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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

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On 5/21/2021 at 11:15 AM, Brothahorn said:

Printer recommendations needed. HP or Canon? I think HP is better, but not sure. Something good under $200.

Also, who borrows a printer? It's like the chick on Friday borrowing the VCR?

You seriously are not looking at the Brother printer?

User name does NOT check out.

 

Seriously, I have one of theirs and have been pleased.

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

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11 hours ago, markstanco said:

Robo calls. Since about 430 I have received no fewer than 40 calls. Not kidding. Man that is annoying.

Every time I get a robocall, I add it to my Blocked Contacts lists.

List is about 150 deep now. I predict it'll be 300 before the end of the year.

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

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You seriously are not looking at the Brother printer?
User name does NOT check out.
 
Seriously, I have one of theirs and have been pleased.
LOL. We have them at work. Maybe we bought the cheap versions, I'm not impressed. Also they're laser printers. Maybe the inkjet is better.
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markstanco

markstanco 12577

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Posted
Every time I get a robocall, I add it to my Blocked Contacts lists.
List is about 150 deep now. I predict it'll be 300 before the end of the year.
Won't help me. They are spoofing my area code and 3 digit prefix. I turned on do not disturb with only letting by callers in my addy book.
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Bullneck

Bullneck 19084

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On 5/23/2021 at 11:01 AM, ABSR said:

You seriously are not looking at the Brother printer?

User name does NOT check out.

 

Seriously, I have one of theirs and have been pleased.

Another vote for Brother.  

Bought one for $130 for the house (B&W, that connect via internet) after using the one at the office (color, not sure if laserjet).

 

I'm done with HP and all their bitchy error codes.  

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Posted
6 hours ago, elfenix said:

why do you weirdos run your toothbrush through water after applying toothpaste to it?

Why do you keep your toothbrush in that holder so close to your toilet?  Don't you know what happens when I flush? 

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elfenix

elfenix 34238

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Like water on bar soap. Helps it sud up as opposed to cardboard in gel form. 

 

2 hours ago, Lobo said:

Why do you keep your toothbrush in that holder so close to your toilet?  Don't you know what happens when I flush? 

i rinse my toothbrush before putting paste on it like a normal person.

Edited by elfenix
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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28779

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On 5/28/2021 at 2:40 PM, elfenix said:

why do you weirdos run your toothbrush through water after applying toothpaste to it?

Lubrication and sudsiness (is that a word?), I suppose. I’ve tried it both ways and that’s how I like it. I don’t have to justify my choices regarding personal hygiene to anyone. 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28779

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14 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

R rated family feud would be great tv.

The Newlywed Game got borderline X rated when some female contestant answered the question of “Where is the weirdest place you personally got the urge to make whoopie?” with, “In the ass.” I saw that when it aired. My recollection was that she said “In the butt” but the video doesn’t seem to bear that out. I was pretty young and that was a long time ago.

 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Nobody on that list is funny except Bruce Bruce with a distant honorable mention going to Crawford.  

How you could omit Patrice O'Neal is just beyond the pale.  Top 5 Fat Comedian, easily the funniest of all of 'em.  Top 20 overall comedian, all-time...dead or alive.  

How can leave off Louis Anderson?  He's never been a favorite of mine but he's been a Top 20 grossing comic for like 40 years.  

And Roseanne has to be on there, no?  She was never my cup of tea humor-wise but she was an absolute ground-breaker as a female comic.  She was blue collar comedy gold a decade before any of those other idiots thought to do it.  And quite Rubeneque, if you will.  

I guess mine would be O'Neal, Louis Anderson, Bruce Bruce, Roseanne, and probably Lavell.  

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

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43 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Nobody on that list is funny except Bruce Bruce with a distant honorable mention going to Crawford.  

How you could omit Patrice O'Neal is just beyond the pale.  Top 5 Fat Comedian, easily the funniest of all of 'em.  Top 20 overall comedian, all-time...dead or alive.  

How can leave off Louis Anderson?  He's never been a favorite of mine but he's been a Top 20 grossing comic for like 40 years.  

And Roseanne has to be on there, no?  She was never my cup of tea humor-wise but she was an absolute ground-breaker as a female comic.  She was blue collar comedy gold a decade before any of those other idiots thought to do it.  And quite Rubeneque, if you will.  

I guess mine would be O'Neal, Louis Anderson, Bruce Bruce, Roseanne, and probably Lavell.  

Bruh,

You remind me of Jason Whitlock. When you connect it's a grand slam, when you miss it's a complete whiff. 

 

I did forget about Patrice, although I wouldn't really call him fat. He died too early, like Pinette. But Ralphie and Iglesias are pure funny. The mysygonist in me won't recognize Roseanne, although she was top flight. And if I have to recognize, her then I have to recognize Mo'Nique.

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Guest Lobo

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You couldn't call Patrice fat?  The man weighed over 300 pounds and had diabetes.  If you can honestly tell me that Ralphie May is funnier, I'll drop this and move on to another random topic.  

Before I do, Prepuce Doom----I wouldn't call Rodney Dangerfield fat, nor would I call Louis C.K., or any other self-depricating comic with a beer gut and double chin.  

