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Posted
4 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I have lived in my house for 6 years. My neighbor, an elementary school teacher, can not understand/remember that my family speaks Portuguese. Anytime we have a conversation and anything related comes up she comments about us speaking Spanish. I have corrected her 37 times. Even within the same conversation I correct yet she can not grasp that Portuguese and Spanish are different languages.

Ever time she does that comment on her Canadian accent

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Posted
5 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

I got talked into adopting a cat.  

I've never seen anything like it before in my life.  I'm jumping through fewer hoops to refinance my house.  An effing home visit?  What do they expect to find?  A cat processing facility.  I actually had to answer the question, "Where is the cat going to sleep?"  Fuck if I know.  It's a cat.  I just had to call my vet to give them an ok to release our current pet's medical information.  I'm not trying to be a bitch and I get that some animals mistakenly get placed in shitty homes, but it's a rescue cat.  The fact that I'm probably going to have to pay $100+ should be enough of a qualification to let you know it's not going to be eaten.

This is amazing. Thanks.

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Posted
I have lived in my house for 6 years. My neighbor, an elementary school teacher, can not understand/remember that my family speaks Portuguese. Anytime we have a conversation and anything related comes up she comments about us speaking Spanish. I have corrected her 37 times. Even within the same conversation I correct yet she can not grasp that Portuguese and Spanish are different languages.

So....are you Chinese, or Japanese?
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Posted
12 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I have lived in my house for 6 years. My neighbor, an elementary school teacher, can not understand/remember that my family speaks Portuguese. Anytime we have a conversation and anything related comes up she comments about us speaking Spanish. I have corrected her 37 times. Even within the same conversation I correct yet she can not grasp that Portuguese and Spanish are different languages.

Ha!  I had a Brazilian guy on my soccer team one year.  He was used to getting the same reaction.  It was actually funnier to watch the reactions of the 2 or 3 Mexican guys on my team each time the gringos tried to say stuff to him in Spanish.

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Posted
Just now, Knoxtnhorn said:

Ha!  I had a Brazilian guy on my soccer team one year.  He dealt with the same thing.  It was actually funnier to watch the reactions of the 2 or 3 Mexican guys on my team each time the gringos tried to say stuff to him in Spanish.

 

Posted
14 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I have lived in my house for 6 years. My neighbor, an elementary school teacher, can not understand/remember that my family speaks Portuguese. Anytime we have a conversation and anything related comes up she comments about us speaking Spanish. I have corrected her 37 times. Even within the same conversation I correct yet she can not grasp that Portuguese and Spanish are different languages.

I'm sorry... can you speak 'merican please.....

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Posted
14 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I have lived in my house for 6 years. My neighbor, an elementary school teacher, can not understand/remember that my family speaks Portuguese. Anytime we have a conversation and anything related comes up she comments about us speaking Spanish. I have corrected her 37 times. Even within the same conversation I correct yet she can not grasp that Portuguese and Spanish are different languages.

SIAP, have a Korean co-worker whose mom is elderly.  He helps her with all of her financial matters and things a good son would do.  He takes her to the bank one day to follow up on some account charges and drafts that were incorrect.  Banker asks if they need someone who speaks his mom's language, as my friend was translating everything for her.  They bring over an employee who starts speaking Spanish to his mom.   Let's just say he lost his shit.  He has a mercurial temper that is hilarious when you get to sit back and watch.  His telling of the story had us rolling.  "Why the fuck do you think this woman speaks Spanish?  Is the gotdam name on the account Spanish?"

Assumptions can have very, very bad consequences.   LOL.

Posted
On 1/8/2021 at 4:50 PM, Knoxtnhorn said:

I got talked into adopting a cat.  

I've never seen anything like it before in my life.  I'm jumping through fewer hoops to refinance my house.  An effing home visit?  What do they expect to find?  A cat processing facility.  I actually had to answer the question, "Where is the cat going to sleep?"  Fuck if I know.  It's a cat.  I just had to call my vet to give them an ok to release our current pet's medical information.  I'm not trying to be a bitch and I get that some animals mistakenly get placed in shitty homes, but it's a rescue cat.  The fact that I'm probably going to have to pay $100+ should be enough of a qualification to let you know it's not going to be eaten.

For gods sake don't let them know you're into cat juggling...

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Posted
On 1/12/2021 at 10:10 AM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Yes. Unfortunately

Without fail, every time I put a mask on for the last 11 months...I think my breath is bad and realize it's the mask after a few seconds.  

