Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[ztejas 43,418]

Pharmacies, grocery stores.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,899]

6 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Or a bank lobby.  Thats what I always used when traveling for work.  

I've never shat in a bank lobby.  I might have to try it

[markstanco 12,574]

Might be frowned upon.  Look for the bathroom in the bank lobby. 

[956 Worldwide 34,705]

On 3/9/2021 at 1:58 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

When you have to wake up earlier than usual and so your pre-shower shit isn't ready yet. 

I hate it when my diet makes my morning shit ready too soon, and I don’t get to gift the smell to everyone who used the office bathroom after me. 

[DonkeyCigars 144]

This happened to me yesterday, but it also seems to happen 1-2x a year:

I guess due to weather change or atmospheric pressure or something I should obviously know but don't, when it goes from 0 degrees to 80 degrees in the span of 3 days or visa versa, some of the air pressure in my tires get lower. 

Happens in the truck, the Tahoe, whatever vehicle I've ever had.

Anyways the last few years I will get alerted via the TPS or whatever on my dashboard with a readout of the 4 tires. e.g. Front Driver side is at 40 psi, left is at 31 and is in red and needs air, etc.

I go to pump the tire and it's invariably the wrong one. I guess when you get your tires rotated the TPS isn't smart enough to recalibrate and you can't really eyeball a small delta in PSI between tires, so I'm stuck at QT trying to air up all the tires and see which one is the one that needed it because the Firestone wait is a million years, and I get black/grease all over my slacks and my Patagonia, and....well, now I'm worked up. I need some time.

[smuggs 9,353]

When. People. Type. A. Statement. Like. This. In. An. Attempt. To. Emphasize. Importance.

What are you, a columnist for Teen Vogue? In a conversation, would you make that statement in some bizarre Captain Kirk-style pattern of speech?

[mininghorn88 2,282]

This person must have felt "special" and above everyone else to just park here for a visit inside. Yes, the car was empty.

[956 Worldwide 34,705]

17 minutes ago, smuggs said:

When. People. Type. A. Statement. Like. This. In. An. Attempt. To. Emphasize. Importance.

What are you, a columnist for Teen Vogue? In a conversation, would you make that statement in some bizarre Captain Kirk-style pattern of speech?

[elfenix 34,231]

32 minutes ago, DonkeyCigars said:

This happened to me yesterday, but it also seems to happen 1-2x a year:

I guess due to weather change or atmospheric pressure or something I should obviously know but don't, when it goes from 0 degrees to 80 degrees in the span of 3 days or visa versa, some of the air pressure in my tires get lower. 

Happens in the truck, the Tahoe, whatever vehicle I've ever had.

Anyways the last few years I will get alerted via the TPS or whatever on my dashboard with a readout of the 4 tires. e.g. Front Driver side is at 40 psi, left is at 31 and is in red and needs air, etc.

I go to pump the tire and it's invariably the wrong one. I guess when you get your tires rotated the TPS isn't smart enough to recalibrate and you can't really eyeball a small delta in PSI between tires, so I'm stuck at QT trying to air up all the tires and see which one is the one that needed it because the Firestone wait is a million years, and I get black/grease all over my slacks and my Patagonia, and....well, now I'm worked up. I need some time.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Bell-Floornado-350-High-Volume-Floor-Pump/256173843

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Slime-Large-Face-Dial-Tire-Gauge-5-60-psi-20049/16782758

 

there now you can do it at home with some shit that doesn't need batteries and won't break. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

32 minutes ago, mininghorn88 said:

This person must have felt "special" and above everyone else to just park here for a visit inside. Yes, the car was empty

They are obviously (mentally) handicapped. And the odds of NOT seeing shitty parking in a Walmart parking lot is almost zero.

[52-80 19,150]

2 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

This person must have felt "special" and above everyone else to just park here for a visit inside. Yes, the car was empty.

shopping cart + zip tie + door handle

[Trey3216 15,346]

3 hours ago, smuggs said:

When. People. Type. A. Statement. Like. This. In. An. Attempt. To. Emphasize. Importance.

What are you, a columnist for Teen Vogue? In a conversation, would you make that statement in some bizarre Captain Kirk-style pattern of speech?

