Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[Godzillatron 292]

The Station.

[honolulu horn 6156]

3 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Thick milkshakes... I'm not trying to bring any boys to the yard, so I don't like them thick.  It's been about 30 minutes since I ordered the fucking thing, and I STILL can't drink it.  I'm seriously fucking ragey, to the point I thought about driving back to the shake shack and throwing the fucking thing at the window.  It's either the shake of the piece of shit fucking straw that collapses in every time I try to take a drink.  Serenity fucking now.

Very trivial. Also totally wrong.

[Nolacycling 893]

Fast food paper napkins have a side where the napkin ends 2/3's  before end. This is supposed to be mounted facing out of dispenser for single dispense. 

 

[Hanrahan 1306]

Thick milkshakes... I'm not trying to bring any boys to the yard, so I don't like them thick.  It's been about 30 minutes since I ordered the fucking thing, and I STILL can't drink it.  I'm seriously fucking ragey, to the point I thought about driving back to the shake shack and throwing the fucking thing at the window.  It's either the shake of the piece of shit fucking straw that collapses in every time I try to take a drink.  Serenity fucking now.

I’m going to be an ass and admit I find your continued outbursts entertaining. Didn’t you have it in for your wife? How is she? Why get bent about a milkshake from a fast food joint? You need to calm the fuck down.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

3 minutes ago, Hanrahan said:

 

I’m going to be an ass and admit I find your continued outbursts entertaining. Didn’t you have it in for your wife? How is she? Why get bent about a milkshake from a fast food joint? You need to calm the fuck down.

 

You familiar with the spirit of this thread?

[deadshank 24646]

Grown-assed men that when referring to multiplication say something along the lines of "now just times the 3 by the 4 and you have your answer."

"Times" it?

Really?

[BlueGreySky 995]

Dumbasses waiting for the elevator who crowd the door so I can’t get off the elevator. Move back fuckstick.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

On 4/8/2018 at 12:49 AM, El Diablo said:

"Official" company signatures suck balls. A couple months back we were directed to format all email sigs a certain way that includes the corporate logo. This logo appears on recipients emails to be an attachment, not to mention the sig is supposed to include business #, direct #, fax #, office location etc..etc... w/each on a separate line

Fuck you. 2 years ago we were directed to have sigs that were only one line, that is, name, ph# etc.. all on the same line so as to not take up too much vertical space. I liked that. 

This new shit is so stupid and takes up 6 or more lines vertically. Half of the email space is devoted to my fucking signature. Retards.

The alternative is longcat email signatures on every. fucking. response.

 

Bob-send me a copy

Best Regards,

Richard Cranium

Vice President, Human Trafficking

Facebook link: Richard@facebook

Linked in Link: Richard@ linkedIn

Twitter Link: Richard@twittter

Company email: Richard @ company.com

Company website: TheCompany.com

"Quote here that makes me seem like a decent human being despite the fact that I'm a piece of human garbage"

[deadshank 24646]

5 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

The alternative is longcat email signatures on every. fucking. response.

 

Bob-send me a copy

Best Regards,

Richard Cranium

Vice President, Human Trafficking

Facebook link: Richard@facebook

Linked in Link: Richard@ linkedIn

Twitter Link: Richard@twittter

Company email: Richard @ company.com

Company website: TheCompany.com

"Quote here that makes me seem like a decent human being despite the fact that I'm a piece of human garbage"

You forgot "THIS EMAIL IS INTENDED ONLY FOR THE RECIPIENT.  ANY UNAUTHORIZED.......blah blah blah."

[El Diablo 4232]

Yeah, I created a separate sig for replies. Fuck that longass shit for more than the initial email. That disclaimer drives me crazy too. Sometimes it gets inserted/shows and other times it doesn't and I'm still not sure when/why it does that.  Makes me surly as hell when it does show.

[deadshank 24646]

Which leads me to long cell phone voice mail greetings.

This is Cecil Sessums with Cecil Sessums Cesspool Services.

I can't take your phone call right now because I'm up to my knees in a cesspool or I'm fishing or I'm cooking meth in a trailer out in the brush.

Please leave me a voice mail or you for faster service you can call my office at 949-555-5555 and ask for Charlene.

If you've reached this voice mail after hours or on a weekend or on the opening day of crappie season you can call 888-555-5555 for your emergency cesspool diving service.

