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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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YGIFS

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Seriously though, are there any grocery stores open today?  We need some shit and everything says closed on google but I know they're partially lying. 

We got to my cousin's at Dripping Springs last night after church.  Hugs and greetings and I hear this, "Fucking dammit all anyway!" from the hall bathroom.  He's in there trying to fix the toilet.  Fill valve and assembly all beat to hell, just old.  make my requisite, "Shitter's full Clark!" comment and we google Breed & Co. near Belterra.  Says they are open until 7:00p, which I find real hard to believe from google.  We get there at 5:59pm and guy literally says, "We're closing.  Get whatever shit you need and go."  Got the new parts and he's locking the auto doors behind us.  Fixed toilet by 6:20pm and onto tamales and bowel movements shortly thereafter.  Point of the story, I don't trust holiday hours online, especially since Covid.  

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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I love Christmas, it’s pretty humbling to share it with my kid and watch her grow every year. Feliz Navidad, good will towards men and all that! But as of around 7:30am on the 26th fuck Christmas right in the face! I don’t want to see Christmas movies still on TV, don’t give a shit about the lights, and absolutely don’t wanna hear any Christmas music!!! I’m moving on!

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9381

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Posted
10 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

I love Christmas, it’s pretty humbling to share it with my kid and watch her grow every year. Feliz Navidad, good will towards men and all that! But as of around 7:30am on the 26th fuck Christmas right in the face! I don’t want to see Christmas movies still on TV, don’t give a shit about the lights, and absolutely don’t wanna hear any Christmas music!!! I’m moving on!

This is when I buy all of my wrapping paper and shit for next year. 

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nnm

nnm 36386

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14 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

I love Christmas, it’s pretty humbling to share it with my kid and watch her grow every year. Feliz Navidad, good will towards men and all that! But as of around 7:30am on the 26th fuck Christmas right in the face! I don’t want to see Christmas movies still on TV, don’t give a shit about the lights, and absolutely don’t wanna hear any Christmas music!!! I’m moving on!

 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19450

Posted
Posted (edited)

^

is that Louis C.K.?  

I saw a tree on the curb today on the way to work, kinda stood out to me because I'm used to seeing them much later on.  But I kinda respected the move.  Because it was craft bag/green compost bin/tree pickup on Tuesday in our area.  May as well get it over with.  Wife doesn't like to take it down until after the Epiphany because that's also her grandfather's birthday and that was always a big day for them growing up.  No booze, no gifts, they just had turkey in the frozen January garages of Western Kansas.  But I get tradition.  

But it got me thinking again.  The shopping and gift-giving in her family starts before Thanksgiving.  Which is cool by me because my two girls (the lone grandkids get more stuff).  And we keep the decor and facetime calls and celebrations and church attendance at full throttle until the weekend after the epiphany.  So that's 7 full weeks of Christmas-related stuff.  Travel, money, cooking, dialing-in, setting up decorations, taking stuff down, buying gifts, returning gifts, etc.  Depending on the Gregorian calendar, we would get off school the weekend directly before Christmas.  My dad and I would go pick out the tree and decorate it that night with the whole family and we'd hang lights outside.  Maybe, at most, 10 days before the holiday proper.  Mom would take us shopping downtown one of the weekdays before during the day and treat us to lunch.  We couldn't afford much but this was a big treat to shop 'n eat in downtown Chicago with the fancy white people.  A few holiday parties with dad's work and mom's family the week leading up to Christmas Even, then church and prime rib and open up gifts.  Christmas Day, we'd make the rounds to other family and friends.  That was it, maybe 10 total days of Christmas related shit (again, depending on when it fell during the workweek---dad worked up until Christmas Eve lunch).  And we took everything down and threw it out/packed it up the night before school started back up.   

Seven fucking goddamn weeks.  And these people can never shut the fuck up about the "War on Christmas!"  I can name a dozen wars that didn't last seven fucking weeks.  I asked if I could start taking shit down tonight after work.  She said no, but we apparently also have to attend mass on both Saturday AND Sunday.  What the fuck?  

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After irth

After irth 1243

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Posted
6 hours ago, YGIFS said:

^

is that Louis C.K.?  

I saw a tree on the curb today on the way to work, kinda stood out to me because I'm used to seeing them much later on.  But I kinda respected the move.  Because it was craft bag/green compost bin/tree pickup on Tuesday in our area.  May as well get it over with.  Wife doesn't like to take it down until after the Epiphany because that's also her grandfather's birthday and that was always a big day for them growing up.  No booze, no gifts, they just had turkey in the frozen January garages of Western Kansas.  But I get tradition.  