Or a communist for Teen Vogue

[Guest Lobo]

21 hours ago, ztejas said:

Pharmacies, grocery stores.

Ugh.  Never had good luck with either of those to shit.  Bank lobbies are great, but they're so fucking dead now...everybody knows exactly how long you've been in there and that you're not a bank customer.  Although, I do usually grab a couple deposit slips on the way out, even if it's not my bank and mumble, "Yeah, they were all out in the drive-thru."  

Nice hotels used to be my go-to, even in downtown Austin.  But then the homeless started using the lobby bathrooms as their own personal port-a-let/heroin den.  Typically you can make your way up to the event floors above and find some solace there. But yeah, if you're on the highways..a decent Hampton Inn or LaQuinta usually affords you close-in free parking and a clean enough shitter to get down to business.  Department Stores at shopping malls as well.  Not the mall community bathroom, but one of the anchor stores.  Typically doesn't get much traffic especially on weekdays, and are kept pretty clean.  

[ztejas 43,418]

8 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Although, I do usually grab a couple deposit slips on the way out, even if it's not my bank and mumble, "Yeah, they were all out in the drive-thru."  

You should hit em with "Yeah you're out of toilet paper" and walk back in.

[956 Worldwide 34,705]

13 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Ugh.  Never had good luck with either of those to shit.  Bank lobbies are great, but they're so fucking dead now...everybody knows exactly how long you've been in there and that you're not a bank customer.  Although, I do usually grab a couple deposit slips on the way out, even if it's not my bank and mumble, "Yeah, they were all out in the drive-thru."  

Nice hotels used to be my go-to, even in downtown Austin.  But then the homeless started using the lobby bathrooms as their own personal port-a-let/heroin den.  Typically you can make your way up to the event floors above and find some solace there. But yeah, if you're on the highways..a decent Hampton Inn or LaQuinta usually affords you close-in free parking and a clean enough shitter to get down to business.  Department Stores at shopping malls as well.  Not the mall community bathroom, but one of the anchor stores.  Typically doesn't get much traffic especially on weekdays, and are kept pretty clean.  

If someone wants to stop you on the way in, that’s one thing, but WGAF after it’s over. They gonna stop you from shitting at that branch again or what?  Head high, man. 

Edited March 10, 2021 by 956 Worldwide

[Underdog 28,614]

23 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I've never shat in a bank lobby.  I might have to try it

I think it's called a deposit in bank lingo, don't quote me on that.  

[Underdog 28,614]

1 hour ago, 52-80 said:

shopping cart + zip tie + door handle

This guy fucks. 

[Underdog 28,614]

4 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

This person must have felt "special" and above everyone else to just park here for a visit inside. Yes, the car was empty.

Karen

[NWBuck 8,552]

1 minute ago, Underdog said:

I think it's called a deposit in bank lingo, don't quote me on that.  

That certainly explains the withdrawal situation I had last week...

[deadshank 24,652]

Relaying information over the phone to the overly-helpful, detail-oriented types.

OHDOT: OK, go ahead with you phone number.

DS: 281

OHDOT: Uh huh.

DS: Uh, 598

OHDOT: 281...

DS: Errr, uh. 78

OHDOT: 281?

DS:  OK, let me start o...

OHDOT: 598...

DS: Please let me..

OHDOT: Sir, can you start over?

DS:  That's a good idea.  OK, rea..

OHDOT: I'm ready.

DS:  281...

OHDOT: Thank you!

DS:  (ugh) Please let me read you the entire number and then you can repeat it back to me.

OHDOT: Oh, OK.

DS: Ready?

OHDOT:  Yes.

DS: 281...

OHDOT:  281

DS:  (eyeroll) 5987888

OHDOT: 2815979998?

DS:  No, 281  598  7888

OHDOT:  Oh, OK!  Let me read it back to you.

DS:  OK.

OHDOT: 281 598 7888

DS: Yes, that it is corr...

OHDOT: Sir, would you be interested in 50 promotional pens with your company name on them for only $99.99 plus shipping?

DS: No thank y...

OHDOT: And two self-inking stamps for only $10.99 more?