Or you can text me at this number or you can email me at cecilsessumsatcecilsessumscesspoolservice.com.  That's C E C I L S E S S U M S at C E C I L S E S S U M S C E S S P O O L S E R V I C E dot com (don't spell out the dot just use the little period button).

Click

(auto-loaded response instructions) To leave a voice mail press one; to leave a voice mail and send with urgency press two; to erase and start your voice mail over press three; to review your voice mail press four; if you are satisfied with your voice mail press 6 or simply hang up.

And finally........

The voice mailbox you have reached is full, good bye!

 

[Planet Houston 4921]

Are napkins the most expensive things on earth for restaurants from a cost perspective?  That's the only explanation I can come up with for how fucking stingy most restaurants are - and 99% of the napkins that are locked up like the gold in Fort Knox are the one-ply, super shitty napkins.  

I can't stand it when I either get one napkin handed to me with a to-go order (somewhere like Salata) or I have to go to a random corner of the restaurant to find the one dispenser that is stuffed so full of napkins that it's impossible to get a single one out.  

In short, fuck the "to go" napkin policy of almost every restaurant out there.

[PvilleStang 2823]

Hearing Toby Keith come on KOKE FM.  Come on, Bob, you're the official station of the Longhorns, don't fuck it up with that sooner goat fucker on the radio.

[DougO 5238]

The viral proliferation of aggyscum propaganda merchandising in common apparel retail.

For example, I was a JC Penny a while ago looking for casual t-shirts, like a nice Texas Rangers shirt (which they don't have now). It was about 50% comic book crap and 50% aggy, with only a spec of Cowboys gear and no other visible team apparel of any kind. It's 100 miles to aggy.  Academy is similar. They have ten times more aggy stuff than any other team stuff.

Aggy must be losing tons of money printing all this crap that won't sell just to create a fictional appearance that everyone wants to be aggy.

 

[DougO 5238]

4 hours ago, Planet Houston said:

Are napkins the most expensive things on earth for restaurants from a cost perspective?  That's the only explanation I can come up with for how fucking stingy most restaurants are - and 99% of the napkins that are locked up like the gold in Fort Knox are the one-ply, super shitty napkins.  

I can't stand it when I either get one napkin handed to me with a to-go order (somewhere like Salata) or I have to go to a random corner of the restaurant to find the one dispenser that is stuffed so full of napkins that it's impossible to get a single one out.  

In short, fuck the "to go" napkin policy of almost every restaurant out there.

Napkins and simple condiments in a lot of places where you can't even grab a pouch of ketchup without special behind-the-counter supervision.

[AUinHsv 574]

4 hours ago, Planet Houston said:

Are napkins the most expensive things on earth for restaurants from a cost perspective?  That's the only explanation I can come up with for how fucking stingy most restaurants are - and 99% of the napkins that are locked up like the gold in Fort Knox are the one-ply, super shitty napkins.  

I can't stand it when I either get one napkin handed to me with a to-go order (somewhere like Salata) or I have to go to a random corner of the restaurant to find the one dispenser that is stuffed so full of napkins that it's impossible to get a single one out.  

In short, fuck the "to go" napkin policy of almost every restaurant out there.

Very similar to the ketchup policy for take out. they seem to keep the packets in the safe next to the cash.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

Because The Poors steal them by the handful.

[Don Keibals 113]

8 minutes ago, AUinHsv said:

Very similar to the ketchup policy for take out. they seem to keep the packets in the safe next to the cash.

koff koff Whataburger koff koff

[AUinHsv 574]

Good point - they're off the list.  This reminded me that back in college I was told by the manager of McDonalds that the policy was two packs of ketchup for a sandwich and one for french fries. No exceptions.  That was in the 80's and obviously has changed but this crap isn; t new.

Edited April 9, 2018 by AUinHsv

[DougO 5238]

Drive-thru is for suckers anway. They always fuck up your order. I think they do it for entertainment.

Go inside, get your order faster, don't burn gas waiting, and hoard all the ketchup you want.

Edited April 9, 2018 by DougO

[Jersey Man10 3500]

When I roll down my windows at the same time and they're uneven.

[3adays 454]

All these tricked out bloody Mary’s places are serving. A fucking cheese burger or slice of bacon sticking out your drink. If you want to eat, eat! If you want a drink, drink! 

[former alkie 72]

People who take a new bite of food, while they’re still chewing on the previous bite........like a Neanderthal 

 

[MIkeHoncho 1872]

On 3/30/2018 at 7:03 AM, nycHorn said:

When people just throw their cigarette butts on the ground.  I want to pick them up, follow them home and toss them into their living room.  

