Random thoughts that don't warrant a thread

[HouTex 1887]

I know they make us feel better, but cemeteries are such a waste of real estate.

Al Cervik included country clubs too. “Bunch of dead people laying around!!”

[Longboard Horn 40418]

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

I like going to the zoo on cold, drizzly days. You get the place practically to yourselves, and the zookeepers are bored, so they spend extra time talking to you, and coaxing the animals into playing.

[DaysOff 7964]

What the fuck China. Eggs boiled in little boy's urine. What's wrong with you people.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virgin_boy_egg

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

I have now officially said the nicest thing any man has ever told his wife:

"If you want to kill some fire ants, today's your last chance. They don't have 'em where we're headed."

[ztejas 43526]

On 8/8/2019 at 3:05 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

I like going to the zoo on cold, drizzly days. You get the place practically to yourselves, and the zookeepers are bored, so they spend extra time talking to you, and coaxing the animals into playing.

checks weather, looks outside

What are these cold, drizzly days you speak of?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21913]

38 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

I have now officially said the nicest thing any man has ever told his wife:

"If you want to kill some fire ants, today's your last chance. They don't have 'em where we're headed."

That must mean you're moving out of Texas, and that's a pretty mean thing to do to anyone.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

1 minute ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

That must mean you're moving out of Texas, and that's a pretty mean thing to do to anyone.

The "out of Texas" part is more than made up for by the "out of College Station" part.

[Prepuce of Doom 21098]

There isn't anything else in the world quite like a violent, just-in-time shit shortly after overindulging in pork belly. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

On 8/8/2019 at 8:34 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

I like the "leave my carcass in the forest preserve, not too far from the path, such that someone will eventually stumble over it" deal. 

i like that too but with a different possessive pronoun

[Scheiss Meister 8408]

Geology and paleontology are just petrified history.

[El Diablo 4232]

I scorched my peeper with habanero sauce yesterday, accidentally. Wanted to make that clear. Things were a bit lively for a short while there.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Explaining to a child that we're mortal, and that death is inescapable, is probably, for me at least, the hardest part of being a party clown.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

Motion to change Walden's username to Jack Handey.

[HRSchenker 2271]

8 years ago I bought 100 of these 100 trillion dollar bills from Zimbabwe off of Amazon for a penny each and gave them out to my classmates as a goofy gift. This morning I got sent a link from a place called banknoteworld that's selling these bills for over $300 each. EACH! I gave away $30,000 worth of merchandise without knowing it.

[Gil Bang 25985]

50 times, the bible expressly points out the hypocrisy of using your faith as a means to gain riches.  My wife's Catholic Church bulletin--- 2+ pages of parishioner commercial advertisements.
1 vague passage in the bible about gay marriage.  Catholic Church:  "Sinners, burn them!"  

I know a real estate agent that gets about 12 listings a year from the bulletin at his church

[Gil Bang 25985]

Was passing through Elgin this morning on the way back to Houston.  The nice Hispanic man in front of me at the traffic light rolled down his window and dumped chicken heads out of a trash bag and then went on his way.  
Pencil me in for intrigued. 

Wasn’t Brisket Texan. He wouldn’t waste them.

[WhatTheBuck 28794]

11 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

 

I know a real estate agent that gets about 12 listings a year from the bulletin at his church

 

Jesus loves it when merchants and money changers operate in the temple. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Why do  you hate Capitalist Jesus?

[retread 2951]

On 8/24/2019 at 12:45 PM, Gil Bang said:

I know a real estate agent that gets about 12 listings a year from the bulletin at his church

 

Does he run ads?

[Gil Bang 25985]

11 hours ago, retread said:

Does he run ads?

Yes. A fairly large ad.  They are also very active members of the church, and the wife is probably the most "real" Christian that I know.  She really walks the walk. 

Also, the husband is VERY close buddies with a priest. He was the priest at that church, and he's since been transferred south about 40 miles.  He's also good for several referrals. 

[ABSR 5321]

On 8/24/2019 at 11:57 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

Jesus loves it when merchants and money changers operate in the temple. 

He who is without marketing budgets, may crumple up and cast the first bulletin!

[PilotsError 2314]

Just read the first few pages of the Sam thread.  That was an amusing read.

[PilotsError 2314]

Also, there needs to be a sarcastic good job rep, instead of just pos or neg.

[Yarbr 123]

I feel Surly makes me a better electronic communicator. I write emails and such like I post on here. I'm hypersensitive to errors thinking I will be ridiculed like when I fuck up a post on here. 

First post on the shag was "god shaggy is awesome" and skipperj responded he'd like to meet this god shaggy I speak of.

Edited September 5, 2019 by Yarbr

[NeverMarryAStripper 21913]

God shaggy did not protect us from the Eskimo demon. Instead he brought the great purging that wiped shaggy from the face of the earth.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

I look forward to God shaggy vs. Eskimo demon 2, electric boogaloo.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

On 9/5/2019 at 7:14 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

God shaggy did not protect us from the Eskimo demon. Instead he brought the great purging that wiped shaggy from the face of the earth.

