What I learned from Urban Meyer or Bust

[TrashMaster G 18,134]

I definitely got more out of the thread than I put into.  Which, I'm sure, is why I'm not on the list.

And I'm cool with that.

[Gut Wagon 8,219]

1 hour ago, Helobious said:

It was amazing to see the mental gymnastics people were doing to convince themselves that Meyer was coming, ignoring the clear evidence to the contrary. Even yesterday morning several posters were claiming that Sark rumors were some kind of negotiation ploy aimed at Meyer. The whole thing was a great study in delusion & wishful thinking. 

I think most of us figured from the start, and even as the events (or non-events, as it were) were unfolding, that Urban Meyer wasn't likely to become the Texas HC. All I personally dared to hope for was that we were going to can Herman; if that happened, I wasn't all that worried about who'd take his place. But the thread did make for some fun recreation, especially as it became clear we weren't going to the B12 title game. How many football threads can claim they morphed into banter about brisket, flight tracking and the battle to be named worst town in Texas? All in all, it was a good time. And isn't that what we're all really here for?  

[msucolt45 4,236]

I learned that I spent way too much time on that thread the past couple of weeks-month. The only saving grace was that I wasn’t at work for the majority of the past two weeks!

I held out hope until the very end and the ultimate announcement of Sark. He’s our guy a week from Tuesday, so best of luck to him on 1/11 and that they win the Championship.

Hook’em!

[Zepol87 9,350]

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

I swear I'm starting to think that I'm the only one here who understands futureman. I guess I'm used to going over people's heads the way that he does.

He is another poster who gets people bent out of shape and I don't understand why. I enjoy most of his schtick

[Teryor 5,014]

[troph 25,248]

So glad I wasn’t remembered for my messy desk and firearms. Whew.  I stand by what I said, god made the openings it’s our opportunity to take advantage. But I said it once, @immamac and his glitchy system upgrade posted it 11 times and hijacked his homemade McRib show as though it was my own and I had his crew over for dinner. It was a hilariously timed glitch.  And I’d like to think I offer more than just that revelation, especially to a back door obsessed crowd such as this one that knows the pleasure of it or at least wishes they did, on the pitching side of course, of course.  But yes we are used to it with being a Texas fan, here’s to hoping Sark after Dark is gentle and uses plenty of lube.
 

It was a fun thread to chatter about the misery of our team.  We should do it more often. 
 

Edited January 4, 2021 by troph

[Coelenterate Fuccboi 13,438]

I’m sure I missed the explanation somewhere in the sea of shitposting, but I learned extremely wealthy people in the panhandle will give ass-loads of money to the university with no clue as to what it’s being used for.

[Wulaw Horn 19,599]

I never really thought we’d get Urban (not that lucky) but it seemed way too logical ($12 million per and the flagship school in great recruiting territory) To say- no way that it will happen. 
I will join you in wishing football misery for him and his for life now. #team petty. 

[Kyle 207]

I have not gotten to the page with the titties yet, but I am fully in love with @Nicole44 ... she so easily deconstructed @Randolph Duke ... I think we've all thought it but could not put our finger on it: we kind of like the funny shit our crazy uncle says, but it's kind of weird how obsessed he is with another school ... and his political posts make you think he reads those weird conspiracy dark web sites and goes to meetings.

[Landomatic 3,813]

4 hours ago, Helobious said:

It was amazing to see the mental gymnastics people were doing to convince themselves that Meyer was coming, ignoring the clear evidence to the contrary. Even yesterday morning several posters were claiming that Sark rumors were some kind of negotiation ploy aimed at Meyer. The whole thing was a great study in delusion & wishful thinking. 

This is a really nice way of saying, there are some duuuuuumn mother fuckers on this site

[Surly Bevo 25,778]

[Newdoc 3,511]

How I imagine OP typing that tl;dr post.

[nunna yo bizness 1,690]

3 minutes ago, Newdoc said:

How I imagine OP typing that tl;dr post.

Nah, I'm not nearly that cute.

[BurntOrange&White 42,012]

Fuck OP for not crediting me for actually starting the thread. 

