Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[Fudbelty 2784]

My opossum experience was much more pleasant. For me anyway.

[SilasCoade 2620]

13 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I’m picturing your wife sitting on the can when a possum walks in and her saying, “Whoa, possum!” which is a line in the psychedelic rockabilly Phish song Possum. It’s a great song. As I listen to it I can imagine it being the soundtrack to you chasing the possum all around your house. But I can also understand why many people aren’t turned on by the sometimes overly self-indulgence of jam bands. And I figured maybe I shouldn’t post it at all. But then I figured, what the fuck. (The inspiration for my username when I first decided to join this community). You don’t have to listen. And many probably shouldn’t. But I’ll post two examples so anyone who’s interested can hear how wildly different the same song can be played. That’s the jazz influence on jam bands. The psychedelic influence is something else. (Also, early Phish is best Phish. They peaked in the 90’s.) Please forgive my impertinence.

 

Of course you're a Phish fan.

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

6 minutes ago, Llogg said:

Of course you're a Phish fan.

I was. I have the unique experience of seeing them perform both the best concert and the worst concert I’ve ever seen. The “best” could be arguable. The “worst” couldn’t. I haven’t seen them since Coventry 2004 and what I’ve heard from them since then hasn’t inspired me to go see them again. I’ve purged a lot of their recordings from my collection. But I still have a box full of discs that I haven’t parted with. I could go on but you’re too shallow to get it. I don’t like what Phish plays now. But I’ll bet the music you like sucks. 

[SilasCoade 2620]

7 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I was. I have the unique experience of seeing them perform both the best concert and the worst concert I’ve ever seen. The “best” could be arguable. The “worst” couldn’t. I haven’t seen them since Coventry 2004 and what I’ve heard from them since then hasn’t inspired me to go see them again. I’ve purged a lot of their recordings from my collection. But I still have a box full of discs that I haven’t parted with. I could go on but you’re too shallow to get it. I don’t like what Phish plays now. But I’ll bet the music you like sucks. 

Please keep making the point more obvious.

[nnm 35873]

48 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I was. I have the unique experience of seeing them perform both the best concert and the worst concert I’ve ever seen. The “best” could be arguable. The “worst” couldn’t. I haven’t seen them since Coventry 2004 and what I’ve heard from them since then hasn’t inspired me to go see them again. I’ve purged a lot of their recordings from my collection. But I still have a box full of discs that I haven’t parted with. I could go on but you’re too shallow to get it. I don’t like what Phish plays now. But I’ll bet the music you like sucks. 

I gave Phish a try in the late 80s/early 90s.  I'm not nearly enough of a self-indulgent navel gazer to appreciate them.

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Please keep making the point more obvious.

You’re too dumb to try to relate to so I won’t bother to try. 

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

19 minutes ago, nnm said:

I gave Phish a try in the late 80s/early 90s.  I'm not nearly enough of a self-indulgent navel gazer to appreciate them.

They’re definitely not for everybody, and, like I said, they peaked in the 90’s. They weren’t as good as the Grateful Dead but they did their own thing and had a unique approach. And many of their musical influences were the same as my own, like the Dead and the Beatles and Zappa and Boston and King Crimson and Led Zeppelin and The Who and the Talking Heads and, by 1997, Miles Davis. If you’re not comfortable with jam bands of any kind then you wouldn’t get it. If you can’t appreciate a cover of Pink Floyd’s The Great Gig in the Sky with the female vocal part being played by the drummer holding the head of a vacuum cleaner to his mouth then you really wouldn’t get it. I’ve made the comparison before that the Dead were like Picasso while Phish was more like Shel Silverstein.

Also, if not for Phish, there might not be Bonnaroo. Phish pioneered a new model of holding a rock festival. The Clifford Ball at the decommissioned Plattsburgh Air Force Base in upstate New York in 1996 was revolutionary and the folks who produced Bonnaroo copied that model. That model has spread around the country.

Don’t get me wrong. I think Phish sucks now and Trey lost his chops long ago. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a time where they were a good place to drop acid and go see their show. New Year’s Eve 1995 at Madison Square Garden was as good of a show as I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen hundreds. If you can’t appreciate this then Phish just isn’t for you. And that’s no big deal. (This was unfinished but that was as good as it gets.) Can you hear the Zappa influence? (I’m not asking you, Llogg, of course you can’t.)

