Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[WhatTheBuck 28,928]

53 minutes ago, BearMace said:

I think the Sack came up with this

That’s how you know it’s wrong.

[Nolacycling 893]

Man arrested in cold case killing of decapitated, burned victim found in dumpster

your guess is as good as mine.

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

Your honor, the decapitated, burned victim that my client found in the dumpster could not have been murdered by my client. 

[BearMace 2,244]

The PXG golf club commercials where the CEO sounds like he's promoting a monster truck rally or something. Fuck that guy.

[closetohumping 17,810]

The Inventor of Woodoku is a passive aggressive trifling bitch

[elfenix 34,746]

  

18 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

That’s how you know it’s wrong.

 

sack did not come up with zipper merge.

Edited April 12, 2022 by elfenix

[Guest]

20 hours ago, Deej said:

Lemons are five for a dollar at the Mexican market by my house. Granted, they are smaller than the limes. 

No price on the Mexicans?

 

What exactly is a "Mexican market?"

[WhatTheBuck 28,928]

23 minutes ago, elfenix said:

  

 

sack did not come up with zipper merge.

Executed properly it’s not possible to “bum rush the line.” The merge happens at the merge point. 

[conVINCEd 21,477]

50 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Executed properly it’s not possible to “bum rush the line.” The merge happens at the merge point. 

Have you ever seen it executed properly?

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

10 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Have you ever seen it executed properly?

I will swear on a stack of bibles I saw a 3 lane zipper merge work pretty politely less than 3 weeks ago while crossing the Monitor Merrimac bridge tunnel in Hampton, Va.  I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it.  

2 lanes of traffic with a 3rd on ramp lane: there was a lane blockage just past the onramp. For the most part it moved well, and we got thru what could have been almost a 45 minutes or more back up in about 10 minutes.  

There were of course those assholes who have to try, and get by everyone, but mostly the onramp lane (shipyard shift change traffic ), and the merge lane alternated vehicles. It fostered hope for humanity in my bruised soul.

Edited April 13, 2022 by Onboard 2.0

[conVINCEd 21,477]

8 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

I will swear on a stack of bibles I saw a 3 lane zipper merge work pretty politely less than 3 weeks ago while crossing the Monitor Merrimac bridge tunnel in Hampton, Va.  I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it.  

2 lanes of traffic with a 3rd on ramp lane: there was a lane blockage just past the onramp. For the most part it moved well, and we got thru what could have been a almost an hour or more back up in about 10 minutes.  

There were of course those assholes who have to try, and get by everyone, but mostly the onramp lane (shipyard shift change traffic ), and the merge lane alternated vehicles. It fostered hope for humanity in my bruised soul.

Dashcam or gtfo.  The 2 square miles around my house have been a construction zone for the last 3 years despite the fact that there was nothing wrong with the roads.  People suck.

[WhatTheBuck 28,928]

2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Have you ever seen it executed properly?

Yes. Particularly at a long highway on-ramp near me. Coming from a business district with a mall, hotels, and office buildings, there are two left turn only lanes leading to a two lane on-ramp. After awhile, the two lanes of the on-ramp merge into one before you actually merge onto the highway. It’s crucial for everyone to make full use of both lanes before the merge point or traffic gets backed up before the turn and that can go back two stop lights. When it’s executed properly, it’s a thing of beauty. And it usually is executed properly. Most drivers have it figured out.

I should also add that you self-appointed traffic cops who think everyone should merge early like you do can get pissed all you want. I’m not breaking the law by passing you and merging at the merge point. No actual cop would ticket me for it. And maybe you’re the sort of dickhead that would try to prevent me from merging in, but if there are 10 cars in front of you then someone will let me in ahead of you. So suck it. 

Edited April 13, 2022 by WhatTheBuck

[conVINCEd 21,477]

1 minute ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Yes. Particularly at a long highway on-ramp near me. Coming from a business district with a mall, hotels, and office buildings, there are two left turn only lanes leading to a two lane on-ramp. After awhile, the two lanes of the on-ramp merge into one before you actually merge onto the highway. It’s crucial for everyone to make full use of both lanes before the merge point or traffic gets backed up before the turn and that can go back two stop lights. When it’s executed properly, it’s a thing of beauty. And it usually is executed properly. Most drivers have it figured out.

