Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[Prepuce of Doom 20967]

Yup. I’ve been on a couple of calls where either I or someone else has muted the call and then accidentally hung up instead of turning off the mute because both buttons look the same and are right next to each other.

You guys aren't the only ones.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

14 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Hi HRSchenker


Dont be a grumpy dick.
 

Respectfully,

MNLonghornFUCKM

[Vic Mackey 46911]

It only really affects me when it is my neighbors, but I cannot stand seeing someone's house in complete shambles, with crap upon crap all over their yard.  I don't understand it.  I don't understand why someone chooses to live that way, and it should not affect my life in any way.  Serenity now.

Maybe it's just me getting older but people who don't keep their yard manicured bugs the hell out of me. Grass high as hell. Weeds everywhere.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

5 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:

Maybe it's just me getting older but people who don't keep their yard manicured bugs the hell out of me. Grass high as hell. Weeds everywhere.

Fuck those lazy fucks.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

5 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Greetings Onboard,

I see what you did there.

Regards,

BurntEyes

Dear Mr. BurntEyes,

 

Yes, thank you, for your kind words.

 

I remain your faithful servant,

Onboard

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

2 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Hi Onboard,

I appreciate that. 

Thanks,

BurntEyes

Dear HRSchenker,

 

I think we made our heavy handed point.

 

Signed,

The Surly assholes.  

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

Lulz

[Llano Estacado 1257]

All,

As PER previous discussion. Sincere thanks to the team.

Cc:Frank Lapidus. - adding you in.

Thanks,
Llano

Llano.estacado@Clownpenis.fart
123 Fake street
Houston TX
Personal Cell: 512 -123-4567
Business Cell: 281-123-4567
Office: 832-123-4567
Reception: 832-123-1000
Clown penis.jpg

“One team. One dream. Achieve it. Live it”

This is a business confidential work product and doesn’t reflect clownpenis co, it’s board or shareholders. If you received by accident or in error the composer is dumb.

Think twice about the environment and please print and shred this email only if you work for woodcock, the pulp and timber division of ClownPenis.Holdings

[Vic Mackey 46911]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Fuck those lazy fucks.

My grandma would always call the city on her neighbors that did that. I have not gotten to that point yet but I now understand why she did. 

[Prepuce of Doom 20967]

34 minutes ago, Llano Estacado said:

All,

As PER previous discussion. Sincere thanks to the team.

Cc:Frank Lapidus. - adding you in.

Thanks,
Llano

Llano.estacado@Clownpenis.fart
123 Fake street
Houston TX
Personal Cell: 512 -123-4567
Business Cell: 281-123-4567
Office: 832-123-4567
Reception: 832-123-1000
Clown penis.jpg

“One team. One dream. Achieve it. Live it”

This is a business confidential work product and doesn’t reflect clownpenis co, it’s board or shareholders. If you received by accident or in error the composer is dumb.

Think twice about the environment and please print and shred this email only if you work for woodcock, the pulp and timber division of ClownPenis.Holdings
 

And half the time, Clown penis.jpg is just a red X, and half the time it is interpreted as a separate attachment, so thanks for fucking up my ability to easily search for emails from you that actually contain substantive attachments. 

[Nueces River Rat 5524]

People who don't use turn signals.  

Idiots who insist on moving a whole home or apartment on the back of a pickup truck which includes the king sized mattress which ends up on the side of the road.  Or worse in the middle of 1-10 in San Antonio near UTSA and scares the living shit out of you like what occurred to me as one flew off in front of me.    ESTUPIDOS!!!!!!!!

[Uncle Nate 2097]

1 hour ago, Llano Estacado said:

All,

As PER previous discussion. Sincere thanks to the team.

Cc:Frank Lapidus. - adding you in.

Thanks,
Llano

Llano.estacado@Clownpenis.fart
123 Fake street
Houston TX
Personal Cell: 512 -123-4567
Business Cell: 281-123-4567
Office: 832-123-4567
Reception: 832-123-1000
Clown penis.jpg

“One team. One dream. Achieve it. Live it”

This is a business confidential work product and doesn’t reflect clownpenis co, it’s board or shareholders. If you received by accident or in error the composer is dumb.

Think twice about the environment and please print and shred this email only if you work for woodcock, the pulp and timber division of ClownPenis.Holdings
 

Oh man, so much this.  There's one guy who has such large as image attachments in his signature that any email he sends is going to be close to 1mb just because of his fucking signature.

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

I don't have any data to prove this but it seems like officials go out of their way to NOT call a safety when a ballcarrier is tackled in the end zone, via favorable interpretation of forward progress. 

Edited April 30, 2019 by SwanderedTalent

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

45 minutes ago, Nueces River Rat said:

People who don't use turn signals.  

Not trivial. 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

41 minutes ago, Uncle Nate said:

Oh man, so much this.  There's one guy who has such large as image attachments in his signature that any email he sends is going to be close to 1mb just because of his fucking signature.

