Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[AUinHsv 584]

Dominos thin crust??? I got one of those and found out you have to ask for a traditional cut. Hate it when people decide to change the accepted rules and don't ask if you agree. Had some Einstein chef at a Hilton Garden decide I wanted a batch of wheat germ in my pancakes. Um no and next time you want to do something outrageously strange - ask me first...

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

3 hours ago, Landomatic said:

When someone openly admits they’ve done something wrong, but bitches about the consequences because it wasn’t THAT wrong.

 

Wife:  I'm sorry for what I did... but here is why I did it.  Here is why you are wrong.  Sorry, not sorry. 

[RPM 26615]

31 minutes ago, AUinHsv said:

Dominos thin crust??? I got one of those and found out you have to ask for a traditional cut. Hate it when people decide to change the accepted rules and don't ask if you agree.

Ed Zachary. I was hungry and really looking forward to a few slices. I opened the box and WTF? 

[FigurelliPwC 115]

1 hour ago, AUinHsv said:

Dominos thin crust??? I got one of those and found out you have to ask for a traditional cut. Hate it when people decide to change the accepted rules and don't ask if you agree. Had some Einstein chef at a Hilton Garden decide I wanted a batch of wheat germ in my pancakes. Um no and next time you want to do something outrageously strange - ask me first...

That shit is the worst! Like ruining Christmas morning.  Rivaled only by getting fucked in the drive through.  Came home short a breakfast taco last week - the look on the wife & kids face told me I was the one that was screwed.

[Prepuce of Doom 21285]

Hotel points system/account log in security. These fuckers take themselves so goddamn seriously, like they're guarding Fort Knox and the recipe for Coca-Cola in there or something. 

We don't recognize your new phone, Mr. Prepuce, even though you arrived at our site by clicking on a link we emailed to you, so please scan your retina and your anus and fax us a blood sample before you can enroll in the Double Points Promotion. 

Fuck off, Starwood. 

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

From another thread:

Every financial interaction has now turned into an attempt to shake me down for your charity.

[DigglerontheHoof 21550]

43 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

From another thread:

Every financial interaction has now turned into an attempt to shake me down for your charity.

And tips.  

[52-80 19377]

when the stem or outside of an asparagus is fibrous as hell

[WhatTheBuck 28928]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

when the stem or outside of an asparagus is fibrous as hell

Peel it with your vegetable peeler. 

[52-80 19377]

Videos with the overlay "recorded live".  When is something NOT recorded live?  or do they mean un-cut / pre/post-produced?

 

Or videos that are broadcast later, that are still stamped live.  Well shit, it aint live anymore - take the label off

[Spankytoes 1748]

When someone stops in the middle of the sidewalk in Manhattan, and I’m trying to get somewhere, I immediately wish that they would get hit by a car at the next crosswalk.

[PilotsError 2336]

oh wow you live in manhattan?

[Fudge Nuggets 19453]

On 4/24/2018 at 4:32 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Smallest scrapes on the top of my hand equals to 2 gallons of blood lost.. wtf

Are you a hemofil... heamohphilli... ahhh shit, one of those dudes that bleeds a lot?

[Moby Ric 2058]

Fucking mosquitos.  Got bit on my neck last night and my body really reacts to the bites.  I looked like Frank Beamer with a goiter on my neck.

[Underdog 29162]

28 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Are you a hemofil... heamohphilli... ahhh shit, one of those dudes that bleeds a lot?

The word you’re looks for is pussy, only pussies bleed a lot.

 

[WhatTheBuck 28928]

People who drive 40 in a 45 mph zone then speed up to 45 when the speed limit drops to 35 mph. 

[PvilleStang 2983]

14 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

People who drive 40 in a 45 mph zone then speed up to 45 when the speed limit drops to 35 mph. 

You must take Bee Cave Road through Westlake a lot.

[SilasCoade 2622]

People that can't answer a question in the format required.  If you are asked "How many ..." and your answer does not include a number, fuck you.  If you are asked "When ..." or "How long ago ..." and your answer does not include a date or some number associated with a calendar unit (days/weeks/months/years), fuck you.  All day long with this shit.

[former alkie 72]

On 4/26/2018 at 8:40 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

 

Every financial interaction has now turned into an attempt to shake me down for your charity.

I have to give credit to my local Petco.

About 6 months ago, they stopped asking that crap.....now, it’s just a yes/no question on the debit/credit card screen.  

