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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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SwanderedTalent

SwanderedTalent 5761

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I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 

McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.

McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?

See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11679

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Posted
25 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 

McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.

McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?

See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.

Fan Fiction Rating: 0.0

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21097

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Am I the only one who thinks that all of the different forced head movements in the various El Chapo arrest footage clips are kind of weird?

It's like those cops are more concerned that he observe certain aspects and minor details of his surroundings at the time of capture than they are of just stuffing him into the car or whatever. 

I realize that they're probably making sure that his face is captured by the different cameras, but it looks more like they want him to see Officer Jimenez's new shoes, that tree over there, the lightbar on the cop car, etc. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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DigglerontheHoof

DigglerontheHoof 21207

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 

McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.

McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?

See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.

Having an internal struggle?

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pacman

pacman 7365

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Posted

Glorious Friday lunch dump while reading aggy tears over bru and rankings.

Door opens. Heavy breathing (first floor bathroom). Feet landing heavily with each step. Only one stall left, he opens the door to that stall.

 

Stay in your zone, reading and giving your colon time to formulate one last good push?

 

Get the fuck out of dodge?

 

I left...

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Neonmoon

Neonmoon 38130

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It weirds me out that people think society is modern or advanced. 50 years ago we didn’t have computers. 30 years ago we didn’t have cell phones. I always wonder what people will look back in 50 years and think about today. Like damn those Neanderthals still had hand held devices. 

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DoobieWah

DoobieWah 1452

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 1/25/2019 at 8:06 PM, Doze said:

2nd amendment shagsters just see a gun.

50872946_2115842088508257_13082679806221

 

Axshully, it's the opposite - it's the Second Amendment Haters that only see the gun.

The gun guys just see dat azz.

 

Edited to add: See, it "triggers" them. 😉

Edited by DoobieWah
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Doze

Doze 1322

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17 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

It weirds me out that people think society is modern or advanced. 50 years ago we didn’t have computers. 30 years ago we didn’t have cell phones. I always wonder what people will look back in 50 years and think about today. Like damn those Neanderthals still had hand held devices. 

But the Boeing 737 remains basically unchanged since 1967.....did the aliens leave in 1967?

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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So the one time in my professional life when I got scammed by a phone caller, she'd pretended to be one of our contractors, when really she was one of their customers. Caused no small headache a year or so ago, but I lived and learned.

Never heard from the woman again, of course. Until today, when she left me a very innocuous sounding voice mail, hoping I could work out better pricing for her on a job (through a different contractor, even).

I don't remember every person I've ever done business with, but I sure as hell remember the ones who pulled a fast one on me. (And yes, she's an aggy, if anyone is wondering.)

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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15 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

So the one time in my professional life when I got scammed by a phone caller, she'd pretended to be one of our contractors, when really she was one of their customers. Caused no small headache a year or so ago, but I lived and learned.

Never heard from the woman again, of course. Until today, when she left me a very innocuous sounding voice mail, hoping I could work out better pricing for her on a job (through a different contractor, even).

I don't remember every person I've ever done business with, but I sure as hell remember the ones who pulled a fast one on me. (And yes, she's an aggy, if anyone is wondering.)

So, did you play along?

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14218

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5 hours ago, Bat Guano said:

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

More than one time I have set my phone in the crotch of my pants instead of back in my pocket before I pulled them back up and then had the phone slide down my pant leg. Don't ask me why I do this, because I don't know. 

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Clackles

Clackles 276

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Posted
On 2/6/2019 at 4:09 PM, Bat Guano said:

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

My concern level is higher for this when removing the phone from my pocket during the approach-n-spin maneuver.  The urgency of the situation increases the likelihood that an error is made.

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bluto

bluto 4934

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 2/6/2019 at 9:02 PM, NorthLoop said:

More than one time I have set my phone in the crotch of my pants instead of back in my pocket before I pulled them back up and then had the phone slide down my pant leg. Don't ask me why I do this, because I don't know. 

Brother? Had to take a boot off to fish my phone out once

Edited by bluto
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Posted
Posted
On 2/6/2019 at 3:09 PM, Bat Guano said:

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

rain grates in parking lots...

My concern is that they are going to tractor beam, ala Death Star to Millenium Falcon; my car keys in there before I can get them in my pocket.

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Patricio Swayze

Patricio Swayze 17058

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I would like there to be a panel discussion made of people who let their pants sag below their ass as well as people who put truck nuts in their trucks. I want to hear the genuine answers as to why they do such things and why they think it’s cool. Then I want the funniest comedians to roast the ever living fuck out of them for being so fucking stupid. It should be taped and shown in high schools.

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