Littering in general makes me want to eat their liver with some fava beans and a nice key-YAN-tee.

Yes.  This makes me want to rage.  Somehow their car won't smell like an ashtray if they throw the butt out the window?  These are often the same people who will flip out if I don't bring my own GD canvas bag to the grocery store and ask for a plastic one from the cashier.  

[Llano Estacado 1257]

Grown-assed men that when referring to multiplication say something along the lines of "now just times the 3 by the 4 and you have your answer."
"Times" it?
Really?

A few years after graduation when old job was trying to separate the worker bees into project group or engineering group, our client at the time (UT BSME w/ Rice MBA) is called by the new guy (aggy with an industrial design or whatever degree) and we overhear aggy say, “hold up, let me open excel. I have to do some minusing.”


...My eye twitched so hard I still think about it over a decade later, and make comments whenever that aggy is brought up in conversation. (He’s a realtor now)

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

10 hours ago, deadshank said:

Grown-assed men that when referring to multiplication say something along the lines of "now just times the 3 by the 4 and you have your answer."

"Times" it?

Really?

This is a good one.

Idiots writing money like this: 1$

[deadshank 24646]

At the doc with wife so she can have a procedure done this morn.  

Why do people bring their entire family to the doctor?  I’m not talking about a single mom with young children.  I’m talking mom, dad and 2 grown-assed kids in their 20’s.  

And then they all get up together to go out into the elevator lobby and the reverse skate 1 minute later only to do it all again 6 more times in 10 minutes.  

Sit down and quit going in and out the danged door.  

(Daughter is pretty cute FWIW)

[Fudge Nuggets 19097]

21 hours ago, deadshank said:

Grown-assed men that when referring to multiplication say something along the lines of "now just times the 3 by the 4 and you have your answer."

"Times" it?

Really?

"Times" is the opposite of "goes-intas".

 

[Planet Houston 4921]

13 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

This is a good one.

Idiots writing money like this: 1$

In a similar vein, idiots that say “10am in the morning.” 

Brought to you by the redundancy department of redundancy. 

[BayouBill 835]

the automated voicemail recording that plays after the actual persons recording..."at the tone, please record your message. After you have finished recording you may hang -up or press 1 for more options".

 

I KNOW HOW VOICEMAILS WORK, QUIT WASTING MY TIME!

[GoPokes83 2236]

When I roll down my windows at the same time and they're uneven.

LOL and I thought I was the only one...

[Steamboat1874 4028]

The auto answer recording that always says..."please listen carefully because our menu options have changed."

Bullshit just answer the fucking phone already !

[Guest]

People who use 20' of the turn lane...thus destroying the very service said turn lane provides to other drivers.

People who expect to merge with traffic moving at 65mph while doing 40.

People who improperly execute the 4 way stop sequencing.  This is a lot of you motherfuckers...

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

2 hours ago, Planet Houston said:

In a similar vein, idiots that say “10am in the morning.” 

Brought to you by the redundancy department of redundancy. 

I, too, also hate that as well. 

[ButtFumble 5112]

websites with videos that throw up splash screens when you try and stop the video to look closer at something

only slightly less bad is Dish and Direct TV (and probably many cable companies) that have the stupid progress bar on the screen if you stop the video to get a look at something like if it is a catch or not or if the foot is in bounds or out of bounds.....inevitably the shit you want to see will be obscured by the progress bar that you cannot get off the fucking screen

[PvilleStang 2823]

Hell, on that note, when some station is replaying sports, say on the news, and the station logo obscures the box score.  Come on...

[TornACL 7665]

People who take half a donut. Come on, fatty mcgee, who are you trying to fool? Just take the whole fucking thing and throw half of it in the trash at your desk. No one else is going to want to eat the left behind half of that donut that you pawed all over while you were tearing it apart.

The worst part about it is that most of these people like to make a big showy event out of the whole thing. "Ohh, goodness, I'm only going to take HALF of this jelly donut, I'm watching my weight for beach season, anyone want the other half?"

Get the fuck out of here, you weigh two bucks and a quarter. If you go to the beach the beach will run out of sun.

 

 

Edited April 10, 2018 by TornACL

[deadshank 24646]

20 minutes ago, TornACL said:

People who take half a donut. Come on, fatty mcgee, who are you trying to fool? Just take the whole fucking thing and throw half of it in the trash at your desk. No one else is going to want to eat the left behind half of that donut that you pawed all over while you were tearing it apart.