[nunna yo bizness 1,690]

4 minutes ago, BurntOrange&White said:

Fuck OP for not crediting me for actually starting the thread. 

Duly noted and your grievance is valid.

[Hagbard Celine 11,294]

5 hours ago, nunna yo bizness said:

... or Sark proves to be the messiah.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins 2,505]

[troph 25,248]

36 minutes ago, BurntOrange&White said:

Fuck OP for not crediting me for actually starting the thread. 

NunyoBiznatch Oscar speech... I know I’m missing someone, {{music starts}} everyone involved this amazing production thank you too, I love you, I love you, muah!!  
 

that’s for you BO&W.

Edited January 4, 2021 by troph

[Hagbard Celine 11,294]

2 hours ago, Dr. Beeper said:

Because the average poster on this site is an easily baited mongoloid. 

kendra scott's exes' Falcon 900 was the closest thing to the matrix we will ever consciously perceive in our blue-pill reality.

"easily baited" is not accurate.

[CenTex Hill Billy 146]

7 hours ago, nunna yo bizness said:

So, as I struggle to digest the events of the last couple days like Aaron Franklin trying to keep down a John Cornyn holiday brisket, I'm left thinking about what it is that I've learned through  obsessively monitoring to a point of psychotic episodes  investing an unhealthy amount of my life on the Urban or Bust thread.  While the lessons learned are many and the knowledge gained considerable I thought it useful to summarize the most significant and transformative among them in the following notes.  I think of this as an essential compendium to All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten.

If Surly is a sporting underworld; a depraved, alcohol fueled, drug addled, sexually deviant underworld at that (no ifs about it), then @closetojumping is our Godfather, sitting in an oversized chair, legs crossed, arms on the armrests, sternly watching over our activity.  Occasionally granting us brief treasured audiences to dispense a modicum of his knowledge of confidential dealings on a need to know basis, or a needed slap and admonishment to act like a man when we uncontrollably panic and whine over some non-event.  It's all fun and games until someone learns a little too much for their own good and gets the dreaded "see your PMs" directive.  I'm sure CTJ's consigliere, @SydneyCarton, would try to reassure us all that it's not personal, it's strictly business.  I have no doubt that Urban would be ours if the UT admin had put it in CTJ's hands so he could have made Urban "an offer he couldn't refuse".  By the way, am I the only one who hears Robert De Niro's voice in their head when reading CTJ's posts?

Which brings us to @derpyhorndog.  I can only assume this guy is either a CIA data analyst or a frustrated wanna-be air traffic controller.  An enthusiastic worker with a keen eye for details, he's that poor soul who stumbles into illicit information he shouldn't have found and next thing he knows he's waking up with the severed propeller of his favorite plane in bed with him, followed by an extended disappearance only to finally reappear mumbling something about being busy with some "contract" work.

@Nicole44 is one of those rare good-hearted souls that thankfully for us hasn't recognized that a girl like her shouldn't be in a place like this.  She was without question a campus hottie back in her time and has provided much appreciated evidence that she is still a head turner.  With infectious enthusiasm (we'll assume it's the only infectious aspect of her) she can be counted on to come hard with BDE every time she posts, and has posted enough pics to have also caused considerable hard BDE.  One side note; if any of you bear the slightest resemblance to Panhandle fauna you are advised to avoid Nicole's family at all costs or risk your head being stuffed and mounted on the wall of her family's cabin, assuming they can find a few available square inches.

I am convinced that true to his avatar @Hagbard Celine is an alien life form, though of the Vogon race.  Either that or a public servant/government bureaucrat.  Never mind that your family has experienced catastrophe, the world is about to be destroyed, or you want to post some secondhand coaching information, Hagbard will have none of that unless all the t's are crossed, i's dotted, three forms of picture ID are presented, and all forms are signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.  And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't let him read poetry to you.