So it’s a permanent thing?  People adjust after a while.  It’s when it’s temporary that it’ a problem.  My complaint is when a different lane is closed every week because we feel the need to replace one little square of concrete that wan’t broken to begin with and people lose their shit.  I have no idea which lane will be closed on any given day, although it does seem like it takes them a week before they tear up another stretch of perfectly good road.  I live in a pretty decent suburb of DFW and have never had any complaints about road quality.  I would prefer they devote my tax dollars to fixing my alley, which sucks, but I guess I’m not voting for the right people.

[WhatTheBuck 28,928]

7 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

So it’s a permanent thing?  People adjust after a while.  It’s when it’s temporary that it’ a problem.  My complaint is when a different lane is closed every week because we feel the need to replace one little square of concrete that wan’t broken to begin with and people lose their shit.  I have no idea which lane will be closed on any given day, although it does seem like it takes them a week before they tear up another stretch of perfectly good road.  I live in a pretty decent suburb of DFW and have never had any complaints about road quality.  I would prefer they devote my tax dollars to fixing my alley, which sucks, but I guess I’m not voting for the right people.

That’s my best example and yes, it’s a permanent situation. But people don’t always follow the rules of the proper zipper merge and the negative effects are obvious. There are other anecdotal situations that I couldn’t begin to remember the specific time or place. And nothing is 100%, you’ll always encounter people who think they’re special. But my experience is that when people use the road efficiently, i.e. stay in their lanes until the merge point and then take turns converting two lanes into one, things move most smoothly.

I’ve definitely taken advantage when a bunch of drivers merge way too early before an upcoming merge point. I’ve stayed in my lane until I got to the merge point. I’ve had drivers get pissed like I was doing something wrong. But like I said, I wasn’t, no actual cop would ever ticket me for that, and I’d estimate it wouldn’t take more than ten cars before someone would let me in. (Or be asleep at the wheel, or now be staring at their phone, and not realize that traffic in front of them had moved.)

Another example is when there wasn’t construction but an accident that caused a lane to get shut down. People don’t know why traffic is backing up and they don’t know until they get close which lane is going to be closed. That usually results in a good zipper merge because someone else is in trouble and people aren’t feeling so self-righteous about merging too soon. That goes pretty smoothly. 

[BrazilHorn 6,833]

This is the fucking service dog sone dude wanted to sit next to me with. They ended up not letting him stay on. 
just stupid to think you can fly with something like this. 
 

[WhatTheBuck 28,928]

I should add something else. While I have enjoyed the proper zipper merge and people treating an out-of-service stop light like a 4-way stop sign, I still experience lots of other traffic-related annoyances.

Like people who don’t know they can turn right on red. Or who don’t know they can turn left on red from a one-way to a one-way. Or who won’t turn right on a green arrow when the other lights are red. Or who drive 35 on a two lane 45 mph road and then accelerate to 45 when it turns into a 35 mph four lane road. Or who pull out in front of me and then don’t drive the speed limit. Or who get on the open highway and immediately move all the way to the left lane when there’s no traffic in front of them in the right lane. And people who speed up when you’re passing them and then, when you step on the accelerator in order to get by, slow back down again. And every motherfucker who puts on their brakes before they move into the left turn only lane and then MAYBE uses their turn signal.

I’m endlessly amazed. I shouldn’t be, but I always will be.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,285]

8 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

This is the fucking service dog sone dude wanted to sit next to me with. They ended up not letting him stay on. 
just stupid to think you can fly with something like this. 
 

What, don't you value the service of washcloth holding? 

[BrazilHorn 6,833]

4 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

What, don't you value the service of washcloth holding? 

That was so good. Giant dog and tiny washcloth I’m guessing to clean its mess with? I cracked up when i saw that little washcloth. Dog was massive 

[NWBuck 8,629]

3 hours ago, BrazilHorn said:

This is the fucking service dog sone dude wanted to sit next to me with. They ended up not letting him stay on. 
just stupid to think you can fly with something like this. 
 

I'll raise you:

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

"This is my Service Cock."

[BearMace 2,244]

People keep saying "zipper merge".