The worst part about it is that most of these people like to make a big showy event out of the whole thing. "Ohh, goodness, I'm only going to take HALF of this jelly donut, I'm watching my weight for beach season, anyone want the other half?"

Get the fuck out of here, you weigh two bucks and a quarter. If you go to the beach the beach will run out of sun.

 

 

I'd eat the other half if its a sour cream cruller from HEB.   Not afeart at all.

[TornACL 7665]

Fuck that, man. I don't eat half donuts, I eat whole donuts.

No more half measures, Walter.

[ButtFumble 5112]

33 minutes ago, TornACL said:

People who take half a donut. Come on, fatty mcgee, who are you trying to fool? Just take the whole fucking thing and throw half of it in the trash at your desk. No one else is going to want to eat the left behind half of that donut that you pawed all over while you were tearing it apart.

The worst part about it is that most of these people like to make a big showy event out of the whole thing. "Ohh, goodness, I'm only going to take HALF of this jelly donut, I'm watching my weight for beach season, anyone want the other half?"

Get the fuck out of here, you weigh two bucks and a quarter. If you go to the beach the beach will run out of sun.

 

 

 

you should start a half donut franchise...instead of selling them by the dozen sell them by the two dozen

Edited April 10, 2018 by ButtFumble

[High Plains Drifter 10961]

When the cashier hands you your change with the bills, coins, and receipt all in one handful.

Hey asshole, count that shit back to me.

My solution is to just look at their hand for a beat or two, then reach out with two fingers and pick out the change, put that in my pocket, then take the bills. If I do that enough, one day they will all learn.

[TornACL 7665]

22 minutes ago, ButtFumble said:

 

you should start a half donut franchise...instead of selling them by the dozen sell them by the two dozen

Two for the price of one!

[elfenix 34157]

when zappos has a shoe in stock but amazon does not. 

 

the automated voicemail recording that plays after the actual persons recording..."at the tone, please record your message. After you have finished recording you may hang -up or press 1 for more options".

 

I KNOW HOW VOICEMAILS WORK, QUIT WASTING MY TIME!

even worse when you hear the person's recording, there's a beep, you start to leave a voicemail, and then that message comes on.

 

Edited April 10, 2018 by elfenix

[Judge Roybeanbag 11771]

2 hours ago, TornACL said:

People who take half a donut. Come on, fatty mcgee, who are you trying to fool? Just take the whole fucking thing and throw half of it in the trash at your desk. No one else is going to want to eat the left behind half of that donut that you pawed all over while you were tearing it apart.

The worst part about it is that most of these people like to make a big showy event out of the whole thing. "Ohh, goodness, I'm only going to take HALF of this jelly donut, I'm watching my weight for beach season, anyone want the other half?"

Get the fuck out of here, you weigh two bucks and a quarter. If you go to the beach the beach will run out of sun.

 

 

People do that with fruit at my office.  Cut a banana or apple in half and leave half of it.  For fuck's sake!

[Steamboat1874 4028]

Worse is people throwing a banana peel in a trashcan that stays there long enough for the office to be swarming with those fucking fruit flies.

[AUinHsv 574]

The other day at work someone at 1/8 (yes 1/8) not 1/4 or 1/2 but 1/8 of a doughnut. Basically cut off one small bite and left the rest for someone else.

[markstanco 12461]

websites with videos that throw up splash screens when you try and stop the video to look closer at something

only slightly less bad is Dish and Direct TV (and probably many cable companies) that have the stupid progress bar on the screen if you stop the video to get a look at something like if it is a catch or not or if the foot is in bounds or out of bounds.....inevitably the shit you want to see will be obscured by the progress bar that you cannot get off the fucking screen

 

Hit the exit button on DTV and it goes away. (Seriously, try it on some random show tonight)

 

On edit: similar to your issue, when the local station feels it is necessary to use 20-25% of the screen to overlay the weather radar.

[Prepuce of Doom 20954]

The obnoxious pop up "press the red button to access scores and other shit you could find on your own very easily if you wanted to" nuisance that ESPN forces on you with DirecTV. 

[tokamak 6339]

When a restaurant ad says they have "farm-grown tomatoes". No shit. As opposed to created in a lab? All tomatoes are farm grown. Any place that grows tomatoes is a fucking farm, by definition.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21780]

Tomatoes grown in a backyard garden are not farm grown