 

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

I probably should also post The Great Gig in the Sky. That’s not Fishman singing. That’s holding the nozzle of the Electrolux up to his mouth and playing it like an instrument. Tell me that’s not art.

 

[conVINCEd 21468]

Phish talk not going away.

[DougO 5238]

God damned colds, allergies, whatever the fuck this shit is.

[SilasCoade 2620]

7 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

They’re definitely not for everybody, and, like I said, they peaked in the 90’s. They weren’t as good as the Grateful Dead but they did their own thing and had a unique approach. And many of their musical influences were the same as my own, like the Dead and the Beatles and Zappa and Boston and King Crimson and Led Zeppelin and The Who and the Talking Heads and, by 1997, Miles Davis. If you’re not comfortable with jam bands of any kind then you wouldn’t get it. If you can’t appreciate a cover of Pink Floyd’s The Great Gig in the Sky with the female vocal part being played by the drummer holding the head of a vacuum cleaner to his mouth then you really wouldn’t get it. I’ve made the comparison before that the Dead were like Picasso while Phish was more like Shel Silverstein.

Also, if not for Phish, there might not be Bonnaroo. Phish pioneered a new model of holding a rock festival. The Clifford Ball at the decommissioned Plattsburgh Air Force Base in upstate New York in 1996 was revolutionary and the folks who produced Bonnaroo copied that model. That model has spread around the country.

Don’t get me wrong. I think Phish sucks now and Trey lost his chops long ago. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a time where they were a good place to drop acid and go see their show. New Year’s Eve 1995 at Madison Square Garden was as good of a show as I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen hundreds. If you can’t appreciate this then Phish just isn’t for you. And that’s no big deal. (This was unfinished but that was as good as it gets.) Can you hear the Zappa influence? (I’m not asking you, Llogg, of course you can’t.)

 

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

1 hour ago, conVINCEd said:

Phish talk not going away.

Does it make you surly?

[conVINCEd 21468]

3 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Does it make you surly?

I don’t really care about Phish.  What I do care about is you diverting the thread immediately after my possum story.  That makes me a little surly.  I had more material, but the moment has passed.

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

16 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I said how I chose my username. I figure you chose yours by asking yourself, “What am I dumber than?” And then you misspelled the answer. 

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

7 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I don’t really care about Phish.  What I do care about is you diverting the thread immediately after my possum story.  That makes me a little surly.  I had more material, but the moment has passed.

Who’s stopping you from continuing with your possum story? Not me. I don’t know why you didn’t tell us the whole story in the first place. That’s not my fault. That’s on you. 

[conVINCEd 21468]

22 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Who’s stopping you from continuing with your possum story? Not me. I don’t know why you didn’t tell us the whole story in the first place. That’s not my fault. That’s on you. 

I’ll put the full possum story together when I have some time.  It involves a painful childhood incident with a possum, a really freaked out wife, and a milf walking with a stroller who thought I was endangering her kids.  I took no offense btw.

[Sam Lin 3539]

Pics of milf?

[Prepuce of Doom 20954]

Hotels where the channel guide and/or channel numbers and network IDs on the TV are all fucked up. 

[conVINCEd 21468]

4 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

Pics of milf?

I had on the thickest gloves I could find and had a live possum in one of my hands.  Not the best scenario for a hot or not photo.  She was hot though.

[Sam Lin 3539]

3 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I had on the thickest gloves I could find and had a live possum in one of my hands.

That's kinky, but you do you.

[Brisketexan 104217]

Possum and Phish sounds like a super shitty folk duo.

[SilasCoade 2620]

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I said how I chose my username. I figure you chose yours by asking yourself, “What am I dumber than?” And then you misspelled the answer. 

 

 

[conVINCEd 21468]

11 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Possum and Phish sounds like a super shitty folk duo.

You’re just disappointed I didn’t ask you for your possum gumbo recipe.

[retsevlys 408]

I read a Phish review several years ago by someone who obviously wasn't a Phish fan.  They described the sights, sounds, and smells of the concert and it was hilarious to me.  I'm not a Phish fan, and Phish doesn't make me surly, but I've tried to find that specific review several times.  I haven't been able to, and that makes me surely.

[Brisketexan 104217]

You’re just disappointed I didn’t ask you for your possum gumbo recipe.

You wouldn’t have gotten one. Because possum goes in a sauce piquant.

[conVINCEd 21468]

5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

You wouldn’t have gotten one. Because possum goes in a sauce piquant.

