, he keeps pushing the pillow up and over  the mattress...

a man can dream...

incidentally my girlfriend did say she’d strap one on for me if I was into it.  divorced westlake mom, and utterly filthy.  that woman is down for anything. 

[Guest Lobo]

7 minutes ago, futureman said:

a man can dream...

incidentally my girlfriend did say she’d strap one on for me if I was into it.  divorced westlake mom, and utterly filthy.  that woman is down for anything. 

I'm 40% sure I know the woman you just described.  Does she have three kids?  

[futureman 22,380]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

I'm 40% sure I know the woman you just described.  Does she have three kids?  

two that I know of.  but she’s a freak so maybe there’s a bastard somewhere. 

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

Seeing an adult order a hamburger with only ketchup on it like they are 5 years old.

[Underdog 28,382]

Are you following me? 

[elfenix 34,161]

All these motherfucking "claim your PS5!" texts! Fuck this! Gotten 9 since 10 am and my phone is smart enough to know it's spam but not smart enough to not notify me about it

[HRSchenker 2,248]

I've already left Facebook, next is going to be LinkedIn. Everyone told me years ago "ya gotta sign up for LinkedIn, it's networking for professionals". All I get are requests from financial advisors who want to sign me up for their scam ass service.

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

I've already left Facebook, next is going to be LinkedIn. Everyone told me years ago "ya gotta sign up for LinkedIn, it's networking for professionals". All I get are requests from financial advisors who want to sign me up for their scam ass service.

It truly is a shitty place now. I had to block a bunch of people in the past few weeks because LinkedIn shouldn’t be a place for politics.

[Knoxtnhorn 5,918]

When did The Weather Channel turn into The National Inquirer?  I know they go orgasmic when a tropical storm pops up, but good Lord the entire website is nothing but hysterics.

Today's headline.  "Will the northeast have a snowless winter?"  Seriously?  First of all, we're not even into December yet.  Secondly, the mildest winter of all-time would probably still serve up some snow, somewhere in the northeast, at some time over the winter.  

[52-80 19,046]

Hypersensitive motion-detection toilets.

 

this motherfucker is running its turboflush mode every 20 seconds when i shift my weight half an inch, splashing goddamn toilet water on my ass

[Druggist 303]

On 10/8/2020 at 1:24 PM, SHOOTER12 said:

This^^^^

It pissed me off when my locally owned independent pharmacy quit accepting my insurance.  Those guys were great.

From the pharmacist perspective, I hope you were pissed off at your insurance for not offering your independent pharmacy a contract at a rate that they could at least break even with.  The lack of knowledge around how badly the PBMs are screwing over both independent pharmacies and the general public is infuriating.  It should be a huge scandal, but no one cares because it is so complicated to understand how.

[Underdog 28,382]

5 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

When did The Weather Channel turn into The National Inquirer?  I know they go orgasmic when a tropical storm pops up, but good Lord the entire website is nothing but hysterics.

Today's headline.  "Will the northeast have a snowless winter?"  Seriously?  First of all, we're not even into December yet.  Secondly, the mildest winter of all-time would probably still serve up some snow, somewhere in the northeast, at some time over the winter.  

Is that Steele chick still on TWC?  

[WhatTheBuck 28,696]

10 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

When did The Weather Channel turn into The National Inquirer?  I know they go orgasmic when a tropical storm pops up, but good Lord the entire website is nothing but hysterics.

Today's headline.  "Will the northeast have a snowless winter?"  Seriously?  First of all, we're not even into December yet.  Secondly, the mildest winter of all-time would probably still serve up some snow, somewhere in the northeast, at some time over the winter.  

You can't compare them to the National Enquirer until they're running stories about alien babies. 

[52-80 19,046]

when you're playing a song on your phone to your wireless headphones, and maybe forgot the connection wasnt established, so your phone starts blasting Beyonce -- i mean Led Zeppelin -- loudly in public.

[Knoxtnhorn 5,918]

8 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

You can't compare them to the National Enquirer until they're running stories about alien babies. 

Give it a couple of weeks.

[Sam Lin 3,539]

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

when you're playing a song on your phone to your wireless headphones, and maybe forgot the connection wasnt established, so your phone starts blasting Beyonce -- i mean Led Zeppelin -- loudly in public.

It's worse when it starts blasting porn. Allegedly. Reported by a friend.

[Fudbelty 2,784]

From the pharmacist perspective, I hope you were pissed off at your insurance for not offering your independent pharmacy a contract at a rate that they could at least break even with.  The lack of knowledge around how badly the PBMs are screwing over both independent pharmacies and the general public is infuriating.  It should be a huge scandal, but no one cares because it is so complicated to understand how.

Username obviously checks out

[SwanderedTalent 5,761]

On 11/11/2020 at 9:12 PM, DonkeyCigars said:

Heck even when I went to UT-- at a much, much higher rate of tuition then I hear some wizened folks talk about it-- she was just starting to hint at what would become her stride years later as an academically and as a national, nay, global reputation.

UT these days is a premium priced school for premium students of great ability.

that's one way to interpret the cost increase

an extremely credulous one

[SwanderedTalent 5,761]

On 11/21/2020 at 12:06 AM, Patricio Swayze said:

I had to block a bunch of people in the past few weeks because LinkedIn shouldn’t be a place for politics.

How dare you. It's important that we're exposed to people's political opinions all the time everyplace. In case you didn't notice, THERE'S AN ELECTION GOING ON

[52-80 19,046]

acquaintances have gotten jobs through linkedin so it does have a functional purpose.... but yeah mostly fuck linkedin and all the dumbfuck who use it for their personal nonsense like politics, "inspirational stories/posts", and shit like that

[nnm 35,879]

13 hours ago, 52-80 said:

acquaintances have gotten jobs through linkedin so it does have a functional purpose.... but yeah mostly fuck linkedin and all the dumbfuck who use it for their personal nonsense like politics, "inspirational stories/posts", and shit like that

“Influencers.”  “Thought Leaders.”  They’re everywhere on LI. 

[ztejas 43,171]

13 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

How dare you. It's important that we're exposed to people's political opinions all the time everyplace. In case you didn't notice, THERE'S AN ELECTION GOING ON

Sounds like quite a few people here.

[52-80 19,046]

4 hours ago, nnm said:

“Influencers.”  “Thought Leaders.”  They’re everywhere on LI. 

ugh. miss me with that shit.  could do living my life without seeing another fake richard branson anecdote

Edited November 23, 2020 by 52-80

[Cheeseweasel 26,437]

6 hours ago, 52-80 said:

ugh. miss me with that shit.  could do living my life without seeing another fake richard branson anecdote

(insert cartoon of what a good leader vs. a bad leader does)

[SHOOTER12 8,776]

On 11/21/2020 at 12:48 PM, Druggist said:

From the pharmacist perspective, I hope you were pissed off at your insurance for not offering your independent pharmacy a contract at a rate that they could at least break even with.  The lack of knowledge around how badly the PBMs are screwing over both independent pharmacies and the general public is infuriating.  It should be a huge scandal, but no one cares because it is so complicated to understand how.

Oh I wasn't pissed at the pharmacy at all, and we just changed insurance so I may be able to start using them again

[52-80 19,046]

ceiling fans that arent balanced.  holy fck

[Fudbelty 2,784]

People who pull through the angled parking spaces and are facing the wrong way.

[nnm 35,879]

5 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

People who pull through the angled parking spaces and are facing the wrong way.

People that park in such a way that they have to back out of their parking space, endangering everyone around them.