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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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8 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Finally happened.  I met someone named Raptor and he’s every stereotype you’d imagine 

I imagine a skinny dude around 50. Always has a cigarette. Weathered, tanned. Grey goatee, ponytail. Wears a straw that looks like this:

Bullhide Anytime - Raffia Straw Cowboy Hat

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ABSR

ABSR 5321

Posted
Posted
On 8/15/2022 at 11:32 PM, Superhero said:

If I change my screen name. Should it be:

Super Hello

SuperHello or

Superhello?

I always assumed your name was Super Hello, but you just signed up by doing it phonetically.

 

But seriously I like most of your posts so I say not to change it unless you have some kind of NowThis moment.

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Sandman

Sandman 3409

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Posted

Whatever happened to all those softcore/T&A movies they used to play on Showtime and Cinemax? Whenever I'm on Netflix or Amazon and I see movies or shows that list "Nudity & sexual situations" on the ratings, it turns out to be a bunch of dicks or a guy's ass. Maybe I'm just in mourning for the lack of Shannon Tweed or Tanya Roberts in the cinema of today. 

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2980

Posted
Posted (edited)

My 83 year old mother made me dinner tonight.  A Bolognese from Giada de Laurentiis’ cookbook.  We were talking about Giada and I said something to the effect of “I like to watch her…cook”.  My mom came right back and said “I bet you do, and she likes for you to like watching her”. 

image.jpeg.d7fc4decaa36368b91f46b6317d94121.jpeg

That is all. 

Edited by CycleTex87
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Cajun

Cajun 11722

Posted
Posted (edited)

I couldn't find a better thread for this, so here goes.  Only you assholes will understand (I think)---

My cousin, who I haven't seen in years, just sent me a text outta the blue saying his arm and part of the left side of his body went numb last night and he had to go the ER.  Turned out he had two fractured vertebra in his neck.  He sent pic #1 and my only response was pic #2.  I don't think he got it.  Oh well, one less seat and plate of food at the next daughter's wedding I suppose...

682606767.jpg

IMG_5414.JPG

Edited by Cajun
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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21098

Posted
Posted
On 8/19/2022 at 9:16 AM, FirstTimeCaller said:

I imagine a skinny dude around 50. Always has a cigarette. Weathered, tanned. Grey goatee, ponytail. Wears a straw that looks like this:

Bullhide Anytime - Raffia Straw Cowboy Hat

Swap the goatee for a necklace featuring some kind of animal tooth (or perhaps talon), add a ratty t-shirt that he ripped the sleeves off with the sides cut super low, and this is my guess too. 

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8 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Swap the goatee for a necklace featuring some kind of animal tooth (or perhaps talon), add a ratty t-shirt that he ripped the sleeves off with the sides cut super low, and this is my guess too. 

Yes. And lives within three miles of the coastline.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40860

Posted
Posted

In 1958 I attended junior high at the Taipei American School in Taiwan.
One morning when my 8th grade English class was about to start, the teacher Mrs. Gregg said,  “Everybody in my brother-in-law’s family is ok”. 
I asked the kid next to me, “What is she talking about?”, and he replied, “The Air Force accidentally dropped a hydrogen bomb on her husband’s family farm back in Georgia.”. 
Pretty shocking stuff, as I had not heard the news up until that moment (no tv over there at the time, and I didn’t listen to Chinese radio stations).

Anyway, I just stumbled across this Youtube video that relates the near-tragic event:

 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14139

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Posted

ASU is building a new 5,000 seat hockey arena for their somewhat newly division 1 minted team. The NHL Coyotes will apparently and ridiculously play there for some period of time.

They named it after a family who donated a bunch of dough. The Mullet family.

Mullet Arena. Home of the only two hockey teams in Arizona. You couldn’t make up something this perfect.

https://arizonasports.com/story/3267141/asu-names-new-multi-purpose-arena-coyotes-home-mullett-arena-arizona-state/amp/

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Lurch

Lurch 5931

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I was trying to be Johnny Cool by getting the darkest tint on my windows. Now I can’t see and am not sure what to do about it.  Maybe just douse each one with a gallon of bleach

It can be very dangerous at dawn and dusk because pedestrians and bikers think you can see them as from their perspective it is plenty bright outside. Definitely proceed with caution
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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7902

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, closetohumping said:

I was trying to be Johnny Cool by getting the darkest tint on my windows. Now I can’t see and am not sure what to do about it.  Maybe just douse each one with a gallon of bleach


My F150 is 18% all around. Exceptions being the moon roof is 60%, and windshield is 99%. All have UV blocker. 
 

They put clear UV on the back windows, and matched the front to that. Smoked back and clear front looks dumb. 😂

Lurch is right though. It can be tricky at dawn/dusk, and obviously night when it’s super dark.