I’ll defer to you on cooking rodents.

[Underdog 28381]

Had a ‘possum burger once in Gatlinburg, or so I had been led to believe. 

We used to leave out water and hard food for our cats at night but caught this little shit grabbing a nibble one night... 

 

 

 

 

 

[conVINCEd 21468]

Just caught another one in the house.  Thought I had fixed the access point.  Apparently not.  Pro is coming out tomorrow, but I’m 2/2 on catching wild animals in the house and removing them in a humane manner.  I was tempted to snap this one’s neck and leave him on the porch as a warning to others, but that wouldn’t have gone over well.  He got the full corporate relocation package down to the creek with his partner in crime from the other night.

[ztejas 43164]

12 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Just caught another one in the house.  Thought I had fixed the access point.  Apparently not.  Pro is coming out tomorrow, but I’m 2/2 on catching wild animals in the house and removing them in a humane manner.  I was tempted to snap this one’s neck and leave him on the porch as a warning to others, but that wouldn’t have gone over well.  He got the full corporate relocation package down to the creek with his partner in crime from the other night.

How do you know it wasn't the same possum?

[conVINCEd 21468]

Just now, ztejas said:

How do you know it wasn't the same possum?

This one was substantially bigger.  I suppose the other one could have hit up the CiCi’s buffet for a couple of days, but I think that’s unlikely.

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

On 3/21/2022 at 10:49 PM, conVINCEd said:

I’ll put the full possum story together when I have some time.  It involves a painful childhood incident with a possum, a really freaked out wife, and a milf walking with a stroller who thought I was endangering her kids.  I took no offense btw.

Now I really want to hear the story. 

[conVINCEd 21468]

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Now I really want to hear the story. 

When I was a teenager, my grandparents would leave for Colorado when it got hot and return when football season started.  I mowed their yard once a week, and my mom and aunt would take turns dropping by their house every few days and bringing the mail inside and making sure everything was ok with the house.  The house was an old ranch built in the 70’s, and like a lot of houses from that era, it had a central courtyard, which they had enclosed to make it somewhat weatherproof. 

I come home one day and mom informed me that there was some sort of creature trapped in the courtyard when she went by earlier that day.  I was dispatched to deal with said creature.  Armed with a baseball bat, I entered the house.  What I encountered was the largest, nastiest looking possum I have ever seen in my life.  I had to cross the courtyard to open the gate and let it escape, and the possum was cutting me off every time I made a move for the gate.  There was no playing possum, this jumbo-sized possum was angry.  After what seemed like an hour, I fended off the hissing, spitting creature, opened the gate, and went back in the house.  I cracked a beer and waited for the possum to leave.  It finally wandered out, I closed the gate behind it, and went home.  As a result of that incident, I have a healthy disdain for all things possum.

Fast forward 30 or so years, and the other day I heard a blood-curdling scream come from the bathroom.  Before I get back there, the wife comes running out.  She had been peeing, looked to her left, and, in her words, a big fucking rat was staring at her.  This time, this much smaller possum actually played possum, I got some thick work gloves, and got the possum without incident.  Not wanting to release it in the backyard only to have a repeat offender on our hands, I drove down to the creek a few blocks from the house to let the thing loose.  Driving the car with a live animal in one hand is interesting, but it was a short drive and I managed.

There’s a small little playground by the road next to the creek.  Cute little kid and cuter mom (think blonde spinner) are doing mom/kid shit on the little playscape equipment.  Mom is looking at me trying to figure out what I am doing.  I tried to keep my distance, but at a point she could tell that I had some sort of creature in my hand.  Momma was not happy that whatever the hell she thought I was doing was happening near her kid, and let me know about it.  Understandable, so I wandered about 50 yards further than I intended to and set the creature free.  Came back home, went to Lowe’s, bought some chicken wire, and temporarily secured what appeared to be the point of entry in the soffit on the back of the house.  Missed most of the Duke/Sparty game as a result.

