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Trivial Things That Make You Surly

elfenix

By elfenix
in Lulz

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NeverMarryAStripper
NeverMarryAStripper

If cassettes are coming back, then people will have to start carrying pencils again

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 107009

Posted
Posted
When people do this I just push by them while loudly saying "excuse me"
If they think I'm being rude they can get out of the way next time. 

One of our family highlights was several years ago, in front of the British Museum. A gaggle of 10 French teenage girls and their chaperone were blocking the entire entrance to the museum while they yammered. I did the throat clear. Nothing. I then walk right up to them, yelled “MOVEZ VOUS!” in my best ugly American. It worked. They scattered. I had fun. Man that pisses me off.
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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:


One of our family highlights was several years ago, in front of the British Museum. A gaggle of 10 French teenage girls and their chaperone were blocking the entire entrance to the museum while they yammered. I did the throat clear. Nothing. I then walk right up to them, yelled “MOVEZ VOUS!” in my best ugly American. It worked. They scattered. I had fun. Man that pisses me off.

Hopefully in a very heavily affected southern twang.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26443

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Posted
20 hours ago, luke duke said:

A friend of mine bought a $5000 truck and dumped $20k into performance mods. He totaled it about a week after it was done so he immediately went out and got a Tahoe to move the entire drivetrain into. He’s 50 with a solid 3 figure retirement account.

He's reached the point where he knows he'll work until the day he dies. Fuck it, might as well go out with a bang.

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After irth

After irth 1250

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 1/16/2019 at 11:31 AM, SHOOTER12 said:

Count me in. I've got 10 at home.

Had a 30-foot Crepe Myrtle in my front yard in Corpus Christi. Beautiful thing. Never seen anything like it. Loved it, even though it rained pink hell all over my truck twice a year. 

Drove by that house a month after I sold it. Gone. Stupid bastards. 

Edited by After irth
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Underdog

Underdog 29213

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Posted
10 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Why are you watching bowling is the real question 

Why do you hate America?  

Came across it channel surfing, saw this dipshit roll the ball with two hands so Kept on watching to be sure I wasn’t halucinating. 

 

Full Disclosure:  have been known to watch Women’s Bowling, a few cuties that compete in it. 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41436

Posted
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On 1/12/2019 at 11:43 AM, Landomatic said:

Yeah, there could definitely be a whole thread on bad grammar.  I think "text" stands on it's own though as I believe the people using it as past tense truly think it's correct.  I don't think, when pressed, anyone would argue that "seen" vs "saw" is proper grammar.  But it's like since "text" as a verb is a fairly new word in the English language, there are idiots dug in on it and are just too dumb to figure it out.  You don't say, "I was just text her"...you say, "I was just texting her".  So why the fuck would you say, "I text her"...rather than "I texted her"?

I sexed her

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Hugh G. Rection

Hugh G. Rection 156

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Posted
Trade publication subscription calls.

Every Fucking Month.  Its like the fourth level of hell.

 

"Mr. Incredulity this is your last chance to renew your free subscription to Industry Week Monthly."

"Please cancel my subscription."

 

Narrator: They don't.

 

I’ve been getting one to two calls a day from an asshole company telling me they can lower my credit card rates or some shit. I kept hanging up once they start the spiel and they keep calling back. I decided to let them “help” me so I hung on the line until a real person picked up and started speaking like Marfan Mike asking for help. They hung up immediately. Must have taken my number off their list because my phone has been blissfully silent this year.

 

This pleases me so maybe wrong thread.

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ztejas

ztejas 44281

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, ABSR said:

We now know one of Vic's sock accounts.

I like how the defense for watching bowling was "I was channel surfing" but then there's a ready admission of watching women's bowling. 

"I was only watching the NBA because I was channel surfing. But I do like watching the WNBA"

How the fuck old are some of you that you watch women's bowling.

Not hating underdog, you do you, I'm into some weird shit too. Just more confused than anything.