What can I say about @futureman?  I could say nothing since like a lot of other posters here I have him on ignore, but unfortunately enough of you other fuckers quote this moron that he can't be totally avoided.  Given that he appears to have contributed nothing positive to Surly throughout his tenure and is nothing but an insufferable worthless troll, it's beyond comprehension how he has achieved so much rep as to be far beyond crowdsourcing.  I can only assume that in past threads of excitement and happiness that he received collateral pos rep without thought to the consequences.  In that regard the best analogy for Futureman seems to be the STD that was the unintended consequence of a brief indiscretion that we are forced to live with as it periodically flares up at the most inopportune times in order to deprive us of small measures of joy.  It's also possible in my opinion that he is just a sooner troll, but that's redundant with the STD so no further discussion needed on that.

Have you ever been in paradise trying to enjoy thoughts of all the wonderful things around you but there's a damn horsefly buzzing around you that won't go away and keeps dragging you back to the reality that there is no paradise and your life actually sucks?  That's @Errestaurants.  A seemingly miserable curmudgeon who has no intention of allowing you to avoid sharing in his cheerlessness.  In fairness though I can't completely hold it against him as I attribute much of his wretchedness to the likely abuse the poor little guy may have received in life given his diminutive stature.

Without question one of the stars of the Urban or Bust quest was @RGBIII.  When it comes to meat he is the man we all would like to be (no, I don't mean that meat).  This guy apparently smokes and consumes an entire brisket every single day of his life.  I have an image of him heading for bed each night deep in a state of meat sweats, frantically toweling himself off like Fatterson on the sideline of a mid afternoon early September game in Houston.  Despite that, where RGB will live on in infamy is as the spark that caused the conflagration of the great boot toe debate of 2020.  Can you call yourself a man in square toed boots?  The debate will rage on, left for future generations to resolve.  Oh, but if you need someone to shamelessly tweet at married women expressing his desire to share his meat with them (NO, NOT THAT MEAT.  get your mind out of the gutter), then he's your guy.

God bless that poor long suffering soul that is @immamac.  He's like a creative wizard (that's a nice way of saying an unkempt, long haired, unshowered slacker) who creates a glorious high tech living space for like minded spirits.  Unfortunately he made the catastrophic mistake of taking in a couple of stray cats and now he finds his wondrous creation infested with feral felines, shitting on his servers, coughing up furballs on his keyboard, and peeing in the corners.  He now wanders this space in the futile endeavor of cat herding, fingers sticky from old McRib sauce, muttering to himself about how to monetize the piles of poop filled cat litter that the residents leave for him.

@troph brought a different kind of energy to the Urban or Bust thread.  She made clear that she was unable to provide the BDE that was being demanded, but instead more than made up for it by introducing us to BVE and brought plenty of it.  She also encouraged us to open our minds and our anuses to new, exciting, and according to her, enjoyable experiences.  Her rallying cry actually proved to be prophetic as when it was all said and done it felt like we had all been fucked in the ass by everyone from Urban, to the UT admin, to the "insiders".  This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry troph.  You get Sark After Dark instead of Urban.  I can't agree with troph about the enjoyment, but it's become par for the course with our coaching searches so we must at least be getting used to it.

And then there's a truly worthless poster, @nunna yo bizness.  This guy contributes nothing worthwhile as he has no sources for information, brings no unique insight, and has no redeeming pictures of brisket or ex-girlfriend's tits.  Hell, the guy can't even imbed tweets in a post.  I'll be shocked if he ever posts anything of note on Surly.  I suppose I should cut him some slack as I have been told by the voices in my head a reliable source  that he has some condition called Multiple Personality Disorder, whatever the fuck that is.  I'll probably never meet him, but if I did the one bit of advice I would pass along is to stop believing in tweets from squids and hip-hop basketball players, and trust in the administration to carry out the process of a coaching search (yeah, I can't keep a straight face on that last part either).

My final learning from this whole episode is that I will now take great joy going forward in any football related misery that comes Urban's way.  Whether it be a stress filled failed attempt at the NFL, having him watch our new coach take what could have been his team to the playoffs over the next few years (fuck off, I can dream if I want), or simply watching his coach worthy years and opportunities slip away while his legacy fades in the success of other coaches.  Yeah, I'm a petty bastard.