Around midnight last night, I went into the kitchen to get some water before going to bed.  I had a little buzz going, glanced up from my phone, and there is a possum on the floor eating a bag of popcorn it had taken from the pantry. This one was bigger than the last one, but nowhere near the size of the beast I tangled with as a Ute.  This one wanted to play hide and seek.  Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.  After chasing it across the front of the house for a few minutes, I finally got it cornered and it threw in the towel.  Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.  Woke up this morning to discover that possums scoff at my attempt to prevent them from entering my house, as the chicken wire was peeled back and the hole in the soffit was bigger.  Critter catcher, who was conveniently booked after the first possum encounter, is coming by any minute, and after he does his thing I’m headed back to Lowe’s to get more supplies for a more permanent solution.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

[nnm 35873]

3 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

When I was a teenager, my grandparents would leave for Colorado when it got hot and return when football season started.  I mowed their yard once a week, and my mom and aunt would take turns dropping by their house every few days and bringing the mail inside and making sure everything was ok with the house.  The house was an old ranch built in the 70’s, and like a lot of houses from that era, it had a central courtyard, which they had enclosed to make it somewhat weatherproof. 

I come home one day and mom informed me that there was some sort of creature trapped in the courtyard when she went by earlier that day.  I was dispatched to deal with said creature.  Armed with a baseball bat, I entered the house.  What I encountered was the largest, nastiest looking possum I have ever seen in my life.  I had to cross the courtyard to open the gate and let it escape, and the possum was cutting me off every time I made a move for the gate.  There was no playing possum, this jumbo-sized possum was angry.  After what seemed like an hour, I fended off the hissing, spitting creature, opened the gate, and went back in the house.  I cracked a beer and waited for the possum to leave.  It finally wandered out, I closed the gate behind it, and went home.  As a result of that incident, I have a healthy disdain for all things possum.

Fast forward 30 or so years, and the other day I heard a blood-curdling scream come from the bathroom.  Before I get back there, the wife comes running out.  She had been peeing, looked to her left, and, in her words, a big fucking rat was staring at her.  This time, this much smaller possum actually played possum, I got some thick work gloves, and got the possum without incident.  Not wanting to release it in the backyard only to have a repeat offender on our hands, I drove down to the creek a few blocks from the house to let the thing loose.  Driving the car with a live animal in one hand is interesting, but it was a short drive and I managed.

There’s a small little playground by the road next to the creek.  Cute little kid and cuter mom (think blonde spinner) are doing mom/kid shit on the little playscape equipment.  Mom is looking at me trying to figure out what I am doing.  I tried to keep my distance, but at a point she could tell that I had some sort of creature in my hand.  Momma was not happy that whatever the hell she thought I was doing was happening near her kid, and let me know about it.  Understandable, so I wandered about 50 yards further than I intended to and set the creature free.  Came back home, went to Lowe’s, bought some chicken wire, and temporarily secured what appeared to be the point of entry in the soffit on the back of the house.  Missed most of the Duke/Sparty game as a result.

Around midnight last night, I went into the kitchen to get some water before going to bed.  I had a little buzz going, glanced up from my phone, and there is a possum on the floor eating a bag of popcorn it had taken from the pantry. This one was bigger than the last one, but nowhere near the size of the beast I tangled with as a Ute.  This one wanted to play hide and seek.  Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.  After chasing it across the front of the house for a few minutes, I finally got it cornered and it threw in the towel.  Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.  Woke up this morning to discover that possums scoff at my attempt to prevent them from entering my house, as the chicken wire was peeled back and the hole in the soffit was bigger.  Critter catcher, who was conveniently booked after the first possum encounter, is coming by any minute, and after he does his thing I’m headed back to Lowe’s to get more supplies for a more permanent solution.

 Bravo. Well done. Three points:

1) “Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.”  Incorrect. There was no immediate wife drama. But your wife’s long term reaction to the second possum will be even worse than the first one, mainly because she has lost all confidence in your ability to stop critters. She is going to see a critter in every moving shadow now, and wake you up in the middle of the night with every house creak. 
2) “Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.”  See, this is where the story had significant potential. What surly wants is the milf drama, and the “it was late” was the natural bridge to the drama. Do better. 
3) A .22 will solve your possum problems. 

[Superhero 8695]

On 3/21/2022 at 8:53 PM, Llogg said:

 

 

Jen Psaki.

[Superhero 8695]

4 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

When I was a teenager, my grandparents would leave for Colorado when it got hot and return when football season started.  I mowed their yard once a week, and my mom and aunt would take turns dropping by their house every few days and bringing the mail inside and making sure everything was ok with the house.  The house was an old ranch built in the 70’s, and like a lot of houses from that era, it had a central courtyard, which they had enclosed to make it somewhat weatherproof. 