The masks have made me appreciate this phenomenon that I can't explain.  But do you know those people who are otherwise hygenically-inclined, even have a nice smile (and this is pre-pandemic masking)...but whose breath literally smells like shit?  Like not funk, or old food, or cheap beer, or tonsil stones, etc.  But legit smells like human fecal matter.  And this isn't supposed to be funny, not like they were rimming their partner before our lunch meeting or trying out for Human Centipede Part 5, but just every time you are near them talking...their breath smells like a human stool?  I've know a half dozen people like that.  Perfectly healthy people who probably go to the dentist twice a year but they have breath that smells like actual shit?  What causes that?  

Posted (edited)

Trying to vey quietly and covertly open one of those clear plastic cookie holders you get at the HEB bakery without anybody in the house knowing and then making so much racket that the entire fucking neighborhood knows you're getting cookies.

Edited by Steel Shank
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Posted
On 1/8/2021 at 5:17 PM, Brothahorn said:

When I adopted a dog for my mom during a clear the shelter event, they were worried that a city dog might have trouble in the country. I had to let them talk to my mom and show pictures of where she would be staying. Nevermind that she was going from a shelter to 100 acres with her own doghouse and home cooked meals.

Maybe you shouldn’t have told them that he was going to live on a farm.

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Posted
I got talked into adopting a cat.  
I've never seen anything like it before in my life.  I'm jumping through fewer hoops to refinance my house.  An effing home visit?  What do they expect to find?  A cat processing facility.  I actually had to answer the question, "Where is the cat going to sleep?"  Fuck if I know.  It's a cat.  I just had to call my vet to give them an ok to release our current pet's medical information.  I'm not trying to be a bitch and I get that some animals mistakenly get placed in shitty homes, but it's a rescue cat.  The fact that I'm probably going to have to pay $100+ should be enough of a qualification to let you know it's not going to be eaten.


I went through this same shit trying to adopt a dog. I think it would have been easier to adopt a child.

House/yard inspector lady - “Sir, you will have to move that stack of firewood that’s against the fence. A dog could climb on top of it and jump over the fence. What would we do then?”

Me - “Call my neighbor and tell him my dog is in his backyard and I’ll be over in a minute.”

*tone
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Posted
2 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

so tired of job interviews

as the interviewer or interviewee?

I'm sick of crap candidates the past 6 months or so.   Sure motherfucker, we'll give you a 20 hour work week from home and let's see... you want to start out at $130k?

Posted
On 1/8/2021 at 5:56 PM, Patricio Swayze said:

I have lived in my house for 6 years. My neighbor, an elementary school teacher, can not understand/remember that my family speaks Portuguese. Anytime we have a conversation and anything related comes up she comments about us speaking Spanish. I have corrected her 37 times. Even within the same conversation I correct yet she can not grasp that Portuguese and Spanish are different languages.

 

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Posted

people that are squeeing about whatever this Wandavision thing is-- so it's like Marvel comic book characters pretending to be in a 50s sitcom, or something?

how could this hold anyone's attention for more than five minutes? it sounds like it might make a mildly amusing SNL sketch.

Oh who am I kidding, SNL stopped being even mildly amusing 20 years ago

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Posted
6 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Why would someone put cats in one of those cookie holders?

For flavor?

Posted
31 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

people that are squeeing about whatever this Wandavision thing is-- so it's like Marvel comic book characters pretending to be in a 50s sitcom, or something?

how could this hold anyone's attention for more than five minutes? it sounds like it might make a mildly amusing SNL sketch.

Oh who am I kidding, SNL stopped being even mildly amusing 20 years ago

So you are 45-50 years old?

Posted
4 hours ago, slorch said:

as the interviewer or interviewee?

I'm sick of crap candidates the past 6 months or so.   Sure motherfucker, we'll give you a 20 hour work week from home and let's see... you want to start out at $130k?

Shit.  Where do I sign up? 

Posted

Breaking down a 24 pack of Cokes and got a cardboard paper cut underneath the 2nd knuckle. Motherfucker hurts every time I move my finger, wash my hands, etc.

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Posted
On 1/15/2021 at 2:16 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

people that are squeeing about whatever this Wandavision thing is-- so it's like Marvel comic book characters pretending to be in a 50s sitcom, or something?

how could this hold anyone's attention for more than five minutes? it sounds like it might make a mildly amusing SNL sketch.

Oh who am I kidding, SNL stopped being even mildly amusing 20 years ago

I feel the same way about everything on prime time, network tv.  I can't believe people watch some of the stupid shit that is on.  Then, when one thing gets mildly popular, it gets replicated.  Masked Singer?  How 'bout Masked Dancer?

