Random thoughts that don't warrant a thread

[PilotsError 2287]

The headlines are funny.  The articles never live up to the headlines.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

The Onion is like SNL. It was funny when it was fresh. It's gone bad with shelf life.

Edited April 18, 2019 by Cheeseweasel

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

How come there's people who believe in past life regressions, but nobody ever talks about future life projections?

I mean, so you think you were somebody famous in a past life... big whup. Who are you going to be in the future?

[SKJ 1311]

Shouldn't this thread be called 'random thoughts that don't warrant a thread, thread?'

[markstanco 12577]

How do people find The Onion funny?  

There are many people with an IQ under 120. They also think Readers Digest is a great read.

[Zepol87 9188]

I live outside Nashville, TN
The news and most people call the hockey team named Predators, Preds.
It drives me nuts.
 

Smashville,TN

[Rimbo 25946]

Eh? The Onion has been hilarious the past couple of months. I mean, if you're actually dumb enough to have bought into the whole Trump con hook, line and sinker, and you don't have the ability to laugh at your own stupidity, I can see why you'd think it's not funny. 

 

So here's my random thought for the day. I'm sharing this shit with you because I had to experience it and I hate all of you so you get to read about it, too.

I have an ear infection or something going on right now. So a few days ago, I used one of those ear wax removal kits to soften up the gunk and try and wash it clean. I rinsed a bit and nothing came out at first, but when it did, it was this massive black ball of gunk that I have no idea how it even managed to make its way out of my ear canal. It was the size of the outside part of my ear buds, and looked like a very large dead spider.

Well, the earache didn't go away, so yesterday, I tried it again. Nothing came out. Nothing at all. Now, I know there's something in there. So I went out to dinner with my kids. On the drive home, it happened: Something started to break up. Of course, I'm driving, my head is up, so where does this whatever-the-fuck-it-is go? That's right... the other end of the eustachian tube. Into my throat. So I'm hacking and coughing while the ear wax removal liquid and God-only-knows-what starts to itch and scratch its way slowly into my throat. Just enough of the funk gets up into my mouth that I can sorta taste the nastiness. AAAAAAHHHHHH

But that's not the end. See, it didn't make it all the way through. It's still there, itching and scratching and funking up everything. This is why I drink.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

RIP. You have hearing aides. 

[Underdog 28688]

So we can mark Rimbo into the less than 120 IQ group then, eh?

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

39 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

tl:dr

[Rimbo 25946]

8 minutes ago, Underdog said:

So we can mark Rimbo into the less than 120 IQ group then, eh?

I'm not sure. Did the person claiming that have a 120 IQ?

[Underdog 28688]

Good point. 

Edited April 20, 2019 by Underdog

[RPM 26322]

I've had a fucking migraine for the last 3 days. Somethings got to give. 

[deft 6851]

Do self serve car washes delay the switch from one kind of spray to another so that you use more time?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Just watched D2:Mighty Ducks. It's always bugged me ever since the movie came out that in the first game against Iceland, Dean Portman and Julie Gaffney were ejected for endangering players by merely pushing them onto the ice. But Sandersson from Iceland can use his stick and nearly break Adam Banks' wrist and he only gets a 2 minute minor?

 

Same shit happened in the championship. Those refs were awful. Tons of tripping too that Iceland got away with

[Zepol87 9188]

Yep always thought The refs were dogshit

[Underdog 28688]

The hell ever happen to Van Earl Wright?  

[HornsOverIthaca 2333]

So let’s say you die due to severe burn injuries.  When your next of kin has you cremated, do they get a discount?

[CastHorn 811]

On 4/9/2019 at 4:09 AM, El Diablo said:

Before metal working there were rocks. Are you crowning rocks the high point?

I read an article the other day about Denisovian technology. They were a ancient sub species of human like the Neanderthal. Popculture likes to portray these people as primitive savages but recent discovery is starting to prove otherwise. There’s proof of power drill type inventions that date 40 to 50 thousand years. There regions of the world that still carry these sub species dna. 

[El Diablo 4232]

This stood out to me while reading a news story about a motorcyclist who crashed and died.

“It is unclear at this point if Mr. Towner was wearing a helmet or not.”

[Scheiss Meister 8408]

1 hour ago, El Diablo said:

This stood out to me while reading a news story about a motorcyclist who crashed and died.

“It is unclear at this point if Mr. Towner was wearing a helmet or not.”

Schroedinger's skull.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Quote

[A]djectives in English absolutely have to be in this order: opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose Noun. So you can have a lovely little old rectangular green French silver whittling knife. But if you mess with that word order in the slightest you'll sound like a maniac. It's an odd thing that every English speaker uses that list, but almost none of us could write it out. And as size comes before colour, green great dragons can't exist.

Woah.

"Stupid, squat aggy" is wrong. "Squat stupid aggy" is right.  And there's not really a rule, we just all know it's true.

Mind blown.

[Helobious 9454]

On 4/18/2019 at 11:35 PM, markstanco said:

On 4/18/2019 at 7:39 AM, Underdog said:

How do people find The Onion funny?  

There are many people with an IQ under 120. They also think Readers Digest is a great read.

Yes, only sub 120 IQ people see the humor in their jokes. 

[markstanco 12577]

Calm down, we know.

[Mach 1 1677]

Whenever I put the car in reverse there is *always* some kind of obstruction to stop me from moving right away - car, pedestrian, bicyclist, old lady with a shopping cart, you name it.   That doesn't happen when pulling out forward, seems like it's more 50/50.