[Prepuce of Doom 21,285]

Different airlines should have entirely different catalogs of in-flight movies to choose from. I am an American flyer, but today I'm stuck flying United, and I was disappointed to discover that they're offering almost all of the same movies I've already seen or still don't want to watch.

[Superhero 9,017]

My wife appplied for TSA Known Traveler status. She got it within 3 days.

I RENEWED mine. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still waiting...

[NeverMarryAStripper 22,284]

You're on their list

[ztejas 44,224]

34 minutes ago, Superhero said:

My wife appplied for TSA Known Traveler status. She got it within 3 days.

I RENEWED mine. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still waiting...

She's prettier than you. 

I mean, it's close. 

[Superhero 9,017]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You're on their list

DAMNIT!

50 minutes ago, ztejas said:

She's prettier than you. 

I mean, it's close. 

She's MUCH better looking than me. But then again I'm a 3 at best.

[High Plains Drifter 11,186]

On 4/11/2022 at 9:40 PM, Deej said:

Lemons are five for a dollar at the Mexican market by my house. Granted, they are smaller than the limes. 

 

I think those are just limes that aren't ripe yet.

 

 

Also, speaking of dogs in public places: Some Karen brought her fat ass and her fat ass dog into the hardware store the other day which resulted in a fucking log jam of idiots who have apparently never seen a dog before and have children that apparently have never been able to pet a dog before. Of course, the fat ass dog, its fucking Karen of an owner, and all the slack jawed morons were completely blocking the paint brush display.

I finally just pushed past everyone and grabbed the paint brush I needed. Karen said in a sarcastic way "Oh, I'm sorry, are we in your way?" I replied, "yes, yes you are."

 

 

 

[Underdog 29,165]

6 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

"This is my Service Cock."

Go on…

[conVINCEd 21,477]

Dear restaurant owners,

When I go to your website it should be a simple, one click process to view your entire menu.  I don’t want to pull up each category individually.  Just give me a pdf of the whole fucking thing.

[elfenix 34,746]

fucking bass pro shop checkout process.  log into my account.  for some reason only my PO box is listed in addresses, even though i've previously given them my office address for delivery. so i proceed to type in my office address, including adding the optional second address line for the suite number.  then i get a popup asking if i'd like to correct the address to the same one but without the suite number.  why the fuck would i want that?  then i go to payment, and i want to do paypal so that i can use a card i don't have on me.  log into paypal, it shoots me back over to bass pro shops, which promptly blows out the office address for shipping and replaces it with my PO box, so i have to do step 1 all over again.  fuckers. 

Edited April 13, 2022 by elfenix

[elfenix 34,746]

7 hours ago, NWBuck said:

I'll raise you:

who was it here that actually bore witness that that pony on a plane shit

[Prepuce of Doom 21,285]

3 hours ago, elfenix said:

who was it here that actually bore witness that that pony on a plane shit

I've seen this Hedonismbot-looking fat fuck before. 

He flies from DEN to LAX often, and sits in the first class bulkhead. All the flight attendants think he's wonderful. 

[elfenix 34,746]

that's just a good boy with upper management written all over him

[conVINCEd 21,477]

I’m really thinking about getting an emotional support leopard.  They can be had for less than a lab with a good pedigree, and people would pretty much leave you the fuck alone, aside from the Indian guys who would try to gang rape ir.

[Brisketexan 106,876]

I’m really thinking about getting an emotional support leopard.  They can be had for less than a lab with a good pedigree, and people would pretty much leave you the fuck alone, aside from the Indian guys who would try to gang rape ir.

I’m sorry, you said leopard, not monitor lizard, so you get no points.

[conVINCEd 21,477]

Just now, Brisketexan said:

I’m sorry, you said leopard, not monitor lizard, so you get no points.

I was shooting from the hip.  I hold the leopard in high regard as the most all-around bad ass animal on our planet, but if I was gonna go reptile, I would go Komodo dragon, which are the larger, more badass cousins of the monitor lizards, and have yet to be raped by humans.

[Brisketexan 106,876]

I was shooting from the hip.  I hold the leopard in high regard as the most all-around bad ass animal on our planet, but if I was gonna go reptile, I would go Komodo dragon, which are the larger, more badass cousins of the monitor lizards, and have yet to be raped by humans.