I come home one day and mom informed me that there was some sort of creature trapped in the courtyard when she went by earlier that day.  I was dispatched to deal with said creature.  Armed with a baseball bat, I entered the house.  What I encountered was the largest, nastiest looking possum I have ever seen in my life.  I had to cross the courtyard to open the gate and let it escape, and the possum was cutting me off every time I made a move for the gate.  There was no playing possum, this jumbo-sized possum was angry.  After what seemed like an hour, I fended off the hissing, spitting creature, opened the gate, and went back in the house.  I cracked a beer and waited for the possum to leave.  It finally wandered out, I closed the gate behind it, and went home.  As a result of that incident, I have a healthy disdain for all things possum.

Fast forward 30 or so years, and the other day I heard a blood-curdling scream come from the bathroom.  Before I get back there, the wife comes running out.  She had been peeing, looked to her left, and, in her words, a big fucking rat was staring at her.  This time, this much smaller possum actually played possum, I got some thick work gloves, and got the possum without incident.  Not wanting to release it in the backyard only to have a repeat offender on our hands, I drove down to the creek a few blocks from the house to let the thing loose.  Driving the car with a live animal in one hand is interesting, but it was a short drive and I managed.

There’s a small little playground by the road next to the creek.  Cute little kid and cuter mom (think blonde spinner) are doing mom/kid shit on the little playscape equipment.  Mom is looking at me trying to figure out what I am doing.  I tried to keep my distance, but at a point she could tell that I had some sort of creature in my hand.  Momma was not happy that whatever the hell she thought I was doing was happening near her kid, and let me know about it.  Understandable, so I wandered about 50 yards further than I intended to and set the creature free.  Came back home, went to Lowe’s, bought some chicken wire, and temporarily secured what appeared to be the point of entry in the soffit on the back of the house.  Missed most of the Duke/Sparty game as a result.

Around midnight last night, I went into the kitchen to get some water before going to bed.  I had a little buzz going, glanced up from my phone, and there is a possum on the floor eating a bag of popcorn it had taken from the pantry. This one was bigger than the last one, but nowhere near the size of the beast I tangled with as a Ute.  This one wanted to play hide and seek.  Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.  After chasing it across the front of the house for a few minutes, I finally got it cornered and it threw in the towel.  Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.  Woke up this morning to discover that possums scoff at my attempt to prevent them from entering my house, as the chicken wire was peeled back and the hole in the soffit was bigger.  Critter catcher, who was conveniently booked after the first possum encounter, is coming by any minute, and after he does his thing I’m headed back to Lowe’s to get more supplies for a more permanent solution.

I've heard a lot of stories about milfs, and yours was truly the shittiest one. I'm awarding you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

[Al_4_ISU 12387]

4 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

When I was a teenager, my grandparents would leave for Colorado when it got hot and return when football season started.  I mowed their yard once a week, and my mom and aunt would take turns dropping by their house every few days and bringing the mail inside and making sure everything was ok with the house.  The house was an old ranch built in the 70’s, and like a lot of houses from that era, it had a central courtyard, which they had enclosed to make it somewhat weatherproof. 

I come home one day and mom informed me that there was some sort of creature trapped in the courtyard when she went by earlier that day.  I was dispatched to deal with said creature.  Armed with a baseball bat, I entered the house.  What I encountered was the largest, nastiest looking possum I have ever seen in my life.  I had to cross the courtyard to open the gate and let it escape, and the possum was cutting me off every time I made a move for the gate.  There was no playing possum, this jumbo-sized possum was angry.  After what seemed like an hour, I fended off the hissing, spitting creature, opened the gate, and went back in the house.  I cracked a beer and waited for the possum to leave.  It finally wandered out, I closed the gate behind it, and went home.  As a result of that incident, I have a healthy disdain for all things possum.

Fast forward 30 or so years, and the other day I heard a blood-curdling scream come from the bathroom.  Before I get back there, the wife comes running out.  She had been peeing, looked to her left, and, in her words, a big fucking rat was staring at her.  This time, this much smaller possum actually played possum, I got some thick work gloves, and got the possum without incident.  Not wanting to release it in the backyard only to have a repeat offender on our hands, I drove down to the creek a few blocks from the house to let the thing loose.  Driving the car with a live animal in one hand is interesting, but it was a short drive and I managed.