DS: I just want to get my order com...

OHDOT: What is your shipping address?

(narrator) Deadshank is now swinging by his neck from the rafters

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,899]

Governor Wheels forgot to notify the Harris County Tax Office that the state of Texas was now fully open.  You can only do title transfers by appointment, but no matter what office and day you select on the appointment calendar you are told that there are no appointments available.

[Js1 85,313]

5 hours ago, deadshank said:

Relaying information over the phone to the overly-helpful, detail-oriented types.

OHDOT: OK, go ahead with you phone number.

DS: 281

OHDOT: Uh huh.

DS: Uh, 598

OHDOT: 281...

DS: Errr, uh. 78

OHDOT: 281?

DS:  OK, let me start o...

OHDOT: 598...

DS: Please let me..

OHDOT: Sir, can you start over?

DS:  That's a good idea.  OK, rea..

OHDOT: I'm ready.

DS:  281...

OHDOT: Thank you!

DS:  (ugh) Please let me read you the entire number and then you can repeat it back to me.

OHDOT: Oh, OK.

DS: Ready?

OHDOT:  Yes.

DS: 281...

OHDOT:  281

DS:  (eyeroll) 5987888

OHDOT: 2815979998?

DS:  No, 281  598  7888

OHDOT:  Oh, OK!  Let me read it back to you.

DS:  OK.

OHDOT: 281 598 7888

DS: Yes, that it is corr...

OHDOT: Sir, would you be interested in 50 promotional pens with your company name on them for only $99.99 plus shipping?

DS: No thank y...

OHDOT: And two self-inking stamps for only $10.99 more?

DS: I just want to get my order com...

OHDOT: What is your shipping address?

(narrator) Deadshank is now swinging by his neck from the rafters

 

 

[Knoxtnhorn 5,974]

I set up my first eVisit ever with my doctor yesterday.  Scheduled for 4:15 today.

Since the call about 24 hours ago, I have received 5 texts, 4 emails, and 2 phone calls to prepare for this appt.  It is now 4:40, and I have been sitting on this video visit screen for 30 mins, waiting on the doc.  I think the overkill has been pointed in the wrong direction.

Edited March 11, 2021 by Knoxtnhorn

[elfenix 34,231]

people who litter should have their hands cut off.  people who don't clean up their dog's shit should also have their feet cut off. 

Edited March 11, 2021 by elfenix

[Superhero 8,828]

Before cell phones figured out how to transcribe VMs... I hated people who raced through their telephone number. 

"Hi Superhero, this is Joe Blow from ABC company, I'm calling about your project. Give me a call back at *start warp speed* 654513t46a795a54641t13 *end warp speed*, thanks and talk to you soon."

This was also before you could fast forward or rewind messages, so I'd listen to a 50 second message 5 times before I could the telephone number, and still get it wrong. 

 

[Underdog 28,614]

Kevin James, yeah I know, has a great bit on people giving out their phone number.  

[SilasCoade 2,622]

I can't remember the last time I left a voicemail. I called. That's it. That's the message. If you are interested you will call back. If not, okay.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,066]

On 3/9/2021 at 6:58 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

When you have to wake up earlier than usual and so your pre-shower shit isn't ready yet. 

Even worse, those rare occasions when you wake up in the middle of the night because you have to poop.

There's always some pesky little floater in the midnight poops, too.

[Lone Star Horn 2,016]

13 hours ago, Llogg said:

I can't remember the last time I left a voicemail. I called. That's it. That's the message. If you are interested you will call back. If not, okay.

Nah man, if I don't know your number, I'm not interested in your spam call. 

 

[nnm 36,362]

15 hours ago, Llogg said:

I can't remember the last time I left a voicemail. I called. That's it. That's the message. If you are interested you will call back. If not, okay.

I don’t leave voice mail, I don’t want people to leave me voice mail. If I don’t reach someone and need to convey a message, a follow-up text is infinitely more useful. Same if someone is trying to reach me. 