 

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markstanco

markstanco 12586

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, closetohumping said:

I was trying to be Johnny Cool by getting the darkest tint on my windows. Now I can’t see and am not sure what to do about it.  Maybe just douse each one with a gallon of bleach

At least you are out less than $100.  Take it off and have lighter put on. 

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markstanco

markstanco 12586

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

Yeah. $100 for a full tint is going to be purple and peeling pretty quick. 

Correct, but I was talking about replacing the driver and passenger windows only with legal 35%.  My truck was (I think) $80 for 2 windows on computer cut film, so not the hand cut in somebody's backyard. 

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Patricio Swayze

Patricio Swayze 17058

Posted
Posted

If you name your daughter Erika, there is a 95% chance all her relationships end by one or more of these ways:

She stabs her partner.

She steals all her partner’s money.

She rips her partner’s heart out and devours their soul.

If you spell her name with a “c” the stat drops to 85%.

It’s science.

I’m glad I am not married to an Erika.

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CooterBrown

CooterBrown 18022

Posted
Posted
Why in the everliving fuck is an eye prescription good for only one year?

Im about to lose a 50% off scrip lenses deal on Ray Bans because mine expired 3 weeks ago and I can get an immediate appointment

Most of the online eyewear stores no longer ask for a copy of the prescription. You just enter the info yourself.

EyeBuyDirect is Austin based and they definitely don’t ask for a prescription. I ordered two pairs of Ray Bans from there a few months ago.
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

A couple of weeks ago I was introduced to ranch dill pickles, and now I am addicted.

How are they packaged?  Like you get dill pickles and dip them in ranch?  Or it's a jar of ranch dressing with a bunch of dill pickles at the bottom?  Or they inject dill pickles with ranch kinda like a pimento olive?  I don't like ranch dressing but I could see the flavor profile going well with a dill pickle.  But I don't understand the logistics.

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FizzleFish

FizzleFish 137

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

How are they packaged?  Like you get dill pickles and dip them in ranch?  Or it's a jar of ranch dressing with a bunch of dill pickles at the bottom?  Or they inject dill pickles with ranch kinda like a pimento olive?  I don't like ranch dressing but I could see the flavor profile going well with a dill pickle.  But I don't understand the logistics.

I imagine powdered ranch added a jar of pickles. 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8408

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, YGIFS said:

How are they packaged?  Like you get dill pickles and dip them in ranch?  Or it's a jar of ranch dressing with a bunch of dill pickles at the bottom?  Or they inject dill pickles with ranch kinda like a pimento olive?  I don't like ranch dressing but I could see the flavor profile going well with a dill pickle.  But I don't understand the logistics.

Just like @FizzleFish said above.  Add a package of ranch dip mix to a 32 oz jar of dill pickle slices and shake to mix.  Let stand two or three days, then enjoy.  I like the HEB Pickle Me Dilly slices for this, but I imagine Del-Dixie hamburger slices would be just as good.

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nnm

nnm 36496

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Posted
Just now, Superhero said:

I'm taking our company's Positive Workplace Training. I'm so fucked. Not because it's due at midnight. But because I'm a serial offender of inappropriate jokes and invading personal space.

And they haven’t even scoured your Surly postings yet. 

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7902

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Maybe it’s just me, but it ain’t. 

Why did most training platforms finally break down and put in stop gaps to keep you from doing the “click click click, answer; rinse, repeat until done”  routine?

Those dirty mother fuckers. I don’t want to listen to 45 minutes about becky and her fuck ups in 4 minute segments. 

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11681

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1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

Maybe it’s just me, but it ain’t. 

Why did most training platforms finally break down and put in stop gaps to keep you from doing the “click click click, answer; rinse, repeat until done”  routine?

Those dirty mother fuckers. I don’t want to listen to 45 minutes about becky and her fuck ups in 4 minute segments. 

The 6 sigma people finally got ahold of the HR people.

god help us.

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8577

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Posted
9 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Maybe it’s just me, but it ain’t. 

Why did most training platforms finally break down and put in stop gaps to keep you from doing the “click click click, answer; rinse, repeat until done”  routine?

Those dirty mother fuckers. I don’t want to listen to 45 minutes about becky and her fuck ups in 4 minute segments. 

This. They've also thwarted the "watch at 1.75 speed" option as well.

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4997

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My department has to do 20 hours of continuing education training each quarter.  Typically I picked 20 hours worth of courses and play them at lunch for 2 weeks or so and get it done quickly at 1.75 speed and guess/pass the test and I’m done.  This month I tried that and when I pulled my records it didn’t show 20 hours like it normally did it showed less than 12 since I played them at 1.75 speed.

Well fuck that.  I just found a 30 minute course I’m going to play at 0.5. speed and see if that gets me a full hour of credit  works I’ll be playing these things at half speed going forward.

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