There’s a small little playground by the road next to the creek.  Cute little kid and cuter mom (think blonde spinner) are doing mom/kid shit on the little playscape equipment.  Mom is looking at me trying to figure out what I am doing.  I tried to keep my distance, but at a point she could tell that I had some sort of creature in my hand.  Momma was not happy that whatever the hell she thought I was doing was happening near her kid, and let me know about it.  Understandable, so I wandered about 50 yards further than I intended to and set the creature free.  Came back home, went to Lowe’s, bought some chicken wire, and temporarily secured what appeared to be the point of entry in the soffit on the back of the house.  Missed most of the Duke/Sparty game as a result.

Around midnight last night, I went into the kitchen to get some water before going to bed.  I had a little buzz going, glanced up from my phone, and there is a possum on the floor eating a bag of popcorn it had taken from the pantry. This one was bigger than the last one, but nowhere near the size of the beast I tangled with as a Ute.  This one wanted to play hide and seek.  Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.  After chasing it across the front of the house for a few minutes, I finally got it cornered and it threw in the towel.  Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.  Woke up this morning to discover that possums scoff at my attempt to prevent them from entering my house, as the chicken wire was peeled back and the hole in the soffit was bigger.  Critter catcher, who was conveniently booked after the first possum encounter, is coming by any minute, and after he does his thing I’m headed back to Lowe’s to get more supplies for a more permanent solution.

I think my favorite part of this story is conVINCEd the assumed teenager pounding his grandparent's beer whilst on possum detail.

[conVINCEd 21468]

40 minutes ago, nnm said:

 Bravo. Well done. Three points:

1) “Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.”  Incorrect. There was no immediate wife drama. But your wife’s long term reaction to the second possum will be even worse than the first one, mainly because she has lost all confidence in your ability to stop critters. She is going to see a critter in every moving shadow now, and wake you up in the middle of the night with every house creak. 
2) “Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.”  See, this is where the story had significant potential. What surly wants is the milf drama, and the “it was late” was the natural bridge to the drama. Do better. 
3) A .22 will solve your possum problems. 

The wife is blissfully unaware of the second possum as she was already asleep last night.  The critter catcher people are here addressing the problem, so I saw no reason to throw gasoline on the fire by mentioning the second possum as we passed each other this morning on her way out the door.  If I have to relocate any more rodents I will try and improve the milf portion.

[Underdog 28381]

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

And no spinner pics. 

[conVINCEd 21468]

9 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I think my favorite part of this story is conVINCEd the assumed teenager pounding his grandparent's beer whilst on possum detail.

I had one and sipped it slowly while waiting for the possum to exit stage right.  I was 16 or 17 at the time.  I also took the bottle with me and deposited it in the trash can at the first convenience store I encountered as to leave no evidence.

[High Plains Drifter 10961]

On 3/23/2022 at 12:06 AM, conVINCEd said:

Just caught another one in the house.  Thought I had fixed the access point.  Apparently not.  Pro is coming out tomorrow, but I’m 2/2 on catching wild animals in the house and removing them in a humane manner.  I was tempted to snap this one’s neck and leave him on the porch as a warning to others, but that wouldn’t have gone over well.  He got the full corporate relocation package down to the creek with his partner in crime from the other night.

 

probably just caught the same one again.

 

edit after re-reading story: Check that. First one was probably a young'un. Second (bigger) was mama. Expect more young'uns.

 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by High Plains Drifter

[nnm 35873]

When you walk into a men’s room which has three urinals and the guy before you has set up in the middle urinal. Really?

[Superhero 8695]

On 3/16/2022 at 11:15 PM, Superhero said:

My friends who BEGGED the soccer coaches so their son can play on the same team as my son.

At the “evaluation” practice (where they evaluate the kids, and split them evenly into teams so none are dominant), my boy scored 4 goals. Their kid spent the first 10 minutes kicking towards his own goal even though the coach kept yelling at him to go the other way. 
 

🤬
 

They said their son would “enjoy”’ soccer more if he played with mine. My kid takes soccer pretty seriously. The other boy has ADHD and a mom that gives him cookies before practice. FML. 

So the soccer organization (Liverpool) is really disorganized; and the other boy got left off the initial rosters altogether.

Then he got added to our team roster. Fuckin’ hell. But even though his name is still on the roster, he’s not at our practices and is playing in “premier” group. What the hell?

Long story short. He’s not on my boy’s team. And that’s a hell yeah!