But it got me thinking again.  The shopping and gift-giving in her family starts before Thanksgiving.  Which is cool by me because my two girls (the lone grandkids get more stuff).  And we keep the decor and facetime calls and celebrations and church attendance at full throttle until the weekend after the epiphany.  So that's 7 full weeks of Christmas-related stuff.  Travel, money, cooking, dialing-in, setting up decorations, taking stuff down, buying gifts, returning gifts, etc.  Depending on the Gregorian calendar, we would get off school the weekend directly before Christmas.  My dad and I would go pick out the tree and decorate it that night with the whole family and we'd hang lights outside.  Maybe, at most, 10 days before the holiday proper.  Mom would take us shopping downtown one of the weekdays before during the day and treat us to lunch.  We couldn't afford much but this was a big treat to shop 'n eat in downtown Chicago with the fancy white people.  A few holiday parties with dad's work and mom's family the week leading up to Christmas Even, then church and prime rib and open up gifts.  Christmas Day, we'd make the rounds to other family and friends.  That was it, maybe 10 total days of Christmas related shit (again, depending on when it fell during the workweek---dad worked up until Christmas Eve lunch).  And we took everything down and threw it out/packed it up the night before school started back up.   

Seven fucking goddamn weeks.  And these people can never shut the fuck up about the "War on Christmas!"  I can name a dozen wars that didn't last seven fucking weeks.  I asked if I could start taking shit down tonight after work.  She said no, but we apparently also have to attend mass on both Saturday AND Sunday.  What the fuck?  

Have you ever had an unexpressed thought?

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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Is there some sort of malevolent sprite that determines household machinery should break around the holidays regardless of whether one has company or family houseguests? With the new year beginning I'm making an attempt to cover all the bases with statuary, lucky colors, intercessory prayer, and incense but will consider any and all suggestions beyond chicken sacrifices. Poultry got too expensive. We do have an opossum under the shed, however.

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closetohumping

closetohumping 17440

Posted
Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

Is there some sort of malevolent sprite 

Sounds more like a coke problem 

 

actually I sympathize. My dishwasher and disposal is kaputz 

 

 

 

changing subjects. Anyone else wonder if sometimes mechanics say they changed your oil but didn’t?  My car was making a noise so I brought it into a different place and they said “well yea you’re very low on oil “no leak

Edited by closetohumping
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Crapinon

Crapinon 2257

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Sounds more like a coke problem 

 

actually I sympathize. My dishwasher and disposal is kaputz 

 

 

 

changing subjects. Anyone else wonder if sometimes mechanics say they changed your oil but didn’t?  My car was making a noise so I brought it into a different place and they said “well yea you’re very low on oil “no leak

I've known two people who got new engines because the oil change place either forgot to put oil in them or they didn't tighten the filter and the oil leaked out while they drove away. 

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closetohumping

closetohumping 17440

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1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

Been there, done that. Didn’t tighten the filter properly, oil leaked out over a few hours drive, boom.

Never been back to that place, but they paid for a new motor and didn’t even really flinch. Tells me it happens way too frequently. 

Oh they actually owned up to it?  Happened to a guy I knew and they basically told him “you got no proof.  How do you know you didn’t do it after we left?”

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7825

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4 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Oh they actually owned up to it?  Happened to a guy I knew and they basically told him “you got no proof.  How do you know you didn’t do it after we left?”

Yep. Quite surprising overall, but I guess they had that happen to a few that day that the same person worked on.

 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18818

Posted
Posted
On 12/26/2021 at 4:15 PM, mchookem said:

Leonardo DiCaprio's upcoming films include him playing:

Ernest Burkhart 

Theodore Roosevelt 

Joe Petrosino

HH Holmes

Jim Jones

Leonardo Davinci 

Ulysses S Grant

i bet he has another Oscar within 5 years.

 

A girl born when Titanic was released has already aged out for Leo if he still has his nobody over 25 rule

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ztejas

ztejas 43420

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On 1/1/2023 at 10:31 AM, Crapinon said:

I've known two people who got new engines because the oil change place either forgot to put oil in them or they didn't tighten the filter and the oil leaked out while they drove away. 

This has happened to me. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19450

Posted
Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Saw this earlier:

A T-Rex is closer in time to an iPhone (67M years) that it is to a Stegosaurus (85M years).

With those short arms and goofy digits, why the fuck would a T-REX need an iPhone?  He can’t just use Siri all the time, he can’t talk! 
 

Think your science through next time, smart guy 

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nnm

nnm 36386

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3 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Woke up at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep until I searched to see if Barbara and Catherine Bach were related. They are not.

I am sure the familial connections were not the end of your googling of the two Bach ladies. Hopefully that helped you go back to sleep. 

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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I am sure the familial connections were not the end of your googling of the two Bach ladies. Hopefully that helped you go back to sleep. 

Nah…. Daisy Duke never did it for me even back in the day, and I only know Mrs Ringo from one Bond film, Force 10 from Navarone and the underrated Ringo Star comedy, Caveman. But I will say she looks fabulous for 75!6a30b3ef3924670a73dcf1c94f5235a5.jpg
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YGIFS

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1 hour ago, Patricio Swayze said:


Fabuloso is for when you want to prove to guests that you clean your house. You can cut that shit 12 times and the fragrance will still be strong as hell.

cut it 12 times?  We still talking about home fragrance, right?  

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