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

Anyone with kids try to buy their kids socks lately?  I saw an entire rack of packs of socks and every dang pack had unique pairs.  So when one gets lost then the other is worthless.  Can't buy just a10 pack of plain ass pink or purple socks for my daughter. I can barely find plain white or black

[deadshank 24654]

9 hours ago, Llogg said:

People that can't answer a question in the format required.  If you are asked "How many ..." and your answer does not include a number, fuck you.  If you are asked "When ..." or "How long ago ..." and your answer does not include a date or some number associated with a calendar unit (days/weeks/months/years), fuck you.  All day long with this shit.

Jeez. You know my employees?

I say, “the only possible 2 answers to the question I’m about to ask you are ‘yes’ or ‘no.’  Please provide me with a “yes” or a “no.”

The typical reply I get:  “uh, uh, green?”

[BurntOrangeCrush 1028]

4 hours ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

Anyone with kids try to buy their kids socks lately?  I saw an entire rack of packs of socks and every dang pack had unique pairs.  So when one gets lost then the other is worthless.  Can't buy just a10 pack of plain ass pink or purple socks for my daughter. I can barely find plain white or black

Ha I was bitching about this very issue a few weeks ago. I feel your pain.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11860]

On 4/26/2018 at 8:40 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

From another thread:

Every financial interaction has now turned into an attempt to shake me down for your charity.

Gas pumps are the worst.  I just want some fuel. Not the fucking Spanish Inquisition. 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

12 hours ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

Anyone with kids try to buy their kids socks lately?  I saw an entire rack of packs of socks and every dang pack had unique pairs.  So when one gets lost then the other is worthless.  Can't buy just a10 pack of plain ass pink or purple socks for my daughter. I can barely find plain white or black

Sure as hell doesn't feel trivial in the morning, when you're trying to get to work, and you have five minutes to get them off to school, and you can't find a damned matching pair of socks. Match 'em by thickness, is my advice, and be damned with the whole thing.

[El Diablo 4232]

6 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Sure as hell doesn't feel trivial in the morning, when you're trying to get to work, and you have five minutes to get them off to school, and you can't find a damned matching pair of socks. Match 'em by thickness, is my advice, and be damned with the whole thing.

What sort of heathens don't match their socks up when they come out of the dryer? 

[markstanco 12785]

On 4/25/2018 at 7:10 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Hotel points system/account log in security. These fuckers take themselves so goddamn seriously, like they're guarding Fort Knox and the recipe for Coca-Cola in there or something. 

We don't recognize your new phone, Mr. Prepuce, even though you arrived at our site by clicking on a link we emailed to you, so please scan your retina and your anus and fax us a blood sample before you can enroll in the Double Points Promotion. 

Fuck off, Starwood. 

Verizon is the same way. Such a beating. 

[Guest]

On 4/26/2018 at 8:40 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

From another thread:

Every financial interaction has now turned into an attempt to shake me down for your charity.

agreed.

I know I just spent $50 on beer, cigarettes, and lotto; but fuck Jerry's Kids.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

2 hours ago, El Diablo said:

What sort of heathens don't match their socks up when they come out of the dryer? 

I've never had much use for random number generators, because they haven't taken advantage of the only real source of mathematical chaos which has been proven conclusively: the multidimensional nature of socks in dryers. Good luck matching socks straight out of the dryer, even if socks were the *only* thing in there.

[Prepuce of Doom 21285]

On 4/28/2018 at 9:44 AM, Llogg said:

People that can't answer a question in the format required.  If you are asked "How many ..." and your answer does not include a number, fuck you.  If you are asked "When ..." or "How long ago ..." and your answer does not include a date or some number associated with a calendar unit (days/weeks/months/years), fuck you.  All day long with this shit.

Are you my office's accountant/bookkeeper?

She asks what she thinks are "yes or no" questions but which are so drastically oversimplified and narrow in scope that to answer with a yes or no would be seriously misleading, or even technically correct but overall inaccurate. And then she gets pissy when you provide her with the necessary details. 

It's become such a known problem with her that the rest of us let her suffer with one-word answers if it will only create more work and headaches for her, but we stubbornly insist on forcing her to accept clarity for matters related to  billing. 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, El Diablo said:

What sort of heathens don't match their socks up when they come out of the dryer? 

or when i get only one sock back in my stack of laundry( i do my own laundry but not always,  we split it about half and half on any given chore)

I wore them 2 at a time...where the fuck is the other one?

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

17 minutes ago, slorch said:

I wore them 2 at a time...where the fuck is the other one?

[Celery Man 21094]

It's not getting the socks out of the dryer, it's getting them into the hamper.

 

my gf is the queen of answering straightforward questions without the information that is implicitly being requested.  Still not sure how to address it, my natural reaction is to repeat back the information but putting in wrong information for the thing I'm unsure of, and then let her correct.  I take the grocery list and go over it with her

list item - "cheese"
"what kind of cheese do you want?"
"grated!"
"Ok, grated italian mix cheese."
"no, cheddar!"
"ok, grated mild cheddar"
"no, sharp!"
"ok, and what kind of hummus?"
"the kind that I like"
facepalm

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

The difference between gf and wife is simple: with a wife, you know the kind of hummus she likes. It's the other one, not the one you bought.

