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On 4/15/2022 at 11:28 AM, Superhero said:

Sitting at the post office waiting for my wife so we could get my son's passport. 

 

We had an appointment for 8:30 at the post office near our house. We arrived 10 minutes early, only for them to say they aren't processing passports because "they're really busy". Fuck you and your appointment. They told us to go to another PO.

In the mean time, my wife had to go home for a meeting and can't get here until 9:50 at the earliest.

Now I'm here waiting with my son killing time because the fucking post office can't get their shit together.

Fuck the post office. I may have told this story here before so sorry in advance. My parents got fucked out of their property tax protest appointment. Appraisal district told them their appointment was cancelled due to no show and the values would not change. The letter they mailed out came back as undeliverable per the USPS. You wanna know their mailing address for the property? A motherfucking PO box. How the fuck can mail to a PO box be undeliverable? 

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  • Scheiss Meister
    Scheiss Meister

    The day I retired I set an auto reply that said something like "As of EOB today I will be retired.  If you expect me to reply to an email after 10:00 am today, you will be disappointed."  At the 3:00

  • Ghost of NMAS
    Ghost of NMAS

    I hate the people that ignore it when they have the right of way and try to wave me through first, it just fucks up the system and delays everyone

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2 hours ago, HRSchenker said:

Fuck the post office. I may have told this story here before so sorry in advance. My parents got fucked out of their property tax protest appointment. Appraisal district told them their appointment was cancelled due to no show and the values would not change. The letter they mailed out came back as undeliverable per the USPS. You wanna know their mailing address for the property? A motherfucking PO box. How the fuck can mail to a PO box be undeliverable? 

The last time I mailed a bunch of shit at one time was wedding invitations several years ago.  Decent sample size.  About 90% reached their intended destination.

Yep caught behind the guy who moves his car half way into the lane  to keep people from properly zippering into traffic.
 
 There’s always one 

You’re welcome

Going west down the big hill on 360 towards MoPac - some chick has her car stopped in the middle lane with her hazards on and her hood up fucking up traffic. 

Has her car stopped in the middle lane going... downhill.

Hey here's an idea - put your car in neutral and coast into the parking lot on your right 200 feet in front of you. You don't need your car running to get the fuck out of everyone's way. 

  • Author

People who haven't figured out that if a fast food order contains more than 2-3 items, or has any customization at all, they should download the app and use it to order.

15 hours ago, ztejas said:

Going west down the big hill on 360 towards MoPac - some chick has her car stopped in the middle lane with her hazards on and her hood up fucking up traffic. 

Has her car stopped in the middle lane going... downhill.

Hey here's an idea - put your car in neutral and coast into the parking lot on your right 200 feet in front of you. You don't need your car running to get the fuck out of everyone's way. 

I was buying what you were selling until you said the hood was up.  There isn’t a woman on the planet that would 1) know how to open the hood, and 2)actually do it to try and diagnose a mechanical problem.

13 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

I was buying what you were selling until you said the hood was up.  There isn’t a woman on the planet that would 1) know how to open the hood, and 2)actually do it to try and diagnose a mechanical problem.

PictureLux-Alamy-1.jpg

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it's bullshit question. the koenigsegg regera didn't have a transmission.

So maybe it's a cultural thing, but growing up I was never even made aware of chewing noises when eating.  Until I met my wife who's sooooo adversed to it she's misophobic.

 

Anyway, now that my parents are staying with us for a long while, I can't get the sound of my dad's incessant chewing, smacking, and food swallowing out of my head.  He's also got dentures and does the weird playing around thing with it (like Stephen Curry with his mouthpiece) and it's doing my head in.

I broke up with a girl strictly because her smacking while eating was so disgusting. One of the few peeves I inherited from my dad that I've held onto.

10 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I broke up with a girl strictly because her smacking while eating was so disgusting. One of the few peeves I inherited from my dad that I've held onto.

He's mostly chewing with his mouth closed.  It's on every 5th chew or so, it's like his palate has to come out for air.  And I don't have it in me to tell a septuagenarian that he's been 'eating wrong' his entire life.

1 hour ago, Llogg said:

I broke up with a girl strictly because her smacking while eating was so disgusting. One of the few peeves I inherited from my dad that I've held onto.

You're Jerry Seinfeld.

On 4/13/2022 at 10:27 PM, Superhero said:

My wife appplied for TSA Known Traveler status. She got it within 3 days.

I RENEWED mine. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still waiting...

Im an “SSSS” magnet

6 hours ago, Llogg said:

I broke up with a girl strictly because her smacking while eating was so disgusting. One of the few peeves I inherited from my dad that I've held onto.