[Felix 595]

My dogs chased a possum into the house through the dog door.  Possum played possum. Dogs are sniffing it, pushing it around, even picked it up.  My wife is sure they killed it.  I offered to bet it was still alive.  She wisely declined the bet.  Picked it up by the tail and took it out in front yard.  Went back in and looked out the window.  Thirty seconds after the door closed it go up and waddled off.

Wife and daughters were traumatized.

[WhatTheBuck 28696]

On 3/23/2022 at 10:57 AM, conVINCEd said:

When I was a teenager, my grandparents would leave for Colorado when it got hot and return when football season started.  I mowed their yard once a week, and my mom and aunt would take turns dropping by their house every few days and bringing the mail inside and making sure everything was ok with the house.  The house was an old ranch built in the 70’s, and like a lot of houses from that era, it had a central courtyard, which they had enclosed to make it somewhat weatherproof. 

I come home one day and mom informed me that there was some sort of creature trapped in the courtyard when she went by earlier that day.  I was dispatched to deal with said creature.  Armed with a baseball bat, I entered the house.  What I encountered was the largest, nastiest looking possum I have ever seen in my life.  I had to cross the courtyard to open the gate and let it escape, and the possum was cutting me off every time I made a move for the gate.  There was no playing possum, this jumbo-sized possum was angry.  After what seemed like an hour, I fended off the hissing, spitting creature, opened the gate, and went back in the house.  I cracked a beer and waited for the possum to leave.  It finally wandered out, I closed the gate behind it, and went home.  As a result of that incident, I have a healthy disdain for all things possum.

Fast forward 30 or so years, and the other day I heard a blood-curdling scream come from the bathroom.  Before I get back there, the wife comes running out.  She had been peeing, looked to her left, and, in her words, a big fucking rat was staring at her.  This time, this much smaller possum actually played possum, I got some thick work gloves, and got the possum without incident.  Not wanting to release it in the backyard only to have a repeat offender on our hands, I drove down to the creek a few blocks from the house to let the thing loose.  Driving the car with a live animal in one hand is interesting, but it was a short drive and I managed.

There’s a small little playground by the road next to the creek.  Cute little kid and cuter mom (think blonde spinner) are doing mom/kid shit on the little playscape equipment.  Mom is looking at me trying to figure out what I am doing.  I tried to keep my distance, but at a point she could tell that I had some sort of creature in my hand.  Momma was not happy that whatever the hell she thought I was doing was happening near her kid, and let me know about it.  Understandable, so I wandered about 50 yards further than I intended to and set the creature free.  Came back home, went to Lowe’s, bought some chicken wire, and temporarily secured what appeared to be the point of entry in the soffit on the back of the house.  Missed most of the Duke/Sparty game as a result.

Around midnight last night, I went into the kitchen to get some water before going to bed.  I had a little buzz going, glanced up from my phone, and there is a possum on the floor eating a bag of popcorn it had taken from the pantry. This one was bigger than the last one, but nowhere near the size of the beast I tangled with as a Ute.  This one wanted to play hide and seek.  Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.  After chasing it across the front of the house for a few minutes, I finally got it cornered and it threw in the towel.  Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.  Woke up this morning to discover that possums scoff at my attempt to prevent them from entering my house, as the chicken wire was peeled back and the hole in the soffit was bigger.  Critter catcher, who was conveniently booked after the first possum encounter, is coming by any minute, and after he does his thing I’m headed back to Lowe’s to get more supplies for a more permanent solution.

That. Was. AWESOME. 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

Small paper clips annoy me. Go big or go home.

[Guest Lobo]

Well you're clearly not Penske material then.  (grabs back accordion folder with many small paper clips)!!!!!

[Armybrat 40643]

I had a serious incident this morning.

first off I am ok. I was a little shaken up this morning as I was robbed at the shell gas station in Round Rock. 

. After my hands stopped trembling I managed to call the police. They were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is all gone. The police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes...

It was pump number 3.

[Guest Lobo]

You fucking asshole.  I read the first half of that worried about you, offering to come help you out in some way.  Apparently your vision break from this site doesn't inhibit your shitty sense of humor.  Dammit man, I was honestly worried about you and I've never met you.  I was gonna offer to find the guy before the cops did using my guys.  

Glad you're okay, buttmuch.  Spend the weekend crying Lobo...

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

10 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Well you're clearly not Penske material then.  (grabs back accordion folder with many small paper clips)!!!!!