But how will people know that I have a LinkedIN/twitter/facebook/instagram account?!?!

[EE2B 1561]

You guys aren't the only ones.

Haha. An even better one is that we have a label with the mill emergency number on the spyder phone. The conference call number is hanging on the wall in the conference room. I watched a co-worker give out the emergency number as the conference call number one time. It didn’t take them long to call back and ask for the correct number. This same person also dialed the emergency number himself thinking it was the conference call key code.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

8 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

But of course and it's critical you include BOTH your personal social media as well as the corporate social media links. All of them. 

And the pics because it's really cool when you have the little twitter bird in your signature. HASHTAG PROFESSIONAL!!

[El Diablo 4232]

2 hours ago, Nueces River Rat said:

People who don't use turn signals.  

Idiots who insist on moving a whole home or apartment on the back of a pickup truck which includes the king sized mattress which ends up on the side of the road.  Or worse in the middle of 1-10 in San Antonio near UTSA and scares the living shit out of you like what occurred to me as one flew off in front of me.    ESTUPIDOS!!!!!!!!

One of Darwins finest took himself out of the gene pool years ago in Waco. He was in the back of the pickup holding onto the mattress as it was flying down Valley Mills Drive. When it flew out he did too. Busted his melon, bad.

[52-80 19063]

Sometimes people slice and dice email threads and by the time it gets to me, I'd appreciate finding a contact info from upchain

[Bullneck 18976]

4 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I don't have any data to prove this but it seems like officials go out of their way to NOT call a safety when a ballcarrier is tackled in the end zone, via favorable interpretation of forward progress. 

The signal for a safety is usually pretty long in coming.  2 points and a KO at stake here.  FG, book it.  TD, usually pretty quick unless it's in the middle of a scrum at the goal line.

[Knoxtnhorn 5928]

So I'm at Chuck E Cheese (Garland) for the 2nd time in 5 days.  Wife's school fundraiser Fri (wtf?), youngest son's fundraiser today. 

At least on a cruise one has the option to jump overboard.

[Knoxtnhorn 5928]

@Vic Mackey

You should scope this place out.  And I'm not being facetious.

[Vic Mackey 46911]

1 minute ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

@Vic Mackey

You should scope this place out.  And I'm not being facetious.

Haha the one on 635 and Centerville? Yeah Chuck E Cheese is the go to stop for young moms to bring their kids, especially the cholas. Some of them even sell alcohol in there now.

[Zepol87 9163]

Man the Centerville one gets hood. Wasn't there a Peter Piper over there across the street also?

[Knoxtnhorn 5928]

You nailed it.  635 and Centerville.

[SHOOTER12 8787]

On 4/24/2019 at 7:42 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

All of this does put me in mind of my other pet peeve at fast food joints. Multiple times, I have heard this exact conversation on a cell phone in line at the same Taco Bell (different callers each time):

"Taco Bell." 

(pause while the other person talks...)

"Tacos."

 

On 4/24/2019 at 9:39 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Both?

...and naoch?

[Judge Roybeanbag 11793]

23 hours ago, EE2B said:

Yup. I’ve been on a couple of calls where either I or someone else has muted the call and then accidentally hung up instead of turning off the mute because both buttons look the same and are right next to each other.

I was on a call with like 10 people at different locations, thought I was on mute so while one guy was talking I lifted one cheek and ripped a huge fart.  He stuttered and stopped talking and there was an awkward silence and some giggling.  At first I was like “oh shit!”, but then realized nobody could tell who did it.  

[Archer 474]

18 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So I'm at Chuck E Cheese (Garland) for the 2nd time in 5 days.  Wife's school fundraiser Fri (wtf?), youngest son's fundraiser today. 

At least on a cruise one has the option to jump overboard.

 

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

When you have to make an online profile or during a check out and they automatically tick the box for “want to receive emails with promotions” or whatever, and you don’t see it. Then you get all this fucking emails.

Related...

When you finally stop being lazy and decide to unsubscribe to said email and even though you follow the process to completion, you still get emails.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8799]

....

[Al_4_ISU 12408]

On 4/30/2019 at 12:47 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

I don't have any data to prove this but it seems like officials go out of their way to NOT call a safety when a ballcarrier is tackled in the end zone, via favorable interpretation of forward progress. 

I feel like the last 4-5 safeties I've caught in a game weren't even tackled ball carriers.  They were all fumble out of bounds, intentional grounding in the endzone, etc kind of safeties.

If it was a tackled ball carrier, it was a deep sack.  It seems almost impossible to safety a RB anymore.

Edited May 1, 2019 by Al_4_ISU

[shakahorn 1625]

20 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I was on a call with like 10 people at different locations, thought I was on mute so while one guy was talking I lifted one cheek and ripped a huge fart.  He stuttered and stopped talking and there was an awkward silence and some giggling.  At first I was like “oh shit!”, but then realized nobody could tell who did it.  