As for whether our new coach will bring us glory or misery, time will tell.  Is he a rehabbed diamond in the rough who will take us to glory in short order, or will we find him pressing his butt cheeks to the mirror making us look at them, somehow?

Unfortunately Sarkisian did not have any curtains during the zoom call introduction yesterday. At this time his location is unknown but possibly may be preparing for the national championship at the horseshoe bay yacht club.

[CenTex Hill Billy 146]

We made national news for our antics in that thread. Well done folks. 

[atomheartbevo 90,679]

4 hours ago, Coelenterate Fuccboi said:

I’m sure I missed the explanation somewhere in the sea of shitposting, but I learned extremely wealthy people in the panhandle will give ass-loads of money to the university with no clue as to what it’s being used for.

And we also learned that when something bad happens, it's day crew's fault.

[wood 11,770]

I learned that Helga Lovekaty makes me ...

[TexasEd 8,269]

I may have skimmed more of that summary than I did the original thread.

It was a fun distraction from all the BS going on in the world and made me give a shit about where we go next. 10 years in the wilderness will make you apathetic.

[CfRhTxStBobcats 608]

13 hours ago, Helobious said:

It was amazing to see the mental gymnastics people were doing to convince themselves that Meyer was coming, ignoring the clear evidence to the contrary. Even yesterday morning several posters were claiming that Sark rumors were some kind of negotiation ploy aimed at Meyer. The whole thing was a great study in delusion & wishful thinking. 

What do you expect from a society that 58 years after the fact 50% still believe there was a 2nd shooter behind the grassy knoll. 

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

[Bobby Layne 279]

Longtime lurker. Like, since FUPM. This got me to join and post. Best 2weeks on the shag (er surl) since it was shaggy. I’m just here fir the party. Sick minds, burnt perspective. 🤘😎

[Bevo&Pevo 5,529]

Great story and he tells it so well.  What I learned is that we the brothers and sisters of the 'Surl can come together and have a great time with all the BS, sarcasm, and good natured antics.  Thujone, the prodigal son, returned with some his best work ever.  Now that it is shut down, we can go back to off season and scheme on the wins and championships to come.

[DFW Horn 6,671]

I've learned that not all long-winded rants are alcohol driven here. This stream of consciousness must be attributed to speed. tl/dr

+1 rep for reaching your word count goal 

Edited January 4, 2021 by DFW Horn

[troph 25,248]

2 hours ago, CfRhTxStBobcats said:

What do you expect from a society that 58 years after the fact 50% still believe there was a 2nd shooter behind the grassy knoll. 

When the trail went cold after UM said no, the “or bust” became the key part. It wasn’t so much that I thought he was coming, it was that if he didn’t, there would be no guarantee which means I hold my fanaticism for Texas football guardedly. Life is short, I’d like to learn and do a lot of things before my time is over.  I’d really like to keep Texas football though and take my sons to legendary memory making games so we dreamed about what if and how the facts could be contorted to make it possible. UT made that possible by finally running an airtight ship. It was an escape, an amazing one, for 4-6 weeks.  Much like believing in Santa Claus, quite harmless. If you thought it was more than that you weren’t paying attention. The level of satire and sarcasm was high and it was high quality.  At no point was this crowd analogous to any real conspiracy following.  And now we have what’s left - the or bust.  Let’s hope Sark isn’t a bust, we knew UM wouldn’t be we really don’t know about Sark and I’m simply not going to be blindly optimistic anymore. He’s got a real chance with me but I’m not changing course. I’ve already lined up new things to do in 2021 that don’t involve Texas football and I don’t regret letting season tickets go. Give em hell Sark, prove it worth spending my time and money and I’m there.

Edited January 4, 2021 by troph

[Horn Dogg 4,315]

Fuck Urban Meyer!  Time to move on folks.

[DFW Horn 6,671]

17 hours ago, futureman said:

if you slander me again expect a letter from my lawyer. 

In print, it's libel

[Bateshorn 9,991]

[mulletpelini 5,225]

Edited January 6, 2021 by mulletpelini
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, who next?