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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
in Lulz

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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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ztejas

ztejas 43,529

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Just now, Mullet Free said:

I just ate a nerd rope. Not the same thing. Nerd/gummy ratio is out of whack.  

Dude are you trying to gotcha me by saying that you, as an adult male, just went and bought a Nerds rope to prove me wrong? 

Why are you eating so much candy? 

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Mullet Free

Mullet Free 40

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54 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Dude are you trying to gotcha me by saying that you, as an adult male, just went and bought a Nerds rope to prove me wrong? 

Why are you eating so much candy? 

No gotcha buddy. I got my wife clusters and some ropes for Mother’s Day. Just tried the ropes tonight. The ropes aren’t the same. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,452

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5 hours ago, Sandman said:

For me, it's one of those shows where I never watched an episode that I thought was "bad", but I never had a strong desire to watch it. I saw Jerry's specials before the show came out and I always thought he was funny. But the show never really drew me in.

Well sir, perhaps you would be more comfortable in one of these sanitary CBS sitcoms over in this area of the store?  I've got to go speak with the assistant manager, let me know if there's anything else I can help you with.  

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Rimbo

Rimbo 26,057

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"Dad, I did a stupid thing." --my 18 year old son 

"What did you do...?" 

He put a metal tack on the sole of his shoe, so that when he walks down the halls at school, only one is them goes "click." 

Then, when students ask him, "Why do your shoes sound different?" he can respond, "Really? I hadn't noticed."

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Rimbo

Rimbo 26,057

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Just now, Armybrat said:

Metal taps on high schoolers’ shoe soles were a thing in the late 1950’s.
Usually the guys with the ducktail haircuts and popped shirt collars walked around like that - thought they were the schitz.

But on only one shoe?

I mean, he has plenty of tacks. Dozens.

My son is a troll.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,826

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2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Metal taps on high schoolers’ shoe soles were a thing in the late 1950’s.
Usually the guys with the ducktail haircuts and popped shirt collars walked around like that - thought they were the schitz.

That stuff was actually forbidden at the schools I went to growing up. Shoe taps=suspension. 

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markstanco

markstanco 12,592

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One of the nicest human beings on earth, a friend of mine, that has exactly zero enemies. None. If you met him you will walk away with a smile type of person.

50 years old with 3 kids all between 17 and 12. Mom passed from cancer last week. I wish I could help a little but he is 3 hours away.

Life isn’t fair sometimes.

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52-80

52-80 19,236

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On 5/20/2023 at 9:02 PM, Armybrat said:

Metal taps on high schoolers’ shoe soles were a thing in the late 1950’s.
Usually the guys with the ducktail haircuts and popped shirt collars walked around like that - thought they were the schitz.

i have these on most of my dress shoes.

metal-toe-taps.jpg

they save the entire sole from needing to be replaced early

 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8,411

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The actions of Santa Anna and his officers at San Jacinto confuse me so much.  Who thinks, "We had a cavalry skirmish with the enemy yesterday, but found out that their main camp lies across the main route onto, and off of, the peninsula.  The enemy burned the bridge that was the only other route off of the peninsula last night, thereby bottling my army up at the end of the peninsula.  There is a rise between my army and the enemy, so they can approach to within a few hundred yards undetected, if I don't put sentries on that rise.  Hmm.  Let's not put out sentries, and everyone take a nap.  The Texians won't attack an army during their nap."

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General Specific

General Specific 3,267

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The actions of Santa Anna and his officers at San Jacinto confuse me so much.  Who thinks, "We had a cavalry skirmish with the enemy yesterday, but found out that their main camp lies across the main route onto, and off of, the peninsula.  The enemy burned the bridge that was the only other route off of the peninsula last night, thereby bottling my army up at the end of the peninsula.  There is a rise between my army and the enemy, so they can approach to within a few hundred yards undetected, if I don't put sentries on that rise.  Hmm.  Let's not put out sentries, and everyone take a nap.  The Texians won't attack an army during their nap."

Or why he didn’t take 225 back to 146 to get to I-10? Especially when he was cut off from the Washburn Tunnel and the Beltway was not open due to construction! Next time General, use Waze and stay away from I-10! /s
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nnm

nnm 36,587

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1 hour ago, General Specific said:


Or why he didn’t take 225 back to 146 to get to I-10? Especially when he was cut off from the Washburn Tunnel and the Beltway was not open due to construction! Next time General, use Waze and stay away from I-10! /s

Man, you can't take 146!  It's under Grand Parkway construction, completely torn up.  It's a nightmare.  That retreat avenue would have led to the same disaster for the Mexican army.  

He should've taken 225 to BW8.  But go south, not north on BW8, because the bridge over buffalo bayou can get really congested in a retreat.  

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,452

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Obviously, thousands upon thousands of small-time comics who aren't funny.  But in terms of big names, maybe you don't know his name.  But for folks that tour nationally, have Vegas residencies, streaming specials, and millions of followers.................Sebastian Maniscalo has to be the least funny "big name" comedian out there.  His voice, mannerisms, and material are absolutely excruciating.  I would proudly pay to see Larry the Cable Guy or Nikki Glaser before I got to see Sebastian for free.  It's absolutely dumbfounding how he got this big.  

I have to ask-is his thing like a clever bit that I just can't see?  He's so ethically goody with almost no jokes, just that sorta Sicilian Andrew Dice Clay cadence that just meanders and insults...is that the hook?  I didn't pick up on Nick Adams right away so I'm certainly getting less perceptive in my old age.  But this guy is just exploding in the comedy world which I follow closely for myriad reasons.  And he's just fucking terrible.  Somebody please 'splain.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,452

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2 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Never heard of him. Not bothered enough to look it up.

I know, not much help. But he must suck. 

Still not sure how the ads on the site work, but his show/tour ads keep showing up on this forum for me.  So I had to chime in because I hate him and I don't know why.  And I think his whole thing might be some kinda schtick that I don't get which means I'm entering early dementia.  He basically took the joke of the jokes of Jerry Seinfeld "What's the deal with?.." even though that was never actually a Jerry thing.  And he turned it into a real life, actual "Can you believe this..." before launching into the setup/punchline.  I don't think it's satire of Jerry and observational standup, at least according to seinfeld.  But for all I know Jerry is on the bit, despite never hesitating to call out hacks.  A comic I really like, Pat McGann, from my hometown tours with Maniscalco regularly and won't admit to me if it's a bit or not which pisses me off even more.  

random thought-I gotta stop buying boxer shorts.  I need more of those boxer-briefs that I like so much because regular boxers aren't made for guys who have scrotums starting to descend.  

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