And from those ashes, a new phoenix of assholism rose.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

On 9/5/2019 at 8:14 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

God shaggy did not protect us from the Eskimo demon. Instead he brought the great purging that wiped shaggy from the face of the earth.

Seeing the Eskimo But around the corner from my old house in jizz jar land close due to ineptitude was one of the highlights of my last six months there. I realize that isn't an especially high standard, but when in a Roman sewer, pray for constipation. Or something.

[SuingToGetAMessageBoard? 3861]

How long do we figure we will have to deal with memes of that crying fucking teen the kept showing in the stands.  

[Moby Ric 2058]

10 hours ago, SuingToGetAMessageBoard? said:

How long do we figure we will have to deal with memes of that crying fucking teen the kept showing in the stands.  

It is going to be years unfortunately.  I said it to the wife the minute I saw it that guess I will be seeing that in the intertrons tomorrow.

Edited September 8, 2019 by Moby Ric

[Guest Lobo]

I think the reason the CIA recruits high school students is the same reason you get a discount on auto insurance when you turn 25.  

[troph 24900]

It is going to be years unfortunately.  I said it to the wife the minute I saw it that guess I will be seeing that in the intertrons tomorrow.

I told my sons don’t ever do that at a sporting event that’s televised, ever. The problem is it will live on as long as the crying sooner, or the bugeyed Aggie. Some of these like the hot Texas chick “omfg” gal are fine but crying nope don’t do it.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

On 9/7/2019 at 11:21 PM, SuingToGetAMessageBoard? said:

How long do we figure we will have to deal with memes of that crying fucking teen the kept showing in the stands.  

Unfortunately...

[WhatTheBuck 28794]

On September 8, 2019 at 12:21 AM, SuingToGetAMessageBoard? said:

How long do we figure we will have to deal with memes of that crying fucking teen the kept showing in the stands.  

[CoTex 1160]

I though Florida Georgia line was a group of good looking women. Didn’t realize it was dudes.

[Guest Lobo]

It wasn't until about 10 years ago that for some reason people in Texas thought Florida was alright.  I guess people in Austin just thought of Florida as Epcot, Seaside, and South Beach.  But it's certainly reared its ugly truth in the last decade.  I lived in Florida for about 18 months a long time ago.  Holy shit, that place is beyond fucked up.  Georgia isn't bad though, gets a bad rap---I like it somewhat.  But yeah, Florida-Georgia Line needs to go away.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

The Exorcist 3 is the best of the series. 

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

it would really suck to be in a drive-thru car wash, at the point where the soap and polish comes down and coats the windshield and you can't see anything and all you can hear is the machinery, and then a nuclear holocaust happened. you'd drive out of the carwash and be like, "NO FUCKING WAY, COME ON!!!!!!!"

[Rougarou 594]

On 9/9/2019 at 6:44 AM, troph said:

I told my sons don’t ever do that at a sporting event that’s televised, ever. The problem is it will live on as long as the crying sooner, or the bugeyed Aggie. Some of these like the hot Texas chick “omfg” gal are fine but crying nope don’t do it.

CSB: I bought a bunch of Windows from the Sooner kid when I had a house in DFW area; he worked for Anderson Windows. He showed me his DL and everything to verify it was him and there was even a write-up in the TDMN about him years later.

[phdhorn 6224]

Mattel to trot out new 'Day of the Dead' Barbie:

Only 100 more pounds and it's right in Vic's wheelhouse.

[Underdog 28761]

On 9/11/2019 at 10:34 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

The Exorcist 3 is the best of the series. 

No.  And E3 is a very good movie up till the ending. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 hour ago, Underdog said:

No.  And E3 is a very good movie up till the ending. 

What's wrong with the ending? Gotta help his friend out!

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

I doubt Abe Lincoln grew wheat, so why did they put wheat on the back of the cent?

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

On 9/9/2019 at 6:44 AM, troph said:

I told my sons don’t ever do that at a sporting event that’s televised, ever. The problem is it will live on as long as the crying sooner, or the bugeyed Aggie. Some of these like the hot Texas chick “omfg” gal are fine but crying nope don’t do it.

My son and I agreed within minutes of that scene that any boy of his/grandson of mine older than 8 better be caught dropping the f bomb instead of bawling. 

Edited September 16, 2019 by ImissWallyPryor
keeping gender consistent ...sorry Troph

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

10 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

I doubt Abe Lincoln grew wheat, so why did they put wheat on the back of the cent?

Because Lincoln is from Kentucky. No one wants a cigar on the back of a penny. Wheat was the only alternative.

#drunkHistory

[Armybrat 40860]

Nothing wrong with a good cigar, as long as there is some good whiskey to go with it.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21913]

I would like just once to see some chick flash her tits when they show her on godzillatron

Edited September 16, 2019 by NeverMarryAStripper

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

7 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I would like just once to see some chick flash her tits when they show her on godzillatron

You really ought to start following  Peruvian soccer then. Trust me on this one.

['stache 21825]

Where is this Peruvia you speak of? I would like to go to there.