….that we know of.

Shit goes down that you don’t know about. And never want to.

[conVINCEd 21,477]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

….that we know of.

Shit goes down that you don’t know about. And never want to.

Fair.  If you would like to try to violate a Komodo dragon I would be happy to watch from a safe distance.  I would probably get ten million views on youtube if I posted the video.  Probably wouldn’t end well for you, but likes on social media currently have more value than your physical well being.

[Felix 644]

I flew San Fran to Austin last year sitting next to an extremely hot blond who was really cool and had a golden retriever with her.  That dog just laid on the floor at her feet the whole flight.  The woman dropped one of her apple ear phone things and it went between the seat and the wall next to her as she had the window.  We had a seat between us so I very much enjoyed watching her try to get that thing out as her perfect ass was basically in my face for about 15 minutes.

Very enjoyable flight all told.  Sweet dog too.

[deadshank 24,654]

28 minutes ago, Felix said:

I flew San Fran to Austin last year sitting next to an extremely hot blond who was really cool and had a golden retriever with her.  That dog just laid on the floor at her feet the whole flight.  The woman dropped one of her apple ear phone things and it went between the seat and the wall next to her as she had the window.  We had a seat between us so I very much enjoyed watching her try to get that thing out as her perfect ass was basically in my face for about 15 minutes.

Very enjoyable flight all told.  Sweet dog too.

Thanks for sharing the pics 

[MonkeyDoughnut 10,803]

14 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I've seen this Hedonismbot-looking fat fuck before. 

He flies from DEN to LAX often, and sits in the first class bulkhead. All the flight attendants think he's wonderful. 

That's ole Hank The Tank...

https://www.instagram.com/hanktheworldtraveler/?hl=en

[Felix 644]

1 hour ago, deadshank said:

Thanks for sharing the pics 

I was way too chicken to try that.  I really really wanted to but my nerve failed severely.

[elfenix 34,746]

"Awww cute dog can I get a pic?"

[Superhero 9,017]

Sitting at the post office waiting for my wife so we could get my son's passport. 

 

We had an appointment for 8:30 at the post office near our house. We arrived 10 minutes early, only for them to say they aren't processing passports because "they're really busy". Fuck you and your appointment. They told us to go to another PO.

In the mean time, my wife had to go home for a meeting and can't get here until 9:50 at the earliest.

Now I'm here waiting with my son killing time because the fucking post office can't get their shit together.

[Nolacycling 893]

I detest the style reporters have now of asking questions that take a long time to set up so they keep their air time.

[Nolacycling 893]

9 hours ago, Superhero said:

Sitting at the post office waiting for my wife so we could get my son's passport. 

 

We had an appointment for 8:30 at the post office near our house. We arrived 10 minutes early, only for them to say they aren't processing passports because "they're really busy". Fuck you and your appointment. They told us to go to another PO.

In the mean time, my wife had to go home for a meeting and can't get here until 9:50 at the earliest.

Now I'm here waiting with my son killing time because the fucking post office can't get their shit together.

Agent:
I think I know why we have reservations.

Jerry:
I don't think you do. You see, you know how to *take* the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

[Biff Tannen 46,158]

On 4/13/2022 at 2:39 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You're on their list

Ned Isaakov?

[Biff Tannen 46,158]

10 hours ago, Superhero said:

 

We had an appointment for 8:30 at the post office near our house. We arrived 10 minutes early, only for them to say they aren't processing passports because "they're really busy". Fuck you and your appointment. They told us to go to another PO.

[WhatTheBuck 28,928]

4 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

I detest the style reporters have now of asking questions that take a long time to set up so they keep their air time.

I’m not sure what that means. Keep their air time? The air time should be for the answer, not the question.

What annoys me is when an inexperienced reporter asks a question and then follows it up by asking if it’s A, B, or C, and giving the interviewee an easy out. Just ask the question and let them answer it. Don’t give them a menu of possible answers. I see that a lot when reporters are interviewing coaches. 

[HenryJames 67,326]

Spotify doesn’t have the Conan the Barbarian soundtrack.