[gecko 1104]

There should airport security lines, separate from TSA Pre-check, for travellers who actually know how to get through a security checkpoint without being a complete dumbs**t

[Moby Ric 2058]

3 hours ago, gecko said:

There should airport security lines, separate from TSA Pre-check, for travellers who actually know how to get through a security checkpoint without being a complete dumbs**t

That process needs to start at the check in counter for idiots who don't know how to check in.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

26 minutes ago, Moby Ric said:

That process needs to start at the check in counter for idiots who don't know how to check in.

I believe it should be legal to shoot someone who overpacks their bags and has to transfer contents to their spouses bag while at the counter.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

Uh... You guys check in at the counter?

Hmmm. Well, I guess I do that when I'm checking a firearm once or twice a year.

You still have to check your bags at the counter. Especially when flying international. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

9 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

No, you don't.

I flew to Iceland for a week, carry on.

I flew to Panama for a week, carry on.

I fly almost every week, carry on 

Packing like a fucking woman is a choice not a requirement.

I fly for work and stay several weeks. 

Sorry about your smelly socks.

[El Diablo 4232]

8 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Lulz.. I'm not a poor and can afford to have laundry done for business travel and 5-7 pair of socks and underwear don't require a check on bag for personal travel.

You choose to pack like a woman. It's a choice. 

Fucking own it.

Clothes for business for several weeks in just a carryon? Company logo t-shirts? A jumpsuit?

[gecko 1104]

I fly a lot....I mean a lot...recently went to Australia with wife and two other couples, enjoyed it immensely but also almost went out of my mind.......

I hate traveling with noobs.  For the 2 weeks wife and I had one 29" checked bag and a carry-on.  We checked the carry-on as well.  My God our friends  had so many bags and they kept hitting me up to help move their stuff around.  I was able to "maintain" but wife could tell I was near boiling.

Edited April 24, 2019 by gecko

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

33 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Lulz.. I'm not a poor and can afford to have laundry done for business travel and 5-7 pair of socks and underwear don't require a check on bag for personal travel.

You choose to pack like a woman. It's a choice. 

Fucking own it.

Sorry I have a job that requires more than jeans and a t-shirt to travel for 3 weeks. But good luck to you.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

[PilotsError 2287]

Merino wool, people.

[Prepuce of Doom 21075]

If you can get by with two suits per trip (three is possible but pushing it, depending on fabric, whether you're a great big fat person, etc.), this is your carry-on suitcase. 

https://www.skyroll.com/skyroll-on-wheels-bag/

Edited April 24, 2019 by Prepuce of Doom

[Rimbo 25946]

My experiment, where I run Onion/Cracked/Clickhole news stories alongside the NYTimes/CoinDesk and try to tell which are legit and which aren't, just had another miss:

Man Is Found Sleeping on a Couch in Louisiana’s Governor’s Mansion

Looked so much like an Onion headline at first.

Nope.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

I'm not sure whether knowing German would make this any funnier or not:

 

['stache 21817]

If you can't laugh at The Onion's coverage of "Diamond" Joe Biden, you're completely dead inside.

 

[Rimbo 25946]

17 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

I'm not sure whether knowing German would make this any funnier or not:

 

I'm not sure that's any funnier than the spoofs Sesame Street itself has been doing:

Some of the jokes are more subtle than others.  

[Dertyberd 394]

Every driver that has something hanging from their rearview mirror is a shitty driver and should have there license revoked.  Handicap IDs, beads, leis, trinkets (religious or otherwise), initials, air fresheners, etc.  The only exceptions to the rule are parking passes.  Next time someone cuts you off, drives slow in the left lane, doesn't turn right on red, or doesn't turn their lights on during a storm, 9 times out of 10 they'll have something hanging from the rearview.  True fact.  

Edited April 25, 2019 by Dertyberd

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

[Buffsoldier 1895]

7 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Mr. Dufresne-if-you-please.

[Fudge Nuggets 19195]

On 4/24/2019 at 5:49 PM, BurntEyes said:

He thought he said TWO weeks.

5 slacks and 5 shirts, one or two jackets easily fit in a folding Tumi carry-on.

Buncha fucking girls. Enjoy having to check bags behind morons and wait for luggage to arrive at the carousel.

Your problems not mine bitches.

I'm done with this stupid fucking shit.

 

Do you wear your hard hat and steel-toe boots on the plane?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

3 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Do you wear your hard hat and steel-toe boots on the plane?

[Guest Lobo]

I particularly liked the humbledrop of Tumi.  Tumi, the Dane Cook of high-end luggage.  

[Moby Ric 2058]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

I particularly liked the humbledrop of Tumi.  Tumi, the Dane Cook of high-end luggage.  

I was thinning members only, but I like this comparison as well.

[Rougarou 594]

Wait, what's wrong with Tumi? Don't tell me you people think Tumi sucks just because that poster above sucked and has a Tumi bag?

 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

3 hours ago, Lobo said:

I particularly liked the humbledrop of Tumi.  Tumi, the Dane Cook of high-end luggage.  

['stache 21817]

I don't get people obsessed with having everything carry-on. Even for short trips I check the bag so I don't have to roll it around the airport and find overhead space. In all my travels I've had a total of two baggage problems, one where my wife's stuff got soaked, but it was partly her fault for having a shitty bag. The second was the bag getting lost but I got it back within hours of the flight. They even brought it straight to my hotel.