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William_Cannon

William_Cannon 86

Posted
Posted
I have one of those roomba vacuum cleaners. It does a good job. But about every 60 to 90 days it makes me reaffirm my email and password.

WHY? I doubt there will be a rogue house cleaner hacker wanting to clean the shit out of my place. I simply want to press a button and it clean.

Some apps and their security need to stand down with what they feel is important.

You sure your vacuum isn’t phishing you?
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Llano Estacado

Llano Estacado 1257

Posted
Posted

Scan credit card at gas station.

No, not debit.

Zip code.

Enter.

Confirmed.

Select grade.

Grade lights up.

Take nozzle from rack.

Insert nozzle in orifice.

Squeeze trigger.

.01 oz flows through hose.

Squeeze trigger again.

...

Turn around grade is still selected.

Confirmed is on screen.

Squeeze trigger again.

...

...

Would you like a car wash today?

 

 

Every damn time. No! You slow piece of shit.

 

Then you get instantaneously blasted by pop news buzz and streaming ads as soon as the pump kicks on. You have enough computing power to blast ads in my face, but not enough to juice over your 2400 baud modem to display a single sentence prompt?

 

 

 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 107009

Posted
Posted
when people say Jesus tittyfucking Christ
I read through the New Testament a couple times, there's nothing in there about Jesus fucking any titties. Don't try to be Biblical if you don't know the motherfucking Bible. 

Pretty sure it’s implied. Gotta read it in the original Greek and it makes sense. “Loaves” and “fishes”....think about it.
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Underdog

Underdog 29213

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, ztejas said:

I like how the defense for watching bowling was "I was channel surfing" but then there's a ready admission of watching women's bowling. 

"I was only watching the NBA because I was channel surfing. But I do like watching the WNBA"

How the fuck old are some of you that you watch women's bowling.

Not hating underdog, you do you, I'm into some weird shit too. Just more confused than anything.

What’s wrong with watching the WNBA?  

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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Posted
On ‎1‎/‎16‎/‎2019 at 11:33 AM, Underdog said:

Wife hasn’t donated blood to the Red Cross for a few years now, borderline HBP, yet we still get calls from them asking for donations and we don’t even answer the calls.  

Damn, reminds me, I need to go donate. Thanks for posting!

Uh, forgetting to give blood makes me surly. Qualified!

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Posted

I would never make fun of anyone's desire to watch a sporting event of any description. When we first got cable television back in the bronze age, and ESPN was fresh and new, I was addicted to Australian Rules Football, equestrian events, lumberjacking, women's field hockey, indoor soccer, you name it.

I was always disappointed that those Fox regional sports commercials for things like "Tree Catching" were fake. That would be quality television.

 

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 3006

Posted
Posted

Anytime a news outlet uses BuzzFeed as a source.  To be so lazy as to cite a group who's sole existence is centered around generating listicles and click bait...

 

Example:

https://www.today.com/video/trump-directed-cohen-to-lie-to-congress-about-moscow-project-buzzfeed-report-says-1428184643985?fbclid=IwAR34tg5qUy1oRnHPpLx1PT9JLMfXx7Z-p-iouLS4JUmXcz-zrTxSY6UXYeQ

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Js1

Js1 87281

Posted
Posted (edited)
40 minutes ago, PvilleStang said:

Anytime a news outlet uses BuzzFeed as a source.  To be so lazy as to cite a group who's sole existence is centered around generating listicles and click bait...

 

Example:

https://www.today.com/video/trump-directed-cohen-to-lie-to-congress-about-moscow-project-buzzfeed-report-says-1428184643985?fbclid=IwAR34tg5qUy1oRnHPpLx1PT9JLMfXx7Z-p-iouLS4JUmXcz-zrTxSY6UXYeQ

Buzzfeed and Buzzfeed News are 2 separate entities. 

I guess you discount that they employ finalists for the Pulitzer Award in International Reporting while employed with Buzzfeed News.  Buzzfeed News is also part of the White House Press Corps.

Edited by Js1
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