[Celery Man 21094]

10 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

The difference between gf and wife is simple: with a wife, you know the kind of hummus she likes. It's the other one, not the one you bought.

getting there.

"Ok, roasted pumpkin seeds.  Where do I find this?"
"Just any HEB."
"So I'll go to the shitty HEB across the street?"
"No, a real HEB."
"Ok and I'll look next to the sunflower seeds in the salty snacks section?"
"No, in the bulk section."
arrive at the bulk section - there are two types of roasted pumpkin seeds

[Guest]

^^^^^^^^^^

 

If she bitches, next time she can get her own or be more descriptive.

 

If she says a word about it not being the right kind, it's costing her.

[PilotsError 2336]

When the home team wears dark jerseys and the visiting team white ones.

[WhatTheBuck 28928]

5 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

When the home team wears dark jerseys and the visiting team white ones.

So...football?

[El Diablo 4232]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

It's not getting the socks out of the dryer, it's getting them into the hamper.

One could think that this is where the problem starts. Unfortunately for me I've lived my life in a sock sucking wrinkle in the space-time continuum and there's no guarantee that socks I've removed from my feet and placed in the hamper are still there when the hamper is unloaded into the washing machine.

It's either that or the machines have an insatiable desire for socks that reek of human sweat.

[dufus 9]

19 hours ago, deadshank said:

Jeez. You know my employees?

I say, “the only possible 2 answers to the question I’m about to ask you are ‘yes’ or ‘no.’  Please provide me with a “yes” or a “no.”

The typical reply I get:  “uh, uh, green?”

Or - "let me explain"....  No just answer the question - "yes" or "no"

[skipperj 377]

What if it’s a stupid question to start with.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

16 minutes ago, skipperj said:

What if it’s a stupid question to start with.

I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a 'yes' or 'no' question?

[deadshank 24654]

1 hour ago, dufus said:

Or - "let me explain"....  No just answer the question - "yes" or "no"

“Let me explain” is what I call “making snowballs.”   They are in your office nervously explaining something while pressing their cupped hands together like they’re making snowballs.  

Yes, book fags, I lifted that from A Man In Full by Tom Wolfe.

[SilasCoade 2622]

7 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Are you my office's accountant/bookkeeper?

She asks what she thinks are "yes or no" questions but which are so drastically oversimplified and narrow in scope that to answer with a yes or no would be seriously misleading, or even technically correct but overall inaccurate. And then she gets pissy when you provide her with the necessary details. 

It's become such a known problem with her that the rest of us let her suffer with one-word answers if it will only create more work and headaches for her, but we stubbornly insist on forcing her to accept clarity for matters related to  billing. 

Read again.  Did not describe yes/no questions.  But a question regarding quantity or time requires an answer to include numbers and/or units.  If I say, "How many Vicodin do you take in a day?"  and your answer is akin to "My dad's cousin's sister-in-law had a headache like this and she took oxycontin and felt way better," well, fuck you.

[DougO 5264]

Being conscious.

[skipperj 377]

2 hours ago, Llogg said:

If I say, "How many Vicodin do you take in a day?"  and your answer is akin to "My dad's cousin's sister-in-law had a headache like this and she took oxycontin and felt way better," well, fuck you.

That’s your fault for asking a question you know you won’t get a straight answer to.

The person that is asked a question is not beholden to the asker’s expectations on how a question is to be answered. Unless they are under oath in a court of law. If you ask me how much is 2+2 and I answer Bunny, go fuck yourself. Bunny is my answer. 

People that get shitty answers to their questions are either asking shitty questions, or they don’t know enough information about their audience to ask the right questions.

Edited April 30, 2018 by skipperj

[Player 4610]

Objection, nonresponsive. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8975]

This can't be ranted about enough..when videos on Facebook automatically play and the media volume your phone is at an 11. Fuck your algorithm 

Edited April 30, 2018 by MNLonghornFUKM

[skipperj 377]

You must have a shitty phone, because FB videos don't play with sound by default on any phone or browser I have seen in years.

Edited April 30, 2018 by skipperj

[deac_tracy 517]

I can't stand this noise. It makes me ragey when a waiter hard pours my water like this.

 

 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8975]

8 hours ago, skipperj said:

You must have a shitty phone, because FB videos don't play with sound by default on any phone or browser I have seen in years.

Lol well it's an s8+...maybe you haven't had your media volume turned up in years?