Did she also eat her peas one at a time?

34 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

Did she also eat her peas one at a time?

No. She was otherwise cool and hot. Had a brief nearly successful music career, married a douchebag, divorced, remarried another douche last I heard.

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Im an “SSSS” magnet

I got the SSSS today headed to ATL. I am a regular at the airport so it is a short cursory check.

I tell everyone it stands for Super Sexy Secret Squirrel.

On 4/13/2022 at 6:04 PM, conVINCEd said:

Dear restaurant owners,

When I go to your website it should be a simple, one click process to view your entire menu.  I don’t want to pull up each category individually.  Just give me a pdf of the whole fucking thing.

May I see a menu please?

Scan the Q code on your phone. 
 

Fuck off. 

There should be one standard outlet for a dyer, not 20 different types of outlets. It's a 100% guarantee that the plug I currently have on the dryer will not match in the new house, I know that before I move in. This time I left the dryer in the garage, I knew it didn't match, went inside and took a look, okay, add that to the HD list. 

People who look at their phone while walking. Not glance at a text that just came in. More like this...

Texting while walking more dangerous and deadly | Texting while walking  more dangerous and deadly

 

I fight the urge to go up to them and yell "BOOOO!" whenever I walk past someone doing that.

 

May I see a menu please?
Scan the Q code on your phone. 
 
Fuck off. 

That is still a thing in texas?
2 hours ago, Superhero said:

People who look at their phone while walking. Not glance at a text that just came in. More like this...

Texting while walking more dangerous and deadly | Texting while walking  more dangerous and deadly

 

I fight the urge to go up to them and yell "BOOOO!" whenever I walk past someone doing that.

 

will walk by and mumble" Walk or text, motherfuckers.  Not both>"

I hope they fall in a manhole or fall over a construction barricade or some shit.

 

Move your asses, you sorry pieces of shit.

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Everyone I stand in line behind at an ATM has never used an ATM before. 

I have congratulated folks on getting their new mortgage.

See also: customer service line at the grocery store.

 

On 4/19/2022 at 7:55 AM, ChickenSandwich said:

May I see a menu please?

Scan the Q code on your phone. 
 

Fuck off. 

I'm actually totally cool with the QR code.  I don't need my grubby paws holding the menus that other grubby paws have held.

In the same vein, complete gross-out factor are the salt/ pepper grinders where you have to twist them with both hands... and then proceed to eat.  Fuck all that.

Edited by slorch

1 minute ago, slorch said:

I'm actually totally cool with the QR code.  I don't need my grubby paws holding the menus that other grubby paws have held.

In the same vein, complete gross-out factor are the salt/ pepper grinders where you have to twist them with both hands... and then proceed to eat.  Fuck all that.

Didn't know you and your wife share a handle here. 

6 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Didn't know you and your wife share a handle here. 

I make fun of the germophobes with the best of em, especially the "I can't shit at work" guy.

I just laugh at these aspects of public interaction getting a smooth pass. They're pretty fucking gross when you consider the big picture.

I'd much rather use my own phone for the menu and I don't generally touch the salt/pepper shakers that require the shakeweight routine just prior to digging into my fries..

Edited by slorch

34 minutes ago, slorch said:

I make fun of the germophobes with the best of em

 

34 minutes ago, slorch said:

I just laugh at these aspects of public interaction getting a smooth pass. They're pretty fucking gross when you consider the big picture.

Sounds like you don't make fun of the germaphobes with the best of them. Unless you make fun of yourself ruthlessly. 

4 hours ago, ztejas said:

 

Sounds like you don't make fun of the germaphobes with the best of them. Unless you make fun of yourself ruthlessly. 

Not seeking your endorsement. Troll somebody else Sporto

8 hours ago, Superhero said:

People who look at their phone while walking. Not glance at a text that just came in. More like this...

Texting while walking more dangerous and deadly | Texting while walking  more dangerous and deadly

 

I fight the urge to go up to them and yell "BOOOO!" whenever I walk past someone doing that.

That’s bordering on a decent Abbey Road tribute.

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

That’s bordering on a decent  Shitty Abbey Road tribute.

Fixed it.

people who call espresso 'spro' and a cup of coffee as 'cuppa'  (not least because it refers to tea...)

23 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

people who call espresso 'spro' 

Say it ain’t so bro

3 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Say it ain’t so bro

its a no go fo sho

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Having to double back into a restaurant and give the waiter cash because while your father was generous and picked up the tab for your sister’s birthday dinner, he was not so generous with the waiter and  left a $10 tip on a $500 check. 