Posted
50 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

I feel the same way about everything on prime time, network tv.  I can't believe people watch some of the stupid shit that is on.  Then, when one thing gets mildly popular, it gets replicated.  Masked Singer?  How 'bout Masked Dancer?

I walked into Masked Dancer being on TV the other day. It was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Like absolute bottom-of-the-barrel common denominator. 

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Underdog said:
The fuck is "squeeing"?  Is that something that's accompanied by banjo music? 

spacer.png

Yes, it is usually accompanied by banjo music.


 

 

Edited by luke duke
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Posted
3 hours ago, Okie State said:

My neighbor's stupid fucking dog stands in the window and barks anytime we are outside. So relaxing hearing non-stop barking.

This has baffled me since I owned my first dog.  3 of my 4 neighbors have dogs and 2 of those households have dogs that just fucking bark for hours on end everytime we are outside and then I can hear them barking at one another through their mutual fence.  And doesn't that begin to break down all this bullshit we think about dog's hearing and sense of smell?  These dogs live in the same little fixed world for 10-15 years and every single fucking day...they can hear the bark of the dog next door and the voice of the kids in the other yard, and they can smell the next dog and the next family over from their yard.  And yet, every fucking day...they're like Guy Pearce in Memento, "What the fuck is that? Who are you?  Where am I?  What the fuck is that?  Who's that barking?  Who's that playing?  What the fuck?  What's happening?  Where am I?  Why do I recognize that smell from everyday I've been alive but find it confrontational?" 

It's like watching 2 schizophrenics do a team building exercise over and over again in perpetuity.  The dog's two biggest assets are Scent & Hearing, right?  And every fucking day...it's like their Tom Hanks on SNL as "Mr. Short Term Memory."  My neighbors dogs are all just saying, for hours on end, "Hey, you're Tony Randall!"  

Posted (edited)

People who want to be in front on the highway...and do speedlimit or below.

 

Motherfucker, you'd best be 5 over because no cop is pulling you over for that.  Otherwise, you're just being a cocksucking bitch who needs their face slapped.

Edited by slorch
Posted
20 hours ago, Okie State said:

My neighbor's stupid fucking dog stands in the window and barks anytime we are outside. So relaxing hearing non-stop barking.

Get a dog whistle and give him hell. Payback mofo.

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Posted
On 1/16/2021 at 3:30 PM, ztejas said:

I walked into Masked Dancer being on TV the other day. It was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Like absolute bottom-of-the-barrel common denominator. 

 

I stumbled onto the debut episode channel surfing and watched the whole thing in a whole "It's so bad I can't look away" car crash type of thing.

Ice T was unmasked at the end.  Ice T on the Masked Dancer.  That dude's fallen a long way from gangsta rap.

Posted
On 1/7/2021 at 9:50 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

I bit the inside my lip a few days ago. I guess I will just continue biting the same spot until the end of time, right? 

I’ve been biting a spot in my mouth for over a decade. Dentist thought I had mouth cancer when she first saw it. Turns our in just a retard

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Posted
10 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

I’ve been biting a spot in my mouth for over a decade. Dentist thought I had mouth cancer when she first saw it. Turns our in just a retard

You don’t say. 

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Posted (edited)

WALK AGAINST TRAFFIC GOTDAMMIT 🤬

so annoying. i have stopped 'giving way'...i don't wear a mask walking alone outside and got the stinkeye a couple of times yesterday. don't care, it's dangerous for me to cross to the WRONG side on a busier street with the traffic at my back.... you cross, dammit.

grrr learn the rules people!

Edited by mchookem
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Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, mchookem said:

WALK AGAINST TRAFFIC GOTDAMMIT 🤬

so annoying. i have stopped 'giving way'...i don't wear a mask walking alone outside and got the stinkeye a couple of times yesterday. don't care, it's dangerous for me to cross to the WRONG side on a busier street with the traffic at my back.... you cross, dammit.

grrr learn the rules people!

Closely associated with the idiot bicyclists that sometimes ride AGAINST traffic.
 

Walk against traffic, ride with traffic. This is not difficult. 

Edited by nnm
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Posted
23 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

The stupid lazy fucks who use meal delivery services.

 

8 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:


You’ve never had a pizza delivered?

Also, kind of a pandemic happening right now.

Posted
1 hour ago, HenryJames said:

I’m not talking about a pizza delivery you obtuse fagets. HelloFresh, Blue Apron, etc. For idiots who can’t go to a grocery store and buy food and then take it home and cook said food.

OK Gordon Ramsay.....

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