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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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On 11/5/2021 at 10:20 AM, troph said:

Goddammit I just saw a guy drive down the road (I was driving at a distance behind him) and as a squirrel ran out on the road he did nothing to avoid it - didn’t even tap the brakes - and ran over it. Mother fucker. Fuck you. God I didn’t need to see that today. 

My experience -- swerve, and the squirrel runs directly into the swerve. Keep going straight and he freezes but then shoots off at the last minute.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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1 hour ago, Underdog said:

Decided to watch our local NBC affiliate for the news tonight instead of the ABC station.  

If you have any red blood in your system, you'll do what all of us do...you bash the other 3 affiliates in your area to your spouse saying that they are biased, compromised, and inept.  And then she lets you "choose" the fourth option...the one you always wanted...based solely on which anchor you find most visually appealing.  

We watched KXAN for years because of Sydney.  She couldn't broadcast her way out of a wet paper bag.  But she was a saucy bowl of eye candy at 10:01pm.  Now she's gone.  So suddenly she's gone.  And suddenly I wanna watch KVUE.  there's no replacement for Sydney, but between the whole team there---they've got 3 or so decent lookers on the team.  KTBC and KEYE are woefully far behind.  Like Luby's got into broadcasting.  

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Shoxthemonkey

Shoxthemonkey 1977

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Office manager forwarded this to me.

New Employee:  Can I put my girlfriend on the health insurance?

OM:  I think you can, but have to sign a form stating you are considered common law married and if you ever want to remove her from coverage, you will have to file for divorce.

New Employee:  Well, she’s not divorced from her husband yet.

Edited by Shoxthemonkey
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OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys

OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys 2061

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In Narcos Mexico they make a big deal out of how nobody really knows what the DEA is and it’s about 1985.  No country for old men there’s a line of dialogue about the DEA calling trying to find Tommy Lee Jones. That movie takes place in 1980. I don’t feel like the DEA would have had the manpower to have been involved in something so in depth as to be dealing with some small town sheriff like that at that time.

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Horn Draoi

Horn Draoi 254

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5 minutes ago, OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys said:

In Narcos Mexico they make a big deal out of how nobody really knows what the DEA is and it’s about 1985.  No country for old men there’s a line of dialogue about the DEA calling trying to find Tommy Lee Jones. That movie takes place in 1980. I don’t feel like the DEA would have had the manpower to have been involved in something so in depth as to be dealing with some small town sheriff like that at that time.

I think you’re wrong about that, Grasshopper.  My first dealings with the DEA were in roughly 1980, and they were very well staffed and _very_ interested in small-time doings on both the legitimate drug distribution side (mine) and the illegal side.  Building their chops,I guess.

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On 11/16/2021 at 6:48 PM, Lobo said:

If you have any red blood in your system, you'll do what all of us do...you bash the other 3 affiliates in your area to your spouse saying that they are biased, compromised, and inept.  And then she lets you "choose" the fourth option...the one you always wanted...based solely on which anchor you find most visually appealing.  

We watched KXAN for years because of Sydney.  She couldn't broadcast her way out of a wet paper bag.  But she was a saucy bowl of eye candy at 10:01pm.  Now she's gone.  So suddenly she's gone.  And suddenly I wanna watch KVUE.  there's no replacement for Sydney, but between the whole team there---they've got 3 or so decent lookers on the team.  KTBC and KEYE are woefully far behind.  Like Luby's got into broadcasting.  

To me, Britt Moreno is a complete copy of Sydney Benter -- down to the voice and cadence -- just from a Hispanic background. I thought it was weird that Sydney went away and was replaced with someone so similar.

Edited by FirstTimeCaller
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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4985

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2 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

To me, Britt Moreno is a complete copy of Sydney Benter -- down to the voice and cadence -- just from a Hispanic background. I thought it was weird that Sydney went away and was replaced with someone so similar.

Yeah the voice threw me one day too, Britt is attractive and all but doesn’t do it for me like the glasses wearing minx did.

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mooseoutfront

mooseoutfront 3643

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On 11/5/2021 at 7:20 AM, troph said:

Goddammit I just saw a guy drive down the road (I was driving at a distance behind him) and as a squirrel ran out on the road he did nothing to avoid it - didn’t even tap the brakes - and ran over it. Mother fucker. Fuck you. God I didn’t need to see that today. 

If squirrels didn't have fuzzy tails we'd call them rats.

Think about it this way, that squirrel's sacrifice will feed some birds.  Then they can shit him out on your windshield.

Circle of life and shit.

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Sitting on a park bench in the middle of Chapel Hill, thinking about how long it has been since I last ate some good venison sausage, when from behind the softball fields, strolling straight towards me, comes a 6 point buck. Not a trophy, sure, but obviously good enough for Christmas dinner. He ran off immediately, of course, because I burst out laughing, thinking about how he's in pretty much the only part of North Carolina where he's not likely to get shot.

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RPM

RPM 26317

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On 11/16/2021 at 7:15 PM, Brothahorn said:

Why the hell are William Shatner, George Foreman and Jimmy Walker hawking “free” Medicare?

They don’t need that shit. And it damn sure isn’t free. Fuck them.

WTF is wrong with you, Bill? You're James T. Kirk for Christ's sake! Quit slumming with J.J.

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Js1

Js1 85276

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On 11/25/2021 at 10:22 AM, Nolacycling said:

How many times/day do you look at(why do we look in?) a mirror purposely?

Ha, this came up yesterday when I bought a new bedroom set. I said I didn’t want the mirror and the sales guy was like “you don’t?”

There’s a giant ass mirror in the bathroom, why do I need another in the room attached to the bathroom? In case my hair gets wind swept by a tornado moving from the bathroom to the hallway? 

Edited by Js1
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ButtFumble

ButtFumble 5164

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this crazy eyed, bunny boiler bitch on the verizon commercial freaks me the fuck out

I am not setting foot in a fucking verizon store until that shit has been off the air for at least a year....and I like nutty women, but shit...

 

and the taco bell commercial with the two cos-play dorks freaks me out now that I found out that girl is a dude....WTF

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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How awesome would that be if Wikipedia‘s solicitation up top read “ won’t lie to you.  Our IT nerds need money for booze and drugs.”

I’ll give them way more money than I already have

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4985

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3 hours ago, irishtexan said:

The City of Austin should pick up recycling weekly between Thanksgiving through the first week of the New Year, rather than every two weeks. 

Get a fire pit and burn those Amazon boxes to free up space for your aluminum which is far more important to recycle.

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

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22 hours ago, ButtFumble said:

this crazy eyed, bunny boiler bitch on the verizon commercial freaks me the fuck out

I am not setting foot in a fucking verizon store until that shit has been off the air for at least a year....and I like nutty women, but shit...

 

and the taco bell commercial with the two cos-play dorks freaks me out now that I found out that girl is a dude....WTF

But I noticed you didn't say I'm not going in Taco Bell again ala Verizon

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