Working from home one day, same deal, thought I was on mute, went to take a piss.  Except there were only four people on the call and the guy who works with me knew it was me.  No one said a word at the time.  Big huge horse piss complete with flush.

[Steamboat1874 4030]

Getting behind a diesel vehicle on the road.

Fucking assholes that always leave it running when they stop somewhere.

They should move the exhaust pipe to the front of the radiator so these dipshits can inhale that shit while they drive.

I hope someday soon diesel goes up $20 per gallon.

.

[NAVY 6738]

Uptalk.

I fucking hate this speech pattern so got damn much. I immediately calculate minus 50 IQ points from the speaker and it’s hard to like whatever they’re jabbering on about. 

I try to keep an open mind and enjoy hearing the opinions of other, but practitioners of uptalk are shooting themselves in the persuasion foot.  

[NWBuck 8543]

26 minutes ago, NAVY said:

Uptalk.

I fucking hate this speech pattern so got damn much? I immediately calculate minus 50 IQ points from the speaker and it’s hard to like whatever they’re jabbering on about?

I try to keep an open mind and enjoy hearing the opinions of other, but practitioners of uptalk are shooting themselves in the persuasion foot?

FIFY

[Uncle Nate 2097]

People who put their trash and recycling out the night before when there is like a 90% chance of severe weather. 

I just love waking up to my neighbors’ trash/recycles strewn out all over the neighborhood and yard. 

Come on fucksticks.  Check the weather forecast before putting your trash out overnight. 

Edited May 2, 2019 by Uncle Nate

[retsevlys 408]

People who put their trash/recycling on the street instead of the curb.  At some point I'm going to clear the street with this bullshit.

[52-80 19063]

people with messy/dirty cars.  shits disgusting holmes

[Dewey 3280]

I haven't washed my truck in 2 years

[Okie State 3767]

People who put their trash/recycling on the street instead of the curb.  At some point I'm going to clear the street with this bullshit.

Pretty sure our recycle bin came with specific instructions to put them in the street with the wheels against the curb. I assume so the truck can pick them up.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

people with messy/dirty cars.  shits disgusting holmes

It doesn't rain where you are, does it?

[Okie State 3767]

I used to wash my car regularly. Then I had kids and my free time disappeared.

And no, I won't pay to have it done because they'll fuck it up. I'd rather just leave it dirty for months at a time.

[ztejas 43236]

19 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

....

Oh God you have no idea how much that shit infuriates me. Whoever came up with that method of verification needs to be publicly stoned then crucified. 

Half the time when that comes up I just decide "yeah I didn't really need to log into that site anyway, fuck this"

And the only reason it's a thing is because they use it to crowdsource the accuracy of whatever image detection algorithm they are working on. Just like they used captcha to help improve the accuracy of digitally transferring text. 

I'd almost rather just give them my social security number than play Dora the fucking Explorer and be told I'm a dumbass 3 times before actually getting to log in. "Can you tell me where the stoplights are? Oops! Looks like you missed one! Let's try again!" 

Fuck you and fuck the idiots that can't practice a modicum of cybersecurity that makes it necessary to have shit like this in the first place. 

Edited May 2, 2019 by ztejas
sp

[Fudge Nuggets 19117]

16 hours ago, NAVY said:

Uptalk.

I fucking hate this speech pattern so got damn much. I immediately calculate minus 50 IQ points from the speaker and it’s hard to like whatever they’re jabbering on about. 

I try to keep an open mind and enjoy hearing the opinions of other, but practitioners of uptalk are shooting themselves in the persuasion foot.  

What's uptalk?  I'm sure I've heard it in the wild but didn't realize what its technical name was.

[NAVY 6738]

29 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

What's uptalk?  I'm sure I've heard it in the wild but didn't realize what its technical name was.

If you vomit it’s not my fault surelybro. 

 

[ztejas 43236]

"up" because there's an upwards inflection at the end of every phrase. 

Also known as Valley Girl. 

[52-80 19063]

5 hours ago, 52-80 said:

people with messy/dirty cars.  shits disgusting holmes

No reason for nasty interior tho

[ztejas 43236]

1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

Like totally.

I was not familiar and don't know anyone professionally or personally who speaks like this. Is this some hipster millennial shit or what?

It's some California shit that has bled through to the rest of the country. But yeah if you are older than a millennial and talk like this you're either a dumb bimbo or flaming.

[lateshow 1303]

10 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Like totally.

I was not familiar and don't know anyone professionally or personally who speaks like this. Is this some hipster millennial shit or what?

Listen to Tim Tebow on ESPN. He's terrible about it. 

[lateshow 1303]

5 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

I have no need for ESPN nor TIm Tebow. So, no thanks. 

Not a college football fan, huh?