Sam Kinnison is an interesting suggestion to the list though.  At rough times in his career, Sam was mid-200's probably.  Which looked even shittier on him because he was 5'7" in boots.  Other times, he wasn't that heavy looking (probably drug use).  And his humor never really called attention to his size, the way the other guys on this list do/did.  Pinette, Louis Anderson, Ralphie---those guy's entire act was about their weight, and food, and diets for chunks of their career.  I don't know, Sam's a tough call.  I guess I'd put him up there but it feels strange for some reason because that wasn't his schtick.  It was the scathing and incendiary content of his contemporary material...and oh yeah...THE FUCKING SCREAMING!  

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28779

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Posted
2 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

Top 5 Fat Comedians

1. Bruce Bruce

2. John Pinette

3. Ralphie May

4. Lavell Crawford

5. Gabriel Iglesias

Never heard of any of them.

Ever heard of Jackie Gleason or Jonathan Winters? And Louie Anderson would definitely have to be on the list. The Roseanne suggestion was also solid.

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

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You couldn't call Patrice fat?  The man weighed over 300 pounds and had diabetes.  If you can honestly tell me that Ralphie May is funnier, I'll drop this and move on to another random topic.  
Before I do, Prepuce Doom----I wouldn't call Rodney Dangerfield fat, nor would I call Louis C.K., or any other self-depricating comic with a beer gut and double chin.  
Sam Kinnison is an interesting suggestion to the list though.  At rough times in his career, Sam was mid-200's probably.  Which looked even shittier on him because he was 5'7" in boots.  Other times, he wasn't that heavy looking (probably drug use).  And his humor never really called attention to his size, the way the other guys on this list do/did.  Pinette, Louis Anderson, Ralphie---those guy's entire act was about their weight, and food, and diets for chunks of their career.  I don't know, Sam's a tough call.  I guess I'd put him up there but it feels strange for some reason because that wasn't his schtick.  It was the scathing and incendiary content of his contemporary material...and oh yeah...THE FUCKING SCREAMING!  


Where I'm from 6'4, 300lbs is big not fat. But I get your point. I really just forgot about Patrice because he died so long ago. While Ralphie died early as well, he had a better career, IMO.
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ButtFumble

ButtFumble 5172

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I was going to get food and there was a commercial on for "pediatric vehicular heatstroke" which is a fancy way of saying some fucking asshole left their kid in the car to die

at the end of the commercial they suggested "put something that you need in the back of the car so when you have to get it you remember your child is there"

I thought to myself isn't your fucking CHILD the thing that is back there to remind you to get YOUR CHILD from back there so they do not burn up in the car and die?

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Guest Lobo

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Somebody should make a PSA where a mom-type character looks frazzled, camera panned in on her face as she's driving.  You can see the stress of her hectic lifestyle tattoo'd all across her face. 

She parks at some big box store and opens the door.  As she's about to exit the car, she has this "what am I forgetting?" look on her face.  Slight pan-out and you can see a 3YO kid in a carseat in the back.  She leans back to grab her cellphone from his hand, which the kid was playing with while she was driving so he'd keep quiet while she was having a rough day.  And still gets out of the car and starts walking to the entrance.  Stops after about 5 paces and runs back frantically to the car.  Audience feels relief she remembered the 3YO.  But she just grabs her mask off her rear-view mirror and heads back into the store mumbling to herself about how annoying masks are on 100 degree days.  

I don't know if it'll save anybody's life.  But the ad will be so fucked up, we'll start a conversation about 'pediatric vehicular heatstroke'  

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4991

Posted
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1 minute ago, OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys said:

When I had a one year old I set an alarm on my phone for 8:45 am that was supposed to be my reminder that I should have already dropped my kid off at day care.  That shit is real. 

Yeah maybe unpopular opinions thread but that shit can happen.  You’re in a rush in the morning and go on autopilot, if your kid stays quiet I could see how you could forget them.  I’ve caught myself taking the turn to go to work a few times before remembering the baby in the backseat and had to double back to get the kid to daycare.  I’ve never left either of them in the car, but I could see how something like that could happen.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8806

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Posted

👨‍💼I don't know, maybe people are more stressed and have more going on than when I had a young child, but if you're spread so thin that you can't remember and prioritize your childs life, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE YOU DIMWIT MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE, OR GIVE YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COMMON SENSE TO BE CARING FOR ONE!

 

end rant

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4991

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59 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

👨‍💼I don't know, maybe people are more stressed and have more going on than when I had a young child, but if you're spread so thin that you can't remember and prioritize your childs life, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE YOU DIMWIT MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE, OR GIVE YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COMMON SENSE TO BE CARING FOR ONE!

 

end rant

Yeah bud, nice rant.

It doesn’t happen often which is why it’s newsworthy, but talking a big game like this and not acknowledging that it could happen when a parent may or may not take their kid to daycare daily (because their spouse typically does it) is just throwing shame and not helpful or realistic.

The problem is mostly routine.  9 days out of 10 my wife takes the kid to school (now kids so even less chance of this happening, go COVID baby) so it’s a change in my standard routine which I have to consciously remind myself to “go to daycare” because preCovid “go to work” is the default for 230+ workdays in a year to the only 20-30 times I take the kid.  Acknowledging that it could happen and how it could happen (and how it can be prevented) isn’t the same as excusing the behavior.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

👨‍💼I don't know, maybe people are more stressed and have more going on than when I had a young child, but if you're spread so thin that you can't remember and prioritize your childs life, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE YOU DIMWIT MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE, OR GIVE YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COMMON SENSE TO BE CARING FOR ONE!

 

end rant

Instagram and Facebook aren't gonna post to themselves you selfish prick!!!

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