On 4/19/2022 at 7:55 AM, ChickenSandwich said:

May I see a menu please?

Scan the Q code on your phone. 
 

Fuck off. 

 

17 hours ago, markstanco said:


That is still a thing in texas?

 

One diner I sometimes frequent started that shit during covid (ok fine, I get it), but never went back.

I hate it because its inconvenient to swipe around looking at different menu items.

I either know what I want already because I've been there a few times, or I just tell them I don't have my phone with me, which about half the time is true anyway because I've left it in the car.

 

1 hour ago, conVINCEd said:

Having to double back into a restaurant and give the waiter cash because while your father was generous and picked up the tab for your sister’s birthday dinner, he was not so generous with the waiter and  left a $10 tip on a $500 check. 

My late grandmother (born 1912) came of age during the depression. She refused to tip, and didn’t want us to tip.  We would have to sneak around behind her back to leave a tip.
My family all knew the value of it, as all of us worked in restaurants at one time or another. My mom was a teacher, but worked a second job as a waitress for 10 years to help put my sister and me through college. She was usually especially generous with tips for even passable service. 

1 hour ago, conVINCEd said:

Having to double back into a restaurant and give the waiter cash because while your father was generous and picked up the tab for your sister’s birthday dinner, he was not so generous with the waiter and  left a $10 tip on a $500 check. 

Put a decimal in the wrong spot I guess. 

36 minutes ago, nnm said:

My late grandmother (born 1912) came of age during the depression. She refused to tip, and didn’t want us to tip.  We would have to sneak around behind her back to leave a tip.
My family all knew the value of it, as all of us worked in restaurants at one time or another. My mom was a teacher, but worked a second job as a waitress for 10 years to help put my sister and me through college. She was usually especially generous with tips for even passable service. 

He’s just been this way the last 5 years or so.  The service was not good, but in my opinion that was due to inexperience.  Guy was hustling, he just didn’t really know what he was doing.  Dad feels like if the service is not up to his standard  the tip should reflect that.  I might agree with that in principle, but you have to offend me for me to not give you 20%.

 

33 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Put a decimal in the wrong spot I guess. 

Nope.  He was unsatisfied with the service, which while not great, was not on the level of dropping a $10 tip on a $500 check.  He hasn’t been satisfied with the service in a restaurant in a while.  My sister and I have a system where we figure out what he tipped and take turns making up for it.

$10 on $500 would have made me come unglued back in my days of service industry. That would mean I paid $5 to wait on your ass. $10 if we had a food runner.

8 minutes ago, Fudbelty said:

$10 on $500 would have made me come unglued back in my days of service industry. That would mean I paid $5 to wait on your ass. $10 if we had a food runner.

Once we realized it was a problem we found a solution.  When the check is about to arrive one of us gets up and goes to the bathroom and lingers having a conversation with mom while he signs the check so we can get a peek.  If we time that wrong we go back in and straight up ask the waiter what he tipped.  And yes, we’ve also told him to not be a cheap son of a bitch, explained the economics of the service industry, etc.  it hasn’t changed the situation.  So dad buys dinner, and my sister and I take turns tipping.

Sorry didn’t mean it as you specifically. Good on you for doing that. We always try to bring extra cash for bigger groups no matter the bill or tipper. Larger groups are just a PITA

2 minutes ago, Fudbelty said:

Sorry didn’t mean it as you specifically. Good on you for doing that. We always try to bring extra cash for bigger groups no matter the bill or tipper. Larger groups are just a PITA

Dad’s gotten a little kooky, it’s a slightly dysfunctional family, and my sister and I do what we can do to make family gatherings bearable while making sure we are decent humans and receive good service when we return to that restaurant, as I would guess that servers have a long memory on shit like a $10 tip on a $500 check.

At risk of this thread getting hijacked into another "tipping" thread:

I've also gone back and left more tip after relatives.

 

BUT:

3 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Dad feels like if the service is not up to his standard  the tip should reflect that.

This is how I feel as well. I start at 10%. The quality of service moves the amount up or down from there. I have zero problem tipping excellent service 20 or 30 or occasional 50% if it is truly stellar. I also have zero qualms about dropping it to 5% if the service was bad, and in extreme cases I have left no tip (but if no tip, I always stop the server and manager and specifically explain why.) Do I think they care or appreciate the feedback? No, I think they hate me and think I'm a cheap fuck, but I am giving them the feedback they need to improve.

(And yes I do distinguish if the bad experience was due to kitchen fuckup or some other factor outside of the server's own control. I don't ding the server if that's the case.)

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