[elfenix 34,231]

contacting strangers on business stuff, i.e., court clerks, i give my name, phone number, message, then name and phone number, and then phone number again. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,899]

My IPhone has been rendered unable to respond to automated menus now (where you have to press 1, 2, etc.).  Since you can't call hardly anywhere that doesn't send you through one of those menus this pretty well renders the IPhone useless.  Fuck you Apple.  Right now I'd like to stick this phone up Steve Jobs rotting asshole.

Edited March 12, 2021 by NeverMarryAStripper

[Biff Tannen 45,676]

22 hours ago, Js1 said:

 

 

So good.

[956 Worldwide 34,705]

3 hours ago, Lone Star Horn said:

Nah man, if I don't know your number, I'm not interested in your spam call. 

 

Yeah, LOL at calling back any number I don't recognize.  Better be a follow up text if you want that. 

[Crapinon 2,256]

On 3/9/2021 at 3:42 PM, ztejas said:

Pharmacies, grocery stores.

Court houses in small towns. 

[markstanco 12,574]

On 3/10/2021 at 10:36 AM, smuggs said:

When. People. Type. A. Statement. Like. This. In. An. Attempt. To. Emphasize. Importance.

What are you, a columnist for Teen Vogue? In a conversation, would you make that statement in some bizarre Captain Kirk-style pattern of speech?

Wow.  Just, wow. 

[SilasCoade 2,622]

5 hours ago, Lone Star Horn said:

Nah man, if I don't know your number, I'm not interested in your spam call. 

 

Who calls people that won't recognize their number? 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,899]

spammers

[Bender Bending Rodriguez 1,678]

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

My IPhone has been rendered unable to respond to automated menus now (where you have to press 1, 2, etc.).  Since you can't call hardly anywhere that doesn't send you through one of those menus this pretty well renders the IPhone useless.  Fuck you Apple.  Right now I'd like to stick this phone up Steve Jobs rotting asshole.

Try restarting your phone. Mine did that for a week and I couldn’t figure it out. I used my daughter’s phone for dial in on conference calls all week. I restarted yesterday and it works just fine. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,899]

I did that and it worked.  Thanks.  Still fuck Apple though.

[Lone Star Horn 2,016]

1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Who calls people that won't recognize their number? 

new phone, who dis?

 

[Lone Star Horn 2,016]

2 hours ago, Llogg said:

Who calls people that won't recognize their number? 

damn double post

 

Edited March 13, 2021 by Lone Star Horn

[High Plains Drifter 11,036]

 

I've always found Starbucks to be a reliable place to pinch a loaf.

 

I've crapped in Starbucks more times than I've bought coffee in starbucks.

 

 

[Superhero 8,828]

2 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

I've always found Starbucks to be a reliable place to pinch a loaf.

I've crapped in Starbucks more times than I've bought coffee in starbucks.

Depends on where the Starbucks is located. I've been to a few where they lock the bathrooms because homeless people might go in to shoot heroine.

[RPM 26,318]

On 3/9/2021 at 3:42 PM, ztejas said:

grocery stores.

This is a very poor choice. Grocery stores are popular with homeless.

[CooterBrown 18,006]

Why aren't hex or at least phillips not the standard
 

Probably 20% of the screw market is replacing stripped screws. Make hex the standard and the market collapses overnight. Do you want that?!?!

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

17 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Probably 20% of the screw market is replacing stripped screws. Make hex the standard and the market collapses overnight. Do you want that?!?!

Fuck no... I've gone long on slot heads screws, with Chinese metal, with a portion of that portfolio diversified in soft metal, Philips head screw drivers.  Heeeeeeeello 1%er retirement....

[El Diablo 4,232]

10 hours ago, Superhero said:

Depends on where the Starbucks is located. I've been to a few where they lock the bathrooms because homeless people might go in to shoot heroine.

bitch needed to die. 

[ernest_t_bass 1,196]

Gas station related

1) People who don't pull into the pump the traditional way, and feel they have the right of way.

2) That auto manufacturers don't put gas tank fill up points on the same side of the car as everyone else.

[Trey3216 15,346]

Adjusting a 5 month old's sleeping/eating habits to daylight savings time.  Fucking unbearable.  6 attempts to put her down last night went up in flames, only for me to end up holding her and passing out on the couch until 3, then having to bring her to our bed for the rest of the night.  Helluva way to start a week.